Be Gentle With Yourself, You Are Healing.

“So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered. I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly berating yourself for being sad.”

— John Green

会いたい: 'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

ding!

. . . nanami kento. in another universe.

note. happy birthday, kento! for my lovely, @yeonruco

birthday cakes were fun to make.

it was sweet, simple in its own way, and carried its own share of sentiment to both the birthday celebrant and the baker themself.

one of kento’s favorite mundane things to do on his days off was bake. he may not be the best at it, sure, but he has you right next to him as you read the instructions in your recipe book aloud. days like these are what he treasures most—a day where he can do things at his own pace, and though he usually does this even on his work days, he prefers these moments because he gets to spend them with you.

“you have, uh, a little something there, love,” you chuckle, wiping away the excess powdered sugar that got on his cheek with a clean cloth. “there we go!” you happily beam, “still as handsome as ever, eh?”

kento blinks at you, honestly stunned. after years of being married to you, his lovely spouse, he still found himself a bit flustered by the little mannerisms you do for him. he can’t even deny that it made his heart do little backflips—even cartwheels by the gesture, not that he’ll ever do so.

“oh, thank you,” he replies, offering you a soft kiss on the cheek in return.

“mm, happy birthday, kento!” you cheer. “you’re on year closer to becoming an old grandpa.” you glance at the cake and frosting you had prepared on the table, then back at your husband. “shall we get to decorating your cake?”

he can’t help but chuckle quietly at that. kento’s thumb softly caresses your cheek, completely disregarding your last sentence. he leans in closer, his face inches away from yours.

“but i’ll be an old grandpa alongside you, right? we’ll grow old together.” he says this, and it’s not a question, rather a statement.

he’d grow old with you until he’s all wrinkled and have gray hair.

you smile. “of course we’ll grow old together!” you reply, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

“really, happy birthday, love!”

you were met with an unwelcome silence. you must’ve been recalling things again because it’s been five years since your husband unfortunately passed away during his line of work.

a careful, melancholy sigh escaped your lips as you sat on his grave. his headstone newly polished since you had just visited a few days ago, and you didn’t even know if you were missing your dear kento because only his possessions are buried in his grave. were you technically just mourning his belongings? or did his memory become what your heart yearns to properly mourn instead of his absent physical body?

you didn’t dwell on the thought too much.

“happy birthday, love.” your voice is quiet and defeated. “i made your favorite cake.”

smiling sadly to yourself, you took a bite of your portion of the delicious cake, not before offering him the first slice, of course.

kento always loved it when he had the first slice or piece of something you baked. it made him feel as though he was the most important critic and fan of your masterpiece.

in another universe, kento is helping you bake his favorite pastries, just after baking his own birthday cake after many unsuccessful attempts.

noomon © 2023. do not copy, modify, or translate my work.

JJK BOYS + WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?

[includes] gojo satoru // ryomen sukuna // fushiguro megumi [warning] ment. of implied suic1de (megumi’s part) [notes] i feel like i gave realistic answers?? i did gojo too serious LMAFO

— GOJO SATORU

“‘toru, what would you do if i died?”

your plethora of questions started from boredom, having nothing to do on a humid wednesday afternoon so you decided to randomly interrogate your boyfriend. tiny questions about his favorite color or dessert evolved into meaningful ones that had him quiet for ages, gathering his thoughts to give you a truthful answer. though this one, he didn’t hesitate much answering.

“my place in the jujutsu world wouldn’t let me grieve for long, so i’d probably be forced back to work. but.. i’ll never be the same. i’ll do my job, but the life in me would go.”

you really didn’t know how to react other than stare at him silently, watching the sincerity in his eyes before smiling and lightly shaking your head. “well”—bringing himself up from his position on the couch, he slides down to accompany you on the floor, dragging the blanket down with him for the two of you to share—“you don’t need to worry about that. i’m the strongest after all.”

— RYOMEN SUKUNA

you could see that slowly, your lover was getting irritated by your questions. maybe it wasn’t the best idea to settle down and ask dozens of the most random things that pop up in your head while your boyfriend works, but you knew when to or not tease him and right now seemed like it was an okay time.

“sukuna, what’s your go-to line to say?”

“prepare to die.”

“fair enough. what’s your favorite time of the day?”

“when you’re asleep.”

“hey!” you fake offense at his snapback, maneuvering your way so that your head was on his lap and both of your hands were wrapped around his bicep, squishing the muscle. “sukuna, what if… i died?”

“what type of question is that.”

“just answer it,” you grumble at his nonchalant attitude, not once looking up from whatever paper he was writing.

“you can’t die, i won’t allow it.”

“never mind that! answer the question: what would you do if i died?”

“i would make sure that person or curse will never see the light of day again. i’ll take the roughest form of revenge and give them a slow, painful death.”

maybe you struck a nerve, because when he looked down at you in his lap, you couldn’t really depict the look in his eyes. “like i said, i’ll never allow it.”

“the universe doesn’t need your permission. what if i died in my sleep?”

he ruffled your hair in response, stretching his back before putting his focus on his papers once more. “i don’t like thinking about stuff like this.” and that was his attempt of showing his feelings. you know it’s hard for him to express, and you got the message he was trying to send, so you decided to not push any further, smiling to yourself silly for the rest of the day.

— FUSHIGURO MEGUMI

it was late. way too late to be snuggled next to your boyfriend, your hair tousled from the jump you had to make to sneak in. at this point you would’ve left, but tonight was different. moonlight dripped from the open window, adding an extra layer to the intimate moment you both were having, spilling out your darkest secrets to each other in the confinement of his little dorm room. you fell into comfortable silence, providing solace with touch rather than words.

“megumi, what would you do if i died?”

the thought popped in your head like any other, and you were pretty much unfiltered with your boyfriend so you didn’t hesitate to ask. he studied you for a few seconds, letting your question sink in before saying, “guess i’ll go down with you.”

you blinked. “what. don’t say that!” ogling at him in disbelief, he simply stares back before lacing your hands together underneath the sheets. “my life would be nothing without you.” he mutters.

“we’re sixteen, i think after a few months you’ll move on—”

“you dont have any idea. ive been best friends with you my whole life and your lover for six months. my heart cant take another loss.” he was talking about yuji on the last part, you realized. you were quiet once more, drinking in every curve and bump of his face as if you were trying to engrave it in your mind. “well then, you’re now stuck with me for a looong time.” you grinned.

and he grinned back, “i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

@ httpmiriko 2021 - all rights reserved.

if u are reading this, i’m sending u lots and lots of love, stay safe

"hi rudolph." you greeted atsumu with a laugh, poking your finger against the tip of his nose, which was tinged a light shade of red by the winter air.

"oh, shut up." atsumu retorted, though the corners of his mouth curved up into a small smile. you leaned in, gently booping his nose with your finger again, causing him to crack into a wide grin.

he pulled your hand away from his face before you could squish his nose for a third time, opting to fit it snugly in his own. "i couldn’t find my scarf." he explained with a sigh, "i swear i saw it in the closet just the other day."

"oh?" you bit the inside of your cheek, quickly clearing your throat with an innocent smile. "well, that's weird."

"i know, right?" atsumu exclaimed, waving his arms around dramatically, "it was right in front of me—"

atsumu's voice slowly trailed off and he stopped dead in his tracks, body frozen still on the sidewalk. his eyes bore straight into yours, mouth agape with incredulity as his gaze slowly trailed down your features to your neck, where a warm scarf happily resided upon.

not just any scarf.

his scarf.

you watched his eyes slowly widening in realisation, comically, even, as they darted in disbelief between the scarf hanging around your neck, to your eyes, and back.

a wave of laughter escaped from you at the look of blatant shock flashing across his face. looping your arms around his neck, you pulled him down to press a kiss onto his flushed nose, then a peck on his cheek, and another one onto his slightly chapped lips.

"hey!" atsumu grumbled against your lips, gently pushing you away with a slight frown. "you took my scarf?"

"it was cold." you explained with a sheepish smile, arms still looped loosely around his neck while his now rested on your hips. "plus your scarf smells nice."

atsumu shook his head with a defeated smile. "what am i going to do with you." he muttered under his breath.

"you could give me your scarf forever." you suggested, sweeping a few stray strands of hair away from his face.

"you wish. buy your own one."

"that's mean, 'tsumu." you chided lightheartedly.

"meaner than leaving me to freeze to death?" atsumu questioned, cocking an eyebrow at you.

"fine." you huffed, reaching up for the scarf that hung securely around your neck.

his brows furrowed together as he watched you unravel half of the scarf from your neck. before he could voice his confusion, or rather, his concern that you should keep wearing the scarf in this cold weather, you tugged him closer by the collar of his jacket, successfully wrapping the other half of the scarf around his neck.

"so we're both warm." you announced proudly, your voice slightly muffled by the scarf.

atsumu chuckled, a tender smile adorning his features. he pulled you in by the waist, effectively closing in the distance between the two of you. "it's not going to work like this." he whispered. his forehead was now pressed against yours, puffs of his warm breath mingling together with yours in the cold air.

"then what do you propose?"

he smirked, a glint of mischief sparkling in his eyes as he suddenly turned around without warning. crouching down a little, he picked you up onto his back in one swift motion, tucking your legs just above his hips. somehow, even with all that movement, his scarf still lay firmly above both of your shoulders.

"does this work?" he asked. though he had already begun to take a few strides forward.

"yeah. i guess it does." you laughed, resting your head comfortably on his shoulder.

it was at that moment that atsumu decided he didn't mind if you stole his scarf. he didn't mind it at all. as long as you were willing to share it with him.

living life at your own pace isn’t a waste of time

“Everything’s a risk. Not doing anything is a risk. It’s up to you.”

— Nicola Yoon (via thoughtkick)

Atsumu’s irritated.

The kind of irritated that makes him look like he's constantly smelling something foul.

Osamu snickers. “Yer face is gonna stay like that ya scrub.”

“Shaddup.” He grabs his bento and stomps away from the usual lunch spot, away from his friends,

Away from his dumb brother.

He's not even sure he's hungry anymore he's so irritated, and that makes him even more irritated. He knows exactly why he's irritated, too, not that it helps.

It's all because some doe-eyed simp batted her fake eyelashes at 'Samu this morning and asked him to be the subject of a portrait assignment.

Geez, Atsumu was right there!

And then, after the stupid scrub says yes and that frilly little turd skips away, 'Samu turns to him and says

‘Guess that settles it. I've got the better face.’

He’s charging around the school, not sure he's looking for any place in particular…it's just a way to burn through some frustration.

“Whoa, who boiled your bean curd today.”

He stops and whips around ready to bite the head off—

You.

Atsumu gulps; he recognizes you from class but doesn't actually know your name and the last thing he wants to do is berate some innocent and be hung out to dry by Kita because this whole school’s a cesspool of gossip—

“Seriously, Atsumu. You okay?”

He blinks, still grumpy but nods. “Just mah stupid brother.”

“You…wanna talk about it?” you offer unsurely and gesture to the spot on the bench next to you.

“Really?” When you nod reassuringly, he screws up his face. “Why? Ya just tryin’a use me ta get ta someone else on the team?”

“What? No.” You look disgusted and…a little disappointed. “Do people really do that to you?”

Atsumu shrugs, stiffly sitting down with you. “I dunno. Just seems like everyone prefers my brother.”

“All the time? Or did something specific happen?”

Atsumu admits “kinda both.” He tells you how his brother loves to get under his skin and then their friends get it on it, too.

He tells you about the incident this morning.

“You're upset because she asked your brother over you?” When he nods you think for a moment, then offer “I’ll draw you.”

“Ha?!” he gapes.

You nod nonchalantly. “Yeah, I'm in that class...I have that portrait assignment, too."

“And ya don’t have someone yer already drawin’?”

“No.” You lament “I've been dreading it. The last thing I want to do is go up to someone and ask ‘hey can I draw you?’." You cringe. "Gross.”

“What about yer friends er somethin’?”

You give him a flat smirk. “do you want someone to draw you or not?”

He splutters “hu-gchw-we-well yeah but only if ya want ta!” He pouts and crosses his arms. “I don’t want yer pity.” His petulance cracks as you laugh.

For the first time in a long time someone's laughing because of him... Not at him.

“I promise it’s not like that, Atsumu." You smile so genuinely his irritation dissolves. "Really, you're doing me a huge favor."

"Really?" He likes the look of relief in your eyes when you nod, that he was the one who made that happen.

Three weeks later the portraits are put on display. Atsumu's excited to see your final piece. You haven't shown him yet but he had so much fun hanging out with you; he's never felt so seen or appreciated, been so relaxed or so autonomously at ease,

Until his brother makes a comment.

"I dunno, I think ya made it all up." 'Samu smirks. "There's only one Miya among those portraits and it's the better looking twin."

You're not in class today; not answering his texts so he goes to look on his own and sure enough,

His face isn't there.

Where the fuck is the picture you drew?!

He's more than irritated now...

His mood is downright foul.

He avoids interacting with anyone and everyone until he can get to practice and then his irritation doesn't dissipate on the court and it's just building and building turning into error after error--

"Atsumu, someone's here to see you."

He doesn't dare snap at his captain, simply turns and freezes when he sees you at the side of the court.

His anger fades to a grumpy simmer.

"I got your texts," you say with a smile and light flush to your cheeks. "Sorry I didn't respond, I was busy."

"That why yer in such a pissy mood today, 'Tsumu?" Osamu comments from the bench but before Atsumu can react, you beat him to it.

"Excuse me, I'm talking to Atsumu right now."

Everyone stops and looks. Eyebrows raise, and more than a few jaws drop.

With an irritated exhale you turn back to Atsumu and clear your expression. "As I was saying... I'm sorry I didn't respond or tell you ahead of time...I wanted it to be a surprise."

Atsumu's throat is tight as you hand him something that's definitely not a drawing. "What's this?" he sourly mumbles.

Ignoring the snarky murmurs of his team you tap it and explain "it's a letter of acceptance for an art show."

He can hear the joy in your voice and when his gaze shifts up your smile rivals the sun.

"Your portrait is a centerpiece."

nanami kento carries band aids in his wallet in case they are ever needed (unbeknownst to you) and one day, when you’re grocery shopping, he sees you walk with the slightest limp.

“whats wrong?”

you’ve stopped to pick out some tomatoes. “what do you mean?”

“you’re limping,” he says, hands on the shopping cart. “are you hurt?”

“oh. i’ve got a blister,” you respond nonchalantly, drop a fat tomato into a plastic bag. “but i really like these shoes and i forgot to put a band aid on.”

he kneels, much to your surprise, takes out his wallet and out of the leather, a band aid. he takes your foot out of your shoe, peels down your sock and unwraps the band aid.

he applies it with ease, returns your foot into your shoe gently, stands to his full height.

you’ve got stars in your eyes.

“next time, pick some comfortable shoes, sweetheart.” he plants a kiss on your lips, pushes the cart over to the avocados.

“god, i think i love you, kento.”

a light smile quirks his lips upward, his tired eyes gleam. “i think i love you too.”