Me And My Best Friend Have Officially Made A Pact To Platonically Marry Each Other If She’s Not Already

i do not want to live in a world where a pathetic, evil loser like OJ Simpson can murder two innocent human beings (one of which was his ex-wife, Nicole Brown, whom he abused their entire marriage), and have all evidence pointing toward him + an audio recording of him confessing to the double-homicide, yet he still escapes life in prison and leads a long, free life… but a modern day Robinhood like Luigi Mangione that (allegedly) popped a monster who made billions off denying people healthcare (killing thousands), can’t also be let free.

seeing the people in power scramble to villainize Luigi and paint him as a danger to society, try to convince us that we should be scared just bc they are? babe, it isn’t working. use your brains. that billionaire shitass was shot IN DEFENSE of us bc he was diabolical. how detached do you have to be to not understand how every day people are not going to be afraid of someone who (allegedly) murdered a billionaire making his wealth off our demises?

A Dino rant lol:

This still bothers me this exists lol, like, I feel I’m one of the more lenient paleo nerds who doesn’t mind inaccuracy at all as long as it’s not in a documentary, monsterfied (in terms of behavior, and I mean to the extreme), or people treat it as fact and have the gual to call scientists’ VERY accurate reconstructions wrong.

But this… THIS…

It pains me people like this exist

DINOSAURS WEREN’T SOME MYTHICAL CREATURES MADE UP BY THE GREEKS PEOPLE!

THEY 👏 WERE 👏 ANIMALS👏

THIS IS BASICALLY THE PREHISTORIC EQUIVALENT OF YOU CALLING A MALE LION “WOKE” FOR HAVING A FREAKING MANE, OR CALLING A DOG “WOKE” FOR HAVING FUR, OR BETTER YET, CALLING ANY ANIMAL ALIVE TODAY “WOKE” FOR DOING THINGS IN THEIR LIVES THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE CONSTANT BLOODSHED

I’m sorry about this rant but this kind of thing REALLY R E A L L Y irks me and I’m a VERY lenient person when it comes to dinos-

Way to go twitter for TRYING to make accurate reconstructions of prehistoric ANIMALS (let alone ANY kind of dinosaur, monsterfied or not) political (and gosh, can I just say I’m so tired of the word “woke”!? It’s completely lost its meaning at this point and so many people use it just to justify them not liking something even if said thing is actually GOOD, and if anyone accuses me of things for saying it that, I’m a-political and unbiased and hate how toxic politics are with a burning passion) these guys are so terminally online smh HHHHHH

And it’s not even funny-bad, at least that one dude at my church who keeps trying to argue with me saying dinosaurs never existed and all the bones we found were “goat bones” was freaking HILARIOUS (I’m not joking btw, that actually happened…. multiple times LOL…). This… This is just infuriatingly sad HHHH

Has anyone seen/written any fics where Danny is so used to being an overpowered menace that danger doesn't even register the same for him anymore. Like he's gone against the likes of undergrowth and vortex, he's obviously not going to be intimidated by a middle aged man with sweaty hands pointing a gun at him.

It's all fine until he leaves Amity and starts being put in mildly dangerous situations that don't bother him at all but everyone around him looks super freaked out? And it can range from like being mugged or one of the DC superheroes facing one of their supervillains while all the civilians run away and Danny just keeps going full on ignoring cause not his circus, not his monkeys, but still.

And then he realizes that his reaction is abnormal and people are starting to stare and he doesn't need the extra attention on him but knows he can't act for shit so he just goes for the most deadpan sarcasm he can muster and goes all "oh, nooooo. This is so bad. I am SO scared." And it just makes the stares worse but by then he's committed to the bit and will throw gradually more concerning stuff about his past in conversations with the most dead expression just to see how far he can take it until someone confronts him about it.

Danny's flight or fight response has quite the hair trigger for a few select phrases most being things vlad would say

One such being his full name a bit odd but there's a reason he always asks to be called danny

So really it's not his fault after joining the school in gotham he had been introduced to his class and he'd told them to call him danny

And he hadn't heard him all he'd heard was someone calling him danial and putting a hand on his shoulder

So really he can't be blamed for how he reacted he told everyone not to call him Daniel and he snuck up and called him daniel

How can he be blamed for breaking Damien waynes nose

Danny, due to being illegal because he exists, along with many other things, does not like cops. He makes a youtube channel that youtube can't take down, where he, as a ghost in full view of everyone, stalks and narrates cops like he's Steve Irwin.

~~~~~~

"Right, watch as the pig, in it's natural habitat, eats another donut. Like all other members of this particular swine family, they need to refuel constantly, to keep up energy to hunt minorities. They're unique in the animal kingdom, because they hunt for the pure thrill of it, as opposed to doing it for food. Watch now as it devours it's fourth donut in a row."

Dick was trying to ignore the glowing meta that was recording him eating donuts in his uniform.

His little brother was Tim. This was nothing. He could ignore it.

The meta kid's stomach grumbled, as he was going on about how the donut shop was a cop-sorry, pig's-natural environment.

Dick sighed.

"If you knock it off I'll buy you donuts for yourself."

Danny Kills the Joker AU

Danny is on the run in gotham, as you do in dpxdc fics. His parents are dead and he is trying to stay out of Vlad's custody. Gotham has plenty of ectoplasm to hide his ecto signature. It also has a high enough population of homeless people that no one would even notice Danny just showing up.

He's been living rough in gotham, mostly sticking to Crime Alley and The Narrows, sleeping in abandoned buildings or in relatively clean parts of the sewer system. He eats what he can find and does his best never to be seen.

Not good enough since he along with like 30 other street kids get picked up by joker goons and tied up. Joker is planning an explosive party for the city to watch and he needed guests. Joker literally set up bombs of joker gas around the city that will go off and send the entire city into pandemonium, killing millions. The only way to stop the bombs is to kill his guests (homeless kids from Crime Alley) which the city can vote on. Kill themselves or kill kids.

Danny is sitting at the edge of the group, listening as Joker televises his new plan to the entire city.

He really, really hates clowns.

He is also not gonna let this guy kill all of these kids. He may not be a hero anymore but those protection instincts didnt die with his parents.

And also fuck that clown.

He phases through his bonds, and then starts asking the various kids to borrow their hat, gloves, and scarf. Gotham street kids take one look at this out of town kid and mentally wish him luck while planning out his funeral. They keep on acting terrified because as stupid as this kid is being, they're not snitches either.

Danny puts on the borrowed clothes to hide his face and hair. He can't be identified, or Vlad is gonna be on his ass tomorrow. Once fully covered he gets up and into view of the camera. The Joker notices him, turns around to laugh and jeer at him. Probably shoot him for being impolite and interrupting him. Danny doesnt even pause just walks right up to the clown and coldcocks him.

Based on the sound of bones snapping Danny admits he might have punched a little too hard. Danny checks the Jokers pulse and immediately panics. Danny has Batman levels of fear around killing and he is panicking about becoming Dan.

"Holy Shit I killed him!" He says, to the entire city because the camera is still rolling.

Cue:

Danny running for his life, trying to hide away from his fear and guilt.

Red Hood becoming like his dad and drawing up mental adoption papers

Harley Quinn also drawing up adoption papers, paper ones, while Poison Ivy changes their home's 'no boys allowed' banner to 'son boy allowed'

Jokers goons trying to find Danny to kill him for killing their boss

City wide pandemonium as the jokers death is confirmed and people are partying in the streets, the mayor is planning on giving the street kid who did it the key to the fucking city

The batfam trying to find Danny to protect him from Jokers Goons (Bruce is third in line for custody not that he knows he is gonna have to fight both Harley and Jason for the honor)

The crime alley kids are still not snitching on the kid who saved them. Anyone who asks them about Danny only respond with 'what are you a cop? Fuck off pig'

Vlad Masters, as someone who has been punched by Danny, immediately recognizes the punch and flies to Gotham to find his wayward 'son'.

Vlad even meets with Brucie Wayne to ask for help in finding Danny. Bruce gets bad vibes from Vlad and is even more invested in finding Danny. The boy has dark hair, blue eyes, and a tragic orphan backstory. Its fate!

Danny meanwhile is hiding in some sewer somewhere breathing into a paper bag as he panics about becoming a world ending threat.

Flash, on Tik Tok: put a finger down hero edition!

Flash: *points at Superman and Conner*

Flash: put a finger down if you've ever been cloned without your consent by a billionaire who wanted to use said clone to kill and replace you! And now you're coworkers!

Danny, sitting in his car, face completely blank, in a Tik Tok duet: *puts a finger down*

Dani: *pops her head over the seat and makes eye contact with the camera at the exact same moment*

I love it when there's choas that most associate with Dan, Dani, and Danny.

___

Dan, Dani and Danny just finished a meeting with the Justice League (with the YJL on the side lines just being nosey) to talk about alliances between the League and the Phantoms.

Superman: Phantom.

Dan, Dani and Danny: Yes.

Flash: Wait, you're all Phantom?

Dani: Yeah, it's our family name, duh.

Superman: We prefer to work with the eldest Phantom-

Danny, who still looks the same age he died but is actually 15: That would be me.

Everyone is shocked.

Dan, scoffed: We're ghosts, our physical age doesn't reflect our actual ages.

Kid Flash: Wait, how old are you guys?

Dan: 4 years old.

Dani: 6 months old.

Dan: Baby-

Dani just stuck out her tongue.

Danny: I'm 15.

Robin: But you show up throughout history?

Danny: I do odd jobs for the ghost of time.

Green Latern: We'll circle back to that later. So, how are you guys related?

Dan: We're the same person.

JL + YJL: Wha-?

Dan: Me and her are variations of that one.

Batman: Elaborate.

Dan: I'm from another timeline that doesn't exist anymore.

Dani: I'm his clone!

Danny: And I'm just Danny.

Flash: Didn't you call her your cousin? Wouldn't she be your daughter?

Danny: It's interchangeable, we change what we call each other everyday. Sometimes I'm their brother, cousin or parent. Which one depends on the day.

Dan: We honestly don't care.

Flash: Since you're from a destroyed timeline, wouldn't she also be your clone too?

Dan: Naw, it's a little more complex than that.

Dani: He's actually combined ghosts of Danny and Plasmius combined with Danny's memories. In hindsight, that makes him their child. Which means we're actually full siblings.

Danny: Which is weird since Plasmius is actually an old man with an unhealthy obsession with my mom and me. He was my parents' college friend and is my godfather and arch nemesis.

Kid Flash: ... There is so many things wrong with that statement.

Danny: And that's why we call him a fruitloop.

Aqualad: There seems to be an issue with archnemesises cloning their hero counterparts.

Dani, squealing: THERES ANOTHER CLONE!!

Superboy: Hi.

Dani, suddenly in Superboy's face: Mom, look! He can pass off as one of us.

Robin: That makes no sense, he has blue eyes and black hair, you have white hair and green eyes.

All three Phantoms, with an inhumanly large and toothy grin, turned human: You sure 'bout that?

Batman: You have human disguises?

Danny: Sure, we'll go with that.

Dani, on Superboy's back: Can we keep him?

Dan: He'll fit right in.

Danny: Superman is his dad-

Superman, bristling: Its not my son.

The Phantoms just stare at him:...

Danny: No.

JL: ??

Dan: I won't make a mess.

JL, confused: ??

Dani: I'll help with clean up.

JL, concerned: !?!?

Danny: No, now help me convince Superboy to join our fraid.

one thing i adore about fandom is the “[bad parent]’s A+ parenting” tag on ao3. it’s so universal and so sarcastic and it makes me giggle every time i see it