"Not Everything Is About Your Blorbos" To You Maybe. To Me Every Other Song And Probably That Car Commercial

Would he block my number? Because I wouldn't stop at these.

tbh i talk a lot of shit abt how insufferable ed and stede are gonna be once they’re back together but yknow who’s going to be the most insufferable?

ME

Ed's deranged little "heh yeh 😍" when Stede asks if he's happy now after being stabbed

Find someone who looks at you {redux} (original here)

Everything is new And everything is you

And all I've learned has overturned What can I do?

As I previously stated, I loved 01x05. It was fantastic. It was real. It brought my emotions to the forefront, and I don't get to experience that with much of anything, these days. But, this little misfit family... I feel for all three of these characters, in my own way. (They're fictional, so, yes, I can do that, thanks). Possibly because I have been in each of their positions, in one form or another, throughout my life.

I'm going to get mighty personal with this one, so be warned.

01x05 hit home for me, in a big way. This is a legitimate breakdown of a forced family unit, and that's something I personally feel for. Children have been the Bad Marriage Band-Aid for generations, and I am grateful to the writers for acknowledging it. (Some of us get a little tired of seeing cookie-cutter families, when ours look more like the aftermath of an oven fire, y'know what I mean?). We're getting to see it from all three sides, too, which I find absolutely refreshing. One parent thinks the child will settle the relationship. The other goes along with it, and ends up so blinded by jealousy, there is no middle ground left.

Claudia, though. This girl... She has my heart. Claudia is not to blame for what she was brought into, the absolutely fucked-up relationship that her guardians share. Is she a little shit? Yes. Is she hard-headed? Yes. Unstable, in terms of coming into her own? Yes. But, she is not the cause of her parents' issues. That's a hard thing to overcome as a child brought up under such circumstances, especially when the household arguments are about you. Because, sure, they may be about you, but you did not cause them. Claudia isn't the origin of Louis and Lestat's tensions. She is the excuse to pick a semi-fresh fight. She is the mirror held up in front of the two of them to show them that, "Hey, this isn't right." The product of their unstable union. The best and worst of one another in one person. (Speaking of her vampiric years, not her humanity). That isn't to say that there isn't genuine concern for her, particularly on the part of Louis. Claudia just got caught up in a toxic situation, and it's no wonder she took the hell off. I'm not surprised which parent's side she took, either. (Then again, are any of us?).

Louis and Lestat are... Well, I feel less for the two of them. Some years ago, I was in a relationship with similar features, so I think what I am experiencing is that mirror (minus the children). I will first say that nothing - nothing - excuses abuse. I've seen it. I've experienced it. Hell, I'm guilty of it. I also acknowledge that abuse takes many forms. I see it in Lestat's constant manipulations. I see it in Louis' repeated threats to leave. Louis withholding intimacies (not just sexual). Lestat playing his little one-sided What's Good for the Goose game, in terms of monogamy. They both know what they are doing to one another, they know the reactions they will trigger, yet they keep doing it. It's an ugly, ugly cycle, and it won't end until one of them cuts the damned cord. Breaks the chain. (I don't exactly advocate that they do so through violence, but). Walking away isn't easy, fuck knows it isn't. There's truth to the notion that things need to hit rock bottom before they can get better.

No one is asking to be abused. That isn't what I'm getting at. My point is that these two are so completely caught up in trying to hurt one another, blame one another, and sabotage the other from the inside out, they ignore what it is doing to their charge. They know she can hear them fighting, and they carry on. Falling victim to The Pattern is part of the cycle, and it is likely to be passed on to Claudia. This whole situation is toxic. This is abuse. This is co-dependent. Everybody sucks, here. (Sorry, I had to). And, by golly, I will be here for it until the bitter end.

Y'know. God-willing.

P.S. I'll happily clarify anything that sounds shitty, if need be. I'm rattling this off at work, between what I should be doing, so. Y'know.

Does he hold you when you’re crying? Or does he kick you when you’re down?

i too would risk it all just for him to look at me for even a microsecond

HANNIBAL | 1x02 “Amuse-Bouche”

i'm so tired of ed and violence discourse in this fandom holy shit

like ed is violent. OBVIOUSLY. he is a pirate. they are all violent professionally and often recreationally. this is largely COMEDIC on the show.

but ed is also one of the ONLY pirates on the show to have an entire fucking plot arc and character backstory specifically about HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH VIOLENCE and his hangups about what violence he personally enacts.

a plot arc about how traumatized he is by defensive violence he committed when he was an abused child! a plot arc about how he has never been able to get himself to do that same kind of violence again and has to distance himself from it by degrees to be able to sit with it when it's shown to be something that would not bother almost any other pirate! and certainly not one of his level!

canonically, he is careful about the violence he perpetrates and what he delegates for this exact explicit reason! canonically, we only see him actually do any violence onscreen when directly provoked, canonically, it is often extremely calculated and emotionless because he is performing it for a specific purpose and he still requires distance!

yet people look at that and go, "actually ed is a uniquely violent berserker sadist who routinely lashes out at everyone!!!"

and it's not only racist as hell but it so clearly the result of a specific agenda!!

the issue isn't that ed does violence. that is empirical fact. it's that some of y'all want to portray him as an uncontrollable monster because that's what you need him to be for whatever bullshit narrative you're trying to build. and then when anyone doesn't buy into said bullshit narrative, you disingenuously suggest that people who attempt to approach his relationship with violence with the same degree of nuance as the actual fucking show are trying to act like he's never violent at all. so clearly you are the reasonable one to suggest that the horrific boogeyman that is explicitly an exaggerated image he feels trapped by is his True Self.

it's nonsense!! grow up!