Uhhhhh Fuckit Im Doing Pride Flag Art 

why are elephants so fucking fat imagine if there was an elephant that was completely ripped

i will sell you my left arm if you give more details

A true story to entertain you. I once got into the trunk of a stranger's car because they offered me ice cream. I was in the trunk with a furry, and I may or may not have been in full Homestuck cosplay. I ended up getting out of the car because the furry started crying because her friend had died in the hospital and I don't know how to handle other people's emotions. I then stood on the side of the road in the sketchiest part of Minneapolis waiting for my dad to pick me up. My phone was at 2%.

i....require more details. why did you acquiesce to getting in the trunk. why were u in homestuck cosplay. why was a furry present. how did you get out of the car

The hat stealer

At school, I have this friend called Toby, and he’s always stealing everyone else’s hats, because we’re supposed to be wearing them in summer. Anyways, there was this one time he was sneaking up behind me (well, actually he was running) and he jumped up to take off my hat, because he was really short. He was just about to snatch the hat off, when I took it off to fix up my hair a lil’. He landed on the floor in front of me, looking defeated as hecc.

me, mentally flipping through the various daydream universes i’ve crafted up like records in a crate: hmm, which fantasy shall i indulge in tonight?

PSA:

Among all the handwashing instructions and fun 20-second song suggestions, I haven’t yet seen anyone note that it is IMPOSSIBLE to wash your hands properly if your fingernails are long. If you can’t put your fingertips straight down against your other palm without your nails adding too much distance to do it, you cannot wash under your fingernails properly unless you use a nail brush every time. Hand sanitizer won’t do the trick either. If you can’t rub the very ends of your fingers against the other palm, your hands aren’t truly clean after you wash them, no matter how long you soap up. Please, during this global emergency, keep your nails short.

“they’ll be starting something they can’t end.”

Sweeping a Setter off their feet is hard.

when you pick up a cat and it does the Thing

hyunsung au where two worlds cross and the crown prince hyunjin of a far off land comes to the mortal world and orders soundcloud rapper jisung to marry him. not asks. orders.

edit: i’m not actually writing this i just can’t get it out of my brain dkjsjskdjsi