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— Spu’s Thoughts 💭 - Blog Posts
OH MY GOD LIFE IS WORTH LIVING
Yo I wrote this in like the middle of the night when I was delirious, did NOT expect it to be so fire omg 🔥🔥
you were on the floor.
your knees were to your chest and your tears flowing nonstop.
joaquín gently rattled his key in the lock and opened the door. he was drenched. his boots squeaked as he shuffled in as quietly as he could. he scoped around the kitchen and living room, looking for a box. the box that was the cause of all of your tears. all of your pain.
it held so many of the items you held close to your chest for the last five years. the hoodies and sweats that always kept you warm in lack of joaquín’s presence, his little trinkets he found at random shops while deployed or on missions, gadgets he’d made when he had too much free time. what hurt most was the ring you’d grown to love so much for the last two years of your relationship.
joaquín had to go on an emergency mission right after the break up. it gave you enough time to pack up and isolate his belongings from yours. you’d saved your favorite items of his for last, too attached to them. only when you’d taped that cursed box did you realize what your life was now. no more of joaquín’s warm and protective arms holding you anymore, no more of his loving kisses that you were obsessed with, but most importantly, no more of the person who loved and knew you most.
your confidant. almost life partner. you’d planned your entire future together. he’d said “i don’t care how many kids we have, as long as i have you with me.”, all you could do was smile at him. you’d wanted a quiet life away from commotion. he’d promised it to you, as if it’d kill him if he didn’t get you everything you wanted. he wanted two dogs and a cat, and an alpaca. he never explained why and you giggled at his nonchalance on it.
the two of you had minimal contact while he was on this mysterious mission. he came back after two weeks. you didn’t leave your apartment once. just stayed watching the wall. sometimes moving to the balcony to look at the bustling city of Washington D.C. you only started packing his things after the third day. first his clothes and shoes, leaving a pair of pajamas and a decent outfit, then his electronics, then everything else, and then the box.
his sister had came by with two of their other cousins to collect the boxes. they’d stuck around for a bit after hauling all of the boxes onto the moving truck that they’d rented. you were close. of course you were close. you were basically family. you’d been at countless birthdays, baby showers, weddings, and gatherings alike. of course they were worried. you shook off their worries with a forced bright smile and affirming words, promising them you were alright. with much reluctance, they left, only after giving you one last bone crushing hug.
he rounded the corner to the room you were basically hiding in. hiding from what? you had no idea. maybe if you didn’t leave, joaquín wouldn’t either. that way you wouldn’t lose each other. he twisted the door handle but didn’t open the door. he left it closed. scared of seeing the bedroom stripped of him. every bit of himself that he’d brought to your life and home taped in a box, on its way back to Miami. “you okay in there?”
you stayed quiet.
“i’m coming in.”
you made no attempt to hide your tears. this was not the worst joaquín had seen you. he’d seen you through everything. nonetheless, no feeling could compare to the sight before him. your eyes were bloodshot—almost as if someone had poked your eyes—and snot was running down your nose. your lips quivered and you breathed little ragged breaths to calm yourself. you were a mess, you both could see it, you just didn’t want it to be too obvious.
“there’s the last of your stuff,” you nodded your head to point towards the box.
“I washed all of the clothes and cleaned everything else in the box, don’t worry.”
your voice was quiet. broken. as if someone had peeled away at the joy from you like paint on a wall. that someone was joaquín, and he did it without even realizing. guilt spread through his body like water to paper and he too could feel tears. “i’m sorry.”
you looked up.
“sorry for what? for saving people? for being a hero?”
“for not being able to keep my promises to you.”
he walks towards you and crouches to your level.
“i promised you a quiet life. far far from here, from the villains and the monsters. i promised you our cat and dogs. a future.”
“don’t beat yourself up, hero life follows you around like a tail.” you let out a broken chuckle.
“it was no excuse for me to not uphold my promise.”
for a moment everything went still. all the resentment and anger that you’d built up against him during his absence seemed to disappear. he was so certain that he was going to marry you. he’d wanted peace and quiet with you. you’d wanted it back with him.
“I’d beg you to stay but i know this is what’s best for us. that no matter how many promises we make to each other, there’ll never be a guarantee. you’re busy falcon-ing and i’m busy not. i need you quino, but i want you to myself, and unfortunately, the world needs you. so you go out there and you kick some bad guy ass, when you decide that you’ve had enough, i’ll be right here. that’s one thing i can guarantee you.” you cup his face with both of your hands and give him a smile. weak, but there.
you rest your foreheads together, your tears starting to slow. you breath in sync, feeling each other for the last time. not feeling physically but emotionally. sharing one last intimate moment.
his face starts to angle closer and closer to yours. you know what he’s doing, you desperately need him to do it. his mouth is a breath away, your heart is beating in anticipation. he pauses just before you make contact, an unsure pause, as if he thought you didn’t want it. you close the gap between you two, assuring him that you do want it. that you do want him.
his movements are slow and shaky. your hands remain on his cheeks and his come to cup yours too. it’s raw. no hurry, no anger, no hard feelings. just two lovers saying their last goodbyes without words. neither of you move. his taste is so sweet, you could be hung on his lips forever. his lips were slightly chapped, nothing you couldn’t handle. they were something you’d grown quite fond of throughout your relationship. he was unlike anyone else you’d ever been with. his kisses were definitely unlike anything you’d ever felt.
it almost killed you to pull away. he opened his eyes to look at you but you kept yours closed. you knew if you opened them you’d see the tears flowing down his face. you’d see the pure dejected look on his eyes that always held joy in them. of course you wanted to see him for the last time, it’s the face of your true love looking at you with pure devotion. joaquín torres is known for being a joyful. his happy go lucky attitude and positivity is basically his trademark. so you almost felt special knowing that you were the only person to see him like this. teary eyed and broken.

Not to be the weird military party pooper but I’ve read many fics were Joaquín went to bmt straight out of high school but that straight wouldn’t make sense. He’s a Captain in BNW and a Lieutenant in TFATWS and those are officer ranks and he’s an Intelligence Officer which requires a bachelors degree. In my mind, he went to the Air Force Academy cus he’s a smart lil cookie 🙂↕️🙂↕️. Again, don’t mean to be the weird military party pooper, js wanted to share a lil thing cus it’s a detail in my upcoming fic 💔💔💔
Hi I fell down a US military rabbit hole like a week or two after I posted this and I did like a bunch of research and realized that this is like mildly inaccurate. You don’t get tapped out when you graduate from the Naval Academy cus it’s literally university (not bmt) and the Naval Academy is literally in Maryland not California 🥀🥀
Hangman’s tapping out ceremony
warning: bad parents
Jake stood tall under the blazing California Sun with his back as straight as can be. He could feel the beads of sweat fall down his forehead and back as he waited to be tapped out. His head was held high and he was so excited. Not only was he graduating from the Naval Academy, his dad had promised to be there. His relationship with his dad was far from perfect but it seemed to be getting better as time went on. When Jake was younger, he’d always wake up before Jake and get home after he was tucked into bed, the only time Jake did see him was during holidays.
He kept his eyes staring right ahead but the urge to shift them around to search the face he’d yearned to see for so long was clawing away at him. He saw the person in front of him get tapped out. They had what seemed like their parents, grandparents, and siblings there. He saw as the presumed father gave the soldier the biggest and tightest hug and how the soldier melted into his father’s arms. Jake couldn’t wait until his father came and did the same thing. He wondered, would his sisters and mother cry at the sight of him? Would his dad give him a hug that loving?
He watched as more and more soldiers walked away with their families and friends. There were only and handful of people left and he could see more families approaching from the corner of his eyes. He listened as the soldiers next to him reconnected with their families. The sobs of their mothers and the encouragement of their fathers.
It was when the only people that left were ones tens of feet away from him did he realize that his family was not coming. He felt the tears well up in his eyes and he desperately tried to blink them away. Through his tears, he saw one more family approach and tap out a soldier ten feet ahead of him. His tears flowed down his face as he choked back his sobs. It wasn’t anything new for his father to not show up but not even his sisters? He tried to make excuses for them in his mind but the thought of them only made the tears flow faster. That’s when he saw a familiar face. Was that…Javy?
He watched as Javy and his family walked his direction and he opened his arms wide to Jake. Finally, he felt a big and tight hug. As embarrassed as he was to do so, Jake sobbed into Javys arms. He basically turned into a puddle feeling a hug. He felt a pair of arms wrap around his back, a softer and smaller pair. He could only assume it was either Javy’s mom or sister.
“Thank you” Jake forced out through his sobs.
“Anytime man. Welcome to the Machado family.”
THERES MORE 😛😛
Didn’t even have to tag him, js say you want me, Danny 🙂↕️🙂↕️
Me when I have been lowkey too demotivated to write 🥀🥀🥀
I need to make this a Joaquin fic now…
Oh my god the fan edits came true…
THUNDERBOLTS* SPOILERS BELOW!!!
No one was lying when they said it was the best movie since Endgame…the humor and emotion was so beautifully expressed by all the actors. There wasn’t too much of this or that, it was incredibly well balanced. The emotion, oh the emotion. It pulled at your heart strings so hard and it really makes you feel for the characters. This is a movie about a group of misfits who need fight their inner fights rather than trying to distract themselves with outer fights. Seeing them become the “New Avengers” almost made me feel proud in a sense. Like, Yelena and Ghost being seen as good guys after not feeling like they are is so heartwarming. The climax of the film, Bob fighting The Void…oh boy was that scene absolutely magnificent. Lewis Pullman put so much into it and you can tell. All of them gathering around Bob and giving him a big hug was probably my favorite part. I can’t wait to see how the dynamic of the New Avengers and the Avengers team Sam’s gathering is going to play out in the future films! The change from Thunderbolts* to The New Avengers while the Avengers theme played had me gagged tbh. Lastly, Lewis Pullman is so incredibly talented and sexy. 10/10 would watch again and would recommend
Played the hot ones card game tonight and I understand why Danny was in tears, my throat and mouth was literally on fire 💔💔
I’d just like to bring this back up cus lowkey I still think about it 💔💔
Is this a safe space to say that I love to see injured hot men cry 😿
