Dreamless Generation

Querying

I finished my novel a couple months back and have been on and off the polishing business. But this week (ending today) I have finally arrived at the point of sending it to literary agents. It is an exhilarating and unnerving moment at the same time because I’m young, inexperienced and most of all, a terrible self-selling man. I hold it to be a huge injustice against artists, looking for representation, that they have to be able to promote themselves, market themselves because all through history it’s been common sense that they are the most shy, introverted people. Well, I’m not the typical introverted person but I still don’t like talking about what I’ve written. I like writing it fine, even discussing it but not like a used car salesman, who’s trying to point out why a wreck is still something to be wanted. Anyway, it’s beside the point--it would be if I had a point. I guess I’m just trying to get some feelings out of my system. I genuinely love the period of writing and creating but now I feel like an alien, who’s destined to fail, though I hope I’m destined to succeed but my emotions are hard to control. But now, off to bed, off to sweet dreams.

Remember, remember the fifth of November.

V

my head is hurting because i thought about my future for 0.3 seconds

Wannabe ...... (fill in)

On 9GAG and similar sites, I very often run into these "They said I could be anything, so I became blah-blah-blah" thing. It sure is meant to be a joke but sometimes I wonder what I became. I certainly want to be a writer, and one day a director, maybe... But am I making progress? I mean, now I'm looking for a publisher for a children's book that I wrote. Well actually, that's not 100% true 'cuz I also have some corrections to make first, since a very very old friend of mine is helping in and he pointed out literally houndreds of mistakes. Bad, eh? But yeah, I'm gonna cut it off right there because it is about to turn into that modern and very popular artistic crap (I-adore-my-own-ART!), which mainly self-obsessed painters and/or photographers do.

A brief look-back to my book

I'm still working on the little extension thingies for my book. It's been over a year and a month, that I started writing it.

One night I had the weirdest dream, probably of my entire (rather short) existence, about these kids being tricked and trapped in Underworld... I remember, I was in the middle of another "novel" (which by the way I still have not finished :P), and I was just browsing among self-publishing companies. I randomly filled out a registration for one site, as to see what it would cost me to publish myactualwork. I don't know for what reason, but I clicked children's books category, and then things just got crazy in my head...

Nothing real was set in motion but the next day I was called by this publishing company. A very nice woman was politely asking me about mybook. It blew my mind. I felt like I was arealwriter. For no apparent reason I started telling about my dream, insted of the project I was making. What I said was to no extent collected or organised but it didn't bother me much, I was just speaking. Dreaming of getting published...

In one week I wrote like twenty-five, thirty pages. I was extremely thrilled. But, then my joy was soon overcome byreason. I was (and still am (for a hopefully short period of time)) monetarily dependent on my parents. The cheapest publishing package was about 2000 pounds if I remember correctly... Anyways, they said, that a book is not a good investment. So they gave me exactly 0.00 pounds to follow my dreams...

I never give up. I didn't give up then, either... In the coming two months I finished my book, had it revised by a published author, who became a very good friend of mine on the way... After that I sent my manuscript to another friend of mine, who resides in Michigan, U.S.. He used to be a professor of genetics and his knowledge is literally unprecedented. Though I hardly agree with him on anything... So he revised it, as well. He said, it's not really good but he sees some potential... This is kind of like the greatest compliment I've ever heard from him, so it was extremely delightful to me, despite its actual indifference :P

My endurance was always fueled by my beautiful Special Girl (I never know how to call her because girlfriendis kind of awkward and she's not my wife yet, so I'd feel uncomfortable with calling her my Half). She is the greatest artist I've seen, or heard, or known about. The inspiration and motivation she gave me are like this once-in-a-lifetime thing, which we always hear abot but can never truly depict... She never let me give in, or turn blue...

And now, after a year, I'm here. Still trying to make it better. But in this one year, I've learned, that I'm ready to leave my parents' house. For good. I'll write. I'll marry my girlfriend (according to my parents) before time. These are my plans and I know, that I shouldn't be crossing the bridge yet, but there's this thing, called faith. I know this is my path because I was instructed this way, by my Heavenly Instructor... I don't fear the shadows of my future, or even my present because I know, that nothing can go so wrong, as to prevent me from becoming the man, that I'm born to become.

What is Reckless?

Tumblr’s prodigal son returns to his audience of one--himself.

The past four or five years I’ve been consumed by ideas. Articulations. Unraveling mysteries.

But what kind of a mystery is something that can be articulated or unraveled? Very low quality.

Prose and poetry and music feel a little bit like things of another elevated reality. Such a place it must be, where those irresistible people live from myths and novels, such muses there must be to inspire some of the melodies out there.

So, where I can articulate something, or explicitly understand meaning, there I must break myself. And through the mystery, can one only reach anything worth reaching.

Letting go of control

I have sent out about a dozen query letters in the past one week. I had a list of about a houndred agencies and this is what I've got. Not very many...

I know they are busy people in this business and I know, that probably I'm not contributing the best, that there is. It's my first book after all, and while I'm wholly satisfied and I know what deep intents there are buried in this book, it's completely clear to me, that I am not the smartest person living or the greatest artist ever. I'm just one guy, who gets excited very easily and follows surreal dreams...

But this all is because I trust in my Maker. If he wants to, I'll be having a new mail tomorrow, informing me about a contract offer. He can do miracles and He can help me out of being stuck in my life.

I have a wonderful girlfriend, who encourages me a great deal and who loves me all the time, through good and bad (mostly bad). I know we're young but I really know She's the One for me...

I know I'm having a lot presently and I shouldn't be greedy. I shouldn't be always complaining about how my free-education sucks and how I want things. Perhaps I shouldn't be wanting certain things... I don't know. There are matters, which I am overly fond of and I have unchangeable concepts but I don't want to be like this.

I know my life's going somewhere. I feel it in my bones, that tomorrow may be a different day from all my previous ones. And all I have to do for that is to actually not to do anything. To let go of control. To live life to its fullest and not try to shape it. I feel so loved, despite every hardships I go through. I guess I'll just have to let my life go according to where Love leads.

I may sound like a hippie or someone high. But I'm neither (though hippies can get kinda cool :P (sometimes)). I just know, that I have a God, who gives me something to look forward to :)

Waiting is hard but it's better than having nothing to look forward to.

Instead, let there be a flood of justice, An endless procession of righteous living, living...

Jon Foreman