Literally Every Episode, I Cry Because Of How Beautiful It Is.

Coming out

So I found out I liked girls in high school and, when I did, I told my parents.

 Their response was, “Oh, ok, that’s cool. Just don’t make any concrete decisions yet, alright? Cus’ you never know when you might want to give something new a try.”

Also, “Don’t be an angry lesbian, ok? Cus’ we know a few of those and they’re really annoying to deal with.”

Right. So keep an open mind and don’t be pissed off about life. I can deal with that.

This...

Just happened to me.

Like, four days ago.

And I had no idea that it was actually a thing instead of me just being too sensitive or something.

Knowing this is actually very reassuring.

I feel a lot less like a moron who’s too sensitive and a lot more like my reactions and feelings are actually reasonable and have a source.

Someone: *doesnt respond to something to the degree that I wanted them too/at all*

My ADHD hellbrain: So, how long do you think they’ve hated you and wished you would stop talking to them cause you’re an annoying piece of shit?

Me: Can we please not do this?

Ok, real quick tho.

Virgil as Snape.

Patton as Dumbledore.

Thomas as Ron.

Logan as Hermione.

Roman as Harry.

And Deceit as Voldemort.

I’ll just leave this here for everyone to consider.

Just press play.

So much landscape, so little time.

Another one bites the dust.

Just some normal conversation from a year ago. And soon, Christmas shall come once again... Soon...

Y’know, I had this weird plan to separate myself from everyone. I figured if I just left and didn’t look back, then I could just stay by myself and nobody would bother me.

The plan was super simple. Just stop going to school, don’t make unnecessary contact online, and tell everyone when you see them that your doing fine by yourself. Tell them you prefer being by yourself, and they’ll leave you alone.

It worked.

The plan worked perfectly and, for the most part, I’m alone again.

I’m alone again.

Nobody really cares about me or my life. about the things that I like or dislike. Sometimes they say they do but I don’t really believe them. I have no reason to. It’s not like they’ve given me one. They’re always lying about themselves anyways. Hiding things from me, only to say them when they think I’ve left the room. That’s fine. I get that. The need to vent about your feelings is understandable and I’m not a very nice person to begin with, so I get why people don;t like me.

I wish that they did though.

I don’t like being alone.

I say that I do, but that’s not really true.

I just don’t like being scared and that’s all I ever seem to feel when I’m around people. I’m scared that I’ll mess up somehow and they’ll hate me like so many others already do.

(they all left me)

I hate that.

I hate that part of me that everyone seems to despise.

(all of me they hate all of me and so do i because i should)

That part of me relishes in those terrible feelings, in being feared and looked at with disgusted eyes. That part of me thinks it’s hilarious how much these feelings affect the rest of me.

“It’s fine.” She says with her sickening smiles and empty eyes.

(terrifying monster makes me sick want to vomit)

“It’s not.” I mutter because I’m too tired to say it louder.

(so tired just want sleep stop it let it stop please)

It’s always been like this and that’s not fine but it also is.

(its not it never was)

Because I’m worthless and that’s just how it is has been and always will be.

(it hurts)

That’s fine.

(its not)

I’m not though.

(im not)

...

The plan worked.

(it hurts)

I’m alone again.

(i didnt want it)

I’m not as happy about that as I thought I’d be.

(i wasnt happy to begin with)

(we never were)

Much landscape, such wow.

I found a Caterpie in my backyard.

Some spoopy water marks.