Cainisss - 😔

(25/12/2021) 10/01/2022 - 16 days after last time hugged her

To think that the one that hurts you being happy, sleep well at night and chasing the guy she wants after ditching me while i suffers the most really wakes me up telling that she doesn’t love and care about me. I’ve only slept 2-4 hours a day. Cant do a single work. Cant communicate with my friends well. My life has been a messed up since that day. She wouldn’t care at all what happened to me after what she did and said. She only thinks about what she wants and not what i had sacrificed for her. All that excuses she made are all lies. Just to get away from all the problems. She’s the one that starts to lie first. She even starts to cheat first. And all of that happened all those years and still she only saw that one ws i had with a girl when we both are single. What i mean single is she is the that asked for break up. She would throw me away every time we fight. Obviously every time we fight is about other guys that she talks to. Damn…. That’s the only thing we always fight about. Her crush, her flings, the guy who loves her, the guy who have a crush on her even the guy she almost into a relationship. She talks to all of that guy when she’s with me. Why cant i just be all that ?? Why cant i be the only guy she gives her attention to ?? Why should there be other guys ?? Id been trying so so hard to be the guy you always want. Even after i gave it my all, she still had the audacity to do all that ?? Treats me with that attitude ?? While other guys get the best of you and i only get the bad side of you ?? I should have left you the first time we broke up but weak ass heart telling me to gave you second chance and yet you broke it again and again and again without feeling guilty at all. The best part is she even said iloveyou imissyou after did all those things behind my back. Like a fucking asshole, my weak ass heart always melt at her. Always have a soft spot for her. And i even love her more as time flies by. After 5 years together, she suddenly have a change of heart. She suddenly told me she did not love me anymore and she said she didn’t want to lie to herself. You see right. What she thinks first and said was that SHE DIDNT WANT TO LOE TO HERSELF first. Not about my feelings and not about everything that we had been together all those 5 freaking years. All because one ws with a girl i made when shes the one that throws me out like im a broken doll first. Id been working hard to love her even she did all those things to me. But look at her. One mistake and she gave up. Even told her family what a dick i am and told her friends too. But the fact is im the one that been the good guy and she’s the one that’s bad. She didn’t even tried to clear my name but instead gave up on everything. Funny isn’t how my love life with this one girl had been. It’s rough but i still fight hard till the end. She’s the one that letting it go everything that we had been working hard to build. And she chose to start over with another new guy she met that are just looks like me instead of fixing what we already have. Well, what can i do. If she wants, she will work it out and we can live happily forever. She chose to give up on us on me on everything we have built. Id already told her that we can fix it and even wanted to meet her families to clear up my name. Yet she still throws me away like a rotten meat. I have a lot more to tell but i guess here is enough. Even after all i said here, i still do love her. I hope she is happy with the choices she made. I wish you all the good things and i hope you don’t end up like me. Cause i know you can’t handle this much pain. I hope you don’t suddenly download tumblr and see this pain ive been through. Takecare. Iloveyou imissyou like hell. Nfmk.

“Maybe I’ll see you in another life, if this one wasn’t enough.”

— Florence + the Machine; How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

Photographic highlights of the year

Photographed by Freddie Ardley 

‎يا رب، استبدل حز نيء جميل‬

Oh Lord, replace my sadness with something beautiful.‬

It just that , we always find our way back together no matter hard we fought but not this time . I just can’t accept that , i know it’s because of me that we become like this . Im really sorry about that . I don’t think im gonna find someone like you too . And i don’t think im gonna be in love again . I’ve been given everything i have , did everything and anything where i have never ever did for someone else except you . And you can see where did it lead us ?? Now we are just strangers kan , that’s sad . Don’t mind me . Just find someone if he makes you happy , if he knows how to make you laugh even if you’re in a bad mood , if he won’t give up on you even you did said harsh things to him . Just don’t follow my standards. You did found someone else before right ?? You can now . You will heal , you will be happy again . You are strong , so strong so independent woman . You will be okay . But i don’t know if i will . You’re my everything , my heart , my soul , my home . This is sad . Susah nya nak terus kan hidup macam ni . Setiap hari sedih . Setiap hari check text ws you . Baca conversation lama kita . Gambar gambar lama kita . I cuba untuk tak nangis taip this post . It’s hard huhu . I rindu you dempol . Rindu gila gila . I nak you . I talk to izz about you , rindu you semua . Tp dia marah i pulak huhu dia cakap nama i dah busuk dekat mata family you , kawan you . Sebab you dah bgtau adik adik you en . Dorang pun mesti ada bgtau parents you and ada juga yg tweet . You pun bgtau dayana and dayana pun mesti akan bgtau orang lain punya , dah nama pun gossip en . Or ada lain ke i dont know . But i don’t care . I still want you . Tp you nampak macam dah give up , macam betul nak move on . Im sorryy . Minta maaf mokk . Maybe i will delete this post , im really at my lowest . Iloveyou dempol more than anything in this world . I rindu sayang cinta you sangat sangat . Please takecare , drive safe stay safe , eat well . Again , i minta maaf atas semua yang telah terjadi that lead to this now . Jaga diri ye mokk 😍🥰😘

I just wanna talk with you , text you , hold you , hug you dempol . I know i can’t anymore and i regret it . Beratnya rasa hati nii 😭😭😭 you dah ada someone new ke ?? Cause i dont , im waiting for you . You selalu akan text i dulu . Im scared . If you don’t want me anymore , can you just tell me ?? Maybe ill just try to move on ?? But i just can’t forget about you , imissyou farhanah , i still do loveyou . Dont you feel the same ??