It’s Not A Want It’s A Fucking NEED!

She so iconic💋

did you miss me? promo for america’s sweetheart, 2004

I feel called out.

YES THANK YOU!

Natalie is the only one who never allowed herself even the illusion of normalcy or happiness after the rescue. The others made some attempt—however fragile—to rebuild their lives or blend into the world. Shauna and Melissa retreated into the façade of stability, marrying and raising children in the quiet rhythms of suburban life. Taissa found a family of her own and pursued a successful career as a lawyer and then a politician. Van poured herself into her pop culture passion by creating her video store and allowing herself to live through the past. Misty satisfied her need to be needed through her career as a geriatric nurse. Lottie created her cult (intentional community). Even Travis tried to build a life with someone (before Nat came back in).

But Nat never created anything for herself. She didn’t even let herself have a home, she lived out of motel rooms across the country for her whole life. She remained completely alone apart from toxic stints with Travis that ended disastrously and brief flings that she sabotaged before they could get anywhere.

Even though she’s colder, harsher, and less openly compassionate in the adult timeline, her moral compass is still strong. It's that very sense of right and wrong that condemns her. She can’t accept joy, can’t allow herself peace, because deep down, she believes she forfeited her right to those things in the wilderness. Every chance at connection, every moment of possible happiness, she sabotages—because she’s still carrying the weight of what they did, and she doesn't believe she deserves to ever put it down. While others try to bury the guilt of what they did out there, Nat wears it on her sleeve.

She’s the closest thing to a “savior” or “saint” in this story, but that’s exactly why she suffers the most.

taking a bath ! (it's my own blood)

Beautiful garbage beautiful dresses👗

Courtney Love and Amanda De Cadenet attending the 2nd Annual Vanity Fair Oscar Party, held at Morton's Restaurant in West Hollywood, California, 27th of March 1995 ♡ Photographed by Vinnie Zuffante

It hurts.

It’ll be ok tho

Real.