Vent Post Ahead! Family Stuff, Transphobia, Homophobia And Stuff.

Hey folks!! Guess what? I'm finally in the process of getting top surgery!! Yay!! Unfortunately this does come with a lot of out-of-pocket costs and things not covered by insurance, so I've started a gofundme! Don't feel pressured to donate, but if you'd like to I've linked it below! Many thanks!!

gofundme.com

Donate to Jack's Top Surgery Fund, organized by Oliver-Jack Newhook

Hello folks! My name is Oliver-Jack Newhook, and I am a transman who is in the process of … Oliver-Jack Newhook needs your support for Jack'

no, No!

I refuse!

I refuse to give into the transmasc temptation of naming myself after my current character hyperfixation

it didnt work the last 30 times why would it work now

(unless..)

Diary entry #10

This one's depressing, tw sui kinda and politic stuff

Any of you lose yourself in fiction and stuff to keep the dysphoria from killing you?? That's what I'm doing rn. It's not working I'm still anxious.

I can't move out yet, I need to learn how to drive more and save up more money for an apartment. If I don't move out soon, or if Trump wins, or both, I think it might be over for me.

The election is freaking me the fuck out please for the love of god Kamala please win. My life is literally in her hands, if they ban HRT in missouri I don't know if I can afford to move out of state and that would literally kill me.

I don't want to die. I want to live, but I want to live a man. I know I'm already one, but I don't feel it. I will only give up if all my options are exhausted. I don't know what I could say to my grandparents to make them understand. I don't think there is anything I can say. They both voted for Trump. They think that he's going to save the country. He's going to destroy it, and take us with him.

They don't care about August, they care about (deadname). And they only really care about "her" if "she's" straight.

I probably should stop writing now. I'm so fucking anxious. My life, and the lives of millions of people, hang in the balance and I just want it to stop.

If Trump wins, I hope they're happy, even though they have blood on their hands

Diary Entry #25 (one mostly about something not trans-related... yay?)

I was stimming so much at work today. Or maybe ticcing or whatever bc I couldn't stop. It exhausted me more than actually working my shift. I wasn't feeling any particular way, I just got a bad stim/tic day just for some random reason ig.

My main tics/stims rn are sighing really deep, cracking my elbows, and inhaling hard with my nose. It probably looks really weird but I can't really help it. I guess that'd be more of a tic than a stim? I don't know if you can have tics without tourette's, i think I read that somewhere but like. i'm not sure.

I worry that I'll freak people out more whenever I pass as male or even as a trans male. I think it's worth the price of being seen as myself, it's just a minor concern i have. I'm really talkative and I worry about freaking out women. I don't act like a creep obviously, but I do appear autistic to most people and I am aware that people can be uncomfortable with me, even though I look like a girl.

If anyone with tics/stims can help me out here that'd be appreciated. I don't really know the difference.

Got this recommended to me today because I follow #hrt (as in hormone replacement therapy) but this is pretty awesome as well lol

this is what horse race tests is right

Diary entry #13

I'm in a better mood so no cw today! This is mostly just a collection of random thoughts

Sometimes I look at all these people saying trans people are evil or whatever and I don't get it?? Like I don't really understand why people think that. Like grandmother I'm not going to hurt anyone I am literally just some guy.

You ever see some random motherfucker from the most weird series and decide "that man is my new gender envy source and also I want him." That's me, I fall into this trap literally every time I go into a new series/game or whatever. And it is always the weirdest ones too.

I watched a video on pvz lore, and now I'm like "goddammit I GUESS i'll read the comics now." Like they seem interesting and I need more lore so I'll get around to reading them... sometime. There's just so many issues and I procrastinate on even stuff I want to do.

I talked to my grandma about going to college in Illinois and she didn't like shut it down immediately so I'm hoping for the best.

I guess that's it?

A huge art page of me messing with my ManPepper design's expressions. What a charming, award winning smile. VuV

Sketchin on da porch

Today I discovered going up a hill causes bounce I wasn't prepared for, which led me up the nearby mountain

Did you know that Jerry Seinfeld, as a teenager in highschool, was a charity worker and helped out a bunch of people? Look up "Jerry Seinfeld highschooler" for more info!! :)))