Ive Wonyoung - Blog Posts

xxxvii. home is where the heart is

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CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN ─ home is where the heart is.

❛ i know it's always about me, i love you, i'm sorry ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Every cell in my body seemed to be screaming at me to run. To go back home. But, somehow I felt like my feet were rooted to the ground as I stood in the deserted playground. A tall streetlight peered over the area, which was the only source of illumination on that moonless night. The stars had disappeared from the sky, as if to express their disapproval at my irrational decision. I wasn't able to control myself. I had let my curiosity get the better of me, and I had showed up at the spot my father decided would be our meeting spot.

I wanted to believe so badly that he had changed. That he was trying to set things right. There was a part of me that wanted to meet him and tell him that I missed him. And that if he wanted to come back, I would let him. I wanted to believe that I was worthy, and maybe I could finally have a proper family in the stereotypical way. I had spent my entire life watching kids get treated with love and care by their fathers, and not once had I experienced such a bond.

Then, I spotted him. His face had weathered and become worn due to time, but it was undoubtedly him. Chiseled, sharp features with curly, messy hair that hung around his eyes. His previously clean shaven face had now grown a beard. He flashed a smile, approaching me and siting down on the bench next where I was standing.

"You've grown up so well," he whispered.

The pride in his voice made my heart swell with a strange kind of warmth. "Mom did a good job, huh?"

"That, she did," he agreed, the weary smile on his face never ceasing. It was then that I noticed the bags under his eyes.

"You seem tired," I observed, worried.

"It's nothing," he said rather abruptly. The smile suddenly fell from his face and his blinking gaze wandered, pretending to scan their surroundings. I found his sudden shift in behavior quite strange, and a confused frown formed on my face. He turned to me again, but didn't look in my eyes.

"Eunyoung, actually," He began, rubbing his hands against each other, thinking of what to say.

"What is it?"

"I have a favor to ask you," he mumbled out, but Eunyoung heard his voice sound loud and clear, ringing in her ears, "I'm actually in a lot of debt right now. I can barely afford my rent, and everything is falling apart. If you could just talk to your mother and convince her-"

"Stop!" I cried out, my voice shaking with rage and disappointment. My eyes burned with tears and I had to gather all my strength to speak, "Just- just, shut up. I should have known. Why else would you come back? Have you ever stopped to think how much damage you caused? You can't just waltz back into our life and expect that we'll welcome you with open arms. I was the idiot to believe anything you said. Just, get lost, I swear!"

"But Eunyoung, we're family?"

"Family?" I repeated, my voice trembling, as tears began spilling out of my eyes, "You don't get to call me or mom your family. You lost that privilege the moment you packed your bags and left home."

He opened his mouth to spit out another pathetic excuse, but I had finally had enough. I bolted out of there, mustering all the willingness inside me to get away from him. The tears spilled out uncontrollably, blurring my vision as my legs propelled me forward in the direction of home.

 💿

Even as I reached Sunjae's dad's restaurant, I couldn't stop crying. All my hopes had been shattered by my father's careless words and demeanor. I heaved another heavy sob, that choked up my throat and made my heart ache with uncontrollable sorrow. 

Instead of going home, I went the opposite way, stopping near a wall where I was sure no one I know could find me. My knees feeling suddenly weak and wobbly, I sat down right on the pavement and buried my head in my knees. I felt my tears soak my pants but none of that mattered then. My weeping sounded too loud in the deserted alleyway as I started to feel physical pain too. I couldn't believe I had been naive enough to fall into such a trap. Even after my mother warned me...

"Eunyoung?" the oh-so-familiar voice sent a jolt through my body as I raised my head slowly, trying to make sure I heard correctly. I was right. There I was, face to face with a concerned Sunjae looking at me with furrowed brows and glassy eyes full of worry and confusion. I suddenly felt embarrassed; Ashamed that he had to see me like this- falling apart. I stood up hastily, trying to hide my face and blink away my tears.

"Sunjae..." Another sob choked me as the words refused to roll off my tongue. He seemed to understand in that moment. Slowly, he moved towards me and reached out his hand to pull me by the waist into his warm embrace. My tears nearly evaporated as heat crept up my face. My head rested gently on his shoulder as I soaked up all the comfort he gave me. His grip around my waist tightened as I felt his hand caress my head.

Sunjae seemed to have this superpower whenever he was around. All my worries would warp and dissolve into nothingness and my heart would instantly lighten. Every little touch sent sparks flying across my skin, making me feel giddy but at the same time compelling me to give in. Around him, I wasn't afraid to be vulnerable. My trust for him was like an instinct I couldn't fight no matter how much I tried. That was probably why, before I could comprehend what was happening, the moment his caring voice asked, "What's wrong?" I poured my heart out, never letting go of him.

The whole time I spilled my greatest worries out to him, he never let go of my heart. His firm yet gentle grip offered solace I didn't believe anyone could give. 

"Seeing someone as optimistic and cheerful as you cry is heartbreaking, Eunyoung. He doesn't deserve your tears. Focus your energy on those you love. And on those who love you."

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nana's notes: the way sunjae basically said i love you-

delphi's notes: everyone deserves a sunjae in their lives

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxvi. those eyes

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CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX ─ those eyes.

❛ we got nothing else to do, and nothing else to lose ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Time seemed to be rolling by as I tried my best to help Sunjae with algebra. His dread had considerably reduced, and I thought it was good enough. I had given him a few problems to solve on his own, and I was sitting with my back turned to him. I couldn't help but stare at the pictures on the shelf of Sunjae at his swimming tournaments. So many of them decked the walls. It made me realize just how huge his swimming career must have been. I could almost feel his hurt when he was forced to quit. It filled me with a strange determination and protectiveness. I wanted to save him so desperately.

Then there were other, rather trivial and silly thoughts racing through my mind. Even with wet hair sticking to his face, he looked as handsome as ever. The teenager inside me seemed to be staring at his astonishing figure. I had never realized how incredible his proportions were. Wide shoulders with a torso that tapered towards the waist. I quickly looked away, hot-faced.

I shifted my gaze to my bedroom window which I could see from Sunjae's window. They were so close by. My mind couldn't fathom how all these years, I had been so close to Sunjae; If I had just opened my eyes and sought him out...

Fate had brought us together by some miracle that even I couldn't explain. It was magic. Like some kind of supernatural forces were working to bring us closer. My heart yearned to hold onto the hope that destiny would do it's part and Sunjae would get the happy ending he deserved. Every night was me shutting down the self-doubt that I didn't have the power to change anything.

My eyes fell on the clock, and that was when I realized we had been studying for more than two hours. I quickly shifted back to where Sunjae was sitting, and found him sleeping silently with his head resting on his hands. A smile surfaced on my face. You've worked hard, Sunjae. I placed my two hands on the space next to him and rested my head in a way that I could look at him. My eyes examined his features, as if I was trying to memorize every little detail on his face. His eyes were shut softly, his face showing no signs of discomfort or pain. This is how I wished him to be forever. At peace. The moment my gaze landed on his lips, it was as if a magnetic force prevented me from looking away. Perfect, pillowy... they looked so soft. My mind wandered back to the time we had almost kissed- maybe that was my imagination? I had no idea.

Then, his eyes opened slowly, blinkingly. I was taken aback, but I remained motionless, unable to divert my gaze. At first, I witnessed a confusion in his eyes and then we seemed to melt into each other's gaze. In that moment, our eyes seemed to be delivering professions of love our mouths could never have the courage to voice.

To shatter the moment, the turn of the doorknob sounded in the room, and we weren't nearly quick enough to pull away when Sunjae's dad entered the room. We were suddenly jerked awake, back to reality in an instant. I sat up completely straight, blinking rapidly. 

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry, I-" Sunjae's dad trailed off, a smirk appearing on his face. He backed away, closing the door, leaving me and Sunjae in a state of awkwardness.

"Talk about bad timing," Sunjae muttered, in response to which Eunyoung forced out a chuckle. Did he really have to walk in at that moment? 

"I should get going then," I said, rubbing the back of my neck and gathering my books, "It's been, what, two hours? Let's continue next time?"

"Yeah," he said. Neither of us seemed to know what to say or how to act, "What about the practice problems?"

"Homework?"

He laughed, and it almost sounded genuine. I smiled at him.

"Thanks," he called out just as I was leaving, following me down the staircase, "Thanks for doing this for me."

"Anytime."

When we came down to the living room, it was almost as if his dad had been waiting, smirking this whole time. I didn't have it in me to say anything to him, so I gave him a quick bow as I made my way to the front door, Sunjae close behind me. Just before I went home, our eyes met once again. Our lips stretched into a smile, as if it was instinct. And then I was off. 

Despite my evident embarrassment, the moment in Sunjae's room had made one thing astonishingly clear. I was in love with Ryu Sunjae, and there was no going back.

💿

On reaching home, I was met with a full on interrogation by my mother. Her flushed face and eyes wide with rage made me realize that she must have fought with Yumi. A sense of guilt washed over me because I couldn't help Yumi as much as I hoped to.

"Where were you?" she asked me, her voice irritable.

"I was at Sunjae's house," I explained calmly, "I'm helping him study."

She went quiet, and sat down on the couch. I took the seat beside her and grabbed her hand, "It's not Taesung's fault, you know," I said gently.

"I know..." she whispered.

💿

I sat in my room, deep in thought as my mind replayed todays events over and over. I had the most trivial anxieties racing through my brain. I sat staring at Sunjae's window, trying to make sense of the mess in me. I could practically see Sunjae's eyes staring into mine. I didn't want to get my hopes up by thinking that Sunjae replicated my feelings. At the same time, the fear of losing him crept in my mind, gnawing on my self- doubt.

I scribbled another note on a piece of paper- "If you ask for flowers, don't be surprised if it starts to rain. The hardships you're facing are only temporary. Happier days are coming."

The moment after the paper airplane landed on Sunjae's window, my phone buzzed, interrupting my train of thoughts. It was a text message from my father.

Eunyoung, I want to meet you, I've missed you.

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nana's notes: this chapter was a whole rollercoaster ride tbh

delphi's notes: someone check on yumi pls

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxv. tunnel vision

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CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE ─ tunnel vision.

❛ we got nothing else to do, and nothing else to lose ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Eunyoung stood at Sunjae's doorstep, her backpack hanging from one shoulder as her legs shook nervously. The truth was that she was so insanely anxious. It was a foreign feeling to Eunyoung who tends to look at the positive aspect of every situation. But her stupid little crush on Sunjae had her considering all the horrible possibilities by which she could screw up. What if she stuttered and stammered like an idiot? What if she was too distracted and couldn't help Sunjae at all? All these trivial matters occupied her mind as she fidgeted with her clothes.

She then remembered the previous night...

Eunyoung paced around her room biting her lip in frustration. After all the lengths she went to to prevent Sunjae's death, nothing had changed in the future. He was still dead. And time was running out. Depression. Suicide. These words rang in her mind in an endless loop. They made her heart twist and ache unbearably. What could he possibly have been going through for him to make such a decision? 

Fear crept in her mind. The future seemed to be advancing like a hungry beast, ready to take Sunjae away from her once again. Then, all of a sudden, like a light had been turned on in her brain, she had an idea. Her eyes shifted to her window, which was facing Sunjae's. His window was open, and no one seemed to be there inside. 

She scrambled through her drawers and pulled out a blank, blue sheet.

"I know life's tough sometimes. It feels like everything is falling apart and the world has turned it's back. But you need to hold on to hope. Lean on your loved ones. Because they're the ones who are always rooting for you."

She poured her heart out onto the paper and made a bunch of  folds. Eunyoung herself was amazed at her memory and at how her mind suddenly pulled out everything she learnt from some random origami workshop she attended. Everything had gone through one ear and come out through another. But, somehow she seemed to remember just one thing. Paper airplanes. Destiny had been working in strange ways, leading her to Sunjae.

Then, she did one of the most irrational things in her life. She leaned on her window sill and threw the paper airplane as she watched it land inside his house.

Taking in a deep breath, Eunyoung reached out and rang the doorbell. She waited before the blue gate till Sunjae's father emerged from the main entrance of their house and approached her with a wide, toothy grin. Eunyoung returned his smile. It had been a while since she had seen his father and she was glad to see his warm greeting.

"Oh, come in, dear," he said, unlatching the front door.

As they stepped into the house, her father motioned her to sit down. Sitting down on the little sofa in the center of their living room. It was a cozy little dwelling, with warm lamps and light bulbs and a brown carpet lying across the floor.

"So, Eunyoung," his father began, "What brings you here?"

"I'm here to help Sunjae with math," the moment those words fell out of Eunyoung's mouth, Sunjae's father's expression suddenly turned grave. She chuckled at the worry on his face.

"Ah, yes," he said, sounding embarrassed, "It is quite a... ehh... shameful thing. He got an earful from me already."

"Nothing to worry about, really," she said with a small laugh, "He'll catch up soon."

"Well, if there's anyone who can help him, it's you!"

While Eunyoung's ears turned red at Sunjae's blind faith in her abilities, she heard a thudding as Sunjae's tall figure emerged from a flight of stairs. He was dressed in simple, black track pants and a navy blue tshirt, and yet Eunyoung's eyes turned wide. The mere sight of him made her feel like her heart would jump out of her chest.

"Sorry I kept you waiting," he said sheepishly, shooting her a dimpled smile that she hadn't seen in far too long. His smile never failed to fill her heart with a comfortable warmth that she could easily get used to. A blush crept up her cheeks that she tried her best to hide.

"Nonsense," she waved her hand in front of her face, "Your father is a great conversationalist."

"Pfft!" his dad laughed heartily, "You flatter me."

"Should we get started?" Sunjae interrupted rather impatiently. His dad smiled knowingly, aware of his eagerness to spend time with Eunyoung.

"Oh, yes let's do that."

They made their way up the stairs, then entered Sunjae's bedroom. The door shut with a thud behind them, and they were alone at last. Eunyoung scanned his room briefly, a smile surfacing on her lips. There were trophies, certificates, medals on display and her eyes lingered on the photos of Sunjae. 

"There's a lot of blue in here," she observed. Suddenly, her smile grew wider as she spotted the blue paper from the paper airplane she had sent the previous day.

"My favorite color," Sunjae said, the words basically fumbled out of his mouth. His heart was pounding in his chest, daring to jump out any second. His gaze lingered on Eunyoung. She wore a pair of dark blue, comfortable-looking jeans with a dusty pink top. She looked as pretty as ever, with her long, flowing hair and sparkling eyes. He quickly looked away, feeling the warmth on his face.

They sat down at his desk, and Sunjae's lethargic and sloth-like movement indicated his unwillingness to study. The truth was that if he could, he could sit and stare at Eunyoung in admiration for the rest of his life. Snapping out of his trance, he blinked his eyes rapidly and took out his math textbooks .

"What are your grades like in other subjects?" she inquired, turning to look at him.

"A B is probably the most I've ever gotten," he answered, his ears turning red in shame. This wasn't exactly the side of himself he wanted Eunyoung to know.

The small, rather elegant chuckle that escaped her mouth filled his ears, "You don't have to look so embarrassed, Sunjae, I'm here to help you, not judge you."

There it was again. She had such a way with words, the way she weaved them just the right way. Her words never failed to be a source of strength for him. This newfound vulnerability filled him with a sense of comfortability instead of the usual unease and fear that came with opening up to someone.

"So, what do you hate most about math?"

"Algebra," he said, sounding quite petrified.

"Then let's start with that."

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nana's notes: sunjae's dad being the best wingman ever.

delphi's notes: FEAR OF ALGEBRA IS SO REALL. eunyoung you demon.

next chapter: saturday (out now) list of chapters here!

｡˚ ִ⋆｡ i've got a lot to pine about ;

.˳⁺ i've got a lot to live without . . .

like the moodboard? it's for my lovely runner oc: choi eunyoung! click here to read @the-one-and-only-delphi and my lovely runner fanfic. make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <3

xxxiv. the rose that grew thorns

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CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR ─ the rose that grew thorns.

❛ my heart only wants you the moment you say no ❜

Narrator's Perspective

To Yumi, it seemed like all she did was stand and wait since she time travelled for the second time. But what other choice did she have? If she was completely honest with herself, she envied Sunjae and Eunyoung's instant connection. Things just seemed to fall into place for them. Not that they were completely carefree, though.

So, once again, she stood among the sea of students dispersing from school. The sun shone it's piercing rays over the campus, and the cheery chatter that filled the air along with the insane humidity was already giving Yumi a migraine. Her eyes searched the crowd for a messy-haired, cat-faced boy in a blinding biker jacket. 

The moment she spotted him, her eyes lit up, and her lethargic posture on the bench suddenly became erect as she practically sprinted across the street. "Taesung!"

He turned sharply to look at her, his expression as grim as ever.

"Look, I'm sorry for-"

"What the hell's the matter with you?!" he snapped at her, his face twisting with rage, "I don't know what sick prank you're playing with me. What exactly are you sorry for? That your mother comes and yells at me at seven in the morning?"

"Taesung, what?" Yumi tried to ask, her mind in utter confusion.

"She comes up to me before school, threatens me not to come near you or she would file a restraining order. And you come up to me not once, but twice, to apologize?" He said the last part like a question, as if it was just that shocking, "You're the one who asked me to piss off, so here I am, minding my own business and then you appear out of nowhere saying shit that barely makes sense. Look all I wanted to say is that it would be really great if you and your family stopped attacking me in the streets, thanks."

Heads were turning, and Yumi felt a lump in her throat and tears forming in her eyes. She lowered her head, and began walking away as her tears threatened to spill at any second.

Somewhere in the crowd, Eunyoung and Sunjae stood silently, watching the scene unfold before them. Eunyoung's heart twisted in pain. The story seemed to click in her mind as she came to a hurtful realization. Their mother must have overheard their conversation from the previous day.

"Sunjae I'm sorry, can we reschedule-" she began, but he cut her off.

"Go, go, I'll be fine, I swear," he urged. She said a quick thank you, running after Yumi.

 💿

Eunyoung unlocked the door to her house as fast as she could, rushing inside. When she stepped into the living room, her heart sank. Yumi was curled up on the couch, her knees drawn to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Without hesitation, Eunyoung hurried to her side, pulling her into a tight, comforting embrace. Yumi continued to weep into her shoulder, her tears soaking through Eunyoung's shirt.

Eunyoung had only seen her like this once before—when Yumi's mother had passed away. The sight of her closest friend in such deep pain tore at her heart. After what felt like forever, Yumi slowly pulled back, her voice trembling as she said, "It hurts, Eunyoung... it hurts so much. My chest feels like it's been stabbed, like there's a weight crushing it. I've... I've lost him, Eunyoung."

Tears filled Eunyoung's own eyes as she gently took Yumi's shaking hands in hers. "Oh, Yumi," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"I've hurt him so much... He hates me now- hell, I hate myself!" Yumi cried, her words broken by sobs. Her face was drenched in tears, her eyes swollen and red, the tip of her nose glowing. The raw pain in her voice and the way she trembled made Eunyoung's heart ache even more as Yumi's sorrow spilled out through her shaking sobs.

"It's not your fault, Yumi," Eunyoung assured her. Her own voice shook, but even that couldn't hide her genuine belief in those words, "None of it is your fault, Yumi. You have believe that. For me. And for mom. You know how much she cares about you and never wants to see you hurt or grieving. She's trying her best to protect you, Yumi. The accident was a horrible tragedy and it was nobody's fault that it happened."

"I ruined his life," Yumi continued to weep, her throat beginning to ache, "I should have never been here in the first place!"

Eunyoung had never felt as helpless as she had in that moment, watching Yumi cry achingly. She tried as hard as she could to wipe her own tears that blurred her vision. 

"At the hospital," Eunyoung began, trying to gather herself, "He checked with me a million times if you were going to be okay. He made sure you would be alright before shifting rooms. He really cares about you, Yumi, I mean it. He does care. You need to remember that. You need to cling to that hope."

 Eunyoung could practically hear Taesung's earnest voice in her ears.

"Eunyoung, hear me out for a minute. I know you, your mom and everyone hates me and I'm like number one on your hitlist, but I just need to know one thing and I swear I'll get lost. Is Yumi going to be alright? Just tell me that much, cause I NEED to know. You just need to tell me that much and then I'm going to shift rooms. I promise I won't interfere with her life EVER again."

Yumi's sobbing reduced a little bit, and Eunyoung saw it as a small victory as she saw a little light returning to Yumi's swollen eyes.

"I really want to believe that," Yumi whispered.

"You should," Eunyoung affirmed, "Because it's true."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: sunjae being the considerate king that he is <3

delphi's notes: TAESUNG NOOOOOOO

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxiii. the ticking clock

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CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE ─ the ticking clock.

❛ watch your breeze take over me just like we used to be ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Sunjae waited outside the swimming pool, fidgeting with his hands rather impatiently. The events that had taken place just a few moments prior played in his head over and over again. His entire body was soaking wet, and his shirt stuck to his body. Normally, he would have been freezing, dying to get home and change. He felt a breeze, but the thought of Eunyoung seemed to keep him warm. 

He remembered how much he once hated the rain. How his clothes stuck to his body like a really annoying magnet. How the rain irritated him after a long day at the pool. But one fine day, all of that changed. A beautiful girl with smiling lips and intoxicating laughter had run through the moonlit alleyways with him, holding his hand and dragging him along.

She completely mesmerized him. Not only was she the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on, but he never felt a connection with anyone like he did with Eunyoung. He might have been overreacting, but it almost felt as if he had found his other half. They fit together like pieces of a puzzle. It was just right. She always seemed to know the right words to speak at the right time. How could such a perfect person be real?

Just then, Eunyoung emerged through the swimming pool door wearing his blazer, and even then, she looked as pretty as ever. The oversized piece of clothing hid her hands in the sleeves and the jacket looked evidently too big for her. She still looked cute in it, though. 

"Thanks for letting me borrow this," she thanked him with a sweet smile, "Are you sure you're alright? The wind is going crazy today."

"No, it's alright," he assured her, returning a smile, "You can keep it."

They began walking to the bus stop. Eunyoung's eyes kept wandering everywhere, scanning the road she had taken every day of her teenage life. If she was completely honest with herself, she was freaking out inside. She was wearing Ryu Sunjae's clothes. The fact seemed so surreal to her and in that moment, for a while, she felt like a stereotypical teenage girl with a crush on a popular guy.

As they reached the bus stop, all she could think of was Sunjae sitting near the pool and sobbing his heart out. The pictures of news articles flashed in front of her eyes. "Ryu Sunjae's cause of death: Suicide?" "Ryu Sunjae proved to be taking anti-depressants prior to his death" She looked up at Sunjae. He had no idea what fate had in store for him, and she wanted to protect him more than anything.

💿

As they sat on the bus, side by side, Eunyoung found herself reaching for Sunjae's ice cold hand. The action startled Sunjae as he jumped a bit, a bright red blush appearing on his face. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked, her voice laced with worry and her eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm fine, really," he said, turning away to hide his flushed face, "I don't feel that cold, really."

"Your hands are literally freezing," countered Eunyoung, "But that's not what I was asking about. Earlier, at the pool... what happened?"

"Oh," he muttered, "I- it's stupid."

"No, it's not. Tell me, Sunjae."

The way she said his name just made him melt, "I got a bad grade... and I realized that without swimming, I don't even know what I'm doing with my life, and it really stressed me out."

"It's alright," she whispered, squeezing his hand gently, "It's okay to feel lost. One bad grade isn't the end of the world, trust me. It doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does."

"It was a really bad grade, Eunyoung."

"Really?" she challenged. The determination in her eyes, and her grip on his hand both seemed to be hypnotizing him. She asked him, "How much did you get?"

"Ten out of forty. In math."

Her grip loosened for a moment as she stared at him, trying to process the information.

"See, it is bad," he slowly pulled away his hand because if he stayed that way any longer, he might have exploded right there.

"No," she tried to comfort him, but the insincerity was evident in her tone, "Look you need practice, that's all."

"It's no use, I'm stupid," he insisted, "I don't understand anything, and I'm always dozing off in class."

"I'll teach you," warmth crept up Eunyoung's face as she realized what she just said. There was no going back now. The thought of spending so much time with him made her feel giddy. Sunjae's eyes widened as he tried to process what she just said.

"You want to tutor me?" he confirmed, to which she nodded, "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Sunjae, listen," she turned in her seat to face him, "You had to give up your dream. It's going to be hard to get on track with something else. You're really brave, you know. Not everyone can do what you're doing right now. I want to help you."

"Okay," he breathed.

Then they exchanged smiles, and their eyes communicated feelings that words could have never described.

💿

"Oh dear, look at you," Yumi gasped as she watched Eunyoung, drenched from head to toe, enter their house, with a grin plastered on her face and Sunjae's jacket draped over her shoulders, "Was there a thunderstorm I didn't hear of?"

"It's a long story."

"I have time," countered Yumi with determination, "And that idiotic smile on your face tells me it has something to do with a certain someone."

"You're right," Eunyoung said, still smiling, her face glowing pink, "So I was going to visit Sunjae-"

"Of course you were."

"Let me speak, for god's sake," Eunyoung insisted, the smile never leaving her face, "And I met Inhyuk, who told me he went to the swimming pool 'cause he forgot something. So, I went there, and he was sitting by the pool and sobbing. I tried to comfort him, and it worked- I think. Then, we heard a really loud crashing sound outside and we fell into the pool. It was the scariest thing ever, honestly."

"That's so cute, it's like you guys are in a rom-com," Yumi said with a slight bitterness in her voice.

"Then why does your face look like someone squeezed a lemon in your mouth?" questioned Eunyoung, "Did something happen?"

"I went to the music club today-"

"Of course you did."

Yumi sighed, "Let me finish? So I went, and I waited outside for about a thousand years. I swear it felt like I was growing old standing there. By the time I had lost all sensation in my legs, I saw Taesung petting that kitten- you know which one, and I don't know... the moment I saw him, my mind went blank, and I couldn't speak properly. He looked so miserable... and I wanted to apologize but the words just wouldn't come out."

"I would hug you but then you would be drenched too," said Eunyoung, her smile turning into one of sympathy, "It means you like him. Things will be okay, Yumi. Maybe not now, but eventually."

I don't want to wait, Yumi silently thought to herself.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: i really love the headers where the characters are looking at each other <3

delphi's notes: patience? who's she? yumi doesn't know her...

next chapter: saturday (out now) list of chapters here!

xxxii. your embrace

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CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO ─ your embrace.

❛ now i need someone to hold be my fire in the cold ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

"The kitten's grown."

The moment those words left my mouth, I wanted to slap myself really hard. I had been waiting outside the Jagam High Music Club for what felt like an eternity. Each passing minute felt endless, but I endured through my impatience because I wanted to see Kim Taesung. I wanted to sincerely apologize for every thoughtless word I said to him. And when I finally spotted him feeding the kitten on the sidewalk, looking just as gorgeous as ever, all I could say was "The kitten's grown?" I had never acted more stupid in my life

He turned to look at me, and his eyebrows raised in curiosity seemed to fall and his expression changed. His eyes look blank and lifeless, reminding my of the future that I had recently witnessed. He focused his gaze on the ground, as if he was trying to distract himself.

"Oh, it's you."

His words seemed to break my heart in a split second. My mind recalled all the moments I had spent with him in the past. His witty remarks, his humor that was slightly rude, were all vivid in front of my eyes. But now, all that was gone, replaced by a grim, cold boy that I barely recognized. That side of him that only I seemed to know had disappeared, and it was all my fault.

He stood up, facing me now, and my stupid heart began hammering against my chest.

"I- I wanted to say... that I'm sorry," I mumbled out. Another internal slap. That sounded completely insincere. Like someone had forced me to apologize. What was wrong with me? Where had all my communication skills gone off to?

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

I pushed the door as I entered the swimming pool area as quietly as I possibly could. Immediately, the smell of chlorine hit my nose and the still, cool air that hung over the entire room sent a shiver down my spine. I closed the door behind me, making barely a sound as my eyes scanned my surroundings. There was a wall on my right, and a door on my left leading to a locker room. All the windows had been closed and the only source of illumination was from some dim lights put up on the walls.

I had run into Inhyuk while I was about to meet Sunjae at his house, who told me that Sunjae had gone to the swimming pool because he apparently "left something there." The statement brought an inexplicable anxious feeling that tightened my chest and I came to the school swimming pool as quickly as I could.

A soft sobbing sound fell upon my ears that grew louder as I moved towards the source of the sound. Then I saw him. Sunjae. He was sitting right at the edge of the swimming pool. legs crossed and his head in his hands, crying softly. My raised eyebrows and curious eyes morphed into a face of unwelcome realization. My heart seemed to crack and shatter the longer I watched him. Swimming was everything to him. And all of a sudden, he had to quit. When I thought about the amount of pain he must have been in, it made me want to scream and curse at his fate. I felt that same tightening feeling in my chest as I approached him slowly, mindful of the wet floor.

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

I felt a pair of arms gently wrap around my shoulders. The action was sudden, unexpected; Especially because no one was around when I checked; But strangely, instead of resisting, I found myself melting into the embrace. A part of me knew. That it was her. With hesitation, I lifted my head, my face wet with tears as I heaved another sob and looked at Eunyoung's face that seemed to reflect the pain I felt inside.

"Eunyoung," I breathed out, my sobbing stopping momentarily, "I was-"

"You don't have to explain," she assured me, her own voice sounding choked, as if she was holding back tears. She was kneeling on the wet floor behind me, her arms clinging onto me, as if she was afraid to let go. All my pain seemed to suddenly disappear in that moment as my face began feeling warmer and butterflies seemed to take flight in my stomach. Her touch sent chills down my spine every single time.

She closed her eyes tightly, as tears spilled out of her eyes. With each drop that cascaded down her cheeks, I felt my heart break. She pulled away and sat facing me while trying to blink away the tears in her eyes. "Sunjae, I," her voice faded away as she tried to compose herself before speaking again. As her hand reached up to caress my face, I felt my heart skip a beat. Choi Eunyoung what are you doing to me?

"I never want you to be in pain. It hurts to see you like this, Sunjae. You never have to feel like you need to bottle up your feelings. Because I'm here for you. And I always will be."

The moment she said those words, I couldn't help but pull her into another embrace and burst into tears. My arms wrapped tightly around her waist as I sobbed into the nape of her neck. I felt the surprise in her body, but instead of pushing me away, her hands rested lightly on my head, caressing my hair with a kind of care I had never felt before. I didn't know how much I needed to hear those words, because they seemed to reassure me in ways that I had never felt before.

Then, at the perfect time to ruin the moment, there was a crashing sound outside. Both of us jumped severely as we slipped because of the wet floor and plunged into the pool that was barely inches away from us. The second that the cold water hit my body, soaking all my clothes, I felt my hands reaching for Eunyoung, who was struggling. I held her shoulders tightly as she steadied herself. My eyes scanned her as I asked frantically, "Are you alright? You aren't hurt or anything are you?"

Her widened eyes seemed to stare at me for a few moments before answering, "No... I'm just a little shaken," her nose crinkled up, "And I think some water went up my nose."

I chuckled at her adorable expression. She's just too cute, I found myself thinking.

"Let's get out of here?"

"You don't have to ask me twice."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: i came up with this cute idea during a lecture btw my brain never take s a break <3 also someone needs to check on yumi, like is she okay??

delphi's notes: aw they fell in the pool. *ERROR* yumi's communications not found ⚠️

next chapter: friday (out now) list of chapters here!

xxxi. second chances

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE ─ second chances.

❛ cause in this city's barren cold, i still remember the fist fall of snow ❜

Narrator's Perspective

There's nothing like a good meal after a long day of work. Eunyoung and Yumi realized the credibility of this statement as they sat at the dining table in their apartment, munching away to glory, not uttering a word until every crumb of food from their plates had disappeared.

"I don't think we need to wash the dishes now," Yumi piped.

"It's not like we have the energy to do that anyways," Eunyoung replied, leaning back in her chair, sighing.

"Don't you sit on your CEO chair and order people around all day?" Yumi teased.

"Are you kidding?" she exclaimed, slightly offended. Her fatigue seemed to have hindered her ability to detect playful sarcasm, "I've been answering a million calls for the past two days, and all the reporters are dying to know all the details of Sunjae..." she trailed off- the words were too painful to utter, "Anyways, it's as if the whole office is working on the same case. Have you ever seen my eyes this puffy. I'm single-handedly improving the income of all tissue paper manufactures."

"God, forget I ever asked," Yumi muttered, putting her hands up.

"Tell me, how's stuff at our office?" Eunyoung changed the topic swiftly, "Any turbulence?"

"I wouldn't say turbulence," answered Yumi thoughtfully, "But this case I'm on right now is straight out of an Agatha Christie novel. This woman's husband got hit by a bus and he died. It seems so simple, but the woman is insisting that he was murdered. I can't tell you more because of attorney-client confidentiality, but it's completely nuts. Like, they should have given this case to- I don't know, Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes, not me. I swear the woman's on crack or something because I've never met someone so ecstatic in my life. Taesung and I barely sat through the interview-"

"Wait wait what did you just say?" Eunyoung asked, suddenly sitting up straight, trying to make sure she didn't mishear Yumi.

"Huh?" Yumi went quiet suddenly, realizing that this was the first time she mentioned Taesung being on the case with her, "Oh, that's right. Kim Taesung is a cop now. Violent crimes division. Who would've imagined? Not me." She let out an unnatural giggle which definitely didn't sound like something that would come out of a sober person's mouth. 

"Girl, you're blabbering slow down," Eunyoung said, leaning on the table between them, looking straight into Yumi's eyes that were staring intently at the floor, "You're saying that Kim Taesung- high school delinquent became a cop? And he's working with you?  What is this? A badly written rom-com?"

"You think I'm making it up?" Yumi ejaculated defensively.

"I- goodness," Eunyoung sighed, her eyes blinking rapidly as her brain tried to digest all this new information, "After fifteen years. And it hasn't even been fifteen years since..."

Her thoughts trailed away. Her eyes landed on the CD player she moved to the living room in the hope that her heart would ache a little less. But there it was, staring down at her. There were a million different thoughts racing through her mind. How much pain must Yumi be in? Things had happened so fast for her, and she had no time to process the shock fully.

A bone-chilling wind entered through the kitchen window, goosebumps erupting on both of their arms. The world seemed to hold it's breath for a moment and the stillness was almost uncomfortable. Then, it started. It had started snowing, and the snow would soon wrap the whole city in a white, icy blanket; And it was just like the night of the Eclipse concert, starting slowly, then transitioning into a full-fledged storm. It wasn't unlike the news of Sunjae's death, that creeped up on her slowly, hardly believable at first and then becoming increasingly every second that passed. 

Eunyoung's hand reached for Yumi's, holding it tightly, "Are you okay?" the question was barely a whisper, because she knew that neither of them were.

"No."

The clock struck twelve, and the display on the CD player flashed, then showed the numbers 2:00. Then the walls around them melted away as they were flung through space and time once again.

💿

"Excuse me, you two girls!" the teacher's voice hollered through the classroom, "Sleeping in class, both of you sisters! Aren't you the slightest bit ashamed?"

Eunyoung and Yumi jerked awake, looking at each other as if to ask, "Is he talking about us?" Eunyoung's eyes took a quick glance at the calendar in the corner of the room. June 2008. She had to stop the sigh of relief from escaping her mouth. Sunjae was alive, and she had another chance to set things right. 

"Stand up when I'm talking to you!" the teacher's voice boomed as they both stood up abruptly, "Go stand at the back of the class! Sleeping while I'm explaining such important concepts... kids these days," he muttered in annoyance as Yumi and Eunyoung moved to the back of the class as a couple of kids snickered at them; But they couldn't care less. They had more pressing matters on their mind. 

I have to set things right. Yumi thought to herself with determination. Heck, she was ready to accept that she liked the stupid boy. She had to save him; Save him from the misery he would face in the future. She wanted to preserve that spark in his eyes, and she was willing to go to any lengths to do it. Ten days had already passed in this timeline. The clock was ticking, and she understood that she had to work fast.

"Why do we always end up in school when we switch timelines?" Eunyoung hissed in frustration as the bell went off.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: here we go! round two.

delphi's notes: they're motivated again guys.

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxx. the memory of you

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY ─ the memory of you.

❛ i miss the old ways, you didn't have to change, but i guess i don't have a say now that we don't talk ❜

Kim Taesung's Perspective

I felt my heart drop the moment the woman who was supposedly waiting for me turned around. I barely recognized her at first; But my memories of her must have been etched into my brain permanently, because a part of me knew. That it was her. Her long and flowing hair was no more, and the only part of it left hung over her shoulders. As I stood there in front of her, staring, I found myself entranced by her face, just like I had all those years ago. I had seen her for the very first time at the music club, and the incident replayed in front of my eyes as if it took place only yesterday. Our eyes met- ever so briefly, and it was as if fireworks had gone off. Her features still held the same harmony- soft, with a air of gentility, yet they had an inexplicable charisma that captivated me.

I could practically feel my heart pounding in my head. My hand had begun trembling. I continued gazing into her eyes, trying way too hard to avoid the scar on the right side of her face. I practically had to tear my eyes away because my heart and soul ached as if they were being pierced by a thousand needles. There was that same emptiness in her eyes that always perplexed me. It made me so curious. What could she have possibly gone through for her eyes to look so lifeless and miserable. I wanted to know so badly. I wanted to know her better, and I failed to do it every time.

Our eyes met again after some stupid formal dialogue, the sound of which was drowned out by the deafening sound of the frantic beating of my heart. I felt like I was back in my teenage body, staring at her from afar and overthinking the gift she gave me- that I bought over and over again for years. The flush on my face must have been so obvious and for a second I almost felt sorry for my colleague who stood and watched us in confusion. My gaze shifted to her scar again, and I had to look away from her entirely because of the pain I felt in my chest. It was as if someone had ripped my heart out of my body and broken it in a million parts like it was made of glass. 

The truth was that I blamed myself to this day. There was nothing that I regretted more than failing to protect her. In hindsight, I wondered how things would have turned out if I just followed basic safety protocol. What was I thinking? Riding a bike with no helmet? That too with someone I cared about. I would give up anything to go back in time and fix it. Would that have fixed everything?

On my way home, the only thought that occupied me was that despite everything that had happened- the time that had passed, and the very obvious scar on Yumi's face, she was still just as pretty as fifteen years ago. That's the thing that made me feel ridiculous; In front of Choi Yumi, I was just a nineteen year old boy with a stupid crush.

Choi Yumi's Perspective

I sat in my room, staring at the floor, lost in thought. It was insane. I had endless questions that could never be silenced. How had I run into Taesung in this timeline? Why and how did he end up become a police officer...

Then, something inside me clicked

A familiar face flashed in front of me- Gahyun, the crazy bitch obsessed with Taesung. Her screaming voice and her shaking hands pointing to me in accusation appeared in front of me.

"You!" she shrieked. Her hollering voice echoed and rippled through the previously quiet, still hospital halls. The other patients shrunk back, closed their curtains to avoid looking at the scene she was causing and others went to call for help.

"What do you want?" I sighed, "And for god's sake lower your volume."

"You're the reason my Taesung is injured!" she continued yelling, "If it weren't for you, he would be perfectly healthy at home! Now- all thanks to you, he's going to have that hideous scar on his shoulder! Ugh, it's all your fault! How could you be so selfish?!"

A fire began burning inside me that started as a spark then exploded in an instant as I cried out with tears of agony forming in my eyes, "Don't you dare pretend like you know shit! He CHOSE to drop me. In case you haven't noticed, this damn thing on my face is going to be permanent. God, just stay out of it! You don't deserve to come here and yell at ME and cause a scene! Get out!"

My breathing became erratic, and it was as if steam was coming out through my ears. I was furious. Not because she was crushing on the same stupid teenage boy as me. Because of how right she was. If it wasn't for me, Taesung would be okay.

"Yumi, is everything alright?" asked a concerned Eunyoung who had just returned home, looking even more miserable than me.

"I remember everything now," I said, feeling dazed and confused, but at the same time things seemed to make more sense, "Did we really yell in the hospital like that?"

"Oh, yeah," she tried to tell me gently, "Everyone heard."

"God."

I ran a hand down my face, sighing for what must have been the millionth time that day, "What's up with you?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Don't even ask," she responded, sighing, "Sunjae's death was suicide."

I suddenly sat up straight, my ears perking up. The word seemed to crash right on my head as my chest began feeling tight. I never spoke about it, but my mother's death haunted me to this day. She couldn't endure the abuse from my father and ended her own life. I was too young to understand it when it happened, but it dawned on me now. The thought that I was not very different, that I would turn out the same made me cower in fear every time I thought about it.

I pulled Eunyoung into an embrace, and I could feel her surprise to my impulsive action. "I'm sorry," I whispered. The room was then filled with the sound of our breathing and the soft banging of the snow against the window.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: wonyoung's face card in the header tho-

delphi's notes: taesung having a whole melancholic monologue is everything.

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxvi. all roads lead to rome

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX ─ between notes and secrets.

❛ there's many different ways you can kill someone you love the slowest way is not loving them enough ❜

Narrator's Perspective

The doors closed with a thud after one final passenger got on and the bus drove away into the darkness of the early summer morning. The sky was littered with little grey clouds, casting a shadow over the city. 

"It's going to rain today," Yumi observed.

"Yeah," Eunyoung gazed out the window with beady eyes, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Why do you react like that every time someone mentions rain? You're such a weirdo," Yumi scoffed.

"It rained the first time I met Sunjae," she said, still smiling.

"So what?" Yumi spat, "Big deal."

"It is to me."

"Shut up. Where is he anyways?"

"He usually sleeps in these days since he isn't on the swim team anymore," Eunyoung stated, "He takes the later bus."

"Oh god, where's the off button?" Yumi pretended to gag, "You're making me sick, stop it. I need a subject change, gosh. Why were you and Mom so solemn at dinner yesterday? I thought someone died."

Eunyoung's eyes darkened, bearing an eerie likeliness to the overcast sky.  Her smile fell and she looked away from Yumi because the answer to her question was probably written all over her face.

"Oh no, did someone actually-"

"No!"

"Thank god," Yumi sighed in relief, "You scared me for a second."

"It was nothing," Eunyoung said in answer to her previous question, "I was just tired, I don't know about Mom."

"If you say so."

"How 'bout you? Where are you mysteriously disappearing these days?"

Yumi swallowed. It was her turn to look away to hide her face that had "guilty conscious" written all over it, "Extra practice at the club," she answered curtly, "Didn't I tell you?"

"You did."

"Yeah, so that's it. Nothing mysterious. Just boring old piano practice."

"If you say so."

💿

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

How did I end up here? I wondered, staring out of the bus window. It was nearly half past four, and I should have been home, studying—or at least doing something productive. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't cracked open a textbook in nearly fifteen years, but I just couldn't muster the motivation to do so. Instead, I found myself deciding to visit Yumi.

The bus screeched to a halt, and I snapped my head around to see the doors swing open. I sprang from my seat and stepped off the bus, right in front of the Jagam High music club. Confusion furrowed my brow as I took a few hesitant steps toward the building, then stopped in my tracks. I rubbed my eyes, hoping I was mistaken, but the scene before me was unmistakable.

There, in plain view, was Yumi climbing onto Kim Taesung's motorcycle. The shock must have paralyzed me, because all I could do was stand there, agape, as they sped away, leaving a cloud of smoke in their wake. It took a moment for reality to sink in, but once it did, I snapped into action. 

I began to run.

💿

I must have really been out of my senses to run after a flipping motorcycle, because, by the time I reached what appeared to be Kim Taesung's front door, I stood at a turning where I was sure they couldn't see me, gasping for breath. Honestly, it was a miracle I didn't lose them. God knows how I was able to keep up; It must have been my determination to find out because there's no way I could have done it otherwise.

I leaned against a nearby wall, heaving and breathless. It took me a while to calm myself down, and in the meanwhile, I could hear his front door close and their muffled conversation. To be fair, there was no reason for me to be hiding like this as if I were committing some kind of crime. Yumi's the one who's been lying. To me. And to mom. Yet, she's going about deceiving me in broad daylight, with no shame whatsoever and I'm hiding behind a wall, trying not to get caught.

The tapping of my shoes against the pavement sounded in the empty street. I let out a long sigh. Behind my anger and frustration, I felt hurt. Hurt that Yumi felt the need to lie. No matter what happened, we had always shared everything with each other. Now, there was this secret between us.

"I would never hide anything from her," I muttered under my breath.

What could she possibly be doing with him that she couldn't even confide in me? My pace quickened as I moved towards Kim Taesung's house, anxiety rising in my chest. I practically zoomed past the outer safety door that was left ajar and stumbled onto the veranda and moved towards the front door. I rang the doorbell and waited impatiently, letting out another sigh.

After a few seconds, I racked my knuckles on the wooden door, the sense of urgency evident in my actions. I heard the doorknob rattle as Yumi opened the door. Her frown slowly morphed into a look of absolute shock and guilt. Her eyes instantly widened and she tried to stutter an excuse but it was no use, "Eun...uh.. I, the thing-"

"Save it," I snapped.

She turned to grab her bag from a nearby chair. I scoffed, mostly to myself as I turned to leave. I heard her call out, "I gotta go!" I heard some words of confusion mumbled by Taesung, but my mind was clouded by rage and betrayal. I couldn't comprehend what he said.

Yumi grabbed my wrist, stopping me as I turned around, frowning at her face.

"Eunyoung, please don't do-"

"Don't do what, exactly?!" I yelled, my voice laced with anger, "Yumi, I don't even know what to say to you right now. What is wrong with you?"

"Why are you mad?" she countered irritably.

"Why am I mad?" I repeated, letting out a strangled chuckle at the irony of her question, "I'll tell you why! You're running off to this guy's house I don't know how often a week, and lie to your family. This guy is the spitting image of a delinquent and he has trouble written all over his face. I hope that answers your question."

"I really don't get it, Eunyoung," she screamed, sighing after a few moments, "I don't get why you're interfering like this. It's my life, and let me screw it up! Why're you getting worked up over nothing?"

"Because I'm trying to protect you!"

"Look, everything I do is my choice. So, if I get hurt, it's on me! Just stay out of it, for God's sake, Eunyoung!" she screamed, "You're not even my real sister, so why does it matter?"

Her words pierced through my heart and all my anger melted away in a moment. The frown fell from my face and I felt a lump in my throat.  I took a step back watching Yumi realise the gravity of her words. They seemed to prick and burn my skin. My lip trembled as I stuttered out, "Fine."

I broke into a run onto the pavement as I faintly heard Yumi's voice call out to me in the distance, but I didn't look back. My vision blurred as tears streamed down my face.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: ouch, yumi, that stings.

delphi's notes: oh eunyoung, only if you understood.

list of chapters here! click here for next chapter.

inconvenience regretted 😞

xxviii. the aftermath

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT ─ the aftermath.

❛ once the flight had flown, with the wilt of the rose ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

The surroundings seemed familiar. My mind was clouded with confusion, I couldn't understand what had happened. Moments ago, I remember being on my way home on Taesung's motorcycle, and then we...

"Yumi?" called out Eunyoung's voice which seemed to reflect my puzzled state. That's when I realized where we were. It was our shared apartment in Seoul and we were back to the present. I turned to look at her with furrowed brows, "Check the date quickly!"

She reached for her phone, and the screen displayed 00:02, 1st January, 2023 as the time and date, "What's going on?" she whispered, sounding lost, "This... this means we really time travelled."

"Yeah," I breathed. We had really gone back to the past, to 2008, and now we were back. I stood up to look at the CD player. It displayed 2:00 now instead of 3:00, "What does this mean?" Before I could sit back down, I caught a glimpse of my face in Eunyoung's vanity above her desk. A huge scar on the right side of my face, stretching from my cheek down to my chin. I ran my fingers over it, but there was no odd texture, "W...What's this thing on my face?" I whispered in horror.

I don't quite remember what happened...

❪ flashback ❫

I couldn't make any sense of anything. Where was I? How did I end up there? I had no clue. I could hear loud chattering, someone screaming, the sound of cars passing by in the distance. Then a blaring siren and someone taking me away. What happened after that? I had blacked out completely.

When I opened my eyes all I could see was a white ceiling above me and then the scent of antiseptic hit my nose. Soon, I realized that I was lying down, and my eyes scanned my surroundings. I was wearing a white robe- or was it like a nightgown? I don't have any nightgowns. There were white curtains around the bed I was laying on and that's when the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in a hospital.

The needle piercing through my hand sent a sharp, shooting pain up my arm as I noticed it was there, making me wince. There was a huge white bump I could see on the right side of my face- bandages.

The rest of my memories were in a blur. I could still hear people's voices in the back of my mind.

My mom's voice, screaming, "KIM TAESUNG YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

Eunyoung's panicked voice and sobs, "Yumi, I'm so sorry..."

My own voice, yelling, "Look what you've done to me! This! This thing on my face is thanks to you! I'm going to have to live with this all my life. So, I'm sorry if the scar on your shoulder is an eyesore. Because that's too fucking bad."

❪ end of flashback ❫

"Don't you remember?" asked Eunyoung after a long pause, "Taesung was dropping you home... and... and then you..." her voice sounded choked and she closed her mouth, realizing it was too painful to remember.

"I think I remember," I said, spacing out. My hand reached to touch the scar again.

"You swore you hated him," added Eunyoung, "You guys had a huge fight. Screaming in the hospital and everything."

"It must have been quite the scene," I bit my lip, recalling the embarrassing memory.

"Yeah," she said. We both sat in the painful silence that hung in the air. The snow pattered against the window, as if it were knocking, asking to be let in.

"I'm sorry," I told her gently, "I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said to you."

"I'm sorry too," she said, reaching for my hand, "It wasn't my place."

"No, it was! It absolutely was!" I cried as the strength returned in my voice, "You're my family and you had the right to be worried. And you were right! He was trouble! And and... and he-"

"Shhh, it's fine," she said, noticing how my voice shook as I spoke, squeezing my hand, "It's over now. It's all forgiven."

Her eyes moved to her phone screen, showing the news article that Eclipse's Ryu Sunjae had passed away. Her eyes widened, then became moist, "It's... I couldn't do anything..."

I could do nothing but gaze painfully at her state, "Look at the display on the Cd player. I'm guessing it means we have two more chances. Two more chances to set things right."

Narrator's Perspective

Waking up and going to work the next morning seemed like too big of a task for me. From the moment the harsh sunlight streaming through the window entered my room, to the shower, it was as if the melody of sonaki rang in my head as tears streamed uncontrollably down my face. It was completely unlike me- I had never felt so pathetic and depressed in my 34 years of living, and I was feeling it now- all at once.

"Adulting is so hard," I grumbled under my breath as I left the house, wearing black because I was grieving. It had barely been a day since I had returned, but my heart ached with desperation and longing. I already missed my daily bus rides with Sunjae, our carefree, almost meaningless conversations. His smiling face and eyes that seemed to me dripping with honey occupied my mind the whole car ride.

"Teenage life was so easy," I muttered to myself as I parked my car and made my way up the elevator.

The moment I opened the door, I saw a sea of people- employees, all clad in black from head to toe. For a moment, I felt a sense of pride. I had made this happen; a team of people who actually gave a damn about journalistic integrity and not just nosy busybodies who wanted to pry into the lives of the rich and elite. A smile almost surfaced on my face when I thought about my slightly dramatic rise to power as I overthrew the previous CEO of The Seoul Daily.

"Ms. Choi," someone called out to me. A familiar face appeared before me as we bowed and exchanged greetings, "Kang Seoyoon, the head of the entertainment department released the article regarding Singer Ryu Sunjae's death because she lives near the hospital he was taken to. Would you like us to start research on the cause?"

The words felt like icicles against my skin- they were too official, so cold that it almost sent a shiver down my spine. I cleared my throat, trying to pull myself together; I then said to her, mustering up all the professionalism in my voice, "Yes, please get started. Tell Seoyoon that it was extremely prompt of her to write the article even though it was after work hours. Thanks."

With a brief nod and bow, she ran off. "You're all doing a really great job!" I cried out to all the hardworking people sitting withing earshot, plastering on my best fake smile, "Keep up the good work and report to me after the front page placements are done."

The news that I heard a while later felt as if someone ran a knife through my heart. Sunjae's cause of death- it was suicide.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: i guess listening to sad kdrama osts makes me work faster 🤧😭

delphi's notes: sunjae needs to get his death pass revoked frfr :(

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!