Rank The Men In Acotar: Rhys, Cassian, Azriel, Lucien, Tamlin, Helion, Eris, Jurian, Kallias

31. He's fictional

Why is Dorian Havilliard the perfect book boyfriend:

he's a softie but has a kinky side

he's not evil, he's not toxic, he doesn't kill for fun but he will kill anyone who tries to hurt you without a second thought

he's hot, funny, sarcastic, romantic, has slight anger issues but you'll never get bored with him

he'll never stay mad at you forever, he'll forgive you no matter what

he never forgets birthdays or anniversaries

he'll get you the best gifts

he's rich, he's literally a royal and he'll treat you or even make you his queen

he reads.

he's powerful af, he's good at sword fighting, so he's definitely physically flawless

he has blue sapphire eyes that glow (damn)

he's dark-haired and we all know that these are usually the best kind of men

he'll never disrespect you, he's never going to hurt you, you may fight but it's really rare for him to do something stupid

he'll put anyone back to their places if they wrong him or you

he's definitely on for any kind of BDSM

he has phantom hands, you'll always find your pleasure

he always smells good

he has manners, he doesn't eat like a pig

he knows how to dance and he'll definitely teach you

he will love you no matter what/who you are or where you come from or what you look like

he's a feminist

he's protective but will hype you up while you beat someone's ass

even if you break up, he'll keep a friendship out of it

loyal af

golden retriever energy but he's definitely a beast at night iykwim

he doesn't say or do anything cringy

he's realistic but also a dreamer who will make your dreams come true

he probably loves hearing you talking, he will learn a hobby only because you know it

he's actually really smart even if he plays dumb sometimes

he's not abusive as most book bfs are

he loves dogs

honestly so valid

Fourth Wing Characters And Their Red Flags (Iron Flame Spoilers)

Violet: really bad at basic math (6+1=??), constantly interrupts people when they’re about to spill the tea, caused a questionable stain on the Tyrrendor Throne.

Xaden: unresolved mommy issues, really bad at 20 questions, stuck in his emo phase, has Endgame by Taylor Swift on repeat so much it seeps into his vocabulary, inappropriate use of the communal gym showers, self-sacrificial to a fault.

Dain: patchy beard, memory thief, used his nepo baby connections to get the wingleader position even though he sucks at it, has a low key crush on Xaden (the true enemies to lovers all along).

Jesinia: writes Xaden & Violet fanfiction with explicit scenes during work hours.

Andarna: forgets to take her melatonin and makes it everyones problem.

Tairn: major exasperated dad energy, v emotional and impulsive, unresolved trauma around Naolin, superiority complex when it comes to gryphons.

Sgael: Not that good at making choices.

Nolon: HIPAA violations for sure, was the true weakest link all along.

Caroline Ashton: dared to be in the book more than Garrick???? Literally wtf.

Brennan: Faked his own death yet chose the most obvious pseudonym ever, so deep in the closet he’s living in Narnia.

Mira: the abusive sibling (she was justified tbh), really bad at getting very obvious hints.

Daddy Sorrengail: literally doesn’t have a name? Speaks in code to his children for plot reasons only. Weak heart (sure buddy).

Rhiannon: Makes every other character look bad because she’s an actual angel.

let's do ranking but on crack

also just a side note: this is from the pro/anti tags and do not reflect my own opinions (i will refrain from commenting about the stuff i had to go through for inspiration):

Tamlin - 100000/10 trapped under a mountain? Will fuck you the first chance I get to relieve your sexual needs. protects you by locking you up! major mama bear vibes 🐻🫶

Lucien - 5000/10 I listen to mommy when she tells me who my father is. Will also follow you to enemy territory because a random supernatural force told me you're my mate. Obdient and loyal 💯

Jurian - 3000/ 10 surivies 500 years of torture! strong, resiliant. stops chasing Miryam after 500 years - understands that no means no.. took a while, yes, but it's the result that counts 👍

Rhys - 1000/10 his priorities 😍 war duties yk yk. Will also SA and drug you without your permission to save you from evil crazy magic lady

Helion - 500/10 ah, who doesn't pin after forbidden love every once in a while! And sires a secret love child! Major green flag

Azriel - 100/10 forbidden love x2. very enviornmentally friendly. Don't want your present? Gives it to someone else

Eris - 100/10 pov I give cryptic answers about nailing a post-it on someone's uterus. but trust me, im a good guy, you just dont know the whole story.

Cassian - 100/10 will accept laws and traditions instead of saving you. law abiding citizen 🥵

Kallias - 100/10 friends to lovers troupe! and something about incest!!!*

*there's no anti Kallias tag. i had to get creative. and there was something about incest that im confused about but that's okay

rank the men in acotar: rhys, cassian, azriel, lucien, tamlin, helion, eris, jurian, kallias

Rhys - 13/10 everything he says is 🤌. Eats paint is a bonus. Will thank Rhysie for walking over my face.

Helion - 11/10 extra point for the pegasus. and saved LoA 💯 top tier humor. Manifesting Feysand + Helion threesome

Kallias - 10/10 who doesn't like a snow king?

Azriel - 9/10 dark and moody 🥰 but talk about your feelings smh

Cassian - 7/10 too self righteous for my taste but still hot

Eris - 5/10 daddy issues. but not bad on the eyes.

Jurian - 3/10 saved feyre in acowar. but bonus points for surviving with only a finger bone and eyeball

Lucian - 2/10 no finger bone no bonus. be a bitch to my high lady and i'll be a bitch to you

Tamlin - 1/10 one point for the entertaining high lords meeting. otherwise.. "your hair is clean" no other explaination needed

to quench my desire for ms yarros to release onyx storm from jail (read: the warehouses) here's everything my grubby little fingers have gathered about the book:

(trust me im experienced. i had to go through the hellhole that was waiting for sarah j maas and cassandra clare to release THEIR books after MORE THAN a year) (i still havent gotten kit and ty's book...) (it's been 6 years ms cassandra...) (and WHEN am i getting my bbg az's book???)

guys calm down. xaden and violet are end game. there have been like twenty confirmations from rebecca, we are safe (my favorite quote was when she was like "r u asking me if xaden is another tamlin")

violet "has one goal and doesnt care what stands in her way" - we will be seeing lots of badass violet and im here for it

vibe of onyx storm is so it goes + who's afraid of little old me (who is this DIVA 💜)

halden (crown prince, my boi aaric's brother) probably had a thing with violet/ will have a role in onyx storm. (RY's response to whether or not violet dated halden was "i think you should read the third book")

violets second signet is obvious ("it's in there alot" + our theories have been correct + we will be underwhelmed) (guys she's a truthsayer FIGHT ME.) (there's SO MANY CLUES. "ask the right questions" "lying is easy, except when it come to violet" "nothing is more dangerous than a truth slayer" yada yada)

xaden is NOT unbonded from sgaeyl, our queen is just REALLY REALLY PISSED (this MAY refute the naolin's still alive theory, but there was another instance where she was asked if dragons can CHOOSE to unbond a rider and RY was like 😗😋🥰)

papa sorrengail is dead dead. verbatim confirmation.

this is small & we already know this, but violet's hair will come up in the later books (mysterious disapearing silver haired venin???)

anyways i will go feral when onyx storm comes out. you guys dont get fourth wing like i get fourth wing. (ugh my tiktok scraps of the london interview/the french??? interview/the random snippets ARE. NOT. ENOUGH.)

also babes do we have a ship name for xaden and violet???

I don't think sjm did any other interviews from 2021~ now (or if she did it's not public so I can't see it) and since I've only first read acotar during January of last year and only acosf and hosab came out when I was actually a part of the fandom, I've never actually seen any of sjm's interview until this recent one with Katherine Webber and I have to say.. the way sjm haters villainize sjm one would think sjm is some kind of heartless psycho that 1. purposely created Danika Fendyr solely to be used as a plot device because she's dead 2. purposely designed Rhys and Feyre to be selfish rulers who will be the doom of Velaris 3. purposely made Feyre such an irresponsible mother and ruler 4. purposely made Rhysand such a manipulative and irresponsible ruler 5. purposely made nesta such a evil and uncaring person not even bothering to redeem her (you all, nesta's human, she makes mistakes and it's not always okay but that doesn't make her an evil person who doesnt deserve a second.. well fine maybe third... chance) 6. purposely killed the thirteen (this one's a joke you people who take everything so literally) 7. purposely made Rhys and Feyre seem so heartless they could have sex when people are dying (bro it's supposed to be romantic not a personal attack on the dying people 🙄 it's supposed to symbolize how "people in find hope in others [in sex, yes] during the hardest times" 8. purposely created the IC as a toxic enviorment and toxic family who "keeps things from each other" and "don't trust and open up to each other" (eg: Mor not being willing to admit she's gay, telling feyre her preganacy can kill her WELL IF YOU WERE IN THEIR POSITION YOU PROBABLY WOULD DO THAT SAME THING) 9. purposely made Bryce curvy without "proper representation" because she's fatphobic 10. purposely didn't give any of her characters god forbid THERPY and had them magically get better (you all fun fact no one believes in therapy where i live and im suicidal but obviously im not dead yet and probably also less messed up than HALF of you sjm haters so one doesnt require therapy to get over trauma or to just... not be dead✨) 10. purposely gave Rhys and Feyre power (and from one of the acotar hate chain I quote) "so they can fucking waste it" 11. purposely had Nyx conceived out of fear (not true but I'll humor you all)

I could go on and on and on but i think this sufficient don't you? You all, acotar and tog and cc are books. in a world designed by a single human. characters have flaws, it doesnt mean they're horrible people, it doesnt mean the AUTHOR is a horrible person or transphobic or fatphobic or anti lgbtq.

also note that before every single point there is a "purposely" as in the things these characters do maybe arent totally correct, but it isn't done because of "problematic intensions"

I don't think SJM is problematic. she's human like any of us, and that means she has her own viewpoints or writes about things she finds acceptable but you don't. that doesnt make her a bad person or a problematic author.

i think that we're too busy talking about how "problematic" it is that Rhys didnt tell Feyre her baby could kill her that we don't appreciate how gut wrenching the scene where Feyre almost dies is. Like look at these quotes:

“But Rhys was crying, and tears began pouring down Mor’s face as she gazed at the silent babe in her arms. And then Madja swore, and Rhys— Rhys began screaming.”

“Rhys began shaking his head, his power a palpable, rising wave that could destroy them all, destroy the world if it meant Feyre was no longer in it, even if he only had seconds to live beyond her”

HE LOVES HER SO MUCH. the most powerful high lord started screaming and crying and about to destroy the world because his mate and child was going die and I simply cannot handle this amount of angst (jokes sjm pls give me more angst)

sjm hi now would be a nice time to publish az's book so we can know more from his pov pls and thank yewww

Good on Az for standing his ground and not kissing up to their asses like everyone else👏

"Chain me to a tree, Rhys," Azriel said softly. "Go ahead." He began checking the buckles on his weapons. "I'Il rip it out of the ground and fly with it on my damned back."

Then Az went for the throat. “And Tamlin will learn.”

Rhys’s snarl set the lights guttering. “And?”

Cassian shot Azriel a warning glare, but Az said, unafraid and unbowed, “We need to be prepared for any fallout.”

“No,” Feyre and Rhys said at the same time, in the same breath.

Azriel’s eyes shuttered. “I wasn’t asking for permission.”

“We take no risks,” Feyre said, voice flat with command. “Pull all your spies out.”

“Like hell I will.”

Azriel bristled and turned to Rhys. “And you agree with her?”

“She’s your High Lady,” Rhys said coldly. “What she says is law.”

Emorie ♡

I really want them to be together 🥺

ig: barb.arts

some random woman’s thoughts: oh hey, he’s kind of hot.

Edward Cullen: Dear Diary. Today another WHORE vies for my affection. Existence is agony.