Thanks For The Welcome.

QUEER LIBERATION MAAAAAARCH 🏳️‍🌈✊️

Diary entry #10

This one's depressing, tw sui kinda and politic stuff

Any of you lose yourself in fiction and stuff to keep the dysphoria from killing you?? That's what I'm doing rn. It's not working I'm still anxious.

I can't move out yet, I need to learn how to drive more and save up more money for an apartment. If I don't move out soon, or if Trump wins, or both, I think it might be over for me.

The election is freaking me the fuck out please for the love of god Kamala please win. My life is literally in her hands, if they ban HRT in missouri I don't know if I can afford to move out of state and that would literally kill me.

I don't want to die. I want to live, but I want to live a man. I know I'm already one, but I don't feel it. I will only give up if all my options are exhausted. I don't know what I could say to my grandparents to make them understand. I don't think there is anything I can say. They both voted for Trump. They think that he's going to save the country. He's going to destroy it, and take us with him.

They don't care about August, they care about (deadname). And they only really care about "her" if "she's" straight.

I probably should stop writing now. I'm so fucking anxious. My life, and the lives of millions of people, hang in the balance and I just want it to stop.

If Trump wins, I hope they're happy, even though they have blood on their hands

....nevermind

thst wikipedia poll tricked me earlier I was like aw I got the rickrolling article I don't want that one. maybe I should try again for a different article.

Meow

Like I know you're a beautiful lady but I'm at work!! I just wanna look at funny and/or insightful posts!!

[Start ID: A picture of a grey hamster on a blue couch. Top text says “I can’t fucking take it”, bottom text says “seriously I’m at my limit. /End ID]

Tw- transphobia

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Today fucking sucked

Misgendered constantly, had to deal with my annoying bible thumping counselor being queerphobic, and I had to admit I wasn’t straight at my appointment (they ask for your sexuality for some fucking reason, I lied at first but my grandma said “be honest” so I told them the truth after that.)

Could someone please use my name (August) in a sentence with my pronouns (he/him/it) I’m not feeling too great rn.

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.

Who knows how much longer I'm going to even be able to say those words so I'm gonna say them now.

I'm not gonna let them erase me.

Fuck all of you who voted for Trump.

If you fucking voted for that self-interested, classist, misogynistic stupid ass mother fucker,

UNFOLLOW AND BLOCK ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

And don't come crying to us when your "savior" fucks the world up even worse.

Y'all did that, not us.

I'm scared. I'm a trans man and I'm scared.

Vent post ahead! Family stuff, transphobia, homophobia and stuff.

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My family doesn’t believe I can do anything; they don’t think I can take care of them when they get old, they don’t think I can fill my own medicine, live on my own, take care of myself, or get a job. I know they think this, because they’ve said it before. They only say it when they’re mad at me, but I know they think it all the time.

Because they don’t believe in me, I don’t really believe in myself either. But I know this is what they want; they want me to believe that I can’t do anything. They don’t want to see me transition, move out, and thrive. Whenever they ask me what’s wrong, I can’t tell them what’s actually bothering me because they’re too uncomfortable with the answer (dysphoria, not that they believe in it anyways.)

I don’t like these people anymore; they made it clear they don’t like my authentic self. They couldn’t even handle when I thought I was a lesbian, so what the hell was I expecting, I guess. I’m not giving up, I’m too spiteful to give up now. I’m going to live my life as a man; if they don’t like it, that’s fine, I don’t really give a shit. The only one I remotely care about is my little sister. She’s not too far gone yet. But I feel like my family will turn her to their side, and I’ll truly have no one.

Even if I have no one, I’m not giving up. I know that’s what they want, so I refuse to give up. One day, I’ll be masculine looking enough to where my family will have no choice but to call me by my actual name and pronouns, assuming that they don’t cease communication with me at that point. That’ll be a good day, assuming it happens. It’ll be incredibly painful to lose everyone, but it’ll be worth it. I’ll get new family and friends, and hopefully it will work out.

No matter what my family says, I am strong enough to do this. I have no choice but to be strong. I just have to struggle through another year or two, and I’ll be free. I’m nearly 18, will be in August, so technically I am an adult soon. Let’s hope that I can learn some more life skills and move out of this place.

(Also I may sound confident in this post, but irl I am scared. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I guess all I can do is try my best.)

I don't think you're a trans ally until you accept trans people who don't want to transition. And I don't just mean medically.

I mean trans men who look indistinguishable from cis women and trans women who look indistinguishable from cis men and they're happy like that. Who have no intention of changing their style, presentation, or even pronouns.

Some women don't look like the stereotypical idea of "woman" and it's the same for men. But they're still men and women. I need you to understand that gender has no bearing on appearance and people's comfort in their own bodies is more important than the fictional idea of what manhood and womanhood looks like.

And, yes, some people can't transition due to disability or funds or whatever and they're included in this, yes. But you need to accept people who don't want to either. Who willingly make the choice to not transition in any way because that's how they're the most comfortable.

A trans person who doesn't transition is just as much their gender as anyone else of that same gender. Please get that through your head.

To any trans men who don't want to transition or change their appearance in any way: You're a man. You've always been a man. You will always be a man.

To any trans women who don't want to transition or change their appearance in any way: You're a woman. You've always been a woman. You will always be a woman.

The way your body looks doesn't matter in the slightest, your gender is real and legitimate and valid regardless of any other factors.

Diary Entry #24: I am losing my mind send help :)))

Reading Becoming A Visible Man by Jamison Green. It's a fucking awesome book, I recommend any trans person read it (especially transmascs and trans men). I use Hoopla to read books free and without my grandparents finding out about it. (You use your library card.)

Tw dysphoria/mild anatomy terms? below cut

But besides that my day was awful, solely due to dysphoria. I had to stop singing to myself at work because I got too dysphoric about my voice (usually with my voice I pretend that it's coming from somewhere else other than myself, but something made me be unable to pretend for a second and I freaked out), kept having to adjust my bra because it doesn't fit right (making me aware that I have breasts, sometimes I forget), and I kept on seeing men that were enviable, gender-wise, which reminds me that I'm stuck in this body I don't want.

I might call the Trans Lifeline tonight because I'm freaking out about the legislation being put in place, and I haven't been using good coping mechanisms so I'm not having a great time.

It feels like everyday the dysphoria gets worse and I don't know what to do. I just want to feel like a man already, but it's hard to do so.