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Part 14, lol (DEH Incorrect Quotes)

Connor: Funny story, I used an energy drink in my coffee this morning instead of water.

Evan, extremely concerned: And.. how do you feel?

Connor: Oh, my heart stopped beating about two hours ago.

-

Evan: Mufasa’s death scene made me cry again…

Jared: Aww, it’s okay. He’s not a real horse. He’s a cartoon.

Evan: horse?

Evan: HORSE?

Jared:

Jared: Okay, in my defense, I’ve never seen it.

Evan: IT’S CALLED THE L I O N KING!

-

Connor: I love making short jokes about Jared.

Connor: They go right over his head.

Connor: *Dying with laughter on the floor*

Jared: It wasn’t even that fUCKING FUNNY-

-

Jared: My sarcasm has reached a dangerous level, where even I can’t tell if I’m kidding or not.

-

Connor: What the fuck are you doing?

Jared: *Spreading toothpaste on toast*

Jared: I’m multitasking.

-

Connor: Damn! We were so close to having Valentine’s Day on Friday the 13th!

Evan: There’s always next year?

Jared: No, you have to wait seven years! One for each day of the week!

Alana:

Alana: I hope you guys say these things just to mess with me, because holy fuck

-

Jared: I am going to cry, this is a threat.

-

Connor: It’s 2020, why don’t banks just have the slogan “It’s Common Cents” yet?

Jared: I say we demand change.

Zoe: These puns caught my interest.

Evan: Stop. Please, just stop.

-

Jared: Fuck, I want to die!

Evan: Language!

Jared, annoyed: Heckity heck, I want death!

Evan: That was NOT any better!

-

Jared: Well, looks like it’s time to move on to plan 2.

Zoe: Don’t you mean plan B?

Jared: No, because that would insinuate that I only have 26 plans.

-

Evan: Ah yes, my train of thought. Or as I like to call it: The Anxiety Express!

-

Jared: Alright.

Connor: Fine.

Jared: Splendid.

Connor: Spectacular.

Jared: Terrific!

Connor: Marvelous!

(In the Background)

Evan: What are they doing…?

Alana: They're mad at each other, but they still want to talk, although neither will admit it.

-

Jared: What did I do to deserve this? I’m a good person!

Connor: You once pushed me down the stairs because I made a joke about your height.

Jared:

Jared: I’m a good person most of the time.

-

Jared: *Staring at literally nothing, zoning out*

Connor: What’cha thinkin about?

Jared: When normal dogs see police dogs, do they think “Oh no, the cops”?

Connor:

Connor: Do you ever look at your boyfriend and ask yourself how and why you're dating him?

-

Evan: *Picks up his phone* Hello?

Connor: It's Connor.

Evan: Ugh, tell him I'm not here.

Connor: No- it's Connor on the phone right now.

Evan: oH-

-

Zoe: What's everyone going as for Halloween?

Evan: Superman :)

Connor: A clown.

Jared, to Connor: So then we don't need to actually buy you a costume, right?

-

Evan: Connor, I am questioning your sanity...

Zoe: Really? I never questioned it, I knew it was gone from the start.

-

Evan: How is Spring not everyone's favourite season? The trees are PINK, guys!

Jared: But also, y'know, allergies and shit.

Evan: But pink.

Connor: Also it's fucking hot out.

Evan: PINK.

-

Alana: I know you love him.

Jared: I am NOT in love with Evan!

Alana, staring at him and smiling: I never said who.

Jared: *Realizes*

Jared: Shit. Well, anyways-

-

Evan: Uh, Jared, I'm afraid.

Jared: Just stay close to Connor?

Evan: No, you don't get it.

Evan: That's why I'm afraid.

-

Zoe & Jared: *Accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Jared: We need an adult!

Zoe: But you ARE an adult!

Jared: We need an adultier adult! Go get Alana!

-

Evan: Uhm.. how do you- like- ask someone out?

Miguel: Well, first-

Connor: Don't ask him. He asked me out in a McDonald's parking lot.

Miguel:

Miguel: ...And yet, you said yes?

-

Jared: So. What's the plan?

Zoe: I don't know. Your smart, *Points at Connor* he's mean, come up with something.

-

Evan: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Jared: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Evan: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Jared: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

-

Jared: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Connor: *Sigh*

Connor: Why.

Jared: To get to the dumbfuck's house.

Jared: Knock knock?

Connor: Who's there.

Jared: The chicken, dumbfuck.

Connor:

-

Alana: Evan isn't talking to me...

Jared: Enjoy it while it lasts.

-

Zoe: Evan is in trouble.

Jared: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I'm being honest right now.

-

Connor: Larry has no idea that I'm high.

Larry: Your high?

Connor: Oh, sorry.

Connor, leaning toward Zoe: Larry has no idea that I'm high.

-

Miguel: Connor and I were walking down the street, and this guy drove by and honked at us.

Zoe: What did you do?

Miguel: Well, he chased him to the next red light, and reached his window, and-

Connor, walking in: So, who wants a steering wheel?

-

Connor: I really like Eminem.

Jared: I prefer skittles.

Evan: He was talking about the rapper.

Jared: Why would you eat the wrapper????

-

Alana: Wow! Evan made you cry?!

Jared, tearing up: Yes. He said some mean things that are only partially true.

-

Jared: Evan! What the fuck did I tell you about lying?

Evan, looking down: That it only works on Cynthia...

-

Jared: Is there a fucking cactus where your heart should be?

Zoe: What's up your ass this morning??

Evan: *Walks in* Uh.. hey.

Zoe: Hm. Nevermind, disregard that last statement.

Jared: wAIT NO-


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