Coming Out

Man, I went to the zoo for my older sisters birthday today. It was tons of fun. There was a Latin festival sort of thing happening and we had some Cuban food and watched a Mexican dance ceremony that I think was based around Aztec culture specifically. It was pretty cool, and so were all the animals we saw. However, I am now absolutely exhausted and I'm pretty sure my nose is sunburnt. Also, I have the worst case of farmers tan now so just fuck my life, right?

Anyways, happy birthday to my big sister, I guess. *shrugs before collapsing on bed*

He loves his chair, a little too much... (at Florida State College At Jacksonville Centers)

Y’know, I had this weird plan to separate myself from everyone. I figured if I just left and didn’t look back, then I could just stay by myself and nobody would bother me.

The plan was super simple. Just stop going to school, don’t make unnecessary contact online, and tell everyone when you see them that your doing fine by yourself. Tell them you prefer being by yourself, and they’ll leave you alone.

It worked.

The plan worked perfectly and, for the most part, I’m alone again.

I’m alone again.

Nobody really cares about me or my life. about the things that I like or dislike. Sometimes they say they do but I don’t really believe them. I have no reason to. It’s not like they’ve given me one. They’re always lying about themselves anyways. Hiding things from me, only to say them when they think I’ve left the room. That’s fine. I get that. The need to vent about your feelings is understandable and I’m not a very nice person to begin with, so I get why people don;t like me.

I wish that they did though.

I don’t like being alone.

I say that I do, but that’s not really true.

I just don’t like being scared and that’s all I ever seem to feel when I’m around people. I’m scared that I’ll mess up somehow and they’ll hate me like so many others already do.

(they all left me)

I hate that.

I hate that part of me that everyone seems to despise.

(all of me they hate all of me and so do i because i should)

That part of me relishes in those terrible feelings, in being feared and looked at with disgusted eyes. That part of me thinks it’s hilarious how much these feelings affect the rest of me.

“It’s fine.” She says with her sickening smiles and empty eyes.

(terrifying monster makes me sick want to vomit)

“It’s not.” I mutter because I’m too tired to say it louder.

(so tired just want sleep stop it let it stop please)

It’s always been like this and that’s not fine but it also is.

(its not it never was)

Because I’m worthless and that’s just how it is has been and always will be.

(it hurts)

That’s fine.

(its not)

I’m not though.

(im not)

...

The plan worked.

(it hurts)

I’m alone again.

(i didnt want it)

I’m not as happy about that as I thought I’d be.

(i wasnt happy to begin with)

(we never were)

I found a Caterpie in my backyard.

Now all three pets have fallen into the pool. Poor thing’s traumatized now.

Just some normal conversation from a year ago. And soon, Christmas shall come once again... Soon...

I will always love this.

I literally cannot express in words how hilarious I find this image to be. 

He looks so at peace.

He has no idea.

Protect him. 

He poses, even in really weird situations.

Another one bites the dust.

Look at my boss ass shoes. I was dying eventually but it was worth it.