listening to a art youtube video out loud and sad country music on my headphones and upbeat pop music on the radio all at once and also writing this tumblr post
Gotta celebrate the assassination of a long dead emperor on the 15th, but I'm free on the 16th
oh, to be a transparent rat...
YEAH THERE IS AND IT'S A BABY!!!!!! :( A SMALL FRIEND!!!!
it is normal and healthy to cry over the first live colossal squid footage
enduring a tummy ache is akin to fighting god
"you need this app to get more data"
" you have to update to a newer ios for this app"
"you can't download any ios other than the newest one that will fuck up your oldish phone"
"you don't have the storage for this update, buy more icloud storage to make it work"
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you
i hope one day your monopoly falls and you are crushed under its weight. you have already met your doom, it is in your mirror laughing like a wealthy man who doesn't know the meaning of hubris.
the main reason i think this guy isnt eugene is that i don't believe julia would willingly make a character with black hair blonde. she loves drawing dark haired men too much, i call clone.
One time, I had an English professor tell me I should stop using my inhaler because it was bad for the environment.
Yeah an if you dropped dead it would significantly reduce your carbon footprint too, huh. What if we ALL just stopped breathing. Can’t be throwing fistfuls of plastic fuckin straws directly into the South Pacific when you got a BPM of zilch, can you? What a fuckin innovator. Was he head of your nation’s EPA *directly* before he retired to become world’s youngest baseline edgelord 4chan ass 14 year old boy with tenure, or did he wait for his 3rd consecutive Nobel peace prize before giving someone else a chance? Ask him if his back hurts from carrying the weight of all the world’s most pressing concerns to and from Chuck E Cheese each night or if his tiny spiny propellor hat lightens the load a bit. Did his big red clown nose come standard with his tweed set or he spring for the premium model with the biodegradeable sustainable foam and the super-boosted honk-honk action? Are his size 23 clown bitch oxfords custom? Does he take one off to use as a canoe on his annual vacations to his summer home in the balmy and tropical shit fuck dumbass islands or does he just levitate everywhere he goes by the power of his unparalleled Xmen level intellect. Can you ask him if Magneto is gonna spare the human race to run laps in his hamster wheel electrical generator complex or if he’s just gonna wipe us all the fuck out for the carbon tax credit. Ask him if the weight of his gigantic balls dragging in the ground behind him everywhere he goes adds to the mileage on his Tesla. When he wipes his ass does he use single ply to save the trees or just a fistful of baby ducklings that he can then gently bathe by hand with water collected by the rain barrel in the endangered orchid garden by the solarium on the west side of his sprawling villa, the one he bought when he sold the patent for the perpetual motion motion machine he built out of toothpicks and marshmallows in third grade before the obvious intellectual gap between himself and the rest of us bumbling simpletons weighed him down and killed his passion to create. What other wisdom has he yet to share with the world? What other knowledge that only he and my reiki-healing essential-oil-drinking violet-aura neighbour know that may benefit us all? Holy shit, have I been drinking WATER my whole life? That shit that whales live in? Guess I’ll just go lay in a hole out back and wait for the compost heap to take me. Should I confess my sins to Captain Planet first, so he may redeem my wicked soul in the true Eco Catholic way, or was that recyclable soda can I threw in the trash downtown at last year’s garlic bread festival because there were no recycling bins provided the final straw that made me unworthy of glorious green salvation? BRB, gotta go strip naked and flagellate myself before the begonias so that they may know the depth of my remorse. Don’t worry, I only buy locally-sourced hemp lashes produced by small home businesses at the farmer’s market, they have a three-for-two sale on Sundays if you bring your own reusable bag. Christ on a fucking cupcake
my body is full of fun quirks like sometimes when i inhale fully i feel a stabbing pain and my rib often pops out of place when i angle myself in specific way and i can crack my nose like my knuckles and i can rotate my arms 180 degrees and i get intense ankle pain semi regularly out of nowhere. it is all part of my charm and i do not need to go to a doctor.