Im So Close To Dropping My Dignity To Hell Oh My Lord

WENCLAIR + TEXT POSTS

After finishing song of achilles within 2 days.. I can say I don't feel sad..

I feel empty.

Instead of the ache within that we feel after reading some good angst, I feel as though a part of my soul just died.

I don't feel sad at the tragedy..

but the tears that threaten to escape say otherwise.

Green Slumber

— "Ah, look! Is Alhaitham taking a nap?" "Shh...You're too loud, Paimon." "Th-That's not true…Paimon was definitely whispering-wait, who is that beside him?"

— Alhaitham

Traveller & Paimon lines are taken from the official Genshin Twitter post. [Masterlist]

Congrats Alhaitham, your birthday postpones the fic where I tear you apart for scamming me. I usually don't write birthday fics but pretty art. Can you tell I'm not used to writing second pov and rushed again :)) I don't know how to end fics.

"Ah, look! Is Alhaitham taking a nap?"

Lumine looks in the direction of Paimon's voice, her floating companion peeking through a room with a giddy face. No doubt hatching some sort of plan to get back at the scribe for his words during their quest to rescue Lesser Lord Kusanali. On one hand, she should probably scold Paimon for immediately jumping to payback since the reason both of them are here is to wish the man a happy birthday before departing to the next region. But on the other hand...

“Shh…You’re too loud Paimon,” Lumine whispers as she tip-toes towards the door and gently pushes it open further. She's pointedly ignoring the face Paimon is throwing her for acting just as bad as she is. If anyone asks, she'll make an excuse that she was just being a polite guest and if Alhaitham was sleeping, she would excuse herself quietly. In no way is it her curiosity to see the ever-serious Alhaitham in any mode that's defenseless and relaxed. So with Paimon’s head hovering above hers, they both poke their heads into the room. Alhaitham doesn’t look any different from the last time they met, although asleep, he looks far less intimidating. He’s leaned back in the wooden chair, arm propped up to hold his lolling head in place. Calculating amber and teal eyes are closed as his chest falls up and down slowly with each breath while the gentle sun paints him in warm yellows and soothing whites. If Lumine had never met Alhaitham before, she would have thought he may have been the Dendro archon with how serene the scene itself is. Something that almost makes her want to reach out and touch him just to check if he’s real or not.

"Th-That's not true…Paimon was definitely whispering-wait, who is that beside him?" Paimon’s voice tapers off at the end, eyes alight with confusion. Lumine tears her eyes away from Alhaitham to look at where Paimon is pointing. Seated on the desk right in front of Alhaitham’s sleeping figure, a stranger hums softly with their ankles locked as they swing their legs ideally in the air. In their hands appears to be the beige book Alhaitham usually carries around, the one about physics and motion if she remembers correctly. Now that she’s looking - she can't believe she missed an entire person because she got distracted by the image of a sleeping Alhaitham - the stranger looks far more comfortable in the room than she is. Maybe they're another roommate? Although Alhaitham doesn't seem like the type to have an extensive list of friends and she's positive she's met most if not all of the people Alhaitham could call close enough to have them in his home. She shares a look with Paimon who returns it with a shrug of the shoulders. Neither one of them has ever seen this mysterious person before.

"Haitham, this section here about..." the stranger's voice brings blue and yellow eyes back to the room. Lumine watches intrigued as the stranger finally looks up from the book to see Alhaitham fast asleep. A soft sigh escapes their lips as they close the book, shoulders dropping into something more relaxed, and they just sit and look at the man. They have the same look in their eye but instead, their hand slowly reaches out until their fingertips meet the tips of soft silver hair. Pushing strands away from his face before waltzing down to caress his cheek. It's an intimate touch and Lumine isn't sure whether she should be here interrupting the moment. The stranger surely seems to be having fun as they return to playing with silver strands. Through it all, Alhaitham remains asleep yet, his body seems to lean into the touch naturally. As if these practiced movements have happened before.

Oh. Oh, she understands now.

“Hey, Paimon…” Lumine starts as she slowly picks herself off the floor as quietly as possible lest she disturbs the peace. "We should leave."

"Huh? But why? We've never seen this person before right? What if they're one of those bad guys that are after Alhaitham because he's the acting grand sage!" Paimon adamantly nods, small hands clutched into little fists. It would be cute if it weren't for the fact that Paimon has no sense of volume. Before Lumine can reach out and press her palm against Paimon's mouth to stop her from shouting again, a light chuckle rings out. They both freeze in place, flicking their heads back inside the room.

"You know...if you talk any louder you will actually wake him up," the stranger drops their hand as they turn to face the duo. There's mirth dancing in their eyes and Lumine has enough decency to look embarrassed at getting caught red-handed. Paimon on the other hand has no such reservations.

"Ah, sorry! We didn't mean to! Wait-Hey! Don't turn this on Paimon. Who are you and what are you doing in Alhaitham's house?!" Paimon stomps her feet in the air, crossing her arms as she pouts at the stranger. Her frown further increased by the stranger laughing harder.

"I basically live here. There's no need to be so on edge. I doubt Haitham could sleep so easily if a stranger was in his home," they say, gesturing to the still peacefully unaware scribe who hasn't moved a muscle since they arrived.

"Ohh, so you're like that blond guy from before! Ka-Ka something? But wait, why were you touc-"

"Ahem, sorry for barging in. We just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Alhaitham. We'll visit again some other time when he's awake," Lumine cuts Paimon off, successfully managing to slap her hand against Paimon's mouth. She can feel the back of her ears turning red as she bows and practically sprints away and out of the house. She'll just write a note to the scribe instead.

+

You blink a few times before chuckling again. Wow, that girl sure can run fast. You've heard stories about the Traveller and this "Paimon" character, patiently waiting for your turn to stumble into their journey. Although you wish you had met them with better first impressions, they seem like a lively bunch. Your eyes slide over back onto the sleeping figure in front of you, and there's a slight nudge of his lips. The smallest of smiles threaten to burst before it placates into something more neutral. A small detail that hasn't escaped you.

"I know you're awake Alhaitham," you state blankly, your gentle hands reaching back up before suddenly turning harsh and tugging at his cheek. Pulling the skin so he has a lopsided smile. True to your words, teal and amber eyes open without an ounce of shame. "Weren't those your friends? Don't be rude and ignore them when they came all this way to say happy birthday."

He offers a half-hearted shrug before the hand supporting his head moves to take your fingers still tugging at his cheek. Intertwining them together until his face is free. His smile is still small but his eyes shine with fondness that you're forced to look away. Sometimes you forget just how pretty Alhaitham can be.

"Weren't you the one that said I should indulge on my special day? Is it so wrong that I want to spend it with you and you alone?" He adds to his point by brushing his lips against your fingertips before pressing a kiss to your palm. There's a small smile as he extends his other hand out, eyes taking in how pink your ears become. "So let's indulge."

“For such a pretty face, you sure are…” you trail off but you take his hand and let him move you onto his lap. It's unfair how fast he can turn the tables on you and how easily you let him do so. It was fun being able to poke and prod the man to your heart's content since he had to hold the disguise of being asleep, even if you do feel a bit bad that the Traveller had to postpone their greeting, but now it's his hands that roam over your body. Slipping under your - his - shirt and rubbing small circles into your hip before growing bored and moving onto another patch of untouched skin until there's nothing left to take. Lip hungry as he kisses away your words because every breath that isn't mixed with his is worthless. Perhaps it's a blessing that you need to take a proper breath because you're sure that Alhaitham would keep taking until there's nothing left. Disregarding how tightly your hands cling to him and refuse to let him stray too far away.

"Greedy."

"Pot meet kettle."

---

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its just so.. UGH FLUFFY

GENTLE, BABY, GO SLOW // TODOROKI SHOUTO

– summary: being the babysitter of shouto's twin girls is no easy task... only because their dad is too pretty for his own good

– warnings: sfw, f!reader, babysitter!reader, single-dad!shouto, confessions, mentions of alcohol consumption + food, ambiguous biological mother

– a/n: for @nuclevi 's daddy's day out collab. sawry this took me so long, but here it is.. my first ever shouto piece :O i love u parisa!! ty for giving me the opportunity to write for shou <3

– wc: 1.6k

“The girls told me all about the Father’s Day cards they made for you in school,” you say, motioning towards the wrinkled, crayon drawings stuck to the fridge. 

Shouto chuckles, particularly fond of the outline of his neon orange shoes, “They didn’t want me to find them before this morning, so they put them under their pillows and slept on them.”

“Your kids are very dedicated. They get that from you,” you smile as his gaze turns to yours. For as long as you’ve known Todoroki Shouto, it’s never been easy to look him in the eye. His gentle, yet seemingly sharp stare always made your heart flutter, and you never knew what to do with that information. You still don’t, and your eyes shy away from his across the table.

“I think you’re rubbing off on them,” he states casually, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. His left hand swirls the red wine you poured earlier, teasing it up the rim but never spilling over. “You spend a lot of time with them; it’s only natural. Rei spent 10 minutes yesterday meticulously separating her food on her plate before eating dinner last night,” Shouto offers, nodding his head at your own plate in front of you. A pretty blush stains your cheeks at his observation, you didn’t even notice you had that habit. 

You always knew Shouto was keen, ever-aware of the things around him. And though it was simple— your food, for Christ’s sake— a heat filled your body at the fact that he takes note of you. He watches, catalogues. You fiddle with your necklace as you search for something to say, but before any words can leave your mouth, Shouto chimes in again. “Yumi started doing that, too,” he says, and you notice the corners of his mouth are upturned ever so slightly.

“I’m glad you’re getting along with them so well,” he admits, suddenly standing to clear the table. As he takes your plates to the kitchen sink, you stand to follow him. “It’s taken a while to find someone who suits the twins,” he continues, stacking the dishes in the sink for later, walking over to lean against your side of the counter. “I haven’t figured out what it is just yet, but there’s something about you that makes you fit into my home.” My life, Shouto thinks, but he leaves that part out. 

God, since when did he talk so much? You shouldn’t have poured that wine— for either of you, because for as talkative as Shouto seems to be tonight, you can’t help but find yourself tongue-tied. His heady cologne swirls around you, and his thick forearms holding his weight against marble countertops leaves you swaying where you stand. “W-well, I’m just doing my job,” you stutter, “Your daughters are so sweet. It’d be hard not to love them.” 

He smiles at that, forever fond of his kids. “I’m not so sure,” he says, shifting his weight to shuffle closer to you, cornering you into the space between the cabinet and the fridge. “You treat this arrangement like more than just a job most days. How would you explain making a candle-lit dinner for me tonight, hmm?”

“It’s Father’s Day, y’know? And you’ve been getting home later and later the past two weeks,” you admit, bashfully scratching at the back of your neck, “I thought I’d do something nice for you.”

Shouto tilts his head at your response, letting the space between you shrink. “You’re not telling me everything,” he says. He’s straightforward, and he’s got a lightness in his eyes that charms you.

“This seems hardly professional, Todoroki,” you claim, though you both know your efforts are futile. Your shallow breaths and starry eyes tell Shouto everything he needs to know to move forward. He may be a bit dense, but Todoroki Shouto is not an idiot. He sees the way you look at him; the way you stick around a bit longer even after he comes home; the way you leave hot chamomile tea on the counter for when he gets out of the shower; the way you say goodnight to his girls before you finally leave for the night, nevermind they’re already fast asleep.

He sees it all, and he knows what it means for him— to him. “I told you to stop calling me that.”

“That’s besides the point, Shouto.” Your breath catches on his name, and though you’ll choose to ignore it, the man before you takes note (like he does with everything you do). “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” you sigh. “Just— your kids mean a lot to me… and you do, too. I don’t want to throw anything off course just because of some dinner and a bottle of wine.” Pressing your hand against his chest, you reiterate, “Things are good now. Shouldn't we keep it that way?

”So you admit there is a course?”

“What— what course?”

“You said that you don’t want to throw anything off course. So you think there’s a course.”

“You know what I m—“

“If you think there’s a course, then you think there’s some sort of end goal here. But if there isn’t any course, then—“

“Of course there’s a course!” you shout. Shouto raises his brows and a smile twitches upon his lips, his stare urging you to go on. Asshole. His eye contact is making you flighty, so you peel away from him, sighing out deep. “There wasn’t supposed to be a course. They give me a run for my money, but your girls are absolute angels. And so are you. But Rei and Yumi come first. I don’t know much, but I know it hasn’t been long since their mom left; I don’t want to scare them. Or impose myself into their lives where I may not be wanted. That isn’t fair to them.”

“You—” he cuts himself off with a gentle excitement. “Everything you just said… You take them into consideration, you put them above everything else. God, that is why I like you so much. You already understand what I have to keep explaining to so many people: Rei and Yumi are my daughters. There is no separate Todoroki Shouto that you can date and then ignore the fact that I’m a father. That’s why I’m initiating here.”

“Shouto.”

“I’m not saying I want you to be their mother,” he says. “But I know how I feel about you,” with a gentle sigh, Shouto takes a hold of your wrist. “You say you care about us. Well, we care about you too… especially the girls. You don’t hear them go on and on about you when you leave. I thought they were getting too attached in the beginning. But then I noticed I was the one getting pulled in,” he smiles softly. Shouto crowds in, bracketing his arms around you, palms resting beside you on the countertop. “Children are impressionable, afterall.”

His smile is alluring, and you can blame everything on the way it made you dizzy for the next words you spoke. “We can try it,” you shyly admit. “We don’t have to tell anyone… just see how it goes.”

“Would you be okay with that?” Shouto asks, and you can hear the way he holds his breath. There’s a fire behind his eyes, yet he waits patiently, with all the calmness of the ocean. 

“Yeah. Yes, I think so.”

As if the sun finally began to peek from behind the clouds, Todoroki grins. “You think so? Hmm, is there anything I can do to make you sound more confident in that?”

“I have a couple ideas.”

“Enlighten me.”

Your palm grazes his chest, sliding its way up to the back of his neck to play with the short hairs at the base. He’s close, so close your cheeks burn in his proximity, and your skin jumps at the soft contact of his lips brushing yours. “Back to bed,” he says, and his volume startles you out of the soft atmosphere surrounding you. Puzzled, you attempt to peek behind him, but he shakes his head at you. Todoroki doesn’t move as he speaks… it’s unnecessary to get his point across. “I know you’re there,” he huffs with all the bemusement only a parent could hold. “Bed. Now.”

Your answer comes to you as a short gasp and a frantic shh! before two sets of tiny feet scramble back to the twins’ shared bedroom. 

“So nosy,” he mutters, focusing back on you, “I’m sure you know by now that Rei drags her sister into everything.” Todoroki smiles when he hears you laugh, and he hopes to hear it again and again. “Where were we?”

“Oh, I believe you were waiting to be enlightened,” you joke, fingers trailing up and down the back of his neck. 

“I’m still waiting.” Todoroki leans into your space, soft lips brushing yours once more. And you don’t give him the time to sass you anymore, pressing your mouth against his.

It’s soft at first, hesitant. But when Shouto’s shoulders drop and his hand squeezes at your hip, you melt into him. You pull at his neck, pressing closer and harder and all it makes the kiss all that much sweeter. His lips tug up at the corners when you sigh, pleased with your relief at finally getting to kiss him. 

He pulls away first, reveling in the soft flutter of your eyes as they open. “This has been a long time coming, hasn’t it?” Shouto asks.

“I think so,” you whisper, smoothing your palms over his shoulders and down his arms, catching your breath. 

“We need to work on more confident answers from you. C’mere,” he beckons softly, tilting your chin up to capture you once more.

🌀 mha m.list | main m.list

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can we.. can we talk about how good and beautifully written this is???

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐝

genre: smut, fluff

pairing: artist!hyunjin x fem!artist!reader

wc: 5.9k

warnings: LOTS of tension, piv /unprotected sex and cumming inside, otherwise hella soft and lovely :3

Your footsteps halled through the emptied rooms of the University building you were so used to walking by, so familiar with. Every painting and sculpture – fragile sculptures, that you passed by oh so carefully, not daring to damage them in any way – were as though engraved in your mind, the gentle strokes and lines of colour placed so delicately onto every work, and you knew them all by heart. A smile crossed your lips any time you walked past the halls of the school you were privileged enough to visit, each and every piece of art representing the student’s talents precisely, students and classmates you’ve visited courses with, all different yet connected by one simplicity; the love to create, the wish to pursue an artist’s career.

Right before entering the room you aimed for, you passed one of your very own sculptures presented in the hallways of your art school, something you’ve created for the very first exhibition you were allowed to participate in, the memories of the day flooding your mind any time the art piece met your eyes. Admittedly, not with exceptionally good memories, the pressure and limited time and the judging eyes of teachers and professors wouldn’t let you sleep for days on end. But maybe it was for a good cause, because now that you were at the brick of graduating, experiencing the same old pressure and limited time and having to bear the judging faces or teachers and professors – you were used to it already, didn’t find it all that bad altogether.

Though, of course, the nearly unmanageable amount of work you had to put into your last project, into the sculpture that would decide your by far most important grade was overwhelming, caused you to spend night and day in the studio, the bags under your eyes a constant accompany lately.

You’ve made your way to your assigned seat in the classroom, your half-finished sculpture standing beside the table, wrapped in moist foil to keep the fictile in a shape you could still craft on, even after days of no usage. It was mostly dark around you, the room long fallen into a slumber it seemed, the only source of light the faint rays of the downing sun and desk lights that students forgot to turn off after a day of work. The professors hated that, scolded each and every one the next day at how much electricity that’d cost the school, so whenever you stayed overtime you made an effort to cut off any light source you didn’t need beforehand, simply to not get an earful the next morning.

It hasn’t even crossed your mind that another person could possibly still work that hour, as it was long after closing time already and you’ve always been the last one seen walking the school halls lately. But a couple seats behind yours you could make out a figure, could see eyes looking back at your fearful ones and you took a step back, until the darkened figure got up from its place and started to speak, suddenly, much to your displeasure as fear ran through your veins.

“Oh god, I’m uh- sorry for scaring you, I didn’t know someone else would come here--”

You recognized the tone as a hast one, words speaking a quick reassurance and you noticed you knew the voice, a male voice that you surely were familiar with but not enough to grasp it yet. Your muscles relaxed nevertheless after the wave of shock has washed over you, seeing it was simply another student that decided to voluntarily work additional hours just like you, maybe graduating as well, or just an overachiever.

You chuckled quietly, already finding amusement at just how scared you were moments back, and you were quick to mumble something back to the supposedly classmate that was standing afar from you – you were yet unable to see his face, the dark shadowing out most details in the room.

“Ah no, it’s alright. I just didn’t know…”

Your voice drifted off when the male finally stepped into the dim light of the classroom, revealing his persona, which – you couldn’t lie – made you gasp slightly. It was no other than Hwang Hyunjin, another graduate, not in your class though. You only knew him from friends, and friends of friends, having talked to him only a couple of times, those conversations stored in your memory as nice ones. He was smart and funny, a calm guy who didn’t seem to like the crowds much, always seen by himself or with a small group of friends only. He was undeniably pretty, and you’ve heard hardworking too, and those two qualities alone made him by far the most popular guy in school, making everyone fancy the boy secretly, or so painfully obvious that you’ve sometimes felt bad for him. You weren’t one to deny his attractiveness, nevertheless you have never developed a crush on the student like most others, figuring it must be his popularity that icked you off in a way. Or maybe it was an unintentional voluntarily thing, maybe there were butterflies after all that you wanted to deny, simply to not be one of many who wanted him.

You saw Hyunjin’s face form into a small smile after he recognized you, though his brows were slightly furrowed in confusion, given your unfinished sentence.

“Oh my god, it’s you, you uh- you scared me, I didn’t really think that anyone would like- be here either, yeah.”

You chuckled again as you fought the urge to scrunch up your nose in embarrassment. You wouldn’t particularly call yourself a social butterfly, and though you’ve talked to the boy more than one time already you had to admit that neither of those times you were fully sober, alcohol making most of the conversation as the majority of things you talked about were uni things and professors. You remembered meeting at a get together of first semester students for the first time, and then occasionally afterwards when friends and classmates decided to go out for a drink or two. So yes, right now you were at a loss for words, unsure of how to talk with him, what to talk about.

And if you thought about it, your slight social awkwardness wasn’t the only thing that made you as nervous as you were, that made your palms sweat just the slightest bit, almost unnoticeably. It was Hyunjin’s somewhat strong presence, if you could call it that, a kind of aura that always seemed to circulate him wherever he went, making everyone passing him turn their heads at him. It wasn’t intimidating, nor felt it intentional from his side. It was just there, making him nearly desirable in every sense of the word.  

Hyunjin cocked his head, gave you a smile like two acquaintances, mere strangers would give each other, and it was contagious, made you smile back at him.

“Yeah, I’m graduating and I’m- far not done yet… this was the only room open.”

You were aware, on your request you were allowed to use the atelier by night as long as you closed it after and handed over the keys to the professors first thing in the morning, and since that has never went wrong you were trusted by both your teachers and the janitor who was supposed to close all doors by 8pm. For out standers it seemed like special treatment, some students eyeing you whenever you stayed longer to keep working – at the end of the day it was your own decision though, and except Hyunjin you’ve never seen other students stay voluntarily, so if everyone else will lack behind while you’ll have your project ready and done it surely would be their fault, you figured.

After his comment you were unsure as to how you should continue the conversation, so you nodded at him, gave him a smile which you hoped looked like a genuine one and made your way to your seat. Should you restrict on using your headphones for tonight, to not seem rude while the boy was sitting behind, painting away as he did? Or would he start listening to music too, allowing you to dedicate your whole concentration on your sculpture as you so often did, without having the distraction of having to talk to him? Which would sound rude if you spoke it out, but you’d rather finish off early than holding small talk which surely would turn awkward anyways.

But the man started speaking, when he was halfway back at his desk again, leaving you with no option than to converse with him – which again, you had no problem with, you simply feared for the conversation to die out into something embarrassing that both of you had to bear with for the rest of the night while you were working away.

“Oh, this is your sculpture? It caught my eye when I walked in, it- stands out. It’s pretty.”

Hyunjin had a shy undertone in his words, which didn’t make his compliment sound any less genuine, though. He inspected your work, and suddenly you felt nervous, flustered. It wasn’t the first positive comment you’ve received from classmates and friends, yet this particular one, from Hyunjin, felt different. More personal. Which admittedly was ironic, given you barely knew the man.

“Ah, thank you so much. I- uh- I tried.”

You chuckled, and Hyunjin fell into a small fist of giggles as well, your answer more sarcastic than he expected. And though you feared it, the night proceeded with comfortable small talk you and him shared. It wasn’t a serious chat, filled with jokes and laughs, Hyunjin being as funny and witty as you remembered him to be, and talking to him was easy. It felt like you were close friends, almost, teasing at each other from time to time when the other grunted out in frustration about an accidental mistake, trying to fix it while the other merely chuckled at the attempts.

After a while of comfortable silence – you figured that two hours must have passed already, surprised at how fast the time flew while spending it with Hyunjin – the man several seats behind you sighed out in what sounded like frustration, tsking and clicking his tongue frequently while the sound of eraser on canvas filled your ears. Another mistake, you thought, though you decided not to tease this time. It was late, and given that he was a graduate as well, every wrong brush and line of his must be stressing him out to exhaustion – since you didn’t feel any different.

“Hey, you good over there?”

At the sound of your words, intended to help, Hyunjin’s eyes found yours and he chuckled in a somewhat defeated manner before looking back at his piece, eyeing it critically. You’ve realized you haven’t yet asked him what exactly he was working on, though you were of those people yourself who didn’t like others gawking and staring at an unfinished project, especially if it were experts in the same field. And maybe he was the same, so you stopped your curiosity to get the best of you with this one.

“Ugh, I’m not sure, I can’t like-- get the anatomy right on this one, I think.”

The man threw his head back in frustration, long, slender fingers – slightly chalk stained – running through his dark hair, pushing the longish strands out of his face. It bothered you, in a way it shouldn’t be bothering you, your eyes fixed on his hands before you came back to your senses again, quickly, giving your head a slight shake to get rid of the shiver that deemed to run down your spine, for less than a second only, yet you still noticed.  

“Uh- can I- can I see what you’re making? Maybe I can help out…?”

Your words were hesitant in a way; though you had to admit that anatomy was essential in what you were doing, and you’d claim that sculpturing years and years on end has taught you to have a decent understanding of it, so maybe he could use your eye after all. And the look Hyunjin gave you only confirmed your suspicion, his eyes almost pleading, already laced with thankfulness as he nodded at you, another sigh leaving his plump lips – you shouldn’t have noticed how puffy they were, how reddened pink his mouth contrasted against his pale skin, yet you did, especially now that you didn’t have a choice but step closer to him. 

You tried concentrating on the painting ahead though, which – now that you were directly looking at it, inspecting his work – you could barely take your eyes off it. You knew that whatever he’s been drawing for the past hours you’ve spent together in the atelier must have been nothing but good, yet it overthrew all your expectations; the canvas was huge, which was the first admirable factor you couldn’t possibly overlook, and on it a clearly unfinished though carefully planned out drawing that left you nothing but speechless in its gracefulness – it was only a sketch, yet Hyunjins talent was surely undeniable after only a peek at it. The pencil drawing showed an abstract image of a nude body, unidentifying lines and strokes all around it; you figured those would make more sense the moment Hyunjin would add some color. Parts of the body were left out in the sketch, haven’t been added on yet, and those precisely must be the spots Hyunjin struggled with. Understandably so, the position he chose to draw the woman in a tricky one, surprised he hasn’t been using a reference tonight in the first place, a model, or a picture at least.

“See, the feet right here don’t seem right. I didn’t think it would be too hard, I drew the majority of this with a model anyways, thought finishing this off on my own would be easier than it is.”

So, he did have a model after all, it made sense. Hyunjin cocked his head at his work, showing towards the part he explained to struggle with so you could get a better look at it. He let out another sound of frustration, hands propped up on his thighs as he leaned forward, and back, getting a look at the canvas from different positions. His shoulder blades moved visibly at that, pried up underneath his white shirt, and your eyes have forgotten the painting by now. The muscles in Hyunjin’s arms flexed and relaxed with every other movement he decided to make, and at this point your thoughts went a place elsewhere, too.

“You know, I modelled for references for a bit in my second semester. I could help you-- that way.”

Hyunjin’s head snapped at you, eyes opened in surprise and his ears a bright red; you knew you weren’t off any better. You weren’t quite sure where those words came from, suddenly, unexpectedly, and while you wished that he maybe overheard them; you everything but regretted it. You were embarrassed, shy now that you locked eyes with him, but the anticipation tingled in your fingertips as you expected his answer.

“I mean- if you want. If you’re uh- okay with it; the model is supposed to be- you know- naked.”

In a way, you two were acting bold, increasing the tension in the room to an extent that was soon impossible to let slide. Yet, the shyness and hesitation was nevertheless hard to overhear in Hyunjins words, blush now creeping around his neck and cheeks too – still, he didn’t break the eye contact, held his gaze locked with yours, and you decided to do the same, humming at him in response, giving him your wordless approval. And in that moment neither of you could merely predict what the next minutes would bring, how both of you would handle the ever-rising heat in the atelier, how your relationship would continue after this – would you be smiling at each other in the hallway, or simply look away in an embarrassed manner, shy to even lock eyes with the other in memories to this day?

You both walked over to the small area of sofas and chairs and couches that were scattered in a corner, your movements stiff and fearful almost, yet none of you backed off. Hyunjin brought his canvas alongside, placing it in front of a longish sofa, supposedly the one you’d be laying on, modeling on. The old, rough material of the cushions made you shiver, already thinking about your naked body touching where generations of students have been sitting, eating and drinking on. It shuddered you thinking of it.

And you weren’t sure if Hyunjin perhaps caught a glimpse of your expression, maybe saw how you were eyeing the sofa covered in mysterious dark spots; but the man walked back to where he was seated before, to the back of the classroom, and coming back he had his jacket in his hands, one that was surely too big on you, one that he currently laid onto the sofa carefully before giving you an unsure look.

“Uh, you can lay on that. That thing looks disgusting.”

Hyunjin gave you a chuckle, nervous, but it brightened the tensed atmosphere in the room even if slightly. A sound similar to a chuckle left your lips, and you mustered the creased up jacket he prepared, your stomach turning as you stepped closer to your seat. Hyunjin was doing everything possible to not look at you, it seemed, running around to turn on lights and get his canvas in the right position, or pick up different pencils and erasers that were laying by his desk; all the while he made no eye contact, purposefully avoiding it, and you took it as a sign to get ready yourself; to undress, if you will.

And oh, was it bizarre, the situation as a whole. When you thought about it, you must have gone crazy, the upcoming so strange to your usual behavior, so much bolder than your normally laid back persona. What the hell were you doing, and why? There was no reason to help a colleague, a mere stranger to the extent of undressing before him – though, for a reason you were unable to explain yourself, you felt the pit of your stomach flutter in what must be anticipation, a sign you’ve surely nothing but went crazy.

Your fingertips found the hem of your shirt, and you slid out of it with ease, letting it fall to the ground beneath you. You didn’t dare to even turn around, to peek a glance at Hyunjin, embarrassment coloring your ears already, your face heating up into an impossible the moment your pants and underwear joined the pile of clothing, too, after a while. You were naked, to the bone, and your body felt as though in trance – you were barely able to make your way to the godforsaken sofa, your feet carrying you towards it almost hesitantly, though wanting, needing.

After ages, it felt like, you dared to turn your body, dared to sit down by the corner – bum touching Hyunjins jacket, and you weren’t sure if that’s what he meant when he said you could lay on it. The man in question has not ended his scurrying around, still, his figure making its way through the atelier in what felt like an attempt to spare time, to prolong what both of you couldn’t believe would happen sooner or later.

“Hyunjin-“

Finally, the man stopped in his tracks, finally dared to convert his eyes onto you, your figure; your body. And you'd lie saying it left you cold when you saw his mouth falling agape slightly, when his eyes encountered you, before he sealed his lips again quickly, embarrassed, as if he came back to his senses. You took notice on the way his eyes wandered across your curves for what seemed like a millisecond only, as though not allowing himself to stare, to admire, before he looked back at your face, locking eyes again - and you'd claim to have seen a sort of excitement in them, anticipation maybe - or perhaps it was desire, the thing that's been circulating your mind as well, the very emotion, the very lust that has infiltrated your mind and body long ago, barely allowed you to think straight.

"How- do you want me?"

Hyunjin almost visibly gulped at the question, eyes fluttering in fast blinking as though he awoke off a trance, his body following movements that seemed unnatural, too stiff, too nervous. You didn't intend to make your question sound the way it did, but maybe it wasn't quite you talking, after all, not when Hyunjin looked at you the way he did. He made his way over to the chair, behind his canvas, giving your body a glance that caused you nothing but to shudder. He had an intensity in his presence that you were used to already, hence why all and everyone would swoon over the boy the moment they laid eyes on him. His gaze though, however, was too much, too intimate for you to handle, the depth in his eyes so much more than you could stand out. Your every fibre in you wanted to hide, to lay your hands above your body and cover up, simply to escape the proceeding look of his, a slow inspection he tortured you with. It wasn't to make you feel watched, wasn't to make you insecure - you knew he needed a good look of you to perfect his work, yet it was nothing but mind wrecking, given that he himself was fully dressed.

"Can you lay down? On-- your side, please, and-- cross your legs so your uh-. So you can't see... you know..."

Red color shot onto your face at the sound of Hyunjins stuttering, knowing very well what he must be referring to, his hands motioning to his crotch area vastly, his own ears burning. You took his instructions, hopefully the way he needed it, laying down and crossing your legs, trying to get somewhat comfortable, as much as it was possible. The silk-like underside of the jacket he’s given you was soft against your skin, the reminder that your body laid on it making your palms cover in a film of sweat. And you thought that Hyunjin must have noticed too, how his piece of cloth scrunched up under you, beneath your weight, the way it came in contact with your body, with every bit of it, and it took him longer than usual to get back his composure, it seemed.

A nod from him told you he was happy, roughly, precisely, but not quite yet, not fully. He showed you how to position your hands, your arms, corrected you in the position you laid in, found new imperfections with every closer look he'd take, it seemed.

Not imperfections he made out on you, though – in his eyes, even if you couldn’t possibly see this, you were the perfect model, the most beautiful reference he could wish for. It wasn’t necessarily the fact that you laid naked before him, though your body surely was nothing but distracting, the accent of your chest perking up before the curve to your waist lined the shape of your upper body, rounded hips protruding with the position you laid in. It was hard for him to not lose focus on the flesh of your thighs, how your legs pressed together when you took his instructions, how you obediently stayed in place for him, waiting for his further word. It wasn’t all that, not entirely. It was the look you gave him, as if you wanted this for more than one reason, as if you had another motive up your sleeve other than simply helping him. And your piercing gaze was nothing but screwing with his head, god, his mind would not stop circulating around you.

By the time Hyunjin has started with his work – it has taken both of you long enough to finally figure out the ending pose, with how worked up you felt, how stuffed the air suddenly got, how hot you were – and it was nothing but sensual. The way Hyunjin looked at you, so concentrated to capture your every curve and movement on his canvas, trying to get your body as realistic as possible, as possibly beautiful as you were in his eyes. It wasn’t supposed to feel this way, sensual and intimate as it was; it was a simple task, between art graduates that knew each other merely and lent a hand to the other, nothing more or less. But the tension in the atelier could have been cut through with a knife, if possible, with the way Hyunjin didn’t once dare to forget to lock eyes with you after inspecting your body, and before going back to his sketch. His eyes would find yours always, even if for a second, so quickly you’d miss it if your own gaze wasn’t locked on him too. And you couldn’t find a reasonable explanation for this, didn’t understand how looking for eye contact, and finding it for a fleeing moment, would help him get this done any better, faster. Only if his reasonings were the same as yours, after all, if the turmoil in his own mind and body was as nerve wrecking as yours – lust and needing growing rapidly, with every pencil stroke the man made.

“Just like that, you’re uh- you’re doing really well.”

Hyunjin gave you a smile, sweet and somehow inviting, comforting. Yet his words sent chaos through your brain, your face surely painting a darker color as you blushed, unable to contain the shy smile that crept up your lips. God, he was attractive as he sat there, hands carefully moving his pencil across the whitened canvas, erasing mistakes here and there after inspecting your body intensely once more.

“But…”

Hyunjin hesitated suddenly, his brows furrowed at you, eyes going back between your body and the progress he’s made. Something was off, maybe your position wasn’t quite right anymore, given you’ve laid stiffly for several minutes by now. He got up from his seat, walking over to you. Coming closer, with every slow step he took, your eyes following up the lines of his figure until you were met with his face, the moment he scrunched down to be levelled up with you. Your breath hitched in your throat, the man so close to you suddenly you could nearly feel the heat his body radiated, against the sensitivity of your naked skin.

“Uh- can I just-…”

It seemed like he asked for approval, to touch you, maybe, to correct the perspective. You gave him a nod, a silent agreement, his hands proceeding to wander to the mess of your hair, before you felt his fingers on your scalp. He most likely needed to fix the way it laid, the way it fell above your shoulder, as it could affect parts of his sketching progress; but you felt no ounce of professionalism this very moment, the very bit that was left when the two of you have started surely dissipating into nothingness at this point, slowly but surely. And you nothing but hoped that he felt the same, that maybe Hyunjin would look down at you, would lock eyes with you and maybe screw the project altogether, would allow himself to shortly let his focus go elsewhere – on you.

His hands were fiddling with your strands still, his dark orbs – shimmering slightly in the artificial light of the room – wandered south, to meet your eyes. There was a pause, filled with anticipation, with excitement about the unknowing, with the need to figure out what the other was thinking, if thoughts were shared. Both of you felt the same desire, the same urge to dive in, to lean into each other, yet both of you were too cowardly to act on it this instant. Only shared eye contact, trying to get behind the others mind, to see past whatever you wanted to call this.

Hyunjins eyes fluttered down to the outline of your lips, yours did the same. It was short, the staring contest proceeding as quickly as it got interrupted. Until Hyunjins mouth opened, as though to say something, catching the corner of your eye.

“Is that- alright…?”

Unsure to what exactly he was referring to, you simply nodded. He could mean anything, everything, and you’d be up for it. Now that his scent was infiltrating your mind with the way he hovered over you in an unstable manner, how the neverending touch of his consumed your mind and body – the want for him was stronger than before, stronger than when you first noticed him, than when you first started with this bizarreness of a situation. So whatever it was he meant, you were nothing but alright with it, wanted it.

And luckily for you, Hyunjin was far braver than you, took the initiate the both of you saw anyways. His lips found yours, in a quick moment, hastily, yet the feeling of relief shot through your body, as if the immense tension got finally cut through, as if the air in the atelier got clearer, momentarily. It was a slow kiss, a soft one, as everything Hyunjin seemed to do. The feeling of his puffed up lips felt cloudy against you, and you sighed out in content, in awaiting. You felt Hyunjins hands disconnecting from your hair, finally, finding touch with your body, hesitantly so. It was noticeable in his movements, he was clam and careful, approaching your figure mindfully. While your lips were moving against each other, in a way of getting to know, in a way of exploring, Hyunjins fingertips made sure to stay in place the further he made his way across your curves, as though waiting for a sign of disapproval – only if none was found he kept his travel going.

Your own hands soon had the urge to find contact with the man, too, his shoulders suddenly so inviting, his arms so steady around your figure and against the sofa that you let your fingers dance across them. You felt every dip of muscle on them, felt the bones in his shoulders when you reached them, felt how his back flexed and relaxed in different ways when you let your palms slide up and down. And Hyunjin sighed out at that, his breath hitching when your cold hands came to halt at his skin, by the hem of his shirt. You didn’t allow yourself to make moves he might cut off, so you’ve waited impatiently until he straightened up and tossed the tee over his head himself, the pile of clothes by the sofa adding up.

He was breathtaking like this. Built, but not too much, proportions as though planned out by a higher being. You wanted to sculpt him, wanted to use his body to create art.

Your lips managed to disconnect from his, task harder than it seemed, the kiss you’ve shared until now way rougher, more passionate. You let your mouth travel up and down his neck, giving kitten licks to Hyunjin’s jaw, before finding a spot to bite down at, only slightly, only enough to draw color. He whined at that, and you thought you’d never hear anything prettier, anything more addicting than this.

His hands found their way to your thighs, groping at the flesh, tickling the inner, more sensitive part of them. And it took him only a hum of you, one that sounded like approval, and his fingers were fluttering above your core, finding touch with it slowly, carefully. One finger up and down your slit before the next followed, and by now you couldn’t bear to continue the attack you’ve had on Hyunjins neck, your head now falling back into the harsh cushions, mouth agape lightly. Instead, it seemed like it was his turn now, his kiss bruised mouth finding the bit behind your ear, nibbling and grazing the skin so feathery you barely contained the sounds that sinfully wanted to make their way past your lips. Hyunjins fingertips danced against your clit now, not daring to apply excessive pressure, but teasing you enough to, after all, get to hear the whines and sighs you oh so wanted to quite out.

“Fuck, what are we doing.”

You thought the same thing Hyunjin spoke out, the situation yet not fully settled. Maybe it was the late hour, maybe it were your sleep deprived bodies, your overworked brains. Maybe it was all that, and the desire for each other – after all, it all well could have been nothing at all, and you’d still not complain. You loved this, everything about this, whatever it was, whatever you’d call it.

As an answer to Hyunjins question your hand wandered south, needy fingers teasing at his bulge, feeling painfully hard by now. Another whine passed his lips, his full brows scrunching together, his pleasure distorted face nothing but a sight to see. And thankfully he understood your hint, could read what your movements told him; he got rid of his pants in an instant, impatiently getting them off his body, and finally you were both left uncovered, bare and vulnerable for the other.

You’ve felt Hyunjin stretch you out slowly, and it was hesitant, the way your lips parted during, as if the only thing they’d ever need to do is stay connected. You’ve felt him fill you up, to the hilt, feeling every vein and nib against your walls, and he seemed to touch spots oh so deep within you.

The both of you sounded desperate, sounds of grunts and quiet moans filling the echoes of the atelier, while Hyunjin started to roll his hips against you. It was as if any and everything he did was meant to be agonizingly sensual, and soft, and loving. In the way he moved, in the way he created art, in the way he fucked. It felt so right to you, so infiltrating, you couldn’t get enough.

Hyunjins movements fastened, turned sloppier momentarily while the two of you never stopped sharing kisses, exchanging moans and breath, taking in each other fully. You weren’t in love, not knowingly, but this was all how it seemed. Your breathing started to hitch in your throat more frequently, and Hyunjins grunts seemed to grow louder, filling the room in beautiful sin while you chased after the high, together. Your hands not one left Hyunjins body, always touching, unable to disconnect from the feeling of his skin against you. And he was similar; his hands, much bigger than yours, having a grip on the inside of your thigh, while the other explored elsewhere, your chest, or neck, or waist and hips. It was as if none of you wanted this to end, as if both of you wanted to hold the other to not let the moment pass, to not go back to what might turn into embarrassment.

You arched your back into the man, urging to cry out in pleasure, yet containing yourself to only let whines slip past your tongue. It was overwhelming, in every way possible, when you felt Hyunjin paint your insides in nothing but white, when the weight of his body met yours, when his hot breath hit your neck. None of you where this would end, where this would go after all this, but for that moment, for the time being, neither of you wasted a thought on it while you laid in each others arms, while you melted into each other and breathed the other in, while you shared one body, like two lovers, almost, perhaps.

tagging: @lotus-dly @hyunjinoir @aeminju @n-bokhari @che3tobre4th @etherealeeknow @linoskitty @unexceptional-h @rseanne @diue @es-kay-zee @urcracksisx @jeyelleohe @yunkiwii @meloohmel @nyrasneedy @seochhj @spidercomics @chans-starlight @angelwonie

this had so much word flavor oml 🫶🫶🫶

soulmate trope | todoroki s.

Todoroki’s route of soulmate trope.

Wow, you sure seem to be injuring yourself more than usual. That can’t be related to anything significant.

warnings: extremely mild self-harm. secondhand embarrassment.

~11k words

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probably the cutest thing that has made me cackle like a witch at the same time 🧙🤩

wake up call suna rintarou/f!reader (haikyuu!) word count: 2k tags: sfw but suggestive, classic morning after meltdown, walk of shame (bedroom to kitchen edition), pining, fwb to lovers, idiots to lovers, instagram story repliers to lovers, bestfriend!terushima, implied teruyams. a/n: i heard suna rintarou has a 8 pack… i heard he’s shredded

I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up—

“I fucked up.”

“Good morning to you too,” Yuuji chirps from the other line as you answer his call. His bright tone is a stark contrast to your own hoarse, panicked whisper—having frantically fished your ringing cellphone from the bottom of your tangled bedsheets when it woke you. “What did you do this time?”

“I…”

You hear the unmistakable sound of your shower running down the hall of your one bedroom apartment, sucking in a breath.

“… am going to be late for brunch.”

“Ohhh.” Your best friend’s tone of voice turns salacious. If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that Terushima Yuuji is nothing if not insatiably gossip hungry. “Who did you do this time?”

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shooting myself

Till visibly softened when Ivan nuzzled him. I am losing my mind

:0 ...okay but like.. some higher power decides to be oh? u dont wanna feel no more? aight ✨bippity boppity ur emotions are poof✨ AND THEN ALBEDO DOES A 180 AND IT BECOMES SAME SITUATION BUT REVERSED ..im just comforting myself with scenarios.

A Love Not Meant to Be Pt. 2: Albedo

Notes: SUPER LONG parts so I broke them up into sections + paired music/songs :)

Summary: Some things in life just aren’t meant to be + angst tropes.

Warning/s: Heartbreak, one-sided relationship, angst

Theme/s: Angst, no comfort, heartbreak, emotional/naive reader

Characters: Albedo

Parts: Kaeya, Kazuha

Albedo: One Sided Affections

(Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery)

You tried your best. You really did. In every relationship you had, it seemed that you always came off as ‘too strong’. They are always reasoning that ‘you felt too much’. You couldn’t help it- you were very emotional and tried your best to show your lovers how much you truly appreciated them. That’s what you do in a relationship, right? You were naive at that time- full of hope and passion for others that you were always so enthusiastic when an opportunity to love another person came at your doorstep. However, that was you before. Your passion burned out when you met the Chief Alchemist, Albedo.

Sometimes you think that relationships weren’t meant for you- that things you start just don’t last. When you met Albedo, you’d just gotten out of a pretty rough relationship and swore to yourself that you’ll never ever try to go into the dating scene again. That was until you needed some materials crafted from Sucrose, and you were met instead by Albedo who was more than happy to do it for you. You were enthralled by the Chief Alchemist; his beauty, his peculiarity, the way he moved and worked were ever so calculated and graceful. His voice was gentle and soft, his manner was something you’ve never seen before in a person. What got to you was the way he treated you. Albedo was kind, polite, and cordial. Professionalism aside, there was a certain charm he had when he would approach you for questions about the materials- the smile on his pretty lips and the glimmer in his sky-blue eyes. You’ve fallen again.

It wasn’t clear how Albedo reciprocated your feelings. You found yourself beginning to visit his lab more often for materials and alchemy advice until that turned into casual chats and then something more than friendly. It was until you brought up the prospect of dating that Albedo seemed to perk up and smile lightly to himself.

“I suppose it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea.” was all he said and you had your answer. You jumped straight into the opportunity. If it meant that you had a chance at love- if it meant that you finally had something that’s yours and yours alone. What you didn’t know then was that Albedo was only answering your question. He didn’t think you’d ask him to be with you, nor did he get enough time to think it through; but when he saw your hopeful eyes, begging for a yes, he didn’t have the heart to say no.

Albedo knew you were the most expressive and passionate person in Mondstadt. He could see it from the way you bounded up to him and how your eyes shine when you see him. It seemed that you were always shining. You were so happy around him, always joyful when visiting his lab or even helping with watching Klee. Albedo, however, didn’t feel the same ardor you had for him. But he would be a monster if he ever thought of hurting your feelings and he couldn’t bear the thought of breaking your heart. You were too kind to be put through that again. And so, he stayed for you; trying his best as always and you did too. Little did Albedo know that you knew this- and you still held onto him. You felt guilty, but you couldn’t let this get away from you. You knew well that Albedo didn’t love you, but you haven't felt anything so strong in your life. You adored him and did your best to respect Albedo’s boundaries and constraints- no kisses, no cuddles, no surprise hugs. Maybe the lightest touch of the hand and eye contact. But that’s it. You bore through it, you couldn’t let him go.

It wasn’t like Albedo wasn’t capable of loving- he really did love you. Just not the type of love you had for him. It seems that he doesn’t yet understand the genuine feelings an individual has for someone else. Sure, he was more than aware of human emotions and whatnot but the notion of deeper connections as well as stronger feelings felt somewhat complicated for Albedo. He always thought that the only person he could love, and love him back, was his master. When you came into his life, he didn’t know if it would be betrayal for his creator, or that he couldn’t fathom why he had felt so many things about you. Albedo loved you, yes, but not in a way that you wanted him to. Where you were a spectrum of emotions, Albedo was a man with few feelings.

“I don’t get those types of bonds,” Albedo said once out of the blue. “As much as I’ve seen, they’re all so… trivial.” You wanted to agree then, because it’s what you’ve experienced most of the time, but you wonder if he was talking about the both of you. And so, you stay silent and watch him continue to work on his studies.

If you were being truly honest with yourself- this was bad for you. Worse than it has ever been with those in the past. You tortured yourself with having to constantly keep up that happy-go-lucky attitude to not make Albedo feel bad, and he had to keep up his lovers persona to make you happy. It was a vicious cycle and it was more than clear that you two were unhappy. It came to a boiling point when the burning ache of emotions you kept back broke through when you watched Albedo perform his experiments while you sat at a distance. You cried into your knees and it took a while for Albedo to notice. When he did, he wasn’t surprised. You were known to be an emotional person. When he approached you and touched your head, you sobbed harder- wishing for this interaction so badly on days when you needed him. You look up and at Albedo through a blur of tears, an illusory sheen of adoration you still carry for him, desperate to know that what you had wasn’t one-sided. Albedo was surprised to see you look like this. He’s seen you cry before, but this was different. You looked broken, exhausted, and you were. You loved him but you were tired. Through the many days you’ve spent with him, you carried something more profound for Albedo than those relationships from before. You had a chance to get a glimpse into the deepest parts of someone and Albedo entrusted you with that. He showed you his past, his vulnerability and all the blemishes and imperfections in his beautiful nature. You fell for him hard- too bad he didn’t feel the same.

“Am I really that unlovable?” You ask, voice silent and breaking as you are. Albedo stands there unable to figure you out, but is nevertheless shocked by this revelation. The tone in your voice, the way you’re slumped within yourself, skin warm and heart racing fast. He couldn’t understand any of those. Albedo hasn't felt any of that before, nor has he seen you look so… defeated. So, he inches closer to you and lays your head on his chest, the only form of comfort he can give.

“You aren’t, don’t worry.” Was all he could say. You weren’t convinced, you knew Albedo had little way with things like this, but you could only hide away in the solace of his jacket, his fingers combing through your hair. You sob into him because you know how he looks; that blank expression on his beautiful face, unfeeling, unknowing to the type of emotions that now ran rampant in your veins.

“I just want to be loved,” You say against Albedo, gripping onto the fabric of his coat. He kneels down to face you, eye level with yours and you are surprised to see a look of pity on his features. He really was beautiful- you could fall in love with him all over again.

“And you will be,” Albedo said, taking your warmed face in his cold hands. “By someone better.” You cry more at his words while his fingers wipe away your tears. Choking on air, you grab Albedo’s hands and press them on your lips. He lets you.

“I don’t need better,” You think. “I just need you.” You wanted to tell him this. You wanted so badly to make it work, to salvage your relationship because you felt like you didn’t- couldn’t- want anyone else other than Albedo.

You wanted to tell him: I need you. I need you to be by my side as I wake up every morning, to be there when I make my terrible dinners and for you to smile through each bite. I need you to be the person I can turn to and I’ll do the same for you even if I've never seen you sad. I need you to be the only one I can hold, I can touch, I can kiss. I need you to be with me through the worst days, and you can be my best. I need you to tell me how it feels, how you feel, when you’re in love so I can tell you the same. I need you in my life, to be my life, for as long as it’ll take me. I need you, because I don’t have anything else.

You didn’t say that. As much as your heart thrummed achingly fast in your chest, you could only cry and whisper:

“I want you Albedo, I do, but I can understand if you don’t feel the same.” The guilt finally consumed you and it hurt. What hurt worse than the already impending heartbreak was his reply. Dry and forward, but genuine.

“I’m glad you understand, Y/N.” You feel it then, the mercy of your heart still beating in your chest- then the utter heartbreak that follows as you watch Albedo smile, his cold hands leaving your skin as he turns away and leaves. You didn't have the energy to try and beg for him to come back. Everything in your body ached with no sign of mercy. You thought you could die from the pain and you were somewhat grateful that Albedo was spared from the agony of heartbreak, the lack of understanding of deep and complicated human emotions. At that point, you wished that you were him- you wanted to sacrifice these damning emotions, so strong in the heat of everything that it made you jump from one opportunity of love to the next. You felt burdened by them, burdened by these human things Albedo was so gifted not to have. You wanted to be numb by then. If this was the type of ache you had to go through for the rest of your life- then you would trade anything to have it taken away.