And When The Clock Struck Midnight, We Looked At Our Adorable Kitty Paws To See That They Had Returned

Clown

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Straight to the app. I don't publish a single chapter until the whole fic it's done, and when it's done I hate it so much I only keep it as a draft to see how much I've improved.

Like, you have no idea how many fanfics of so many fandoms I have. I went from the Creepypastas to the Countryhumans, then Five Nights At Freddy's, DSMP, Boku No Hero Academia, Friday Night Funking, Bendy And The Ink Machine, Among Us, Kimetsu No Yaiba, SCP Foundation and currently Undertale AUs.

Most of them are complete yet will never be published because I hate them just as much as I hate myself.

okay i feel like i've seen a poll like this but i don't remember the results so

i use google docs btw

Ok so here's the fairy tale meta thing based off a lie that I was talking about.

In Dead Apple, there's a flashback scene at Bar Lupin where Dazai explains the concept of apple suicide to Oda, while a track called "Dear Prince" plays in the background. There's a brief mix-up where Oda confuses the story of Snow White for Cinderella - but when I first came up with this, I misremembered what he said (I mixed up... his mix-up...) and thought the line was about Sleeping Beauty.

And I'm so unreasonably annoyed by this because that would've made so much more contextual sense. Why? Because they both involve an awakening. Moreover, there's a few interesting details in the environment of the older tales (I will not be using the Disney versions as the Dead Apple motifs actually connect better with the originals and also because I have never actually seen them... embarrassingly enough) that translate quite nicely to aspects of Dazai's life and bonds.

Specifically, there are some loose parallels to be found with Odasaku and the story of Sleeping Beauty, and Chuuya and the story of Snow White. (Note that this is not intended to be shipping fuel or anything; interpret it however you like, I'm just drawing connections.)

And yeah, I know this is an entire half-baked meta formed around a line that doesn't even exist but please just give it a chance or at least humour me please please please please please

Alright let's get the Cinderella thing out of the way first since I want to at least address it.

Cinderella has its origins in the old Greek story of Rhodopis, which sets up the main aspects of the story we know now: a servant girl from a poor background ascends to royalty through marrying a prince, who searches for her after finding her missing shoe. This doesn't really bear any resemblance to the rest of the movie or any other ongoing themes... unless you want to suggest that maybe Dazai's jumping from one side to the other was something akin to a "shoe-test"; that he was looking for a perfect fit. I think that's quite a stretch though and it's likely this really was just a throwaway line meant to show us Oda's occasional uh... airheadedness. If anyone has any further thoughts on this, I'd love to hear them.

It's a shame, really, because the slip up could've been given more significance and also because as an analyst of sorts it is my sworn duty to pull meaning out of absolutely nothing so I guess I took another step further here and made up my own line to analyze in stupidly excessive detail.

The entire point of this was meant to show how both the stories of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White have a theme of awakening, and so do Dazai's bonds with both Odasaku and Chuuya - they both have a function of "waking him up" in a sense. However, the means of doing so manifest very differently.

So, let's talk about Sleeping Beauty.

Sleeping Beauty has its origins in an old Italian story called Sun, Moon and Talia, which has many of the elements we know today but was uh. A lot darker. And way more non-consensual. The version the more modern story takes its roots from is Perrault's version. Here are the important bits to this analysis: the princess pricks her finger on a spindle out of curiosity, the good fairy puts everyone in the castle to sleep along with her for 100 years so that she will not be alone when she wakes, the prince does not wake her with a kiss but instead she wakes just by his presence and they sit and talk for a long, long time.

So, on to my delusional parallels. Part one: the princess pricks her finger out of curiosity. See, for Dead Apple, we have to rethink this a bit because Dazai brings up the concept of apple suicide, not murder. Of course, this is a parallel to himself and his disregard for his own life, so here we can take it that he did not "prick his finger" out of mere curiosity, but also, likely out of a desire to "sleep".

It's hard for me not to draw a connection between the curiosity aspect of the finger prick and Dazai's curiosity to join the mafia, especially with the next part - where everyone falls asleep as well for the time the princess is asleep. Essentially, no one will age or die. For as long as the princess remains unconscious, the world will not change. And if the princess perhaps, wanted this, then we can infer what is likely a fear of being left. Maybe even a fear of living. Dazai joined the mafia because he was curious if it would have what he sought. Instead, he spent his days trapped in an "oxidizing dream" as he detached further and further both from his humanity and from others. The mafia is already a place where people don't talk to each other openly and we know Dazai was even more unknowable than that - if he doesn't care about himself or others, the dream goes on. He stays asleep, and if he doesn't care, then he doesn't lose anyone - no one truly "dies".

As for the last part, there isn't much to say. Dazai warms up to Odasaku because the man just talks to him. And likes talking to him. And doesn't tell him to stop when he's being really freaking weird. But notably, Odasaku doesn't do much at first to help Dazai "awaken". It's only when he's about to die in his fight against Gide that he realizes he regrets not saying something sooner. Odasaku only has one chance to wake Dazai before he dies and he does it by shattering that dream that he will find what he's looking for. Paradoxically, that hope Dazai held onto was what trapped him in that singular mindset. Oda dies shortly after and the illusion is broken. Dazai wakes up, his world kickstarts where it had previously been stagnant and Dazai greets the sun and tries to live.

See why I'm slightly annoyed this wasn't the line now?

But hey, while we're at it, let's also talk about Snow White because the Dead Apple movie was actually a lot more firm with its connections than I think people realize.

Firstly, I would love people to know that in the original Grimms' fairy tale, Snow White doesn't clean the dwarves' house but in fact burgles it, eating their food, drinking their wine and falling asleep in one of their beds after testing each one, and generally leaving the house in complete disarray. Yeah. Not related to my point at all, but this sounds an awful lot like something Dazai would do (but more out of mischief than naivete of course).

Here's the important part though: Did you know that the Queen attempted to have Snow White killed not just once, but three times? The first two times, the dwarves were the ones to save her and quite quickly - they made a deal after she broke into their house that she would fix it up for them and maintain it in exchange for her staying with them in safety. It's an agreement of sorts, but as they became fond of her, they try and save her life in earnest. The poisoned apple is actually the third attempt to kill her, where the Queen bites into the white, non-poisoned part of the apple and Snow White, thinking it safe, eats the red half and falls asleep.

Hey. Remember the colour of the pill Dazai took in Dead Apple?

Yeah, someone on that team knows the original fairy tale.

Interestingly (and this is where I got really excited), there are three different attempts to kill Snow White (or, if Dazai is to be believed, three different attempts at her own self-destruction) - and there are three different instances where Chuuya "wakes" Dazai, twice while they're partnered (when they have an "agreement", terms in a sense as partners), and once in Dead Apple.

The first is in Fifteen, the infamous scene where Dazai shoots the body and Chuuya snaps him out of it by wrenching the gun out of his hands. I'm honestly a bit too tired to go super into that scene right now but I'm doing a little bit on it later - all that needs to be acknowledged here is that Dazai was out of it and Chuuya forced him back to earth. The second occurs during the Dragon's Head Conflict when Dazai is completely insensitive to the death of a mafia executive and Chuuya decks him for it. The now-infamous line "no one would believe that" is often misinterpreted I think. Chuuya says this in response to Dazai's "I'm human, too, you know." He's not saying "you're not human", he's saying "you are human but no one would believe that with the kind of shit you're saying and doing". It's the same kind of sentiment in the first scene where Chuuya intervenes, I believe. And it is a form of waking, in that Chuuya snaps Dazai out of his more inhumane moments - he basically calls him out and forces him to reevaluate; the epitome of a rude awakening.

Now for the Dead Apple scene proper.

Firstly, let's establish something. They are no longer partners in the mafia. They are even on separate sides. The framing of this changes Chuuya's actions from working with Dazai with occasional call-outs to bring him back to earth, to saving him in what is quite literally a rescue.

In the original myth, again, there is no waking kiss. Instead, in this third time, everyone assumes Snow White is really dead, that she will not be coming back. The prince, who happens across her, insists she at least receive a proper burial. But when carrying her coffin, one of them trips and they stumble, which jostles the princess enough that the piece of apple stuck in her throat is dislodged and she coughs it up, reviving. Uh...

Yeah.

Anyways this got kind of messy at the end and idk if it even made sense this is really just unhinged rambling so...

Tldr, Odasaku and Chuuya both help "wake" Dazai even if their methods and personalities are very different, which is part of the reason why both bonds are very important. Neither are particularly gentle with him, but waking, especially if all you want to do is sleep, is not a gentle thing.

PLEASE FOLLOW THIS LINK to sign petitions and send your representatives letters about stopping KOPA!

The law could be severely misused and is open enough to interpretation that it seems like it could be used to take down sites like Ao3 and Tumblr for being LGBTQIA+ safe places. It would also likely require age verification for EVERY internet user, which would not protect kids, it would just give the gvmnt more possibilities to restrict and police our internet use.

It took me less than 5 minutes to sign literally all of these that I can right now. ♡

I saw another post about this, but they didn't want proshippers to interact, so I'm making my own.

The Wayne kids aren’t mafia, but individually they’re scary enough for people to assume they are. Everyone knows Brucie Wayne is the biggest himbo ever and his kids are running everything from the shadows. It’s like…a given. Seriously have you seen his kids? Tim’s even the CEO at 18.

Dick is beloved. Everywhere he goes kids practically flock to him, but people have seen him slam one too many possible child predators into a wall with the most threatening smile for them to think he’s all sunshine and rainbows.

One time, a mother asked for his help because his daughter was missing and the police wouldn’t help. Dick made one call (to Tim or Oracle), and the child was back by the end of the day and an entire trafficking ring was taken down. When asked he simply smiled and denied any involvement but said he was over joyed that one more trafficking ring was out of their city.

Jason Todd is Crime Alley’s hero. More so than anyone else, he has directed funds to help the area he called home before being taken in by Wayne. He died, but no one actually believes that. The Wayne children’s “mafia” had him doing something under cover. And while dick is all threat with a smile, Jason is Threaten with a frown. He can send people running with just a look.

someone noticed that Jason is always strapped. Man has no less than 5 weapons and one is always a gun. He doesn’t hide it, kids always ask him question and Jason always stops to answer them if he has the time. Even shows kids a few moves if they need to defend themselves. For whatever reason people don’t connect hood to Jason, but they definitely think Jason is funding hood.

Tim is the most relatable. Certified genius and always down to help kids with homework. Sometimes he’ll camp out in a cafe for the day. Without fail his location gets leaked and by mid afternoon he’s put away his WE work to tutor any students who have walked in.

He’s always tired, always has coffee, and always gives people a smile, but he knows too much. Rumor is that nothing happens in this town without Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne knowing. One time he was taking a break at the park, scrolling through his phone when a group approached him clearly intent on kidnapping him. Before they even got close Tim was reciting their social security number, their cell phones, the names of their loved ones, and their address.

When Tim looked up it was with a tired smirk that clearly came across as a warning. He then stood, slipped a business card onto the bench, and told them if they need work to call this number and their reps will help them find something regardless of their past record.

Rumor has it the downfall of the most recent corrupt socialite was completely orchestrated by Tim.

Damian is a little gremlin that has the family wrapped around his finger. At first their were rumors of infighting between the two youngest (Tim and Damian), but then how could that be possible when at the first sign of trouble Timothy materializes out of the shadows wearing his mother’s smile that promised social and financial ruin if you so much as looked at his baby brother wrong.

Dick flat out punched a man in the face for calling Damian a terrorist. The “victim” was high society and swore up and down that their would be a law suit, but Tim took care of it with a few photos and screen shots of an affair that would have ruined the man in question.

Damian has scary dog privilege on his own, but it’s a whole new ballpark when Jason is out with him. Apparently someone tried to kidnap Damian on the way to meet up with Jason and the bats didn’t even need to be called. Jason took care of it before they even got the kid in the van.

Damian is a violent little thing. Everyone knows, even if it was never announced, that he got it from where ever he had been living before, so they always gave him a little leeway, especially since his violent tendencies were decreasing…at least physically. Damian can, will, and regularly verbally eviscerates anyone who wrongs him. It’s impressive as it is scary. This kid looks at you like he can read every insecurity you’ve ever had and is not afraid to air it to the world while also insulting you into the grave.

Individually they’re terrifying, but the reason that they’re still Gotham’s golden family is because together the goofiest fucking people you have ever seen in your life (also the endless amount of charity work they do together as a family). When all four siblings are together they always end up trending and it’s always the funniest shit you’ve ever seen.

During the first major snow when all of the streets were shut down the Wayne Boys were out in all terrain jeeps shredding it up dragging someone behind them on ski’s or a snowboard

Somehow, all four boys were spotted trekking across town covered in a rainbow of colored powder. When someone enquired they admitted to getting into a rather harmless prank war with the currently reformed Ivy and Harleen Quiznel. If asked they totally won, but the fact that no part of any of the boys was uncovered said otherwise.

Dick once asked social media to help him track down Tim because he hadn’t slept in 3 days and was not supposed to leave the house. He’d been spotted at a cafe he doesn’t usually frequent and anyone around to witness the retrieval would later say it was the cleanest covert op they’d ever witnessed from the Wayne boys. Jason was the get away driver, dick was on retrieval duty, and Damian was there to make sure their route in and out was clear (hold open the door). Tim was recorded yelling every creative non curse (because no cursing in front of Damian, Alfred said so) under the sky, struggling in the arms of Dick Grayson who was smiling bright enough to rival the sun. 3 minutes in and out. The video screen shots are still used as a meme template to this day.

Brucie Wayne gets asked about his boys in interviews a lot. There are a lot of times where he’s only finding out about their shenanigans due to the interview question, but he just smiles and says he’s happy they’re all getting along while mentally planning out how to deal with them later.

Rewatching “All 2 U” and under the contexts of how I personally perceived Stolas’s songs in “Look My Way” and “When I See Him” theres so much potential here for this to be actually interesting and its so far just being thrown away. In every song I have mentioned Stolas has moments where he stops and thinks “maybe I was the problem”.

Examples being:

"Unless it's me, and no matter what in this world I could give; it's not enough to get through the walls you've conjured up to live"

"I will try to make amends for making you means to an end"

"Am I doing something I can't take back? Would he want me if he was free? And if he's only here as a prisoner what kind of monster does that make me?"

"But maybe it's all on me for missin' every sign and every glance and every turn."

"Maybe there's somethin' here for us to glean for you to teach, and me to try to learn."

All of these imply so much that Stolas could be coming to the conclusion that he was one of the biggest issues in their relationship. Yes Blitz also hold fault, but thats a post for another day. I so truly believe Stolas could be so so interesting even if I personally think Helluva Boss should NOT be a romantic story, there’s still so much potential to it. I’ve mentioned before that I was in a very very similar relationship to whatever “Stolitz” is, and while I both hate my ex and how she treated me, it was not a one sided issue. Yeah she was abusive but also I can’t just say I wasn’t a bit rude at times. Getting off topic though, what I’m trying to say is even if one person is the main issue and you hate them, in certain circumstances you can still have part of your mind that wishes the best for them. I think my main point is that for people like my ex who have mental problems that get in the way of relationships and can result in abusive behaviours, I want the chance for them to see themselves in a character that has done the same things, recognized it, forgiven themselves, and made an attempt to be a better person.

I myself have been in many relationships where my mental problems got in the way and ended up separating me from people I care about in one way or another and I know how dogshit it feels when it happens, especially when you are the problem. Many people don’t like acknowledging that they may be the problem and then when they eventually do realise it, they struggle on trying to fix the issue.

This spans to the people you surround yourselves with as well. Just for example in “All 2 U” Stolas is not the first person to call Blitz a “motherfucker” he explicitly goes to “I don’t think you meant to hurt me” meanwhile Verosika and Tex push the implication that Blitz is the problem and during the rest if the song, as stated before, we see Stolas point out “maybe I was the problem” to which Verosika and Tex immediately but in with blaming Blitz instead. And honestly they have reason to (at least Verosika does and Tex is going by word of mouth I assume) but it plays into the idea that a bad person or abuser cant also be abused.

You can see every time Stolas considers something isn’t Blitz’s fault Verosika and Tex are so quick to step in and tell him he’s wrong. He’s just surrounded by yes people right now and i really believe thats something that could be used in the narrative. Stolas getting away from these people to take in reality and then finally be like “no it was me i was right about it”. And idk it could even lead into more Verosika development where she acknowledges that Blitz has now seen how shitty one-sided and abusive relationships can be and they talk more instead of just like 3 minutes on the stairs. This is a topic I touch on with my Vox rewrite but thats in a different way. I just think with so much buildup to Stolas realising he was a huge issue they could do so much helpful representation in certain ways for people with problems like BPD, bipolar, ROCD, and a bunch of other things. I suffer from the last two and I hardly EVER see these portrayed respectfully or how they actually affect people. It’s always just “im happy and then in 2 seconds im going to be mildly upset :(“ or “omgg I love cleaning!!” with OCD. It’s just so infuriating to see Vivzie not touch on so much potential again.

Also “stolitz” should not get back together even if Stolas became a better person, just to clarify.

That's hilarious, hopefully one day someone will make a hole that actually reaches China

i think it is unjust to deny a child their right to dig a hole motivelessly