I LUV UR CONTENT ^^

God telling you to surrender isn't selfish or prideful, it's selfless and merciful. If you were in a burning 8 story building, the only way out was the window, and a fireman came to save you, would you struggle as they help you get out? Would you squirm around and kick and flail? Personally, I'd surrender myself to them because I know they want me to live and I know they know how to save me. You can't get out on your own and they know that. They went in to save you, not so they could bring out some popcorn and watch you "save" yourself. So let God help you.

No, I Do Not Hate People and No I am Not Judging Them

God is my Icon. I aspire to be like him in all I can. That means I dislike sin. That means I am a disagreeable person. That means I express my faith even when I know you don't believe the same thing. But that also means that I love sinners. That also means that I must be humble. That also means that I do not judge. That also means that I love my enemies like myself. And I love myself very much. So no, just because I don't agree with you, doesn't mean I hate or even dislike you. Jesus' favorite people are sinners. And it's not like I havs no sins, so I have no room to judge you. When I point out a sin that offends, I'm not doing it to judge you, in fact, 9/10 I am guilty of the same sin at one point or another. I've lied, cheated, lusted, cursed, liked my own gender, ignored God, been quick to anger, been lazy, still am and I need to fix that, been a glutton, still am and need to fix that too but thank The Lord for high metabolism, disobeyed, been disrespectful, etc, just like the rest of you. So I don't look at an athiest, or a witch, or lgbtq+, or a satanist, or literally anyone and hate or judge them. I look at them, say wow, a person just like me who just hasn't found God for themselves yet. I pray one day they give their life to God, oh cool, they have pretty hair.

Just spreading the love man. If you take it as hate, I'm sorry, but I'm not changing anytime soon, soooo want some popcorn?

So with that said, I will repeat my main point cuz nobody read that I'm sure.

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▪︎ I am a christian and child of God

▪︎ That means I do not approve of sinful activities, no matter how harmless they seem

▪︎ I do not discriminate against unbelievers or sinniers

▪︎ I do not judge unbelievers or sinners

▪︎ I love unbelievers and sinners

▪︎ I AM a sinner (Though in God I am redeemed)

▪︎ I do not think of people any differently regardless of their beliefs

▪︎ I do not treat anybody different no matter their orientation, sexuality, hobbies, beliefs, religoun, etc

▪︎ I am not trying to offend people

▪︎ You can do whatever you want and I respect you and your freedom

▪︎ I love you

▪︎ God loves you

"I don't have enough faith to be an athiest."

A line I've heard but never delved into. But I thought about it and came to that exact conclusion. I don't have the faith to be an athiest. Those words don't sound right together but they're very closely related. One day, we'll all die. Our sisters, our brothers, moms, dads, children, friends, etc. But nobody knows what happens when we die except the dead. Theists belive there is something after death, whether heaven, hell, reincarnation, divinity, whatever other beliefs are out there. Athiests believe there is...nothing. Just a big dirt nap. Now, life is a very big bet. You gamble all you have on the way you live and what you do.

The consequence of being a theist and being wrong is nothing because while we may have "wasted" our lives, we were happy with our choices. If we weren't happy, we can't even regret it because we'll be dead. Unable to think or feel. But the consequence of being an athiest and being wrong is in some cases, small and trivial, and sometimes very big and excruciating. Like hell. Y'know, the pit of everlasting flames where teeth gnash, souls weep, and flesh burns but does not decay. For eternity. The benefit of being an athiest and being right is a fun and wild time on Earth for about 80 years (if your lucky) that you'll forget once you croak. The benefit of being a theist and being right is living a life with hope and purpose and then getting whatever benefit there is to that religon, which is a perfect world with a perfect God in christianity once you die. Does that sound like equal pay equal reward to you?

You need to have the upmost faith in the belief that there is nothingness after death to be an athiest or you waste not these 80 years you love so badly, but the eternity afterward. You stake your body, your life, your future and your soul on it. You risk an eternity and afterlife in burning flames to believe it.

No matter what, we will all face death and we will all have to make a bet on something or someone. Atheism isn't a way of not betting at all, it's betting on there being no answer to the question, no number on the dice being thrown. Believing in every God and religon is betting on every answer being right, betting that every number is the right bet, which is contradictory and completely false. It's not a way out, it's either you turned off your brain and used "I want proof" as an escape route, or you genuinlly have the faith to be able to say you are willing to risk hell and eternal flames and firmly believe that there is nothing after death. That is a lot of faith. More faith than I have.

The only bet a theist has to make is on who they believe. They have 4000 somethin options but only one can be true. God has given me all the reason I need to follow Him, and so I will do just that.

But yeah. I don't have the faith to be an athiest.

Soo I just discovered this thing called artfight. AND I WANT IN SO BAD. But I'm a stupid loser and I'm too wimp to actually try it out cuz communities scare me and I feel like I won't actually be interacting with people and instead sit in my sad corner by my sad self the whole event.

That and when I made myself an account, I misspelled my username without realizing and now I have no idea what my username actually is and therfore can't login to my account nor participate.

And they have a contact to fix this kind of issue but, again, I am a little loser baby who's too embarrassed to ask for help.

I hate myself.

OK FINE AFTER SOME THOUGHT AND REALIZING IT'S IN ONE WEEK I DECIDED TO ASK FOR HELP AND JOIN. I REGRET MY BIRTH

UPDATE, I WAS JUST BEING DUMB. TURNS OUT I NEVER ACTUALLY FINISHED THE REGISTER CUZ I HAD A SPACE IN MY NAME. I JUST SIGNED IN AND I CAN JOIN NOW.

I JUST REALIZED I HAVE 6 DAYS TO CREATE GOOD LOOKING CHARACTER SHEETS FOR ALL MY CHARACTERS AND IM FREAKIN OUT.

Me waking up this morning litterally bound to my bed b3cause of crippiling neck cramps and stiffness, resulting in ugly sobs, desperate screams, and frantic praying. Literally was so bad I couldn't face forward. Like I physically could not even put my head at a 3/4ths angle before I was subdued by overwhelming pain that even after going back to the position in which I was bound, would contiune to burn as if I had bitten into a battery. But with my neck.

Also me when I sleep:

Funny thing about this is I started praying and thanking God and then I was just like HAHAHAHAHAAHA JOKES ON YOU DEMON, PAIN ONLY BROUGHT ME CLOSER TO THE LORD. NOT TODAY SATAN while ugly sobbing and clutching my neck :>

I cannot be more serious, there is nothing better. There is nothing better than the feeling I feel when I'm with God. I went years running around doing all kinds of stupid things before I met Him, but He calmed my heart the same way He calmed the storm. Anxiety fled, lust died, anger wained, grief packed up and left, and He moved in.

You may think I'm crazy. An idiot who never learned to question. A traditional bum who can't open her mind to new ideas. Even an uneducated fool spouting whatever false tales.

You may think I'm in need. A victim to white men who drilled this religous crap into my head. A kid who doesn't even know better, she'll wake up once she get's old enough.

You may think I'm evil. A weirdo out of my mind who only lives to shame others. A cultists trying to drag others down with me. A judgemental, sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, trump supporting conservative who can't understand that sometimes she isn't right.

Well let me explain something

I'm sane. I question everything, the how, the why, the what, the who, the when. I adopt new ideas all the time, only the difference is, I have boundries when it comes to ideas trying to pull me away from the Word of God. I'm educated, and I plan to become a professor.

I'm not a victim. I chose this path for myself, no person or group manipulated me into it (besides, it's not a white man's religoun, it's middle eastern). I may be a kid, but the things I've seen and felt was something even a toddler could identify as unmistakenly God.

I'm not evil. I don't shame people, thinking they're gross or whatnot just because we don't share the same beliefs, I pray for them and their wellbeing. I'm not a cultist and I would never willingly drag anyone down if I knew what I was following was false, in fact, I wouldn't even be in it myself. I don't look at any gender, race, occupation, status, or sexuality and think I'm looking at devil's incarnate, just a person like me and everyone else who doesn't know the goodness of God (Also, I'm not even a republican and I'm well aware I'm wrong sometimes).

Contrary to many beliefs, I'm not as bad as people try and peg me to be. I'm just a kid trying her best in a world where nobody ever looks back on the weak. I'm just a kid who struggles to make friends or relate to people. I'm just a kid that wants to love and be loved. Trying to understand, find my way, do what's right and be truly happy.

I'm just a child.

God's child.

A complimation of EVERY bsd art I've ever done (except for the Dazai Chronicles)

Ok this one doesn't really count because it's an animation, that I have yet to finish, but here's a screenshot.

The order is the 1st one, the 4th one, the 3rd one, the 5th one, the 2nd one, the 8th one, the 7th one, and then the 6th one from oldest to newest. Couldn't figure out how to put it in order sooo. :/

I love looking back at old art and just seeing how far I've come. Sometimes I feel like I just suck at art and that I'll never improve or be how I want to be, but then I look back and realize I'm just being stupid. I already improved such a significant amount from when I first started. Why can't I improve now?

When it comes to art, people like to put limits on themselves, but honestly, there are no limits with art. It's something almost anyone can do. I say almost because the only people who literally can't make visual art are people paralyzed from the neck down or dead people. I've seen blind people make art. I've seen people with no arms make art. I've seen people who are blind and have no arms make art. Ok, that's not true, but I'm sure a blind and armless artist exists somewhere.

You will never be your best at art because with every drawing, you improve. To you, it may look ugly today, but in a year, it'll be so much better. This post isn't a very good example because I lack consistensy in my style, and so it looks worse sometimes, but still.

Also, can you tell that I like Chuuya and Dazai? I tried drawing Atsushi and Aktugawa once but um. I didn't finish that. Oh but, I also tried making a Lucy x Atsushi animatic if that counts. I didn't finish that either.

I think I went insane. I...I must be. I made a seperate account last night to post art on, to make this channel consistant with the gospel...and I posted on it. I know I did. But now it' like it never existed. I can't find the art, or my account. The account comes off as unregistered and I'm tweaking. Did I go mental and dream me doing that? No, I couldn't have. I specifically remember being interupted while choosing what art to post when I was forced to buy groceries by my Dad....This is like a murder mystery case and I'm oddly intruiged and mildly annoyed.

Just woke up thinking about this and I need tumblr to be my therapist for a second because I just need to explain my thoughts.

When I first watched BSD (Bungo Stray Dogs), I was ok with Ranpo. I didn't like nor dislike him until I saw his backstory. The story that made most fans cry made me feel so...unsettled. It was like looking in a mirror and it scared me.

I never believed in kinning before him. Relating to an anime character? A BSD one at that? I feel like people are just projecting because it's their favorite character. Those were my thoughts. But then I met Ranpo.

I understood him. I felt what that felt like when I saw his backstory. I felt like part of me was on the screen. For the first time ever, I felt truly related to someone on the screen. It scared me a lot. I kinned a person. RANPO AT THAT.

Actually seeing a part of me I activley try to ignore and deny was a slap to the face for me. It scared me. So for a while, I avoided him. I avoided media or fan content with him in it. Of course, he's in the show, so I can't avoid him forever though. I didn't like him because he scared me.

My entire life I felt like I couldn't connect with people. Not as in I couldn't be friends with anyone, though, that is also true. I didn't understand anyone around me. To me, I was a human. I was sentient, capable of complex thoughts, and I was able to lie and "control the 'people' around me". Looking back, that was a stupid sentiment.

I was human and everyone around me was an npc. That was pretty scary for me. I didn't understand the difference between us as a child. Though I knew that everyone around me was something other than me, I only saw me and them. And if I just said a simple hello, it could become us. I miss that.

When I met Ranpo on screen, it was the moment he said it was like they were all monsters that scared me. There was something he didn't have. Something he didn't understand. That's what he thought, but in reality, it's that he's the one who has something that everyone else doesn't.

For me, it truly was just something I didn't have. And for my whole life, I've been trying to figure it out. What makes them different from me? It didn't make any sense. Everyone understood something that I didn't. Everyone had this "rule" to being a human being that I didn't know about. And that was scary.

Dazai was a bit different for me. I loved him from day -30. Literally. I watched complimations of him being stupid months before I watched the show. Years even. I didn't kin him at all and he was just a silly but complicated guy for me. But then I noticed something after realizing I kinned Ranpo.

My whole life I felt that I was the only human and everyone around me was an npc. But really, it was more that everyone around me was a human and I was...something else. I didn't know what. But it wasn't human. I mean, obviously I am physically and in every scientific way, human, but there's something missing, y'know?

Thinking about it makes me feel so cringe but I really can't explain it any other way.

I don't consider myself a Dazai kinnie because even I can't completely understand the reason he thinks himself not human. I just related a small bit to the sentiment.

So as a um...thing hiding itself as a human, I felt exposed when I was confronted with Ranpo. I eventually came to terms with it and now I like Ranpo. Though he still unsettles me because of the similarity.

So yeah. That was my vent. :)

These two make me wanna cry

Dog Han hehe