To Keep Going Regardless Of Being Made Aware Of What’s To Come Is Honestly One Of, If Not The Bravest

You know at times we do overlook the simplicity of a word, and that further leads you to letting it hold the weight of the life on your shoulders. Mistake, not disappointment, failure, agony, disgrace- you know the rest you’ve said it to yourself time and time again without a doubt. Yes you have. Now think about it again, mis-take. You. Missed. A. Take. No more, no less.

I made a mistake a year and a half back, it wasn’t the kind of lie where you hide a bag of chips behind somebody’s back. It was the kind of lie that broke somebody’s trust in you. Eventually it starts to grow on you etching all the way through the small of your back, upto your spine and jamming into your skull, ultimately making you believe that you MUST NOT ever live this down.

You see a reminder is a receipt of your actions and consequences in an event, but what you might not see is that the ink on that paper dries with time, it will go away, there will be a time where you’ll pick it up and you’ll see absolutely nothing,no trace.

You are going to have endless opportunities to beat yourself up over something, but allow yourself to keep it to the short stuff, maybe a brain freeze, or when you miss your bus, a paper cut, biting your tongue when you’re too excited to speak even, so technically it’s all word v0m1t.Now I’m not here to snatch that away from you, you do that all you want, but what about that one time, that split second where you know the night is colder than usual, that split second where you’re more restless than ever, that split second where you’re twisting and turning and the air around you seems to be holding a grip on your breath, and you so desperately wish the night were warmer, if only a little, where you KNOW you’ve got nothing but yourself to hold onto?

Why would you abandon yourself? We know we’ve spoken to ourselves before, we know we’ve sat with ourselves before, but did you make an effort to reach out to that echo inside of you and hold it tight to keep it safe and sound from all the intrusive thoughts peeking through? To keep yourself warm?

Surely you’ve heard “You know what you did back there, and don’t you forget it. This time won’t be any different. I just KNOW you’re going to make the same mistake again, and if you’re too stubborn to risk it again? Who am I to stop you” but what about “you did what you did under the heat of your impulse, neither of us could’ve controlled it. It has been a while and you allowed yourself to let the event sink in with time, you were afraid, and I’m not saying what you did was right or wrong, it was understandable because you were afraid. Give yourself that validation to forgive yourself” you are LEARNING and LEARNING and you LEARN and you LEARN

And maybe that will be your taking your from it, no trophy, no award, no nothing, but your accountability, and your taking, now that’s some fancy stuff right there. I did not deserve to be beat up over an event that happened years back, but I was allowed to be afraid and to let myself feel the pressure, I was allowed to find a way, to BUILD a way out. You are allowed to channel your faith on a belief that pats you on the back and kisses your forehead because that was a very hard time, but you DO get to push through, you do not need permission. You have a RIGHT to.

You get to have just as much liberty as anybody out there who decides to put themselves forth and move forward, always

One stranger shoots me a smile as I walk past and suddenly life is worth living and humanity is not for naught

You ever get the feeling of holding back your affection because you don’t want to overwhelm someone with your love ,the fact that you have so much to give to them but you think there’s so little they’d accept , you don’t want to scare them off if anything you want to embrace them and tell them just how amazing they are , how beautiful a mind they have , how their thoughts are aligned in such a pretty manner ,how the sight of them warms your heart, how your body craves to be around them, they make you feel domestic, they make you feel content, and youd do anything to protect them, even if it means from your own love for them, you want to let them know that they’re stuck with you, how you have to resist the urge to spoil them unconditionally with your passionate feelings for them, you want to make them feel reassured, safe, like they belong and matter

~ghosts of tulips past :: 💌

You’re going to reach a point where you look at a person and you can tell what all has changed ever since the last time the two of you spoke, you’re going to realise that they have new hobbies and gifts and interests, maybe even people, encompassing them, and you’re not a part of it. This is your strike to pick up on the fact that you’ve walked through the times you knew you couldn’t have passed considering the emotional barrier tugging at your wrists like restraints, you’re going to look at those hands and realise that pressing onto the palms of your memories doesn’t sting as much anymore, the shade of your skin has risen again, dancing in your embrace like velvet sheets that lay beneath :)

maybe this isn’t the time for you to hold a hand, maybe this is the time for you to reach down your pocket and find the Candy you were supposed to have a week ago and laugh to yourself. You have a life, and you’re living it. The departure of a person does not stop that, and it was never about the pace was it? you’re living proof of that. To remember and to savour the very last thought of a person is human nature, not a weakness.

This is the most vulnerable I’ve been the entire year, I’m seriously not over 2021 reaching its peak this quick, hold onto me a little tighter, a little longer

love yourself despite it all. love yourself even when you said the wrong thing. when you messed up in class. when you got a grade you didn’t like. when you haven’t been outside in a week. accept yourself in spite of it all. accept yourself even if you didn’t get into the university you wanted. when you broke up with someone you thought you would stay with forever. when the guilt is eating you alive. when you feel like you can’t take it anymore. you are already whole, you are enough.

PIXEL CHIX

ARA PACIS Rome, Italy

→ Ara Pacis, also called Ara Pacis Augustae, shrine consisting of a marble altar in a walled enclosure erected in Rome’s Campus Martius in honour of the emperor Augustus and dedicated on Jan. 30, 9 BCE. (x)