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My dad is dead.
I talk about it pretty often but not as someone who's greveing, as a fact.
And I think that might hurt more. Haven't been able to process it, I still think he faked his death to get away from us. But my dad, an alcoholic and liar that I loved very much died.
Also I'm 90% sure he killed himself, he was told that he would die if he kept drinking and he lied about it to everyone so he could keep drinking.