Venting I Guess - Blog Posts

I still can’t get over the fact that you’re gone. That I’m never going to see you again. It still hurts, though it’s been years. Death is unfair.

One thing I've been struggling with is accepting the fact that I am not my 16 y/o self anymore

It sounds silly, I know it does, but somehow I still find myself missing, yearning for the things I found interesting at 16, the things that brought me joy, that kept me going and find that they no longer serve that role

The music and the fandom surrounding it don't excite me anymore, the game I adored has been untouched for months with no future plans, the clothes I couldn't wait to get off the clothesline sit collecting dust at the bottom of a drawer

I listen to different music, found new games and thrifted new clothes but every time I open my playlist, every time look up my walls to see posters, every time I pull out that drawer, I'm reminded of different times and somehow get this bitter taste in my mouth

I want to be mad at the artist or the fandom, I want to be mad at the game developer or the brand that made the clothes, but I simply cannot

Yes, those things changed but that's not the problem, or rather, it's not that they changed, it's that I've changed

I've grown out of things and in times like this, in times of uncertainty, I just wish I could shrink back down

But I can't, so we must move on