We Really Devolved As A Society When We Stopped Using Fully Painted Pictures On Romance Novels And Started

I’m really into internet discourse but only pointless and stupid internet discourse like how many holes there are in a straw (it’s 2)

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Hate how lighting a candle does wonders to my mood. Like wowwww. Grug like fire? Grug not sad anymore because Fire in Cave? Wow. Real predictable of Grug.

it warms my heart to know that ancient Romans would travel to more-ancient Greece and then get mad that it wasn't like it was in Homer/Plato/Aristotle & complain back home that Greece sucked to visit

do Ents reproduce by sexual intercourse or by pollination

The Flirt

WinterIron, T, 1.1k - Crack, Humor, established relationship, Tony the Flirt, Bucky is amused, Avengers family shenanigans

A couple folks said they’d be interested in seeing the actual process of me writing an entire fic around one line of dialogue, and that seemed like a fun challenge, so I wrote this fic in a day so I could write THAT.

Just a silly fun little thing please enjoy (and if you want you can find the behind-the-scenes HERE!)

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“This doesn’t bother you at all?”

“What doesn’t?” Bucky asks, not looking up from his book.

“This,” Scott says again, unhelpfully. The word is accompanied by the entire couch jolting slightly as he flails his arms at the TV, and Bucky finally looks up.

He hasn’t been paying attention while the rest of the room flips through channels and argues about what to watch, but it looks like they’ve temporarily paused on coverage of the SI press event going on right now. Bucky gets a little distracted just watching Tony smile and charm everyone on his way out of the venue, and when he spots Happy waiting nearby he starts calculating how long it’ll take Tony to get back to the tower, but when Scott makes an impatient sound Bucky tears his eyes away from the TV.

“That Tony has to do these things?” Bucky asks in confusion, “I mean, a little, but only because it leaves me stuck hanging out with you assholes.” He leans back to dodge the throw pillow Sam hurls at him from the other end of the couch and then points out, “You’ve been arguing with Clint about The Voice for an hour, that’s longer than the show.”

“I think he means Tony flirting with all the reporters and their camera men,” Natasha chimes in from where she’s curled up in the armchair.

“That is what I mean,” Scott confirms, most of his attention on grabbing one of the spare pillows as ammo just in case and hey look at that, he’s learning.

“Why would that bother me,” Bucky says dismissively, “he’s just flirtin’ his way out like he always does so he can get home quicker. Plus, Tony flirts with everything. Literally, I once saw him run into a chair and then flirt with it.”

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