Dating Shouldn't Be Nearly As Hard As It Is. I've Never Had What Anyone Would Call Luck In The Love Department.

Feel free to talk 💓

So there's this girl. I really like and care for her. We've been talking every day for months. Gone on a few dates. We have tons of chemistry. For context, I'm in my thirties I haven't had chemistry like this much in my life.

Three weeks ago we had talked about what we want our relationship to look like, boundaries, wants, life styles, we got into the weeds of things like what chores we prefer and hate.

We haven't really talked since. Last night she came out of hiding. We caught up a bit. She went over how she felt bad that we haven't talked because she has her own mental health stuff she wanted to recoup from. I brought up it was three weeks and she felt awful. She said that she thought it was only one. We caught up a bit and topic by topic went through things. I brought up the relationship stuff. She said we can go over that tomorrow (that being tonight) on our video chat date.

Yep, I'm getting broken up with someone over video conference. I give it a 5% chance that it goes positive. But yeah, after being ghosted for that long signs all point to one direction.

For history sake I want to bring up that this is the standard. Me and a girl like each other, talk a lot, I help them through things and they leave. It's been awhile though. Two or three years since the last one and that was a doozy. I'm always a day late and a dollar short. I'm not worth trying just a little bit for if even considered at all.

Russian Doll (2019 - Present)

“All love is unrequited.”

— Susan Ivanova

I've been joking, mostly to myself, that I'm a ghost. I don't really exist. When I go there will be no proof I existed, just some people talking about collective hallucinations.

came out swinging - the wonder years

I feel like this person most the time. Alone, moving different than everyone else. I have perspective on everyone, but incapable of joining.

I did something like this fifteen years ago. We forgave each other this year. It was nice to reminisce about the past in a good way. That's extremely rare for me.

by later operator

I've tried explaining this but it's hard to explain. I'm living in my epilogue. My friends think I'm courageous for the way I stand up to and for people.

It's not courage, it's apathy with delusions of grandeur. I just don't care, my life's story is over.

Today I felt that even stronger. I'm ready for this to be over and am just waiting for the end.