Where your favorite blogs come alive
Viktor, addressing the counsel: And of you have any questions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Jayce: But… that’s just the trash can.
Viktor: It sure is! And if you have a problem with it feel free to drop it in here and I will handle it as soon as possible.
Viktor: God, give me patience.
Jayce: I think you mean give me strength.
Viktor: If god gave me strength, you’d be dead.
Caitlyn: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It’s terrible for the environment.
Singed: *in the shadows* Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly. And I have a couple spare ones already. Look at you helping me save the environment and even better helping me save money. Thank you.
Caitlyn: That’s not what I- Never mind. Go crazy.
*Jayce and Viktor entering a dive bar*
Viktor: Look I know you’re disappointed but could we at least have a drink.
Jayce, in scuba diving suit: I would like to leave please.
Viktor: I just don’t understand why you would wear something like that.
Jayce: YOU DIDNT CLARIFY WHAT THE DRESS CODE WAS FOR OUR LITTLE OUTING. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A SCUBA SUIT IN MY SIZE! I AM A BIG MAN VIKTOR! NO YOU EMBARRASSED ME AND THE SUIT IS RIDING AND ITS GIVING ME THIS WEIRD RASH-
Viktor: Alright we are leaving. Me and my big mouth.
Jayce: Look. I may not be a saint, but it’s not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw that the owner lived out of state so I just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.
Viktor: That’s weirdly specific. Are you sure you haven’t-
Jayce: I was just giving an example. No need to look too much into it.
Jayce: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Viktor: Jayce, you don’t have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you’re a dumbass.
Jayce: Duly noted.
Claggor: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Vi: That’s the most hopeful thing I’ve ever heard.
Mylo: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Powder/Jinx: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
*And then they all got blown up by someone that rhymes with mowder/pinx. The end*
Jayce: I’m incredibly fast at math.
Viktor: Alright, what’s 30x17
Jayce: 295.
Viktor: That’s not even close.
Jayce: But it was fast.
Viktor: But-
Jayce: I SAID I WAS FAST AT MATH AND THAT WAS FAST. NO BUTS TAKE MY COOLNESS OR LEAVE IT.
Jayce, struggling to keep upright in his 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don’t really think heels are for me.
Vi: It’s cause your posture is all wrong and those shoes were made for smaller feet. We just need a bigger size.
Viktor, pointing at him and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK
Caitlyn rubbing her temples and sighing: What have I done to deserve this? Please tell me.
…
Caitlyn: GET OUT OF MY CLOSET. ALL OF YOU! NOW!