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Blooming Panic - Blog Posts
On that note, a sketch I did of toasty and nightowl as vieras!! Gonna do my sheesh and quest too! ❤️
One of These Days (NakedToaster/Reader FF)
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Expressing feelings wasn't exactly Toaster’s strong suit. When he was upset, he’d play FFXIV. Stressed from work? FFXIV. Annoyed because of a minor inconvenience? FFXIV. He released all his pent-up emotions at the game, and he always felt better after a raid—it’s as if those feelings never existed in the first place.
Yes, Toaster was very good at displacing his feelings as a defense mechanism, but that was how it always was, even in childhood. His parents were never home, so he learned how to take care of himself early in life. That also meant repressing his feelings or displacing them towards things like studying or video games. Toaster didn’t need to express any feelings, they were pretty pointless anyway.
That all changed when he met you, though. You joining the server really fucked with how he handled things. Sometimes you’d talk to each other about whatever came to mind, while other times he’d stay on call and play video games while you were working. Whatever you were doing, you never failed to express how you felt, whether it was frustration at your work or joy whenever you talked about your interests. Toasty enjoyed every second of it, though he never explicitly told you that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but after learning how to push his emotions aside, he didn’t know how to share how he felt.
Toaster almost envied you for being so expressive. He wished he was half as expressive as you, and maybe then he could tell you how much his heart ached with longing, wanting more of you than what was behind the screen.
He wanted to hold you in his arms. He wanted to gaze into those eyes of yours, those same ones that made time slow down to a halt. He wanted to play with your hair and kiss you all over and—
“Toasty?” your voice interrupts his thoughts. He forgot that he was in the middle of a call with you. “Are you okay?”
You’re concerned. Not only can he tell from your voice, but by the way your eyebrows are furrowed together. You get this look in your eye, as if you’re staring right into the very essence of his soul. He knows he can’t lie to you.
“I… I’ll be fine,” he replies. “Just had a lot of things in my mind, that’s all.”
You appear satisfied at his answer, though the overall look on your face remains unchanged. “Do you want to talk about it?” you ask.
He shrugs it off, averting his gaze so he doesn’t lose himself in your gaze again. Not this soon.
“No, not now. I think it’s best if I keep them to myself for now,” he says. Hopefully it’s enough for you to stop asking for now.
“As long as you tell me, okay?” you tell him. “I care about you, Toasty. I don’t like seeing you getting all stressed out and such.”
He feels his cheeks heat up. God, he’s glad the lights are off. Hopefully you can’t see him blushing. He’s not gonna lie— you telling him you cared about him made his heart do a somersault. He wishes he could listen to you say it every day.
“I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you. I don’t want you all stressed out about me, either,” he teases, sending you a small, shy smile. He can only hope he makes you feel the same way you make him feel.
“Promise?” you ask, raising your pinky up.
He smiles before raising his up as well. “Promise.”
One day he’ll tell you how he feels, but for now, he’s content with spending as much time as he can with you.
