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Pendingrambles - Blog Posts
I realized something. The reason I don’t like going out while I’m sick is cause normally I have to pretend I’m fine. I don’t know since when I started to do that but I think it has to do with school. Healthy or sick one always had to go and I didn’t like to make noise cause it felt like disrupting the class. Now though, just going out and being upfront about the fact that I’m sick but I can’t afford to not be here honestly takes a weight off me. It’s like a yeah I’m sick, it sucks but it is what it is. And then I don’t have to pretend to be healthy. I can just exist in my misery without feeling like I’m being a bother. Or at least not as much. It’s nice.
Content warning - kind of a vent. Just mind stuff. Eh I can’t think of a warning, other than what I’ve already written. Brain fog. Well that and sickness.
Working on a project and hating what it’s current progress and look every second I’m working on it but when I walk away and stop for a while I find I actually kinda like it. But then I go back to working on it and every fiber of my being is screaming at me that I’m somehow making it so so much worse and every touch is a mistake, but then I pause look back and go nice that actually looks good. But then it’s still not done so I gotta work on it more.. and I just get a bit tired with my brain. Like pls, let me work on peace.
Guess who’s sick and feels like shit!
I want you guys to know that your posts make me incredibly happy. Your blogs brighten my day and put a smile on my face. Your existence brings me joy and I’m so happy to be able to interact with a part of you. Thank you for existing. And being so freaking amazing and wonderful. Love you guys.
I feel like some people would like this song right now. Been a while since I’ve listened to it but I stumbled back upon it while looking for a different song. Hang in there everyone.
As there’s a lot of current events going on, I just want to say, you did really well. Great job sticking things out. You’re strong and amazing and I’m happy to see you’ve made it so far. Sure there’s a lot of shit going on but you’ve pulled through. So no matter what happens, don’t blame yourself okay? We did our best. And if you need a break take one. Here, I’ll save you a seat. You can come take a break next to me if you want or with the many others who care about you. Don’t know where to take a rest? Anywhere is fine as long as you feel safe. So find your safe place and cuddle up. We’ll get through this together.
Have a safe and cozy day/night everyone. Stay strong, cry, relax, breathe, we’ll be here.
Trick or Treat :3
You get King from My Engineer!!! He was in the Autistic Swag bracket!!!
Hi. I hope you’re doing well. I hope things get better for you. If you need a hug or encouragement know that I’m cheering for you. And sending as many hugs as I can! You’ve done really well. I’m glad you’ve made it this far and I hope you go even farther. Safe travels my friend. And may your journey go ever so smoothly. And if you ever need a break, don’t be afraid to take one. You can always hop on by. There’s always a comfy spot waiting just for you. So take a seat and relax. You’re amazing. So just rest for a while or go do what you need to do, we’ll be there cheering you on. Have a wonderful day, night, week, year. Best wishes, from all
Are you ever too busy monologuing a story in your head that you realize you didn’t actually pay attention to the scene that just played out in the show? You just kinda go off on a side story or tangent with the characters and then are just like, ah damn what’d I miss?
I find I don’t understand everything. By this I mean I can take one understanding of a piece, look at the piece again and just be like damn how on earth was I so wrong before? It’s why I like giving shows a second chance. Cause I might of completely misunderstood what’s happening or maybe I never knew in the first place. It’s just the meaning I took at that time and now I’ll learn something else from it. Like something I might misremember or have a bad impression of I’ll go back and recheck and be like, yeah no I was so wrong. This is great! And vice versa, I’ll be like man this is so good, rewatch and notice things that are a bit iffy. And just go hmmmmm. Just enjoy what you enjoy and don’t be afraid to try things again or let things go. Also, a lot of things fly over my head in shows cause I’m not aware or conscious of everything and I don’t know all the experiences or relevant ties things may have so it’s always good to double check or get a second pair of eye. Anyway, that’s all my rambles for the moment. Have a marvelous day/night!
-peacefully working on a project-
…
-giant black bug of unknown species-
…
-standing up to put my project together-
-bug leaps into the air making itself known and dives off the right side of the desk-
… I don’t have the mental capacity to handle the maybe fly or some other bug at this point in time.
I… have had an accident prone week. I just don’t get how I keep on managing to injure myself. Content warning, I talk about getting injured, mainly bruises. I have managed to injure myself every day this week. Monday I nicked/stabbed myself with wire cause of a project I was working on (I don’t even know how it happened, the opposite end somehow got me while I was cutting the piece. Like it’s not bad but I can’t use the finger cause it hurts to lift stuff. And it’s on my dominant hand TvT). The other day I banged up my knee on a desk. Whyyyy, I was just standing up. And now I’ve hit the back of my foot on a charger/cord. It’s already bruising. I… it’s just become Wednesday. TvT. What’s gonna happen today 🫠
Going onto [insert random streaming service] to finish watching a show I started… only to find its no longer there. Removed with no warning, and I now I’m left to grasp at straws. TvT
Alas, why. Oh well, time to search for it on other streaming services I hopefully have
You know how some fictional characters can detect lies? Do they like, detect the degree of the lie? Cause I know there are a lot of small white lies that merely bend the truth. Would they take the entire thing as a lie or would they have like a percentage on the amount of truth in that statement. For example if one said they were late due to work stuff but in actual it was the mental preparation having to socially interact. I don’t think this is a good example but it’s late and my brain doesn’t have the energy to think of more. But what I mean is just like small mostly truths. Would they have a percentage of the degree in which the person altered the truth or would the character just take the entire statement as false? Well I’ve let the random thoughts out and now… maybe I’ll sleep. Or not. Who knows. Have a wonderful day/night.
I want to learn. But I want to be wrong first. I want to try, but first I want to fail. That way when I succeed, when I realize what is accurate, it will stick. It will hurt but I’ll know how to heal after. And I’ll have a good story to tell later.
Random thoughts:
How do people recognize others? I rely heavily on hairstyles. I rely on hair a lot. After a while I’ll start to recognize faces but mainly it’s hair. I watched Scott Pilgrim versus the world the other day and it took me a good few minutes to recognize the ex’s boyfriend as the same actor as Adam from legends of tomorrow. Ah let me give another example, last twilight and vice versa have the same leading actors. I watched last twilight and then vice versa but I didn’t recognize either actor until a good way through the first episode. During the pandemic, if someone changed their hair I would have no idea who they were. For one, masks so I can’t even try to recognize facial features and for two, if the hair changes I don’t recognize them. I know facial blindness and other stuff exists. I wonder what all other stuff there is though. The more I see a person the easier it is to recognize them but still, the hair comes first in recognition and then the facial structure. Well that’s just what my brains thinking about tonight. Have a wonderful day/night!
Ah my mind is too much for me right now so let’s see, what should I ramble about? Ah I can’t think of anything at the moment so this is gonna be one of those existential crises posts. This will include topics that may trigger readers so please do not read if you think this will affect you. This is your final warning, please do not continue reading as this deals with mature topics and sad feelings.
Okay. Here I go. How do people live knowing they will one day die? It took me a while to fully understand that I wanted to live and now I’m scared of death. I really hope there is an afterlife. If there isn’t I guess the point of life is the experience itself. We’re all headed to the same place in the end. I guess one thing that helps is that I won’t be alone in facing it as this is something we all will face. I don’t know how to deal with this viewpoint. When I go out I just see the ending making it hard to enjoy the present. And I guess the ending scares me. But I shouldn’t let that stop me from enjoying myself. Life is beautiful. If there is nothing after the end that would honestly be a damn shame. Experience can be overloading, good, bad, it’s just a whole mess. But I love it, I love being able to feel, to connect, and be with other beings. So I guess I pray to whichever entity I believe in that they do exist. Cause I don’t want this to be the end.
Ah okay I guess this helped me get rid of some thoughts. Have a wonderful day/night.