I Swear I Don't Lack Skills To Communicate, I'm Simply Too Tired To Engage..

Time is like grains of sand slipping through our fingers — the one thing in life we cannot bargain with; each lost moment gone forever. Yet I alone wander its hidden paths, reclaiming what others surrender.

—A lady and her quill, The Almanac of a Lost Time Traveler.

"Why do you reject love" he asked. "I can't bring myself to accept love because I don't even know how to love myself gently. To be loved... I feel I must first be flawless in the mirror, in the mind, in a room full of strangers, in the quiet corners of my soul. How can I be someone's dream girl if I never feel good enough?" Silence lingered, heavy and unresolved.

—A lady and her quill, Notes to a boy I now resent

Sometimes I wonder if people even realize how cruel they can be without saying a word. The way they look at me—cold, dismissive, like I’m something to laugh at or pity. It’s not always about what they say; sometimes it’s just the way they carry themselves around me, like I’m less. I feel overlooked all the time, like I’m just floating in the background, waiting for someone to actually see me. And I hate how much I want to be seen, especially by him. I hate how I catch myself hoping for even a glance from him. It makes me feel pathetic, like I’m betraying myself just to feel worthy for a moment. These past few days, I’ve been so angry. Just simmering beneath the surface. I keep snapping in my head, getting irritated at everything. I’m starting to feel like the angry little girl I worked so hard to bury, the one who, for years, carried the weight of her father’s rage. I hate how deeply I feel things, how sensitive I am. Lately, I’ve been drowning. Not in a river, but under the weight of never feeling satisfied with life.

—A lady and Her Quill, Letters to Dead Children: Ophelia's Journal Entries

I look my mum to see The Last Supper part 3 because it was almost Mother's Day.

She thought Jesus wandering around in the garden dragged on too long and that The Chosen was too long and too depressing to watch. I think she's right.

I didn't like how Jesus lied to his disciples at the last supper. "It's nothing," he lied. I also didn't like that Jesus falsely accused the father of asking too much.

My mum said The Chosen focused too much on the other characters, and not enough on Jesus and Judas.

I haven't watched the last supper scene of the chosen. I believe its out in cinemas alone but maybe when I see it I'll probably understand what you mean.

—Severus Snape

"As a woman there's just something inherently vulnerable and humiliating about being naked while wearing shoes, heels to be precise. It’s as if your dignity has been stripped away from you, reducing you to nothing more than an object for observation—expected to uphold an illusion of beauty even in your most exposed state."

In my visual arts class, we studied a sketch on ideal human proportions. What struck me was that while the male figure was fully naked, the female figure, though also nude, was depicted wearing heels. It was a subtle yet glaring reminder of the unspoken expectation that in society women must remain visually appealing even in their most vulnerable state.

—A lady and her quill, Journal of wandering thoughts.

A new semester has begun at my school and now I'm back to writing my thesis. Something I'm not really looking forward to but I really don't have a choice. 🥀

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Hey 🌸˚˖⋆, so lately I've been thinking of ways to romanticize my college experience and decluttering and re-organizing my digital space with Notion has been helping with this.

What is your favorite kind of aesthetic for Notion.

Beauty is terror, whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. -The Secret History