Epilepsy - Blog Posts

The sudden urge to delete all my disability related posts, so people won't see and won't like it, so it won't remind me of being sick>>>>>

To be honest, I feel kinda remorseful for making posts with hashtags like "disabled" and others. Why? Because thinking about my diseases constantly only worsens my mental health. I literally was about to go back to cutting or mutilating my body. Plus, I don't really think that I'm like... Disabled? Like my symptoms aren't enough to be called disabled or something... So, I think that I won't be making posts like this anymore... Or do them rarely. Hope y'all will understand. Thanks for being with me in those times. Take care of yourself.

And yet again nobody cares about my hobbies or how I feel. I'm just an ICD code. Right. Just forgot.

Invisible disability is still a disability. Even if you don't see it.

WHY CAN'T I FUCKING CUT MYSELF?? WHY CAN'T I SLICE MY SKIN AGAIN LIKE I USED TO?! I'M GETTING FUCKING TIRED OF THESE DISABILITIES, SEIZURES AND OTHER SHIT. I JUST WANNA BE HEALTHY OR ALLOWED TO MUTILATE MY BODY. I WANT TO HAVE THE CONTROL I LOST.

I want to kill myself because of being disabled. I'm a fucking mess right now. I feel grief, frustration and hopelessness. I wish I could cut myself again.

Trying to dump my sufferings to feel healthy again. I can't bear it anymore.

!!READ IF YOU'RE STUDYING JAPANESE AND HAVE EPILEPSY!!

There's an app called "Memory hint", and please, don't download it if you have photosensitive epilepsy or at least consult with a professional, because there's "Kanji catch" mode that could POSSIBLY trigger a seizure, at least if you won't lower speed. I almost had a seizure because of it.

Please, be careful with apps and videos you're watching, because sometimes there's no TW!

People's honest reaction when there are MUCH more physical diseases than infections ones or breaking your limb

I'm so fucked up with these diseases thing. Everyone is taking in my disability first instead of my personality. Everyone wants only to discuss my disease instead of my new hobby. Maybe I'm really just a code in ICD... Ehh... Why can't I throw away my feelings and just accept the fact of me being a living movement disorder.

"Diagnosis isn't an excuse!!" Then what is an excuse for my uncontrollable movements, huh?

It's always "we will represent disabilities!" Until it comes to dystonia/atethosis/chorea/etc. Until they see a REAL seizure, not when a person just shakes on the ground. Until when they see how a person can't get up to go to the toilet due to fatigue. Until they see how a person suffers from pain all over their body, although they ate BUNCH of pain killers. Until disability ISN'T aesthetically lay in bed and sit on the internet. Until they see how a person can't go out on the street without someone who could help them, so they are forced to bed rotting all the time. Just please, if you speak about disabilities, talk about REAL disabilities, not "aesthetically" laying in the bed while everyone is pampering you.

How to explain to people that there's NO NEED in restraining a person when they have a seizure, like bro, just put them on their side and count time, and if the seizure doesn't end or lasts more, call the ambulance. NOT RESTRAIN a person, because either you either them will end up with a trauma.

Just accept the fact that flash warning doesn't count as a warning when it appears on a 0,1 second with a small font in the bottom of the screen. I hate it when people can't take a minute to make a good tw.

Why can't I just give up and stop visiting doctors and let myself rot until it's too late? I feel like I'm already starting to decompose, just leave me alone, so I can rot

Some people are just: "we're tolerant! we would never bully or laugh at anyone!"

And then they see a disabled person, and start to laugh at them, or say "you're just pretending!" shit

When people are saying that I'm sick, I don't really want to admit it. I don't feel like I'm suffering enough, like, c'mon... Isn't the word sick means just something more hard to bear? I'm literally doing nothing, but laying in bed and complaining about how hard my illness is, while I still can walk and do some things... Jeez, how tired I'm of these physical conditions...