Stare.

nikolai and the pursuit of freedom

wowzers wouldja look at that !! welcome to: nyx gets better at essay structure

quick little thing abt how nikolai views freedom altho its not super in depth sorry nikolai fans :ppp

anyway pls enjoy! (i dont think any trigger warnings apply but please let me know if there are and i will tag them/gen)

It’s time for a quiz! How does one become free?

It’s a question that Nikolai has contemplated for, seemingly, years. Nikolai works in strange ways in a desperate attempt to liberate himself from all emotions, permanently.

The conclusion that Nikolai has drawn is that being alive is a cage. Being human is a cage. Wishing for freedom like that of a bird’s, Nikolai rejects his emotions in all ways possible.

This is because Nikolai believes that freedom is found in defiance, just as birds must defy gravity in order to fly. And so, Nikolai contradicts his very nature. He displays a clownish persona, not to hide his true, contemplative self, but to lose it completely. Nikolai doesn’t kill because he cares not for human life, but it’s precisely because he does that he feels the need to contradict his aversion to cruelty by harming others. In order to be free, by Nikolai’s definition, he must completely forget his original self to become something free.

In a sense, this alienates him. Very few acknowledge the restrictive nature of following one’s emotions, and very few understand why he would conduct himself how he does. There is only one individual who Nikolai truly believed understood him, and that would be the heavily intelligent Fyodor.

Acknowledging Nikolai’s desire to lose sight of his original personality and contradict his thoughts at every turn was Fyodor Dostoevsky. And Nikolai is moved, he feels his essence to be understood by Fyodor in a way that is so alien to him to the point that it almost hurts. Nikolai truly loves how it feels to be understood by someone. It appears that, in being understood, he only drifts further from his goal.

Experiencing adoration like never before towards Fyodor, Nikolai resolves to kill him. To wipe from the face of the earth the one who understands him so that Nikolai can go back to complete incomprehensibility in the eyes of others because Nikolai does not wish for understanding. He wishes for freedom, and being understood does not have a place in Nikolai’s definition.

If there are specific events which have led to Nikolai’s resolve at all is still unknown. However, a reader can only hope to see where exactly Nikolai’s pursuit to freedom will take him. How far he can go before he twists into a monster, trapped by his own definition of freedom.

22 notes View Post

yumesanosuke

4 months ago

OMGGGG YESS

ASK: Yan! Andrew, Matthias, and Luca with a reader that's weak and a people pleaser, please? :')

A PUPPET TO ALL IS A PUPPET TO NONE.

( yandere puppeteer & “prisoner” ) + gn!reader

ASK: Yan! Andrew, Matthias, And Luca With A Reader That's Weak And A People Pleaser, Please? :')

*ੈ♡⸝⸝🔮⋆ yandere characters , mentions of killing + manipulation , I do not condone any of these actions , useage of pet names , reader is considered “weak” and “easy to manipulate” + an INSANE people pleaser , , Luca x Sock /j , little knowledge of chess ik , this is absolute ASS I’m so sorry , Andrew isn’t here b/c I gave up , grammar and spelling warning

INTRO

You've been stepped on and used your entire life, and it didn't help the fact you turned out to be a weak kiss-up either. But that was how you got by. That was how you avoided the worst outcomes and changed your fate for the better.

Your luck ends here though, as the harsh conditions of these "games" leave you feeble, but also delicate. He promises to help you, to keep you safe for as long as he needs to and to only do what feels necessary to protect you from the onslaught of horrors.

꒰wc꒱ 1.7 k

✦— THE PUPPETEER ♟️ | A pawn created to be controlled by the gods above, a loyal piece to be sacrificed for “the greater good”. Although very talented, he is looked down upon by those above him. What happens when this ‘pawn’ grabs at the ropes that bind him to this role?

Matthias Czernin had always been neglected and disregarded as if he was worth nothing his entire life. “Louis” has always taken the spotlight and, even in this wretched manor haunts his every move no matter how many times he tries to abandon him. Fire and ash, he’s watched the puppet's death countless times now. And yet, he always comes back without as much of a scratch on his wooden body.

But then, he gets the chance to meet you, and Matthias doesn’t understand what he’s done to be graced with such a presence. The life he lived before arriving here shouldn’t qualify for this type of privilege. What god had crafted every wrinkle and twitch of your perfect body just to discard you this Alcatraz? It seems he’ll never know, but the Puppeteer will do anything in his power to save you from the wretched forces orchestrating these games. Even if it means getting dirty.

♟️| Matthias Czernin is an introvert at best. He strays away from large crowds and doesn’t start conversations unless needed to. But with you, he finds speaking like second nature. Easy, relaxing, and enjoyable. The Puppeteer likes watching the creases in your eyes appear and the smile you show to him. [He wishes it was only for him.]

↳ It’s not that Matthias couldn’t [communicate], more so he just struggles with the ability to do so. We never get any insight into friends he might’ve had/made, so it’s safe to assume most if not all of his time was devoted to learning the craft of puppetry. Not for his enjoyment, but rather for his fathers as he was seeking acknowledgment and praise from him. [his mother as well, though, it seems Matthias craved it more from his father.]

♟️| Matthias Czernin doesn’t realize why [yet…] he feels this indomitable obligation to keep you entirely to himself. The annoyance he feels when someone comes in between the two of you is unmeasurable to anything he’s ever felt before. So much so that he enjoys keeping a hand on you. It’s almost sweet, whether it be a pinky intertwined with yours or a harsh grip on your wrist.

↳ Either subconsciously or not, Matthias starts to cling to you as if his life depended on it. This tactic seems to work wonderfully for him, as your friends, old and new, start to greatly distance themselves from you. They’re sick of the looming, brooding presence that the Puppeteer gives off, and seemly leave you in the dark about it.

♟️| Matthias Czernin who yearns for your praise above everything else. A puppeteer who’s been controlled with his strings [for his entire life] eventually starts to forget what it means to truly be appreciated. The feeling of want, need, and utter desire sends Matthias spiraling. He needs more, and especially from you.

It’s a quiet, dusk day when it accidentally slips from his mouth. His head in your lap with the two of you alone and away from the world had to be something straight from a rom-com. So when a subtle, yet distinct noise that sounds like a profession of his love is ripped from his throat, he does his best to act like you never heard him. It’s only when you seemingly light up that he starts to think that maybe you reciprocated a bit more than he thought.

The Puppeteer is immediately up and out of your lap, and, from somewhere somehow is filled with the courage to continue where he left off. Yes, he thinks you’re better than everyone here. Yes, he doesn’t care what past actions you’ve committed to land yourself in here, he thinks you’re absolutely perfect. Yes, he would trap you and keep you all to himself if he could. Yes, he loves you. And yes, he absolutely adores you. Albeit, maybe a bit too much.

✦— THE “PRISONER” ♝ | Intelligent, cunning and corrupt, the Bishop is a worthy opponent and is always thinking outside of the box. However, jealousy runs deep through their veins. What’s the next step when they get messy and act on impulse? Breaking their picture-perfect persona in exchange for revealing their true self?

Luca Balsa was destined to be the next big inventor from the get-go. The Balsa prestige was always meant to be written down in history books anyway. So how did he end up here? With the blood of his old mentor on his hands, there’s no erasing what’s already been done.

And yet, a murderer with or without remorse is still just that: a murderer. The stings of electric shock stay as a reminder of the act that has been committed, and the Balsac name that will forever be tarnished. But there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. This time, it’s you.

♝ | Luca Balsa comes face to face with you during your first-ever match. You’re like a baby bird: completely and utterly unaware of the dangers that will soon show their face to you in only the most haunting forms. You’re scared, frightened even. Is this all just a nightmare? Will someone pinch you and bring you back to earth? It isn’t until the “Prisoner” lends you a helping hand that you realize that, no, this isn’t a dream, but a purgatory turned into your new reality. You leave your first match unscathed. At least, physically.

♝ | Luca Balsa isn’t blind to your shaken form, and who could? After a match like that, the tremble in your legs and the quivering in your speech can be excused [especially since it was your first of many!] So, being the kind, “aristocratic” gentleman he is, the “prisoner” lends his arm out to you as an invitation to dinner. You take it, and it’ll probably be the second worst choice you’ve ever in your life up ‘till now. [number one being you coming here, of course.]

↳ It’s almost scary how quickly Luca begins to stick to you. He keeps it concealed from most [including you], but others can see through his facade. They can tell an obsession is forming, and not a healthy one. [to be fair, none of his obsessions are healthy.]

♝ | Luca Balsa who, whenever you’re not looking, sifts through your belongings, keeping little mementos of you when you’ve been stripped away from his side. [It sounds cute at first, but soon you start to notice that some of your items have gone missing.] So far, it seems the “Prisoner” has pilfered a silver bracelet, a shiny stone, and a singular striped sock. You don’t notice it, but the bracelet is on his right arm covered by his black and white sleeve. The stone, in his left pocket [he considers it lucky]. And the sock? Well, um, yeah.

↳ Luca may or may not have been caught coming out of your room before. He plays it off giving an almost actress-worthy performance. He states that he’d “forgotten something and left it in your room.” Most fall for it, but others [more specifically Ganji & Naib] are starting to keep a closer watch on him. Little do they know, Luca may or may not be planning their downfall.

♝ | Luca Balsa who isn’t afraid to pull at the weak strings of your life, to manipulate the events for his desired outcome to be brought to life. And with you, an easy prey and an incredibly naive person makes his job just that much easier. Whether it’s him whispering lies into your ears or sending threats under the [dinner] table, he’s got you wrapped around his finger in no time.

↳ if you haven’t picked up on it yet, this man isn’t above approaching these situations with more serious accusations. He’s already got blood on his hands, what else is new? [don’t ask about the pocket knife he’s started bringing around now.]

♝ | Luca Balsa is anything but the quiet type when it comes to his affection towards you. His undying feelings for you already started strong, and his blabbering mouth won’t shut up about you. It’s beginning to rub others the wrong way.

Luca Balsa is the type to whisk you away [farther than he’s already done before] and to confess his dying feelings for you in a field of meadows, the action beautiful and strange whilst he presents to you a promise ring. The topaz center glistens and gleams in the golden hour, and everything looks straight out of a romance novel. Unless you knew where to look.

The shiny kitchen knife stowed away in the picnic basket speaks as a warning in it, and the glint of something gold—something like your grandmother's bracelet that’s been missing for weeks now— shines underneath his black and white striped sleeves. But the glint of hope, life, and pure adoration in his eyes has you fooled. Your rose-tinted glasses make every red flag seem a playful pink, and you stick out your ring finger as he graciously slides the piece of jewelry on.

The ring shows itself to you as a promise. A promise to always love and cherish you no matter the wrongdoings you commit [even if he believes you can’t do any] and to hold you so close it would bruise the body he worships oh so dearly. The ring shows itself to you as a promise to not let anyone or anything get in the way of this relationship.

—

note: thank GOD they’re weird people out there like me who give chess pieces personalities. thank the people on the 2012 forum at chess.com.

↳ hi and hello everyone! it’s been a minute, hasn’t it. I personally NEVER thought this fic would see the light of day, but then again, here we are. I want to thank everyone for their patience and for all of the support I’ve earned during my time here on this platform. getting to write for people makes me so happy, and the notes make me giddy — especially when people talk about how much they liked the fic in it. I am so, so sorry this came out so late, and I’m ever more apologetic to all of my tumblr friends who had to deal with my…less than communicating ass. To the person who requested this, I’m personally hunting you down and letting you know this has been in the making since APRIL 9TH 2024. YEAH. [im kidding, it’s not your fault.] thank you all again for the unwavering support, and almost for 300 followers. LOVE YOU ALL!! ⸜( ˃̶͈̀௰˂̶͈́ )⸝ <3

Most-to-Least Protective: Survivor Guys

I had less time to write before work today, but some good inspo so I whipped up this example for the ranking requests I take! For this one I just used the ten who came to mind and who im probably most familiar with

This is meant in general terms, not just for in Matches. The primary situations I considered for this are heated arguments, physical altercations, and near-death experiences. The ranking considers their responses to these situations, as well as how strong their protective feelings are.

MOST 🔻

Naib would do just about anything in defense of a loved one. Argue, fight, kill, anything. It’s not like he hasn’t done it all before anyway. Naib refuses to lose anyone else, it’s not even an option to him. If someone tried to make it happen anyway? He’s enraged beyond giving his usual mercy of a quick death. He’s gonna make it hurt.

Andrew is not super likely to argue on your behalf, unless you count cussing someone out as “arguing.” In which case it’s like 50/50. He’s more willing to step in physically. He doesn’t want to be a glorified meat-shield, but if your life were in danger he would 100% crack someone over the head with his shovel. He won’t intentionally kill someone for you but it may happen, depending on how that shovel lands. He won’t feel bad about it either way. He’s already an angry guy, and it’s even more intense when you’re in danger.

Kevin would initiate an argument on your behalf. Also very willing to throw hands on your behalf and doesn’t care if he gets hurt. He really doesn’t want to kill anyone, but if there’s no other choice he will. Your safety as his loved one comes before anyone else’s, even his own. Surprisingly, he becomes more level-headed and calculating as the danger to you increases. In other words, he’s at his most emotional in a verbal argument.

Norton mostly trusts you to handle your own issues, but if you’re obviously uncomfortable or intimidated he’ll place himself between you and the threat. Might get into a fight for you if it were serious, but his preferred way to handle things would be dealing petty revenge behind the scenes. (or, during a personality flip, violent revenge.) He would kill someone for you if there was no other way. His feelings are more intense than his actions normally suggest, but he’s concerned about going too far like he did in the mining accident.

William is a large, strong guy, who’s very rough in his sports but not so much outside them. He’ll gladly speak up for you if someone’s being a jerk, but he may or may not make the best arguments. He’s happy to be your shield and willing to throw a punch or two if someone else strikes first but, again, he’d rather wrap things up before getting to that point. If he had to, he’d probably kill to protect you, but it would haunt him for the rest of his life. He’s very hot-headed in regards to your safety.

If Victor is one thing, it’s brave. He’s not likely to speak on your behalf, or try to hurt someone for you, but he’s more than willing to place himself in harm’s way if it means he has even a chance of getting you out of it. He always lingers close by if there’s tension in the air so he can pull you behind him at a moment’s notice.

Luca is very likely to step into an argument on your behalf—though in his case it’s more him trying to end the argument rather than engage it. He’s willing to step into danger to guide you out of it, but not to attempt violence. Not because he doesn’t care, but because he knows he’s too weak to be helpful in that way. He’s quite calm up until your life is in immediate danger, at which point he would beg his more-capable friends to save you.

Aesop is not protective in the moment at all. He won’t step in to argue or fight for you, and isn’t very likely to step into life-threatening danger, either. His self-appointed role is healing and comforting you after the fact. And, secretly, plotting revenge. No one ever suspects Aesop as being the type to hold a grudge. But I stand by what I said in his general HCs: if we go by canon, he’s easily one of the most dangerous people in the manor.

Edgar is pretty unhelpful. Listen, listen…you’re supposed to be the tough cookie in this relationship. Edgar has venom for days; he’ll run his mouth off if you want him to, sure, but he’s not throwing himself into danger just because you can’t handle it. If you almost die…well, you’re one of the few things he cares about anymore, so the line must be drawn. If they’re within reach, the culprit ought to watch their backs for a while. And maybe not eat or drink anything they didn’t prepare themselves.

Joker is a lot like Aesop, but there’s like a 90% chance of it being without the revenge bit. He does, in fact, hold grudges, but he’s still not likely to attempt anything against someone. If they did something really horrible to you he’ll look into whatever form of public justice can be dealt to them, even if that just means trying to rally the other members of the manor into shunning them. Unlike Aesop, he’s somewhat likely to try to stop a verbal altercation, but he’s not very assertive and ends up not being much help.

LEAST 🔺

497 notes View Post

yumesanosuke

10 months ago