George Daniel - Blog Posts

Chapter 25

Word count : 2917

This chapter contains , a lot of mention of drugs and drug use , anxiety and being high

This chapter is written in a slightly different style I hope you enjoy but please give me feedback if you prefer it the other way or this way. It's not to much different just more clear demographics of who is typing when it comes to texting I suppose but yeh I'd still love some feedback that would be grandly appreciated ❤️

Matty's POV

It really wasn't George's fault that I got so worked up over a single question he was just trying to help, and I genuinely am so grateful for him and everything he does for me but I'm fragile and my state of mind is so frail , has been for the longest time and certain stuff sets me off, George left the call a few hours ago his Mum came home so he had to go talk to her about what happened at school and then I think he got caught up with studying, we're texting but I still feel like I'm going to explode my anxiety has been through the roof since he's been gone, I meant it earlier when I told him he calms me, he's like the literal embodiment of Pablo Picasso's painting of the Dove of Peace that represents peace and unity, maybe a little pretentious of me but it's true , he's like a lighthouse in a storm if you may.

I'm currently sat with my Mum, Dad and Louis , watching Star Wars , my Mum thought it would be good if we all spend sometime together, When she got home from work she could tell I was hopped up and skittish, she did try to speak to me but I said I was fine but she insisted we all spent some time together. Really all I want to do is go get high or drunk at this point I don't really mind which option is pulling me in most. My mum had poured herself a class of red wine before we started the film and it's all that's been on my mind since I sat down, I doubt I'll be allowed anything, my dad usually offers me a beer but right now I don't think they'll let me and Louis is sat on my knee and I don't want to disturb him, I'm biting my nails now trying to concentrate on the film and not the ticking of the clocks in the room that are surely just going to blow my brain up in a minute.

"Matthew", my Mum brought me out of my haze.

"Mhm", my reply was muffled by my mouth still chewing on my nails.

"Hands", I look at her quizzically for a second as I don't quite know what she means, "stop chewing your nails love", my hands drops from my mouth immediately

"Sorry Mum" , I carefully lift Louis of my knee must to his protest and ruffle his hair, "my eads really cloudy right now I can't concentrate, I'm just going to lay down for a little while, I'm sorry".

"You alright son", I just nod at my dad with a halfhearted smile and make my way upstairs the quiet of my own room and head probably won't be much better but I just need to be alone. I make it to my room and just slump down on my bed the duvet felt to soft but also really scratchy but there's nothing I can do about that right now, I feel like I was just laying there staring at the ceiling, falling into a spiralling vortex with nowhere to go but it was really only a couple of minutes. My hands where twitching like mad and I could just feel a tingling sensation through my whole body and I hated it. I knew what I needed right about now so I instantly pull my phone free from my pocket and scroll through my texts till I find his number

Corey (Bigman) , If I could trust anyone to have anything to quell my anxiety Corey would have it so I fire him a quick text

Matty: yo it's Matty , are you about!

Corey : yeh bro 😎, what you after?

Matty: I don't know just something to calm me the fuck down.

Corey : right no worries man, meet me at the oak in ten yeh don't be late.

Matty: cool.

I sit up a little resting on my elbows to keep me steady taking a second to just breath or at least try to relax my breathing, then scrub my hands down my face and go back downstairs "I'm gunna go for a walk clear my ead, I'll be back in a bit yeh, it's only about 8, I'll get something from the shop if you want", I pull on my old tattered black vans and I wait for a response and shove my wallet into my back pocket , stick my head round the door and notice that Louis has fully zonked out on the couch "do you guys want anything from the shop?"

"No thanks love, please be safe, call me if you need anything and don't be long alright, I know it's summer and it's light out but you still need to careful , come give your mum a hug first first" , I roll my eyes and smile while I make my way over and pull my Mum into a tight hug. "We love you Matthew , be careful alright"

"I love you too Mum" as I pull away I try to sent the most reassuring smile her way. "I'm alright though" , I say goodbye again leaving the room and snag my jacket (Jamie's jacket ), from the coat rack and slip out the door, and start the journey to the Oak Hill, on my way I send a Snapchat to George not really of anything just the scenery and just put a little heart on the screen before sending. The walk is peaceful really besides a few hoodlam kids across the other side of the road making the biggest ruckus for absolutely no reason but I ignore it. After about five minutes I get a reply from George a pretty artsy picture of all his school books on his desk

George: where you off to love❤️?

Again I don't really send a snap because if I'm going to show him around Manchester I want to do it in person not through a screen or pictures , Pictures rarely do anything justice

Matty: just on a walk darlin , tryna clear my head , how's the enforced studying going 😂

George: it's an absolute nightmare honestly I don't know how people do this on purpose , clearing your head are you still upset?

Matty: honestly yeh my heads all over the place still but it's okay I'm trying to calm down darlin , also I can 100% feel your there studying is the worst thing about of school 😂

George: I'll call you once my parents go to bed I'll just need a minute to be sure so I don't get caught, I miss your face already love.

I quickly skim read his message again and slip my phone in my pocket and turn the corner coming face to face with Corey, he's got a joint in between his lips and I can see he's holding another in his hands with a lighter next to him. He looks up at me nodding and hands me the joint

"Have this with me first lad then I can hook you up with gear yeh"

I willingly take the joint and quickly flick the lighter a couple of times before the end lights up sparking an amber glow and I inhale the contents deeply sighing as I release "This is good shit"

"Quite strong so It might calm you down lad" he pats the ground next to him indicating for me to sit with him, I pull him up in the offer and slide myself next to him. Watching as he fiddles with my gear in his pocket and passes it over to me. "You given me good weed recently too lad so I'll give you this for free, but please be careful", I nod along with him as I take the baggie from him and slip it into my pocket. "What's up lad, you haven't come to me in a while, what's troubling ya.?"

"My heads all over the place and I can't shut anything up, I just want everything to be quiet for a bit, be able to breath you know" , I continue to inhale the substance and then go back to texting George as Corey starts trying to help me through something, he's not the smartest button in the box. I take a picture of the joint in my hand the flash causing the smoke to seem grey and float across my screen

Matty: "I fuckin miss you too man Jesus , it's not even been that long and it's scary, and yeh please don't get yourself into anymore trouble, we can call when you can , I don't know if I'll be home straight away but I'll let you know yeh"

With that I slip my phone into my pocket and pull the baggie out again "you wanna share it then Corey, I don't mind" , as I'm saying this I pull out my credit card from my wallet and preparing what I need , the oak is a very secluded area no one will catch us, I don't even know if it's an oak tree to be honest it's just a tree on the outskirts of the park that's been chopped down and just lying there , kids come here all the time to drink and party in summertime. I take a bump from the coke from the corner of my card letting it take through my body, it makes me shiver a little, and I then pass the stuff over to Corey as I feel my blood start to heat up a little. I take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree and lol my head backwards and stare up to the sky, the starts looking like tiny torchlights leading the way to the heavens and they spin around us slowly , after a while Corey sits next to me

“So man , is it working is your head quieting down yet bro ?”, come to think of it it has a little, there’s still that anxious lump in my throat and my heart is still going a million miles a minute but my brain is a little quieter. A little foggy but quiet.

“It’s a little foggy and everything is still really grey and colourless but yeh it’s quiet”

“What had you so hopped up in the first place lad”, he pulls more papers out his pockets and starts rolling another joint as I close my eyes and let the world go on around me talking as i fall into a peaceful state of bliss

“I don’t wanna talk about right now” , once Corey finished rolling the joint he passes it over to me and I light up again bringing it to my lips inhaling then ask “bro got any drink on ya”

“I’ve got beer in my bag”

“That’ll do , not the best but it’ll do”, he pulls a can of carlins from his bag and passes me a can as well as opening a can for himself. “Bro how do you always just know what I need”, He’s known me a while now and always been able to set me up some good gear when I’ve needed it.

“I just know you bro”, we just spend some time drinking and smoking, we did a few more bumps of coke. It has been about an hour and a half at this point my brain had stopped racing everything was quiet and I was getting really tired. Corey was zoned out next to me and I was nearly half asleep. “I think imma go now lad, are you coming or are you just gunna sit for a bit”

“Nah man I’m good ay, just leave me one last can will ya”, I didn’t feel like what I said was actually how it came out, everything was slurred and just blending together as I said it but I’m sure he understood. “Thanks again Corey, you always have what I need when I need help”

“It’s cool bro don’t worry”, he got up from his place on the ground probably at a normal speed but too me it looked like everything was in slow motion and he dropped his last can next to me. “Be safe yeh”, after we said our goodbyes he walked off back in the direction of the park.

I don’t know how much longer I sat there just nursing the beer that was left for me , but eventually I started to feel like I was sinking into the ground my heart started beating faster, a lot faster than normal which started to freak me out a little. Causing my breathing to come in fast burst. This makes me open my eyes and everything around me spinning , making my head hurt “not again nah I can’t do this right now” , I pull my phone out and start stabbing at my screen trying to find someone’s number, anyone’s number I don’t care who at this point. The more I search the more I start to panic I hate this. Eventually my eyes fall on Ross’ name and I click his name and bring the phone to my ear and hear it ring a few times and it goes to voicemail “no, no, no , please pick up”, I press his name again hearing the ringer go through again “please Ross pick up” , I’m beyond panic at this moment and I can’t concentrate right. Eventually he does pick up

“Yo Matty what is it?”

“Ross , is that you!”

“Uh yeh , you called me so I’d assume you know”

“Ross I’m scared I need you, can you come get me please”

“What do you mean you scared , where are you!?”

“I can’t breath and my brain feels like it’s going to explode”

“Matty mate , where are you?”

“Um …I …I’m at the. Uh the oak”

“Okay lad, I’ll be five minutes, do you want me to stay on the phone”

“Please…Ross please make it stop”, I could hear him on the other side, pulling on his jacket and his keys rattling as he pulled his door shut.

“What did you do mate?”

“I just needed my brain to shut up for a second, nothing was working, I needed it stop…and and…and it did…but now I can’t …can’t breath”

“Matty ….I swear you need to tell me , what did you take” , he’s outside now I can hear the crunching of leaves under his feet , Ross’ house was just around the corner so he shouldn’t be too long.

“How long will you be?”

“Stop swirving lad what did you take?”

“Um I uh. I …the usual” , I could feel water running down my face now, I don’t know when I stared crying but apparently I had.

“Mate , seriously , what’s wrong?, I’m just round the corner”

“I don’t know what’s wrong Ross, I really don’t know” , as I was finishing that senatnce I could hear him trudging through the forested area behind me but I couldn’t lift my head properly for to long “is …is that you ?”

“Yes , I’m going to hang up now”

I heard the dial tone give out and then Ross was running over to me “let’s get you up okay …on three yeh”, he wrapped an arm around me and he tried to pull me up “1, 2 , 3” , I pushed a little as he pulled me up. “Where going back to mine okay?, you can’t go home like this”, I just subtly nodded because even just slightly moving my head hurt so much, he wrapped and my arm around his shoulders and we began to walk back to his in silence which didn’t feel good but I just couldn’t conjure up a sentance.

We stumbled through his front door, I could hear his mum calling from the bedroom asking what was wrong and he just told her that I was out and I’m a bit pissed so I’m staying here rather than going home that made me chuckle not in a good way “bit pissed as if”

“Bro this ain’t funny come one,” we made our was upstairs he dragged me along with him taking one step at a time. It was hard even just walking never mind conquering stairs “where do you need to go , lay down or vomit”

“Nah nah I just need a lie down” , he pulled me into his bedroom and helped me up to then bed and he sat next to me softly pulling my head into his lap and laying against the headboard

“What are we gunna do with you huh?”

I have a confession as a self proclaimed lover of anything Matty Healy

I think I may fancy George Daniel more ☺️

Got a another fanfic question my dudes 😂

Help pleeeeeeaaaassseee

Part 24

Word count :2079

Mentions : just talking about codependency a lot in this chapter

George's POV

"Huh?", I totally didn't even register that I'd said what I'd said until I'd finished talking and now I look like a right idiot confessing how much I want him even though I've know him less than a week. What a knob I am, my mind is spiralling while he's just sat there with the biggest cheesiest grin and blushing

"You want me all to yourself, all you gotta do is ask Georgie", I looked up at him from where I was looking at my floor slight shock in my eyes I've barley know him a week as I've already said how do I as someone something like that he barley know me , I'm mental.

"Wh...eh...what do you mean love?", He might just be messing , hopefully , I'd get it , I understand why he'd be messing I have been kinda clingy, I have been all over him to just talk to me all the time maybe he's just trying to get me to back off , in's aging that everytime I think about him all I can hear is him telling his friend he likes me.

I watch him get comfortable on the floor and concentrate on what he's trying to say his mind already looks like it's racing "what I'm trying to say is um, I know we haven't know each other long, but like I feel this kind of like peace and tranquility when I'm around you and you keep me calm and I'm happy right, and people now a days are just striving to find happiness constantly looking for the pursuit of happiness and it's like if you not happy your wrong but that's not that case but either way you make me happy I don't have to pretend with you , I want you around , no , I need you around, so what I was trying to say is if you want me then you can have me, we don't have to label it as anything just yet, we can just talk and see where it goes", his hands flailing around as he's pulling his words together looking so animated "like it's nothing you have to force yanno just see where it goes and we can like , I don't know decide what we want to do at a later date if that's what you want", he lets out a big breath after ranting and shy smiles at me while picking at the skin around his nails.

It takes me a minute to process everything he just said and I lose myself in my thoughts until I hear slight movement on his side and jump out of my thoughts "if that's really what you'd like to do then I'd really love to give it a go but I don't want to put pressure on you" , There's no way he could be interested in me I'm not that amazing. "I really like you Matty".

"I really like you to Darlin , and I want to give this a go, I haven't properly tried with anyone in a long time, that's on me but I really want to try , and I need you to know that there will be times where I'm not talkative or might not wanna talk but please just bare with me when that does happen" , I'd give him anything he needs whenever he needs it so long as I always know how he's feeling and he communicates it with me.

"I promise I'll be what you need Matty", There's a smile adoring my face and my cheeks feel warm as shit and I can tell there blushing, his face mirrors mine on the other side. "Can I hear what you where writing ?", I start swaying on my chair. Swinging back and forth as he picks up his guitar from the floor and places the pick in his mouth again as he goes over the words on the paper

"It's not done yet but I'll show you what I have", he brings the pick down and begins to strum the guitar

"Now run,run away from the boys in the blue

Oh my car smells like chocolate

Hey now , I think about what to do

I Think about what to say

I Think about how to think

Pause it , play it , pause it , play it , pause it"

But every-time he says think it comes out more like fink and I swear it's the cutest thing ever. I'm in awe of him every-time I hear him play, hearing his voice a little crackly and raw is amazing.

"Oh , we go where nobody know

With guns hidden under out petticoats

No , where never gunna quit it

No , where never gunna quit it no"

He awkwardly placed the guitar down and pulls his jumper sleeve over his hands "that's all I have right now"

"It's kinda funky actually I really like it, any discourse behind it or just a vibe?" , he's searching me , I can see he's willing himself to talk his mouth opens a few times but no words come out, "you don't have to tell me"

"No, no....no..it's okay...it's about the night of the crash really...very losely based on what happened....it was quite cathartic writing it really", I just want to be there with him and watch him go through that writing process with him, write with him , make music with him, my room suddenly gets really cold again , I guess the heating is broken and they can't get it fixed yet. I pull my hoodie around me tightly and pull my hood up. "Are you alright darlin?".

"It's just cold in here is all, wish I could hold you, wish I could have you warming me up ?" , that's when my mind travels again, Imagine he was here with me right now, laying with me on top of my grey duvet, cuddled up together watching a movie or playing video game. Just melting into one another.

"Do you want a hug", he stretched out his arms towards me from his side of the screen as if to pull me into a hug and it just melted my brain.

"Love if I could possibly even touch you right now you wouldn't even have to ask" , I'm a stage four clinger the minute he's in my presence I don't know if I'd ever let go. "But yes love to answer your question I'd love a hug right about now"

I can see Matty looking around his room then he basically jumps up from his spot on the floor exiting the screen for a second but comes back with a really fluffy cardigan "I should send you this ay, because then you'd be warm and feel like your getting hugs at the same time and a bonus it smells like me, all the best things really" , I can see him holding it tightly and I can tell it means a lot to him even though it's just a cardigan.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to you know" , I can feel myself blushing again, this is going to be a very common occurrence when I'm around him "it does look cozy though"

"I want to give it to you though" , I can't get over how  beautiful he is right now, he looks so small in his room, the juxtaposition between his tiny body against the high walls.

"If that's what you want handsome, hey sorry but back to the song, em do you mind telling me about Janey, just so I know how to help you when you get bad, if I know about how you guys where and stuff I might be able to help” , I know this is really out of the blue but I’ve just really thought about it the last few days that telling me about her might give me better understanding on how to help him when he gets into his head.

“W…w..why?”

“Sorry that was stupid of me , you don’t have to, I uh just thought that, if I know how things were between you two I might be able to help you better when your in your head” , I begin to panic a little as I don’t want him to think I’m prying or deliberately trying to hurt him by asking about something that upsets him but if he can talk about her it might help.

“No no darlin , it’s okay, it just caught me off guard a little that’s all, we were very codependent with one another from like a really really young age, for the longest time we thought we were brother and sister , because her mum was friends with my mum and dad , so she’d be round most days we went to the same nursery , grew up with each other, one year she went to Tenerife when we where about 8 or 9 I swear those ten days where the worst days of my life, cried every single day asking my mum how many days till she’s home , the night she got back, I begged my mum to ask if she could come sleep over which she did” , he’s smiling and looks so happy talking about her , he still has his sleeves draped over his hands and he’s curled himself inwards so he’s holding his knees to his chest, I wish I could be there to lend a supporting hand, but for now all I can do is listen.

“As we got older, we were still joined at the hip, couldn’t have one without the other really but things happened with her , her mum left when she was 11 and her dad basically turned into a drunk more or less , then she kinda turned into a little rebel herself but I wouldn’t let her do anything by herself so if she got I trouble we’d both get in trouble , blood bonds and all that” , I could see him get up from his position on the floor and set himself up at his desk .

“Sorry it was getting uncomfortable down there , anyway , yeh I’d have done anything for her , she was the best thing to ever happen in my life you know , I was always trying to impress her , I know she’d never like me that way cuz she liked girls which is also another reason that when we dated it didn’t last long , but she was always so beautiful and I always wanted to be around her, so when she was drinking , I was drinking , when she was smoking , I was too , and the same when it came to coke”

“I always just wanted to keep her safe , so if she was getting high I was gunna get high with her , didn’t want her doing it alone , wanted to protect her because I know what guys where like and what they’d be thinking so I wanted to be there all the time when she was getting high so she was safe, we used to only get high at parties but then it happened more often to get us through school , or get us through work and it got really bad and people started noticing so we tried to stop , the last party we were at we both tried not to but people kept offering us and we could say no and that’s when it all went to shit really “

“Cuz uh , yeh um , we went to this party down the road…” as he’s trying to finish the story I can see him rise from his chair and start pacing around while trying to find his words hands racking together. So I let out a .

“Matty my love , it’s okay , if this is to hard , we can talk about this another time if it’s to tricky”, I’m trying to get him to hear me but he’s pacing and not paying much attention to me “Matty ?, darlin?, MATTHEW ?” , he pauses his movement and looks at me his eyes slightly glasses. “My love come sit down please , I’m sorry I didn’t mean to ask , it’s too hard for you too talk about right now”

As he sits down his head is in his hands again and I can hear slight sniffling on his end “Matty I’m sorry , I didn’t mean too”, he looks up at me and gives me a half-hearted smile.

“It’s okay darling, it’s not your fault, I just miss her like I’m missing part of me”

Blurb idea like maybe when they are in a relationship george is like matty u need a hair cut but he agrees to george cutting it if he lets matty do the same to him

See first off I see them just playing FIFA or watching a documentary on the TV and Matty is laying on George’s lap while George threads his hand through Mattys hair but his fingers keep getting caught in knots so he looks down at him as Matty is falling asleep and he’s like “Hey love ! I think it might be time for a haircut again”, in Mattys sleep addled brain he just nods not really hearing what’s George says

But the next day when there out George stops outside a barber Matty is like “what are we doing “, George then retells Matty agreed to last nigh but Matty is stood shaking his head “I don’t want to George , I like my hair like this” ,

“But it’s getting long love it getting knotty”

“I can just brush it more”

George then explains that everything will be okay, and the he’s getting his hair cut too so there’s nothing to worry about , they can get it done together, quickly an idea builds in Mattys head and George can tell he’s thinking “what’s that face about huh?”

“I’ll get my hair cut if you do it , I can do your too”, he’s smiling at George now and George can’t really see why it would be a bad idea for them to do it for each other because if they mess up it’s fine they can both just buzz it.

“Alright”

So later on the day

A laughter can be heard trailing through the loft that they share together and laughter along with a drowned buzzing, Matty was stood over George and George is sat on the floor in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his shoulders so that hair could be collected easier

“So how would you like your hair today Mr Daniel?” Matty enquired just like he was an actual barber.

“How about you just buzz it love , that’ll be new and easier to control “ Matty was stood for a second contemplating the idea, trying to imagine what it would look like then he slowly brings the clippers to George’s hair a begins his art work. Still pretending he’s a barber

“Any plans this weekend then”

“Just studio work really and date night with Matty, that’s why I’m getting a haircut, he should be through next” , Matty laughed along with him smiling at the prospect of Date night, they’d been so busy lately that they hadn’t gotten to do much together as of late. When he was finished George’s hair he put the clippers down and carefully pulled him up to see in the mirror

“Do you like it”

“I love it Matty , thank you, it’s your turn now”

Matty takes George’s place on the floor slightly nervous “can we just put it a little bit shorter, I don’t want it to short and maybe just tidy up the sides” , he was combing through his hair explaining to George how he’d like it and how it needs to be done

“That I can do love”

Hey guys it’s me ,

I hope everyone who has been reading Heart Out has been having a lovely time reading it and enjoys it, I’m really struggling with the next chapter it just doesn’t seem to be flowing , I know I send out a couple a week, but I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ll be getting one out this week. I’m so sorry if your waiting BUT what I can do for you while you wait is do some BLURBS OR IDEAS that you all may have , if you do have anything you’d like me to hash out or give blurbs for let me know and I’ll get them written for you.

IM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE ALL GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE AND ITS SOOOO APPRECIATED ❤️❤️

Thank you again

Dylan 💥

Chapter 23

Word Count : 2182

Mention of fight details , flirting

I actually really enjoyed writing this one , I don’t know why, there was just something about it , any thoughts and comments would be much appreciated from you guys , I’m actually in love with these lads

George's POV

Once the school had gone over the incident with Reece and I like a thousand times and checked details with others that's when they called my dad to come and get me. That was when the shit hit the fan, I was just sat in the receptionist office when my dad came storming through the doors and just stood there waiting for me to stand up, I followed him out just in wait of the onslaught of trouble I'm about to be in. Once we got into the car that was when it began

"What the fuck George , I literally just spoke to you this morning about your behaviour lately" , he's red in the face and I can already see that he's seething , he's had to leave work to come and get me but I'm not going to just sit and take it right now.

"What , I was sticking up for a friend, what did you expect me to do , just leave him to get tormented, you raised me better than that , right?" , I raise my voice a little to get my point across because he has he raised me to look after those who  can't or won't do it themselves

"We've had this before though George , we've been telling you since you where 8 years old , there are better ways at resolving your issues then using your hands" , he has been telling me that for the longest time but like nine times out of ten it's not even my fault or me that's started it, I've always just been bigger and teller than most kids so I've always done slightly more damage is that my fault no , I don't think so. I just feel the need to protect people , I always have

"I understand that dad but it wasn't even me who started it" , there we go resorting to the answer of every 5 year old in the world, he started it , Jesus what am I even saying. "Seriously dad , I was just trying to help Joe"

"I know that George and I appreciate you helping your friend , but youve gone and got yourself excluded again, this behaviour of yours needs to be sorted, As I said this morning , I will be grounding you so for the next two weeks you will be home after school , won't be going to that lad Adams is it ?, also I know you won't be at school but I expect you to still be doing your studies and I'll be taking your phone before you go to bed 10 on the dot so you actually get sleep" , A sigh escapes my lips before I even have a second to think about it. "I'm sorry, Is no there a disagreement you have with that"

"No dad" ,  I just rest back on my seat and close my eyes escaping to my happy place as my dad continues to ramble on while he drives, I don't really catch on to anything he's saying at this point I've lost interest in what he's talking about. The amount of times I've heard this same exact speech a number of times. I know he means well and he’s just trying to get me to be a well upstanding citizen but I’m doing it my way and doing an Okay job. Once I’ve noticed he’s finished his onslaught I take my phone out and shove my headphones in and I really want to talk to Matty right now but he can’t see me like this he’ll just worry.

“Sorry, I got a little bit distracted, What have you been up to then love ?” I wanna see his face it will calm me but if I keep snap chatting him he’ll wonder why I’m not showing him my face “also do you have instagram”

I just rest my phone on my leg until I get a reply , the rest of the drive home was quiet but awkward, my dad drops me at the front door and tells me to make sure I get studying before racing off back to work, my phone goes off once I reach my bedroom , just Matty sending a link to his instagram and he was telling me that he’d spent a lot of the day writing a new song , he had also asked me if I was okay again

“Yeh I’m fine love I promise” , I click on the link that takes me to his instagram page, and there I go losing my breath again at just how gorgeous he is. There was a lot of pictures with his friends and his family but my favourites are the ones of him just looking like he’s asked someone to take it and he’s just being the model that he is. They make me laugh, I can just see him begging his mates to take them . There’s also a lot of pictures of him with his guitars and his band mates playing tiny gigs and he looks so free in them, like he’s having the best time. A cigarette hanging from his mouth or in his hand in like 6 out 10 of them. The latest one was the picture he sent me of himself a Louis so I like it and send a quick

bedforddanes75: That’s my boys right there ❤️

And just leave a few more comments on a few pictures that might be bit weird but I want him to know I’m there. There’s a picture of him with a couple of his friends looking like there at a house party Matty has a bottle of wine in one hand and a cig in the other and he’s smiling like really smiling, like he’s mid laugh or something.

bedforddanes75: You need to be happy like that all the time love ❤️

A notification comes up on the top of my screen slipping me out of my insta stalking “you enjoying yourself there Georgie?”, shit I totally slipped my mind that he’s see all the comments and likes just come in all at once, my checks start to heat up already and I smile to myself and open my texts to reply

“Whoops” , I quickly go back to his insta and find the last picture to comment on just to be cheeky, he’s wearing a Newcastle Football shirt and he’s standing with his dad outside the stadium and I comment

bedforddanes75: Don’t like Mackems ay ? 😂😂

“Your a cheeky sod Daniel”, another text from Matty shows at the top of my screen and it makes me literally laugh out loud.

“Hit a nerve did I?” , I know I’m just winding him up but it’s what I do best really I’m a massive wind up always have been. I throw my rucksack across the room as I forgot I still had it on my back and lay back down probably on my bed “oh , yeh , my uh dad grounded me”, I have to tell him because what if I can’t call him when he needs me , Ill still have my laptop but I have to wait till my parents go to bed

“Why?, can we still call ?”

“Yeh I still have my phone till about 10, but we’ll have to wait to call till my parents are asleep, I’m sorry”, I really hate that I can’t be there for him every minute but I’m sure it’ll be alright we can work it out.

“What happened?”

“Just something at school it’s not important love”, I don’t want him thinking I’m a violent guy because I’m really not, it just get wound up easily especially when bullies are involved. “I can call till my family come home if you like?”

“If that’s okay, I don’t want you in more trouble darling”

“I wanna hear your voice , I miss you” , I’ll have to hide my face from him, I’ll just do some work while I’m calling him so he doesn’t see it. That might work maybe just maybe, I make my way over to my desk and set my laptop up and push the screen further back so it’s facing the roof more so my face isn’t to mu h in veiw then I get my books out to work through some science. Once I’m all set up I pull up Mattys contact and press call and wait for him to pop up

“Heya Darlin” from what I can see he’s sat on his bedroom floor and he’s got his guitar in hand pen sticking out of his mouth and a fag on a tiny ashtray and there’s a million papers scattered around his small body.

“Hi love, you writing something new”, he looks up to the screen for a second before going back to plucking his guitar strings, and I start my work

“I’m trying but I can’t seem to get it right, it’s a nightmare, I’m getting somewhere slowly though” , he looks really into it and I can’t take my eyes away from him , he’s just plucking away and writing stuff down , my mind is already off of the work I should be doing and I’m just watching him while still trying to keep my face out of shot. “Where are you Georgie I can’t see you”

I wave at the screen a little so he can see my hand “I’m right here love”, I want him to see me so he’s happy but I know he’ll just freak out at me if he sees my face covered in cuts. I can’t put that one him right now “I’m just working is all”

“I wanna see you darling, what’s wrong seriously”, he’s dropped the guitar beside him and picked up his laptop and it’s all I can see is his face trying to figure out why he can’t see me.

“Nothings wrong love, I’m just trying to work this stuff out , you can see me in a second I promise” , I know I’m being stupid , and I know it’ll just upset him but it’s better this way once it’s healed it’ll be better , I don’t know how I’m going to keep it from him that long but I’ll have too. There’s a silence for a while , when Matty speaks up again

“George come on tell me what’s wrong please, what happened, you know I won’t judge” , fuck I know that , I know he won’t it’s more of a me thing and sit and think for a while before I decide that fine I’ll just show him.

“Right fine I’ll show you but please don’t think I’m a bad guy” , I pull the screen down and remove my hat so he can see it better , it’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be but it’s still a lot just a bust lip , black eyes growing exponentially and my nose is still a bit messed up, I sigh and look back down at my lap leaning back on my chair. “I got into a fight and I uh , I didn’t want you too see, I didn’t want you to think I’m a bad guy”, he’s searching my face and he’s got a cheeky little smile on his face, I can’t work this kid out sometimes.

“You look hot” , the smile on his face grows bigger when I look back up to him and my eyes widen at his statement, “like scars are beautiful and you look hot, like you defended someone’s honour, that’s fit”.

I scoff a little “your a strange one love but yeh , I was just tryna stick up for my friend Joel, some lad was just winding him up …”, While trying to explain myself, he’s still looking at me with those deep brown eyes, cheekily smiling at me, making me flustered again. “ and uh yeh he threw the first punch like but I got my point across this time I think”

“Is that why you got grounded , being a little rebel”

“Just a-lot went on today , and it all just boiled up to that and I lost it I think, you know just teenage drama”

The smile plastered across his face just keeps getting bigger as I explain “Teenage drama has my heart, teenage angst is what I write about most yanno lad”, we both break down in fits of laughter after that. We’re both red in the face from laughing. “But on a more serious note though is everything okay”

“Yeh I’m grand , I don’t know how the other lad is, but I’m grand, He just keeps getting on at Joel cuz he’s gay, and then after I posted you on my story ealier my ex tried to get information out of me about who you where but I don’t want her to be involved right, want you to myself for now, and my dad was just being a whole fuckin nightmare this morning” , I let out a breath after just that word vomit was a lot.

“I’m sorry that was a lot” , He doesn’t say anything for a minute or two just looking at me his eyes sparkling “what?”

“You want me to yourself?”

Chapter 22

Can’t remember the word count I publish it in Wattpad before noticing

Some smut in this one

This chapter takes place at the same time as George's just from Mattys perspective

Mattys POV

I didn't wake up too much that night, I was calm for once wasn't restless I just slept. I don't really remember what time it was that I went to sleep it wasn't to long after I called Ross though. I woke up to no alarm or Louis this morning though so my mum must have let me lie in. Bless her. I lay there in bed for around ten minutes really just staring at the roof relaxing in the quiet of the house just basking in it. Then I get up to roll a cigarette picking up my lighter from the bed side table then climb up onto my windowsill and smoke out of the window, slowly , watching the busy streets and people pass by, It so interesting watching people going about there normal lives , how many of them could be suffering but still just take the day head on you know. I drag out the cigarette and just enjoy the peace and people watching. When I'm finished is when I decide to see what my friends are up too. I open up Snapchat first off there's a few messages from Ross asking how I'm doing , if I'm going to school , then when he released I wasn't , just one saying he'll drop by later. I then spot a message from George and when I open it my mouth drops and I gasp "fuck me", he's shirtless ,

his hairs down, his arms look strong and his shoulder so broad I can't take my eyes away from my screen I happen to be staring even well after the picture has gone. I shake my head to get myself to concentrate a little I then feel some movement in my lower body and I left up the covers a little and see I have a semi "Wow that's not happened on it's own in a while" , I kind of don't really want to make it go away, it hasn't happened in its own in so long it's a good feeling. No if I talk to George he might be able to help actually might make it better so that's when I actually decide to reply even though it's been sat on opened for like 5 minutes now, I send off a cheeky little message that hopefully he understands that I'm letting him know I might be ready "

“That's not the best way to wake a man up G 🫠😉, I know I said it takes a while to get things going sometimes but stuff like that will surely work" , and really I usually does take so long now a days to get me worked up , I've been with a few girls in the past few months and they've really had to go for it the meds made it really difficult but that fact it's back to "normal" must mean Georgies doing something right. My hand trails down my body and stops at my waist and of my boxers and I'm kinda nervous about it I don't know why. But before I have a second to even do anything a message comes through from George "I hope you liked it" , bro I can guarantee I more than liked it, I want his help to fix it but I know he's on school and it's kinda upsetting BUT maybe messing with him at school might be a little fun and a little risky, I know what this lads like. So I just send another message back just of me in bed  "

More than satisfactory Darling ...but I may have to go sort myself out first before I chat yanno", my hand is now in my boxers and typing with one hand isn't the easiest thing to do but I'm going to do it if I have to. My other hand is just slowly rubbing myself slowly just releasing some pressure it feels good actually. His next snap comes through and he looks looks amazing as always all flustered and cheeks a deep tinge of red and I know he's trying to keep himself composed a little  " This is not the right place Matthew", oh trust me I know it's not but if I can just mess around for a little longer that would be fun. The fact he also called me Matthew in this instant send an jolt of excitement right through me, it makes me shiver a little bit. This time I try another tactic, I pull up the camera and flip it and take my hands from my boxers and pull the duvet down a little as I film it , sending it to him with a smile on my face then I quickly send another quick message after letting him know there's no sound so he's safe to play it but i captioned the video with

" You can't be seriously telling me you don't want to see", No picture message comes from his end this time and it's kinda s sad but all I get is a " Love you know I want too , but I'm in class right now", Fuck me man , I drop my phone on my bed and decide this needs to be taken to the shower because I don't want to make a mess of my bed sheets that's kind of embarrassing.

Once I've taken my boxers off I jump in the shower and let the water run warm the images of the other day came pouring into my head , this is when my hand lands back on my dick and I start to rub myself slowly savouring the moment a little , his little flustered movements trying to keep himself together, my head gets a little faster as I indulge the fantasy a little imagining if he had taken it further on the call this causes me to moan into the empty bathroom echoing through it and it's music to my ears. My brain travels to the images of George being flustered and trying to contain himself while at school trying to hide it from people around him "fuck" , as my hand gets faster I can feel my climax coming but due to the pills having messed everything up it hurts a little i hiss through my teeth as I try to push through it , and my climax comes not to long after. Once I'm done I start to actually wash myself down now. Turn the heat up and just relax in the shower peaceful again.

Once I'm done in the shower I wrap myself in the softest towel I own, No messages yet so I send off another picture to George " it would have been more fun if I had your input darling but Wow , that was very much needed ay", I go about just getting myself dressed for the day once I'm prepared I drop down on my bed again and pull my phone out "Sorry about that , anyway how are you?" , I know I can be alot and if he's not interested in me that could have been a bit much for him.

After sending that, I really want to ride some music so I trundle off to get my guitar and notebook and I get myself busy as I turn flip through my notebook and find lyrics that I'd been writing and there's a lot coming to me right now, bringing me back to that night

"Pause it , play it , pause it , play it , pause it"

"Oh my car smells like chocolate"

There was a lot going on that night, we did a lot of mad shit that night, someone was chasing up, we were height as fuck , and we were just messing us about, we'll I was she was trying to drive.

"Hey now, we're building up speed as we're approaching a hill"

Trying to get a melody to this will be hard but I swear it's going to be done. I get lost in the writing and I got so far George messages me back after a while. "you I'm alright love , my dad was doing my head in this morning so I'm a little iffy but I'm fine , how are you feeling?", Bless , family can be annoying sometimes , a reply doesn't come for a long time, but I'm not going to fuss him too much he's at school I can't expect too much but fuck unless I'm writing my mind will wonder and im getting reckless. We have a small back and forth about how we're doing

He replied a while later but it was just a blank screen saying that's he's proud of me for being okay but I'm more concerned about the blank screen

Is he okay ?

Chapter 21 of Heart Out

Word count : 3329

Warnings : Mention of Violence , Use of the F slur , Light smut mention

I’m sorry if this is a really random chapter I just really wanted to get the next chapter up and I’m really enjoying this particular story arc

(Will you all let me know if you’d like the chapters to be longer and I can do that for you’ll )

Slight mention of violence and the F slur and some smutty ness

George's POV

I woke up that morning feeling pretty great about myself. I'd slept and I felt pretty fresh honestly.I haven't felt this good in a while. As I turn to face the other-side of my room my laptop is still on my pillow and Matty is still sound asleep looking so beautiful like WOW I'm sorry he just is so beautiful. The memory of the conversation I overheard last night comes flooding back to me and the butterflies starts fluttering around in my stomach and it's quite a weird feeling I haven't felt in a while. How can this actual angel be interested in me. I sit and overlook his features for a while, his hair so curly, his face so soft but scrunched against the pillow, the duvet wasn't fully wrapped around him and his chest is rising and falling steadily. He looks so small like I could just pick him up and whisk him away and we could just leave this place and be ourselves. I got dragged out of my thoughts by a loud knock on my door "George I need a word please", I roll my eyes on instinct of hearing my dads voice. "Get yourself dressed please and I'll be waiting downstairs".

"Alright" , that's all I'm giving him right now, he's already "chatted" to me enough and I'm not even going to bother with it today. I know what he's going to say and I know exactly how he's going to say it. I pull myself from my bed and start getting ready for the day. Before I begin to get changed I make sure I'm fairly decent I still have shorts on so I walk over to my mirror on the back of my door and snap a quick picture of myself but just of my top half and caption it "Good Morning love" along with a tagged sound of "talk like that" by The presets I don't really know why I picked that song exactly but I really resonate with it right now.I take my time getting dressed because I really can't be bothered talking to my dad right now he had a go yesterday and last night he really doesn't need to do it again. So either way once I'm dressed I skulk downstairs and sit waiting on the sofa for my dad to come and annoy me yet again I just sit on my phone until he's ready.

"Right George , I'm not happy with any of this right now", my dad is sat across from me in the arm chair staring right at me as he's beratting me but I don't even want to look at him so I pick my phone back up and nod along as he continues. "You've got exams next year, your 16 years old, I know you've been smoking and drinking when your round at that Adam kids house and I don't want you pissing your life away George", I've drowned him out at this point. I just want to leave I've never been really good with people telling me what to do. "George are you hearing me, I will have to start taking action if it gets worse, I will have to ground you" , this causes me to roll my eyes again and reply with

" mhm , okay, it's been like a few classes dad, it's not gunna have that much of a drastic downfall in my life", I swear my dad just over reacts about everything, he's just giving me dagger right now. Obviously that wasn't what he wanted me to say.

"Alright sorry dad, I'll take better care, can I go now?, I have stuff to do".

"Yes fine go , but one last thing these late night phone calls you keep having also need to stop , you are up at all hours of the night and keeping everyone awake"

"I don't even make that much noise", I rise from my spot dragging my rucksack with me and go to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Mums made waffles "Thanks mum".

"Your dads right you know , you do need to sleep more at night love , your staying up far to late". Oh my god can't people just leave me alone. I'm not doing anything wrong. I was just being a teenager I don't know anyone else who isn't like me. I roll my eyes again for like the millionth time today and push myself from the counter with a sigh "George come on don't be like that I'm just trying to help you excel"

"I don't need help , I'm doing fine", I do love my parents and I don't mean to be harsh with them but when they get like this , telling me what to do and how to live my life, it just boils my damn blood , I sigh while pushing myself from the counter," can we drop it please , I need to get to school" , I leave without getting a response, quickly collecting my things from my room . My jacket and shoe you know. As I go to leave I hear a soft whimper from Matty on the screen, as he turns around properly facing the camera still asleep. Perfect picture opportunity, I quickly pull my phone out and take picture before turning my sound down and leaving for the day.

I wait till I'm at the bus stop before I light up a cigarette, I then realise I've only got two left, no way is this getting me through the day.

"Yo, Ad, do you or Joe have any smokes, I have two left"

I slip my phone back into my pocket after clicking my music back on, this bus stop is far to busy right now it is every morning but the head space I'm in I could snap at anyone if they come to close to me right now. Everyone does keep there distance though so that's lucky. Just like yesterday I jump into the bus flash the driver my card and shove my lanky body into the corner while pulling my legs up so people don't even attempt to sit next to me. Adam texts me back 

" Yeh G, I've got some , not much but still enough", this makes me visibly relax a small bit, I reply back a quick thank you and that id see him later, then I slowly go back to my camera roll to check out the picture I took of Matty, Then something that isn't me takes over my hand and posts the picture to my private story captioned "This One Right Here Is So Pretty" after I post it a smile grows wide on my face because I'm not lying he is. It doesn't take long for a few messages to come pouring in, I know they wont be bad as its just people I trust on this story, There's one from Joel. Carly and Laura, my eyes grow to the size of bowling balls when I see Laura has messaged me, she hasn't spoken to me in two weeks. I immediately open it as it cant make my day any worse and I need to know if she's okay?. As I open it my breath hitches its just the eye emoji under Matty's picture 

"Hey you alrite?"

I see her icon flash up a few times before a reply comes through and its not even an answer just another question "who's that then ey?", Do I tell her ? or do I just swerve the question and ask how she is again. She doesn't need to know of anything between Matty and I yet since its not really anything right now.

"I asked a question first L, can you answer that first then we can talk about  other stuff ?", again her icon flashes up on the screen a few more times before a quick reply comes through.

“I’m fine George but no I don’t want to talk about other stuff I just wandered who that was but it doesn’t matter”, why is she always like this, won’t even have a conversation with me anymore. This makes me roll my eyes and just shove my phone back into my pocket because this will just cause an argument.

The bus stops outside of school and as I step off I pull a cigarette out of the nearly emptying box and light up. I can hear Adam and Joel before I see them arguing like they do over something or other. “Yo lads came yourselves , what’s got you so heated”

“Just a discussion about games man” , Adam turns around at my voice after claiming that he was right before asking me “you alright lad , you seemed stressed when you texted”, as he tells me this he hands me a handful of cigs “they’ll help ya”

“Just my dad , at my head before I’ve even had a second to wake up”, I take a long drag of my cigarette and pull my headphones out so to not be rude and walk with them as we make our way up the drive to the front door, As everyone goes in I hang back a bit and Adam comes back

“You coming G?” , his arm is sling around my arm and trying to walk me in “I know your dads pissing you off but come on , come prove him wrong you know what your doing” , I shrug a bit and go with him because he’s right I do want to prove my dad wrong but I honestly also just don’t want to be here just to spite him and show him I can make myself a living without needing school

“Thanks Hann, Im coming bro”, we walk through the doors and make our way to class, as I sink into my chair next to Adam in our English class. I see Laura come in through the door and she spots me giving me a solid side eye before scoffing and getting into her chair, I roll my eyes again and of course Adam saw the whole encounter and nudges me

“What was that bro?”

“Nothing she’s just being a nightmare, she saw my story and now she’s sulking” , I pull my phone out of my pocket and show Adam the conversation, as well as the story although he’s already seen it.

“We’ll she might just need you to explain what’s going on , you broke up a month ago and where together a while and she might need closure”, why does he always have to be such a grown up , I just need someone to agree with me. I love him man but he’s to grown up for this stuff. This makes me laugh a little.

“You know what dad your probably right”, We’ve always called him dad for as long as we’ve known him because he’s always just been so sensible and levelheaded it’s freaky sometimes. He just rolls his eyes at me for this as we eventually start the class.

Like most classes that involve a lot of writing it grates on me. Adam helps me a lot though it gets me through, mid way through class a message comes through from Matty I guess he’s not at school today.

Which I get. I open it and smile automatically at the reply

There’s a picture of Matty laying in his bed looking refreshed , all soft and cozy but with the biggest smile on his face “That’s not the best way to wake a man up G 🫠😉, I know I said it takes a while to get things going sometimes but stuff like that will surely work”. We’ll that’s always an opener for a morning , I reply back quickly with a wink

“I hope you like it”, I turn in my seat a little so that no one can see my phone and my back is against the wall. Incase his next reply is a little more forward, Can’t be getting caught with that. I spot his little emoji pop up in the corner.

“More than satisfactory Darling …but I may have to go sort myself out first before I chat yanno” , Wow , can’t do that right now bro , I blush to myself as I sink even further into my chair, still trying to work a little bit so I don’t get into more trouble.

“This is not the right place Matthew” , the picture I send back with this my mouth is wide open in faux shock and I’m making sure to get some of the classroom in shot so he knows where I am. And send it with a chuckle to myself. I really hope no one is paying attention to me right now.

There’s a short video reply this time , he sent a little message reply telling me that there’s no sound so I can open it without worrying , the video is just of him laying in bed obviously but he’s just slowly pulling the duvet further down his chest “You can’t be seriously telling me you don’t want to see”

I breath in trying to control myself he really is a little fuckin devil , this time though I do just send a message rather than a picture because I can feel Adam looking at me “Love you know I want too , but I’m in class right now”, I then just place my phone on the table and look to Adam with a questioning face and shrug.

“That him by any chance G?”, he’s smiling at me so he’s catching on very quickly but It can’t be that obvious right. So I just shrug again as a way of saying what do you mean by that,”you’ve gone bloody scarlet mate , it’s him alright”

“Whatever , you are exactly the bloody same with Carlz stop tormenting me alright”, we both start laughing at that because really we are just a pair of simps, the ending of the class rolls around quickly, I’ve received a few messages from Matty but I’m too nervous to open them because I know what he’s like, but when we’re all sitting out back at break time is when I decide to brave it and open them. There’s only three they can’t be that bad right.

The first

“Too bad , it could have been fun, messing with you while your at school , never done that with anyone yet but it’s on the bucket list😉”

The second came about twenty minutes after

A picture of himself fresh out of the shower , towel wrapped round his small frame “it would have been more fun if I had your input darling but Wow , that was very much needed ay”

The third just a simple “Sorry about that , anyway how are you?”

This causes me to smile and blush again, I don’t know why I know he’s a confident guy when he really pushes himself but he’s so gentle sometimes and just needs to be more himself , I send him a video back of myself and the guys just chilling “you I’m alright love , my dad was doing my head in this morning so I’m a little iffy but I’m fine , how are you feeling?” , as I send of this reply a bunch of lads from the year below begin to approach as and I instantly know this isn’t going to go well.

“Oh look it’s the fag and his body guards , he had to borrow the giant from jack to protect him”, Reece what a bellend man really needs to think up some new insults, I’ve always been labelled the giant from the beanstalk by this kid at this point, I don’t even think his little posey think he’s funny. Joel ignores them because he’s not one for really standing up for himself but I’m not dealing with there crap today

“Do you just wanna get lost Reece” , I don’t look at him to give him the satisfaction that I’m sure he’s craving, I just try to get lost in what I’m doing in my phone Matty has replied but I don’t really get a moment to reply when Reece pipes up.

“Not very friendly of you Georgie , also I don’t think little Joel here needs you too stand up for him he can very much do it himself” , he’s now crouching down next to Joel and ruffling his hair and Joel is just thrashing around trying to get him off.

“Reece seriously get your hands off him” , I hate this kid with every ounce of my being I swear to god , Usually I’m a chill guy , but Reece scratches every itch in the wrong way, so I lean over and shove him back away for Joel

“Not a wise move there Daniel,”, in retaliation he shoved me back, we look like children I can guarantee that but so what. A small argument ensues , but it quickly escalated as I saw his fist quickly come up to me and make contact with my face right in the eye

“Nah you’ll pay for that Reece”, this is when we start knocking three kinds of shit out of each other but now I can feel Adam and Joel trying to pull me off of him but I keep pulling myself from there hold , then I hear and younger kid calling for the head that’s walking around on the pitch and he quickly comes running over, and starts to get student support

“There’s a fight out on the back field I will need extra support to sort this out , right lads come on” , when student support make there way out I can feel them pulling Reece away from me and once he’s finally out of my grasp I jump out of his way and let the student support teacher take me off and I follow them back into the school I can feel blood dripping from my nose and I swear I have a bust lip and I’ll be definitively sporting a black eye tomorrow, when I get to the student support office I’m handed a box of tissues and asked to be sure I clean myself up while they find out what happened , I sit down on the poorly made seats and starts cleaning the blood off of my fave while I’m being spoken too

“What happened outside then Mr Daniel”

“Reece was just messing about with Joel calling him all sorts and it was just really irritating me and he swung at me and it just got way out of hand, I’m sorry Sir”, This day has just gone from bad to worse honestly “Don’t tell my dad please”

“I’m sorry Mr Daniel , you know we don’t tolerate fighting here , we will have to phone your dad and we will have to discuss exclusion”

“Fuck man” , I drop the tissue back on the desk at this and my head ends up in my head “that’s just great another thing thing he can yell at me for, will I have to go now then , and how long for”

“We’ll see you next week , let me phone your dad first please stay here and we’ll go and get Reece’s side of the story before we go any further though”

“Fine”

As he leaves I take my phone from my pocket again and actually read Mattys message “I’m doing okay, I was supposed to go to school today but I didn’t set my alarm and my mum said rest might do me well but it’s only 11:30 and I’m already bored out of my mind”, I’m glad he’s getting rest actually.

I reply back with a blank screen just saying that I’m glad he’s doing okay , and that I’m glad he can get rest.

With that I put my phone back into mt pocket and begin to clean myself up again feeling the blood running again. This isn’t happening today my dads actually gunna kill me

Omg there was a certain part in my fanfiction that my friend was reading and it made her cry and now I feel so bad

Genuine Fanfiction Question

I need someone's or multiple peoples opinion on something , I'm struggling with song choice for something

Preferably someone who has been reading the fanfic , but id appreciate any help really

my bf was like "whats matty gunna do for an hour and a half chat shit ?" and then he just whaps out the noel gallagher slander yessss

LIVING

I really felt the need cuz I found my football 😂

Anyone think Matty knows this version 😂😂

He’s had enough of me I LOVE IT

Like I know I’m only 22 and there’s no chance of me getting a kid anytime soon, but I just want a kid of my own so I can get them into the 1975 and we can vibe together and stuff and I could take em to gigs and concerts and just arghhh

You wanna kiss me

BRO IM LIVING

Just put the shower and having a drink drink while jamming to the AM and the 75 and I’m having a grand time

Chapter 20

Word count : 2942

I think I may actually adore this chapter it’s adorable and everything about it is just so awkward and cute and fluffy , no warning needed , I hope you enjoy it

Matty's POV

I don't take my phone out again until I get up stairs after having a small conversation with my mum about how work was, I said I'd be more open with her so telling her that I got a little stressed but made my way through it is being open right, she gave me a hug and told me to get some sleep because we're going to try to get me back into school tomorrow even if it's just for one lesson , which I made sure to tell her I'll go in all day I'm not "that broken".

Once I open my phone again I notice that there's a small message from George only emojis of the phone , so I text him with a smile on my face "someone is needy tonight huh 🤣", I throw my

Phone onto my bed and strip my shirt and look around for my rucksack because I really need to study and it's not that late so I could do a little bit tonight. I riffle through my rucksack and find my English work because that will bring me the least amount of stress. I pull the work out of my rucksack and place them on my desk then the text alert comes through my phone and I smile to myself and blush when I see it's from George the knot in my stomach that I feel tightens everytime I get a message from him

"Only for you 😉, so can we?", God , this man , Jesus , Im constantly in awe of him all the time, This smile I'm currently sporting never seems to leave my face when I'm talking to him, I bring my phone over to my desk and take a seat as I type my reply

"I really have to study tonight darlin" , I place my phone back down as I hear the sending tone go through, and open my textbook preparing to read through everything I've gone over through the last few years. Without even a second to read it a Snapchat message comes through. This time a picture message from George, he's just sat there at his desk I believe , with his bottom lip perturding outwards, like he's sulking, so I send him the same picture back captioned "don't be like that darlin , I can call you once I've finished" . He reads it instantly so I don't put my phone down and watch his little icon appear on in the corner , even his icon is cute the reply comes through instantaneously

"How long will that be then?", I roll my eyes at this message , affectionately though I have no issue with it it's precious really. So I send back telling him that I shouldn't be too long it all depends how long it takes for me to pull my hair out but also ask what he's being so needy tonight. "I just miss you Matty"

"I miss you too darlin , how about we call but you gotta be quiet while I study , can you do that for me?" , I smile again as I see his little icon pop back up in the corner with and immediate

"YES THAT I CAN DO"

"Go ahead then but shush okay", at this I wait for his call to come through and start going over my last analysis of "The death of a salesmen" text. It takes no less than a second for his call to come through when I answer his face is beaming he's smiling to brightly "heya love"

"Hiya Darlin" , I smile at him before I get myself stuck into my work, I understand he's want to talk but I really need to get in the headspace of studying , as I'm studying I hear tapping from his end his Xbox remote in hand and I want to ask him what he's playing but I shake my head to get myself to concentrate and get back to my book, I've gone over this thing a million times I know it forwards , backwards and sideways but I can do English so if I know it all properly I have a better chance at passing at least one exam you know. After a further ten minutes of reading over the script. I feel like I'm being watched "darlin your starin"

"Nah I ain't" , I look up at him and he is indeed staring, looking at me like I'm the only human in the world that's ever existed

"You most definitely are"

"Aren't you supposed to be studying, sounds like your the one talking, you asked me to be quiet you didn't say I couldn't watch you" , he's smiling at me again looking like such a cheeky fucker that he is

"Alright fine, but stop distracting me okay?, play your game alright" , I sit and watch him smirk at me while he continues clicking away at his game , which gets me to continue with my studying , making notes about all the metaphors and symbolism throughout the text , for a while we just get our stuff done just living in our own worlds but with each other company, when he got bored of his game I'm pretty sure he left for a while but came back with the biggest bowl I've ever seen but I tried to not let him know I noticed he was gone because I'm supposed to be concentrating but I keep finding myself zoning out and just watching him doing his own thing , this last about half an hour just working away at my desk before I zone out completely and find myself just staring at the wall infront of me.

"You tryna shot lasers out your eyes there Matty?" , his voice cracking through the screen startled me out of my day dream

"Huh!", pulling me out of my day dream I shake my head again a little as my hair bounces and look at him just staring at me giggling. "Sorry was just daydreaming"

He puts his bowl into his desk and turn to look at me properly "what you studying , maybe I could help you stay focused?". I roll my eyes and giggle at him again

"I'm doing English, I would be concentrating fine but my heads still banging , and I can't fuckin read it properly cuz I ain't wearing my glasses and can't find my contacts"

"Why aren't you wearing them love, your heads gunna hurt if your straining your eyes"

"I hate them, they just make light lighter and that hurts my eyes so either way somethings gunna hurt", sighing I hold my head in my hands again and shove my books away from my view. "I'll finish it another time, how are feeling anyway darlin?"

"Yeh I'm doing alright", he picks up his bowl again shovelling noodles into his mouth waiting for himself to finish then he continues on "my dads doing my head in now though", that fact that he's really enjoying those noodles makes me smile,I make a mental note to remember that if he's ever here to make sure I have some.

"Why's that Darlin?", just watching him talking about what's bothering him and not being able to just be there for him, he told me about how he hadn't gone to school that day and his dad was just on his back about it really making him not want to go even more. Which I get because I hate it when you get told to do something repeatedly. "I'm sorry Darlin , is there anything I can do to help?"

"No love it's okay , just being here in your company is help enough", I know what it can be like and I understand where he's coming from, I just feel so calm when I'm around him , is that codependency already maybe , but I don't want to change it. "I've wanted to talk to you all day, and just hearing your voice has made the day so much better Matty honestly"

"We spoke earlier darlin , are you sure your okay?", I could get used to needy George so long as it doesn't mean he's upset, I adore this boy more than anything. After asking my question I get up from my seat stretching my legs and it relaxes me so much once all my muscles are stretched out. Picking up my books to return them to my rucksack and come back to the seat. I can feel his eyes on me the whole time which makes me smile.

He's smiling again and cheeks blushed because he knows I caught him "yeh love I'm alright , I...I don't ...I just wanted to hear your voice again....after earlier I suppose...I just feel a little needy right now is all"

"Can I talk to you about earlier actually?", I don't want him to think I wasn't enjoying it as much as he was because Jesus I was but there's a lot going on with me and I need to be sure that he understands "but don't worry about it, I just need to explain stuff."

"Sure thing love , what's up"

"Well , first off please don't think I wasn't as interested as you because , yes I did I want too like really wanted too but um...I was on all these meds for stuff and it just messed me up a little, just made it hard for anything to work...my labido has been kinda none existent for a while , but , but uh , man I don't know what I'm saying, I wanna try with you"

"I didn't think you weren't interested love , you had work and I was just feeling the way I was , don't feel like you have to be that way with me every-time I do", he's moving his hands around like people do when there having an awkward conversation "I'm interested in you but I'd never force sexual stuff on you"

"But..but I...I want too, like I really want too", I'm blushing due to the nature of the conversation and the honesty but also because of how precious his little face is.

"We'll we can , when your ready love, just let me know" , he's got the biggest smile plastered on his face and he looks amazing "you know ...you never have to explain anything to me love..I just wanna be around all the time"

I nod at him while I pick up my laptop and take it over to my bed yawning, I remove my shirt and slip into bed getting cosy. Today has been so busy my muscles are stiff and being in bed really helps me relax.

"Are you tired love ?, I can go if you'd like?" , he still looks wide awake and I swear he's got other things to be getting on with instead of looking after me right , but I just don't want him to go.

"I'm tired yeh but I'm not going to sleep yet, you can stay if you like , but if you've got other stuff to do, then your allowed to go"

"No , I don't want to go yet , I just don't want to keep you awake", he mirrors my actions gets himself into bed "we can watch something if you'd like"

"Oh, oh , oh, have you seen game of thrones , we can watch that if you want", I'm sure everyone has seen that show by now but I love it and the world it surrounds amazes me

"I have seen bits of it yeh , We can watch anything you like love, want me to screen share or can you do it ?", he looks so cute wrapped up in all those darn blankets he has on his bed and it makes me smile and totally forget to answer "Matty?"

"Huh!" , I release my gaze from his face for a second and try to gather what he had asked "oh sorry um yeh , no , um I'll do it", I pull my laptop closer to me to work the screen , while I'm typing away getting the show ready I can see him in the corner of my screen just staring. This in turn makes me blush and roll my eyes "your doing it again", with that I pull up Netflix and share it with him getting ready to play.

"I can't say I know what your talking about love" , we both settle down smiling like madmen and blushing as the title screen plays. The theme tunes send me into a complete other dimension I swear and I love it so much. It makes my smile so much bigger , which makes him giggle "someone's a little obsessed with this ain't they"

"Shush it's playing", he smiles at me again a big toothy grin this time and rolls his eyes. But does start paying attention to it. His eyes grow wide at a few point when something unexpected happens. I get overly excited at certain parts asking him if he understands what's going on which he replies with a nod as if to say he's heard me but isn't listening also he's engrossed and I swear it's amazing. We steal a few glances every now and then and blushing like teenage girls when we catch the other doing it. When the first one ends I ask if he wants to watch the next one which he gladly accepts, midway through the next one I see his eyes start to drop slightly as our mine "Darlin you still with me?"

"Mhm", he shakes his head a little and rubs his eyes trying to look more awake as he continues watching, his eyes still slowly dropping every few moments

"Darlin, we can watch this tommrow if you like, your tired ", I pause the episode and wait for him to reply as I yawn myself.

"I was enjoy it though" . He pours at me like a petulant child hoping I'd continue to play it but I can't keep him up and we both need sleep

"We can come back to it tommrow Darlin get your head down and we can get some sleep yeh?"

"Okay then if you say so". He moves his laptop to the other side of his bed so he can get properly comfortable in bed and lays down on his pillow his eyes shutting almost instantly "goodnight love" he blows me a kiss and turns over.

"Good night darlin" , I watch his back rise and fall for a little while hopefully he's asleep because I really need to talk to Ross. Once he's sure I'm asleep. I pick up my phone and send Ross a quick text to check if he's awake "DEFCON 5 ROSS , DEFCON 5". I move my laptop onto the other side of my bed also and sit up a little bit. A text from Ross doesn't take to long to come back "call me then dickhead"

I quickly pull him up on the offer and click the call button and bring the phone to my ear and start biting my nails while I wait for him to answer which doesn't take to long to come through.

"What's up ?" , he sounds a little groggy like I awoke him up.

"Did I wake you ?"

"No I'm just tired but I was on call with John and saw your message and thought I should call you", told you hes a fuckin gem "so what's up Matty?"

"I think I'm down bad Ross , like really down bad" , I continue bitting on my nails which makes the senatnce come out a little mumbled but he still catches onto what I'm saying.

"For George?", the fact that Ross remembers his name is a good start.

"Mhm" is all I can muster up the strength to say right now.

"What do you want me to do about it. I don't know him, Just talk to him Matty, he's seems like a good bloke"

"But how do I tell him"

"With your words Matty , you know use your voice box that thing that I've never known for you to close since I met you , you numpty" , I roll my eyes at this response because it's the most Ross response I have ever heard to a question

"But what do I say I meant , you dickead"

"Just tell him you like him or something I don't know"

"Much help Ross much help"

"Man honestly just go for it, if he makes you happy just let him know , I'm made up for you lad but you need to take the steps for yourself and I'm sure if he's a grand bloke he'll like you too why shouldn't he?"

"I don't know , he seems to like me but I'm scared it's to early"

"It might be , but all you can do is talk it through bro its can't go too wrong right ?"

"I'll try , anyway, I'll let you get back to your lover man ey , don't do anything I wouldn't yeh?" , I can physically feel him rolling his eyes at me.

"Ha-ha , very funny , but alright lad , I'll see you tommrow yeh?, and we can talk about it tommrow"

"Alright see ya"

"See you tommrow lad" , we both hand up and i through my phone into charge after I sent my alarm for school, with this I lay down properly and pull my blanket up to my chin to feel the warmth engulf me and I go back to watching George's back rise and fall . Which helps lul me to sleep. But what I didn't realise was while I was having Thai conversation George wasn't fully asleep yet and heard everything and was just laying there with the biggest grin on his face.

I think I’ve gone delulu man

Just found out some mad facts 😳

Bout to getting my silly little box tattoo in September

We’ll I only bought three what you looking at me for 😂😂😂

The masculine urge to call everyone Darlin is well high up in my priorities today

And it’s all Mattys fault

This is apparently what I do for people when I get drunk 😂

I know I already posted this but I’ve just realised this it’s not very common thing but why are they ALL lefties 😂

This is so ADHD Matty Coded and I love it , everyone else just tryna work and Matty like 🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻 if this is how school was for him I’d have loved to be in his class 😂😂

Telling my future children this is Matty Healy

#

The next chapter of Heart Out is being an absolute menace to write for some reason , I can’t get it to flow correctly, it’s jumpy and it’s honestly just hell , so I’m sorry I haven’t posted it yet , I don’t know when it will be up, I’m trying to get it up tonight though , I hope people have enjoyed heart out so far

Again I’m sorry guys

If anyone wants to help my messages are open

This is just a simple one shot I thought of the other day while I was working it’s not all that good I can 100% understand that , but I hope it’s enjoyable , it’s just a cute little story of George taking care of an upset Matty and helping him , I’m sorry it’s a little jumpy but I hope you like it.

“Matty I swear you better answer your phone “

That was the last thing I send him about an hour ago, I’m now in the back of an Uber on my way to his place, worry coursing through me as he hasn’t been at rehearsal for almost a week and none of us have heard from him since we got back 3 weeks ago. We know he’s not doing great but we’ve been trying to help but he’s not making it easy. This drive to his feels like the longest drive I swear , I’m tapping away at my legs getting more anxious every time we stop. I keep checking my phone just to be sure he hasn’t texted I know he won’t but I need to check either way.

When I arrive at his, I basically run up to his door checking under the plant pit for the spare key and quietly enter just to be sure I don’t accidentally startle him. As I’m heading through the house I see a scattering of mugs everywhere that’s nothing new none of them are empty either again nothing new. The thing that’s putting me off his bow quiet it is in here. It’s never quiet, there’s usually always some type of noise or loudness coming from somewhere in the house. “Hey Matty, where are ya”, he’s not anywhere I’ve check so far , the smart option would be that he’s in his bedroom bits it’s past midday so I assume he’d have at least been awake but I guess not. I head to his room and slightly nudge the door open there’s a small lump in the bed and the sheets are in a heap, as I step closer that’s when I notice that he’s still asleep hair strewn over the pillow such a mess, he’s got clothes on so that’s a start he’s not naked. I spot his suitcase in the corner he hasn’t even unpacked yet , it’s open and there clothes spilling out from it like he’s looked for something in the suitcase but hasn’t made an attempt to put his stuff away. Now I’m stiff next to the bed and I’m shaking him a little “Come on Matty, it’s like 2pm , there’s no way you can still be asleep” still nothing so I shake him a little harder this time. He jumps awake and pulls away

“G…George “, is eyes taking a second to adjust to the light squinting as he rubs his eyes “why are you here?”

“Mate , what’s up with you , you haven’t been to rehearsals and no one’s heard from ya , I came to see if you where okay” , I sat on the side of the bed next to him trying to work out if he’s doing okay , he looks a bit pale and his stubble is starting to grow “like honestly what’s up?”

He racks his hand back through his greasy hair and lays back down “just feel like shit G” , I don’t know if he means physically or mentally but either way I need to help him so I shake him up a little again.

“Come on Matty , let’s get you up”, he shake his head only a little though and pulls the blanket around himself turning away from me. “Come on, you’ll feel better if you shower”, I pull the duvet off of him and wrap my arms around his small frame trying to pick him up , but he’s making it a little hard slightly flailing about and asking me to put him down.”Then get up yourself lazy bones , and hop in the shower , I’ll help you wash your hair if you want”. A shit eating grin appears on his face at the mention of me washing his hair, he loves it when someone else washes his hair. I let him go this time letting him drop the small distance back the bed “Come on needy”. I rise from the bed and offer him my hand which he grabs and I drag him through to the en-suite

He’s stood there in the bathroom looking tiny and frail “Have you eaten since you got back Matty?”, he lets out a small whimper with a shrug “a little not much I guess then aye”, he nods at my response, “come on off with these”, I gesture towards his T-shirt and jogging pants. He slowly starts to take off his clothes I make my way around him and get the shower going checking the temperature to make sure it’s warm enough then remove my shirt as I guide him slowly under the shower listening to him sigh as the heat reaches his body “that’s it mate get yourself cleaned up , I’ll wait just out here until your ready for me to do your hair okay”, he nods slowly. I close up the shower door and sit on the sink taking my phone out texting the boys letting them know that I’m here with Matty and that I’ll get him sorted. After a couple of minutes I here his call for me

“I’m ready G” , with that I step back into the shower with him ignoring that my jeans will get soaked as he passes me the shower gel , I lather it up in my hands waiting until it’s really soapy and start rubbing my hands through his hair, Matty leans against me as I massage his scalp making sure I get it all in, “So what’s been going on then Matty?”

“Just haven’t felt great in my head lately and I didn’t want to bother you guys”, his eyes are currently closed as he’s leaning against my shoulder and humming away when I find a place that he likes “I’m sorry, I know I should have said but I was just too in m head”, I slowly guide him back under the water to rinse off the soap

“Matty, you know you can always tell us when something is wrong, do you want help cleaning the house up or some food first?”, I don’t expect him to answer straight away as he’s under the water and I’m just stood watching him relax fully under the water.

We both exit the shower at the same time and I throw him one of the softest towels from the cupboard under the sink and tell him to get wrapped up and warm “I don’t want to go out just yet so can we maybe clean up first”, he lead him back to the bedroom and sit him back onto the bed and ruffle through the clothes in his suitcase stopping when I come across a T-shirt I know we both love and his skinny black jeans and I give them to him “put these on yeh and we can get to cleaning, I’ll be down stairs doing the dishes when your ready okay”, he nods at me softly as I pat his cheeks , with a smile and make my way back downstairs picking up mugs on the cabinets on my way down.

Down stairs there’s not coffee cups scattered around the place after picking them all up and loading up the sink, I start filling it up with water and look for the dish soup I finally find it on the window sill of course it’s the lemon one , I shake my head at him , I begin cleaning the dishes up and wait for him to come down. after some time he appears at the kitchen door “Alright G”, he still looks small but a little more awake than before

“How you feeling Matty ?, pass me that pan in the hob yeh?”, he doubters over the hob, brings me the pan and sits up on the counter next to me

“Everything is a little fuzzy if I’m honest G , I don’t know when the feeling started and I know you guys have been texting me all week to come to rehearsal but I just couldn’t even get out of bed, it just felt like something was pushing on my chest pushing me down and I was stuck there for days, and the only thing that I was able to get up for was coffee, I don’t even want to face people right now” , he’s flailing his arms , not really gesturing at anything , being as Matty about it as possible as he continues to talk. “I do miss you guys and I wanted to be there I promise but It was just hard to do”

“It’s alright Matty , we understand , we really do, I just wanted to check up on you didn’t I”, I finish up washing the dishes and wipe my hands down on my jeans placing my hands on his knees and kiss his head “I missed you too love”, I pull him into a hug finally letting him be close to me and rub my hands up and down his back “you can let it all out now” , This is when he starts to sob onto my shoulder, having held it back since I came in. I know that he needs to let it out. “What’s for dinner then , Maccies?” , He looks up at my face this time with another grin that nearly split his face

“Your driving though right ?” , I nod to him smiling back at him , and pull him from the counter letting him run off to put on his shoes , at this I run back upstairs to grab my shirt I took off in the shower ealier. Once I’ve retrieved it and Matty has his shoes on,We both run outside and hop into his car and race off to maccies. It’s quite a quiet journey, but I just let him rest there with his head on the window looking small as he sits in the passenger seat. When we get to the drive through , I wait there for Matty to ask the employee for his order but he’s not opening his mouth just shaking his head at me “can you just do it G please”

I shake my head and smile at his petulance , after ordering a quarter cheese burger meal for myself I order Matty a Double cheese burger , large strawberry milkshake , apple pie and a Latte. He’s smiling at me now “you always remember my order”

“After so many years of knowing you and what you like why would I forgot , you’ll start with the burger get bored of it after what 3 bites you’ll give it to me and fill up on the pie and milkshake and leave the coffee till last and complain when it’s cold”, I smile at him now once we finish paying for the order and are waiting to receive it , while we’re waiting I hand him a cigarette and my lighter “I know you must be gagging for one by now” , he takes them from me smiling like a child in a candy shop and when I get the order I hand it to him also I then drive into the car park and smile , taking my time to watch him grab his things and hand the back back to me I take hold of the wheel and smile “where to miss??” , mocking the titanic , a film we watched for the 100the time while away on tour before we came back, this made him laugh like mad

“Jesus G, I don’t think Leo would be very happy that your stealing his Rizz , but uh anywhere drive wherever you’d like” , and just like I said he would while slurping on his milkshake he takes approximately three bites of his burger and is handing it to me with those big pleading eyes of his “take it , I don’t want it”, and gleefully opens the pie box, “although these I could eat all day”.

I smile at this because although he may seem mysterious to the rest of the world , I can read this man like a damn book “thanks”, after taking the burger in my hand , I drive off , thinking I’ll take him to the beach , there’s a football in the back of his car, it’s been in there for years so maybe a kick about will do him some good , “footie?”

He takes a few drags of his cigarette and continues to slurp on his milkshake and nods his head vigorously “that sounds great, thank you G”

This is so ADHD Matty Coded and I love it , everyone else just tryna work and Matty like 🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻 if this is how school was for him I’d have loved to be in his class 😂😂

Chapter 18

Word Count : 2796

Warnings : Smut in this one , it’s cringe and weird maybe a little awkward but there we go

George's POV

The moment I read Matty's text, I jump up from my place on the couch and basically bomb through to my room nearly taking the door off the hinges as I go, I physically feel like a 12 year old girl right now when there first proper boyfriend give them even the slightest bit of attention, it's so lame but I can't help it. I set up my laptop on my desk and get comfy in my chair and use the reflection in the screen to make sure I don't look a state. I tie my hair up in a small man bun and pull my hood over it , it definitely looks better like this less wild I suppose. That's when I finally open the app to call him, I listen through the dial tone while my heart races, hearing his voice is like home for me already. His face appears on my screen in full and he's smiling already his eyes are shining and he looks amazing . We sit in a comfortable silence for a couple of seconds just eyeballing each other until I speak up "hey there love"

"Hello Darlin", there I go already melting into a puddle on the floor, wow, his voice is like warm honey tea when your sick it just opens everything up. Makes me feel alive "are you okay darlin".

"I'm alright now that your here , I can see you now and watch over you", I'd watch him all day, doing even menial tasks, watching him work through things watching his face contourt into a crooked smile that he does when he's thinking of things that make him happy, or when he's confused. Getting to know his body and his tell tale signs that he might need me. "How are you doing my love?"

"I'm happy your here now, was school okay , what did you do ?", I didn't do much at school I think I only went to my first lesson I skipped my other lessons just spent a lot of time in the music rooms getting more demos fixed, can't let him know I'm not going to tell him I didn't go though

"It was alright nothing important happened today just did the usual stuff, what happened today then can you tell me about it ?", I lean forward in my seat, leaning on my elbows just watching him think of the right words to say. "You can just say it how it is you know, you don't need to spare any details for me"

"It was just a tricky day G, talked a lot about how I'm feeling, everyone was fussing about me, It just drained me, I know it was talking , but it made me think didn't it" , he's just talking away deep in thought , I'm just listening he's so animated when he talks even when it's not a happy topic.

"You don't like people fussing ?", I'd fuss over him anyway any day , give him everything he needs, work a great job to make the money so he could have anything he could ever want. Take him places , show him thing he's never seen. "Jesus G why you thinking like that your not even a thing" I berate myself in my own head. I always think way to quickly into things.

"It just makes everything feel too real now that everyone knows that's all". His hair is so fluffy , I wanna play with it, I wonder if he's smooth under those clothes and I wonder how much he likes it when people play with his hair. He does it a lot himself I wonder if it's different for him when others do it "you're staring Georgie" he breaks me out of my day dream, my face heats up I swear I've gone scarlet and scratch the bag of my head.

"No I wasn't ....I was just listening to you is all". I don't know who I was trying to convince him or myself , he's just looking at me now with the goofy smile of his. I feel a little hot under the colour and uncomfortable under his gaze

"What we're you thinking about Darlin?", God he can't know that would be weird right if I just told him I wanna see all of him, I want to know all of him. How interesting and tantalising I find him. I'm still blushing and I don't think it's going to subside anytime soon. He just does that to me "Come on Darlin tell me?" , I can do it I'm a big boy this is how people flirt ain't it

"I was thinking about you" . Wow , way to make it weird George well done, now you have to say more words to make it less weird "like not like in a weird way but like just" here I go tripping over my words like a moron come on get it together G , Jesus

"Like what?", Shit why's he gotta be such a menace , he's smiling at me leaning on one of his elbows , closer to the camera, while his other hands plays with his hair

"Just uh , just maybe , I was just thinking that I'd like to kiss you...no that's weird sorry um , I just wanna be there with you" , he's just sat there watching me trip over my words looking like a complete flake and giggling about it, this is no reason for him to be like this right now , yes I'm making an arse of myself but nope that's just mean.

"If it helps , I'd really like to kiss you too" , he's blushing now too "I've wanted to kiss you since I first saw your face a few days ago , I've never really been with a guy in that way so I didn't think it meant anything but you've earwormed youre way into my head and it's all I want to do"

"You've never been with a guy?, Really ?" , that's a weird thought he seems like someone who'd have at least tried it, like he doesn't seem like he'd be scared to let himself be with a guy.

"Nah never been with a guy , I haven't really accepted that I'd liked guys as well as girls until like last year but never had anyone that's made me want to try stuff, like of course I've like done stuff.....to the thought of guys but never with one". He's getting a little shy and awkward now and if I didn't already think he was cute I'd surely think it now. His little flustered looks and his scrunched up face is everything. I'm now a lot less nervous, I don't have to be anything other than myself right, that should make things a lot easier

"We'll that's makes me somewhat happier, If you let me I can be your guide". Smiling at each other then we break into giggling messes "tell me about the first time you did something to a guy", I know that that's maybe a weird question but I want to know what he likes and what he's into "like what did he look like or what did you imagine , like , I don't know what did you want to do with him"

"Well there was this guy in school he was on the football team , I think I was maybe 15 at the time , I just thought he was pretty, tall as all hell , black hair , he was kinda emo in a way. We were friends for a while and that summer we'd spent a-lot of time with each other and I think I developed a little fascination with him, We were playing football one night and it was really fuckin hot and he was just running around shirtless and that night after he left stuff happened, just got a little busy with myself in the shower", Matty in the shower is an image that i wouldnt mind ingraining in my brain forever. The image of that floating around in my brain leaves a stiffness between my legs and it causes me to shift in my chair uncomfortably. I see a glimmer in his eyes like he knows what’s up “you okay there darlin?”

“Mhm , all good”, I know for a fact that he knows I’m lying. The air in the room is getting warmer stifling you may say and I can feel the redness in my cheeks become more prominent. I lean back in my chair and try to adjust my jeans discreetly so there’s less friction. Matty is literally just staring me down which is not making my situation any easier “seriously love I’m all good, anyway, so uh what happened after that ?”, this isn’t going to help my situation either but I began this so I’ve got to keep going right ?.

“Nothing really, we were still friends for a while but he moved, I mean there was still obviously time throughout the friendship that I’d have time to myself thinking about him but it wasn’t a thing I made a big deal of you know ….” , at that point he stands up removing his shirt and I swear I’m trying to look anywhere but at my screen “although in saying that we did play a game of spin the bottle at this party one time, and ALOT of kissing happened that night, ended up with the biggest hard-on of my life, Jesus trying to hide that from a house party full of teenagers was a nightmare….”, he’s putting so many images in my head right now seriously I’m about to go into overdrive. I’m not even going to try speak because I know I’ll just not get a single word right. He’s got his work shirt on now and he’s sat back in his seat and I’m trying not to let on that I’m actually about to die. “You look a little warm there darlin , you sure your doing alright there?”, that cocky smile he’s got plastered in his face right now tells me everything I need to know that he’s just trying to wind me up. I rolls my eyes and let out and over exasperated sigh like I’m not bothered by what’s going on.

“I told you I’m fine Matthew” , I know he told me that he only gets called that when he’s in trouble or someone’s pissed off at him but I’ve got to show him that I’m not spiralling in my head “Anyway , what time do you have to go to work”.

“I have to leave in ten minutes, why ?, do you have urgent business that needs attending too”, little fucker is really trying this right now , I can hold on ten minutes I’m not a horny teenager that has to be right at it but I swear if he keeps up like this I don’t know what’s going to happen.

“No , no , I was just inquiring that’s all”

“Oh you were , were you?”, he’s a fuckin menace quite literally but I wouldn’t have him any other way. He’s beutiful inside and out , even with the cockiness, he seems to have calmed a little bit

“Yes I was, are you going to be okay at work love ?” , he didn’t go to school again, I know school and work are very different and now that I’ve seen his work attire I now know that he works at Caffè Nero that can be quite busy sometimes “it’s nearly 5 it’s coming up to dinner time it’s not going to be too busy is it ?”

“I’ll be fine darlin , it’s only a few hours, I don’t work long hours now , few hours at a time, I’m only in till 9 , four hours” , he’s smiling at me while pulling strands of his hair and letting the curls spring back in place. Arghh imagine pulling on that and letting my hands wrack through it. I whimper a little at the thought. Stop it G, just calm down Jesus, I place my head in one hand just resting on my chin and my other hand goes under my desks clasping on my thigh to stop me from touching anything else “I’m going to go now darlin just to be there in time okay” he winks at me slightly as he gets up “don’t forget to send me pictures”, I know exactly what he meant by that. We say our goodbyes and my screen goes black. I then let out a sigh of relief and lean back in my chair spinning around slightly so I’m facing the inside of my room “wow”, I do however have to get rid of this before I go see my family. I rise from my chair removing my hoodie and draping it over the back of the chair I quickly go to lock my door and I close my curtain on the way I lay back on the bed and pick my phone up and a message from Matty appears on the front screen I open it instantly

“Hey Darlin, did that make you uncomfortable if so I’m sorry”

“No I just got a little busy downstairs 😂”

“I had noticed, would I be allowed to see”

I lay down fully on my bed and pull my shirt up a little bit a strip of the skin on my stomach was visible and the band of my boxers. I slide my hands down my body a little it’s resting next to the very visible bulge in my jeans I quickly snap a picture and send it off to him with a little “is this okay?” , I palm myself through my jeans for a while giving me some realise and I’m so thankful for it because fuck me do I need this. My hands are tingling and itching to open my button but I want to wait a while and give myself some time. A message come back through from Matty

“What a beautiful boy, can I see more? x”

I continue palming myself and a soft moan escapes my lips, I then finally loosen the button and slide my jeans down my thighs now just revealing my bulge in my boxers , I then slide my hand into my boxers and wrap my hand around my dick squeezing lightly, with my other hands I snap a picture of the sight I front of me and just send it off without a caption because I’m not sure what to say and with this I just place my phone beside me and bring my hand up to my mouth to cover it so my family can’t hear what I’m up too. At this I begin moving my hand up and down my dick now gaining the pressure I needed, at this I release a moan only heard to my ears. It’s all a bit dry but I have no lube, I let myself go and lick my hand for a slicker movement to be made gross I know but what else am I supposed to do. I bring my hand back down to my dick and start jerking again. I close my eyes and the image of Matty in the shower pleasuring himself quickly comes to the for front of my mind “fuckkk” , I take my hand away from my mouth for a second and my lips part with that it goes to my hair which I pull on for a while imaging that my hands are Matty’s for a moment this causes my back to arch off of the bed as Precum starts to leak from my dick. I continue on with what I’m doing and I’m not imaging Matty whispering in my ear “what a gorgeous boy , doing so well for me” , This mixed with the image of Matty in the shower whisper sweet nothings causes the tightness in my stomach to start forming as mr hands gets faster I bring my other hand back to my mouth and I bite on my knuckles, “you want to be loud for me don’t you baby” there it goes again the image of him leaning over me to whisper into my ears. My release comes quicker than I’d have liked , I release all over my hand and my stomach and I breath loudly out of my nose as I finish “That was amazing fuck me”, I wait till I come down to reality again and pick up my phone to see another message from Matty

“I bet that would look great in my hand 😉”

I wipe myself down with a tissue from the box that was beside my bed and quickly go to but it in the bin in the corner of my room, I pull my boxers and trousers back up and button them back up

“If only it was”