Wade is just like me fr
the edit itself
this edit is getting taken down from tiktok every time someone reuploads it, its straight up censorship at this point
Im not even american but im having a great time with this
DONT LET THIS DIE
credit to miraculousgastropod for the original
new eevee evolution called ibuprofeon
I don't get conservatives I'd love for a transgirl to shove her agenda down my throat
Youβre doing amazing sweetie π«Άπ½
gotta admit, I'm impressed with their dedication to the bit
netflix posted a delete and unfinished scene
Bruce being so done with life because none of his kids treat their medical files on the batcomputer with the importance it deserves. And the worst part is, he can't tell if it's on purpose or if they're all Just Like That.
Dick:
He loves his eldest son but for some reason, he refuses to do anything but put down estimated recovery times in his injuries folder. It's usually in the range of "2 weeks" to "48 hours" but that just leaves Bruce worrying about what happened.
One time, he put down 3 months and he nearly had a heart attack till his son called and told him Kor'i had dumped him and that this was how long he was going to be wallowing.
Jason:
Is nice enough to tell him what happened but doesn't add the degree of injury.
So he'll put down "stabbed" but won't elaborate on whether it was a flesh wound or worse. Bruce goes grey very, very early after Jason is on the field.
Tim:
Gives him just the location of the injury and leaves him to guess what happened.
Could say "arm" or "back of the head" or, on one memorable occasion, "spleen", but won't say what the heck happened to any of those parts.
Was he stabbed?? Shot at?? Who knows. Certainly not Bruce.
Damian:
Only mentions the retribution he got for any injuries he received.
"It's been handled", "he'll never be able to get the drop on me again" and more often than not, just the word "avenged".
Bruce is surprised he has any of his original hair colour left at all.
Duke:
By far the worst one. He writes down injuries in terms of his own pain scale.
Could write "OW!" or "Not Gucci" or "Better than that time Jason hit me in the face with a TV remote".
Once wrote "Non-fatal" which sent Bruce into a spiral because "holy shit Duke?? What do you mean non-fatal?? Yeah I sure hope your injuries weren't lethal?!"
Cass:
Has never been injured on patrol. Often leaves him question marks in her file which...yeah, fair enough.
rank the kids from "would destroy the batmobile in less than 10 minutes if left alone" to "Bruce wouldn't notice for 2 weeks if you took it for a joyride"
Canonically can't drive β Cassandra
Can drive but can't operate the controls β Duke
He's 3 feet tall, that's a fender bender waiting to happen β Damian
Promptly returned it because he felt bad β Cullen
She's 13 β Carrie
Failed her driving test so many times the DMV just gave her a license so she'd stop bothering them β Stephanie
Tried to pull a quick one as an only child so as punishment he's no longer an only child β Dick
Could pilot it remotely while borrowing her neighbor's WiFi β Barbara
Made it halfway to Central City before getting a ticket β Harper
Slowly stole the parts and reassembled it somewhere else, waiting for the opportunity to pull up next to Bruce with his second secret Batmobile β Jason
Leaves it where it normally is but gaslights Bruce into thinking it's gone β Tim
ladybug accidentally thirst qrts a tweet w pics of chat noir that she meant to PRIVATE quote retweet but she was sloppy and sleep deprived so she deletes it the second alya spam calls her about what the fuck she just did to the internet and then she goes on record to say that she was HACKED -> stay safe out there u guys!! remember ur 2 factor authentification!!! the next day the ladyblog releases a poll asking the people whether they think she was hacked or not. 99.9% no votes (the two yeses were ladybug herself and chat noir after she bullied him during patrol but he made like 20 spam accounts to vote no when he went home)