The Walls Pushed In On Me. The Quiet, The Guards, The Stares. What I’d Seen At The Tithe Today. “I’m

this post needs more attention !!!

More ACOTAR Psychological Musings

Part II: Future Directions re: Trauma

TW: sexual trauma (seriously: huge TW!)

I am writing this in response to questions and commentary I’ve received subsequent to my original post regarding Gw*n and sexual trauma.

Disclaimer: I am a licensed clinical psychologist. I’m not here to diagnose fictional characters with mental illness via the DSM. I am simply sharing some clinical insights from a professional lens.

Several people wrote to me directly expressing thoughts regarding Rhys and his sexual trauma history. Specifically, there was commentary about how Rhys was able to jump into a sexual relationship within 1 book following 50 years of sexual trauma by Amarantha. For context, I had argued that this would be challenging for Gw*n to do the same from my professional lens. Let’s dig into this some more.

First, let’s talk about what trauma is.

Connectivity and exposure to mental health via social media has been a blessing and a curse. I love the destigmatization of mental health that has come from honest conversations and normalization via social media platforms. Many people suffer and never discuss it; living their lives doing the best they know to do with what internal/external resources they have at their disposal. I will, again, repeat that sexual trauma survivors are brave, resilient, and capable people. They are deserving of love and capable of having healthy sexual relationships. I work with sexual trauma survivors daily: These are facts I speak. Not opinion.

The metaphorical “curse” of social media has (partly) been the spreading of the definition of certain diagnostic terms and diagnoses so thin that we are slowly losing the essence of what clinical/statistical significance means and looks like. To the point it has become harmful and hurtful; oftentimes, weaponized irresponsibly and ignorantly against others. Throwing buzzwords as an assault against others who think differently, even in this fandom. I can’t look on social media these days without seeing somebody’s ex being labeled a “sociopath” (which is not a MH diagnosis btw) or a “narcissist.” Without somebody saying “so and so needs therapy” (more on this later). I have seen it a lot about fictional characters, as well. Especially having journeyed into this fandom. None of SJM’s characters have been safe!

But we’re here to talk about trauma. And trauma is something I see thrown around so loosely and used in our common vernacular so much, that I truly fear we are starting to debase what trauma actually is and undermine the struggle of people who have actual clinically significant trauma. When we talk about clinically significant trauma and trauma symptoms we mean a few things:

That the trauma meets the criterion to be considered a traumatic experience. What does that mean? Threat of death or severe bodily injury. Exposure to death or severe bodily injury of others. Compromised physical integrity. Hearing about a close friend or family member go through said traumatic experience above. I often differentiate between a “traumatic experience” and a “tragic experience.” Tragic experiences are normative difficult life experiences. Stressful? Yes. Traumatic? Not necessarily. Traumatic experiences are non-normative life experiences.

Functional impairment. Say it with me: just because somebody has been through a traumatic experience does not mean they have ptsd or clinically significant symptoms that necessitate treatment. A trained MH professional will assess the extent to which functional impairment is involved in a trauma response. I have seen plenty of people go through the most unfathomable experiences in their lives and not meet diagnostic criteria for PTSD.

I’m not going to show my true geek hand and bust out statistics, but just know that the base rates of PTSD in highly trauma exposed populations are quite low (like the combat Veteran population, for example). Meaning- even in populations with a ton of trauma exposure, it is rare to have PTSD.

ACOTAR is filled with traumatized characters who have variable trauma responses. Some of these trauma responses are more severe (Gw*n) and others are present, but I wouldn’t consider them severe (Rhys). This is not to say his trauma isn’t “as bad” or “easier.” It is not a reflection on the trauma itself. I am speaking to the symptom presentation. Clinical significance is less about the nature of the trauma itself and more about the response. Rhys is not written as a trauma symptom laden character; whereas Gw*n is.

“So and so needs therapy”

Even in a fictional universe this bothers me and it should stop. You want to know why? Because every single human being on this planet probably could benefit from therapy in some form. We have all had hurts and aversive experiences. We have all struggled. We are all subject to experience these pesky human emotions of ours that are distressing. The reality is that some people do not actually *need* trauma-focused therapy. For some people, it might actually be harmful if their symptoms are not impairing their lives. Treatment actually can make symptoms worse before they get better. Just because you don’t understand something or it doesn’t fit your narrative, it does not mean other people need to change to align or “just go to therapy.” Obviously I would love for anybody who feels they need therapy to go, but who are you to determine that? And therapy doesn’t exist in ACOTAR world anyways so can we just stop? Please.

Trauma is Subjective

I have worked with trauma survivors who endured the exact same situation and came out with completely different presentations, symptom manifestation, and impairments. There is a sexual trauma spectrum and it is inclusive of an array of different traumas associated with compromised physical integrity. Notice I didn’t say that the spectrum was a severity spectrum..bc trauma is subjective. It’s comparing apples to oranges to compare the MH of 2 people and to compare their respective trauma. Sexual coercion and sexual assault are both sexual trauma but they are also different.

This is how I view the parallel I was asked about with Rhys and Gw*n. How I can say that for Gw*n, it would be difficult to get there in 1 book while Rhys did. First, they have different trauma on the sexual trauma spectrum. Rhys was more of a coercion situation whereas Gw*n experienced a violent sexual assault with the associated death of her sister. I’m not quantifying these by saying one is worse than the other- that is by the subjective perspective of the person having endured the experience.

With Rhys, he does not demonstrate the same level of symptom severity that Gw*n does. He isn’t uncomfortable around the opposite sex who perpetrated his trauma. He isn’t homebound for years. His circumstances were terrible, but his reaction is simply different. Now he does have some symptoms- the nightmares. Possibly a little re-living and hesitation while physically intimate. Some insecurity and issues with worthiness. But Rhys has also had healthy physical relations in his life predating his trauma. He is written as a sexual character. His relationship to sex is different than somebody who has no sexual experience outside of trauma, as far as we know (which is not sex). Again, our reactions to trauma are different bc we are all different- different experiences leading into trauma, different proclivities in thinking and feeling, different levels of emotional reactivity, different traumas, etc etc.

With Gw*n, she is essentially agoraphobic, is uncomfortable around men, has to be warned about different men even being present for the qualifier..and even after all is said and done is still at the library. These are severe trauma symptoms. She was violently assaulted. Her trauma reaction is simply and understandably different.

Comparing readiness for on-page sex between Gw*n and Rhys is comparing apples to oranges. People who question the narrative and have concerns about the sensitivity of an adult romance novel featuring a sexual assault survivor, who is still extremely symptomatic, is not dismissive of any individual trauma journey. It’s also not dismissive of the character. It is not belittling of real-life sexual trauma survivors either. To the contrary, I think it’s extremely sensitive and in-tune to offer the thought that this is something that might be very uncomfortable to read about for a variety of reasons. Trust. Intimacy. Power dynamics. If Gw*n was leaving the library and had even willfully entered Velaris, I might have a different perspective. There is a lot of ground to cover that would have to be navigated very carefully and sensitively to get there.

I, yet again, argue that this would be a huge leap for SJM to take on with where we left off with Gw*n. To get to smut in an adult romance novel in a timely manner, it would cheapen this trauma journey so much, that I don’t think I could read the book. I honestly cannot fathom a way to responsibly give the proper recovery journey owed for this character without repeating the plot/romance from the last book and deviating significantly from the overarching plot that has been set before us: Koschei, Queens, Dread Trove. I cannot see a way to responsibly and respectfully give this the sensitivity it requires. Further, it would cheapen the experience of so many men and women who have endured and severely suffered.

I truly hope this clarifies some of the questions that were posed.

we need to talk about how tumblr and Instagram is my acotar/sjm haven, tiktok is my pop culture haven, twitter is my taylor swift and greys anatomy haven and no they absolutely cannot mix unless it's on Pinterest.

im practically a celebrity now!! i have my first "do you like home videos" ask 🥰🥹

ACOTAR TV adaption

I’m seeing a few comments abt how we need to stop freaking out about acotar’s tv adaption. Tbh, I'm actually fine without the tv adaption, I mean I’m happy for SJM, but I really don’t want how I pictured the story and characters to be changed. (obviously, no one could be as perfect as Rhysie and I really don’t want certain scenes to change) 

But yes, I am still VERY excited for it, even if i do have conflicted feelings too. ​

GUYS I FOUND FEYSAND'S ACOMAF THEME SONG

no bc i swear Walked Through Hell by Anson Seabra is literally Feysand's theme song in ACOMAF:

I guess all the mountains that I moved just weren't enough And all those nights I walked you home From crowded bars when you were drunk Well they meant nothing 'cause you up and walked away And I just wonder what it'd take to make you stay

ALL THAT TIME RHYS SPENT TRYING TO GET FEYRE TO EAT AND SMILE ALL WHILE FEYRE STILL LOVED TAMLIN SO "IT MEANT NOTHING CAUSE SHE'LL UP AND WALK AWAY"

'Cause when you said jump I said how high But when I jumped you said goodbye

RHYS WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR FEYRE, BUT FEYRE IS STILL MAD AT HIM FOR TRYING TO SAVE HER FROM HERSELF BY TAKING HER AWAY FROM TAMLIN

I would've walked through hell To find another way I would've laid me down If I knew that you would stay

HIM CRAWLING TO SAVE HER FROM AMARANTHA!! AND THEN LATER NOT CARING ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES AND SAVING HER FROM TAMLIN AS LONG AS SHE'S HAPPY.

I would've crossed the stars To keep you in my life But now I'm falling hard Without you here tonight Without you here tonight

STARS- NIGHT COURT HE WOULD'VE DONE ANYTHING FOR HER AND THERE WAS ALSO THE BARGAIN BETWEEN THEM

AND EVEN THOUGH SHE'S IN THE SPRING COURT HE'S STILL FALLING FOR HER EVERYDAY

What did you do with all that love you couldn't give And do you need someone to help you tell you what to do with it It must be nice to love someone who puts you first Then walk away when they expect it in return

SHE LOVES TAMLIN BUT IT WAS A TOXIC LOVE BUT RHYS CAN "HELP TELL [HER] WHAT TO DO" WITH HER TRAUMA. BUT RHYS IS ALSO BITTER THAN TAMLIN GOT THE GIRL AND HE DIDN'T HENCE "IT MUST BE NICE TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO PUTS YOU FIRST" AND THEN "WALK AWAY WHEN THEY EXPECT IT IN RETURN" SARCASM AIMS TOWARDS FEYRE!!!!

ok this is impossible but what if Eris ask his mother where she wants to go and she's like... "Day Court".

Or like LoA's just like "Take me to the High Lord of the Day" and Eris's just like cAlLeD iT

Can we get more headcanons?💕💕💕

SURE THING. This is more of one big headcanon that I may or may not turn into a fic, idk.

-Once Beron is unalived, Eris is freaked out when he realizes how many courtiers and foreign dignitaries are after his MOTHER. She’s beautiful, graceful, and has been proven to be fertile, so these powerful gross dudes descend on the new high lord like locusts, negotiating for her hand in marriage.

- Eris is like (ง'̀-'́)ง “leave my mom alone u freaks” but the badgering doesn’t STOP.

-LoA decides to take an extended holiday to ease the pressure on her son and to give him a good, nonviolent excuse to turn down the aggravating courtiers who want to visit and bring gifts.

-Her grand tour of Prythian has been carefully planned so that she visits Summer, Winter, Dawn, and Night. Spring is out of the question because of the monster bear man person having an existential crisis, and as for Day…well. LoA’s courage is failing her in this one, tiny regard.

-This all goes completely tits up, of course. LoA arrives at Summer and Tarquin is like…uhhh yeah, so we are actually on our way to Day to stage an intervention because Helion is being a drama queen and is looking for a bride so that he can get an heir. It’s turned into this whole contest where all these ladies from every court have been competing with each other for WEEKS while Helion peacocks around and doesn’t make a decision.

-LoA: INTERNAL SCREAMING

-She asks to tag along because there’s no avoiding the fact that she’s going to have to tell her ex that he does, in fact, have an heir and he’s going to have to tell his new wife “hey just kidding” when she expects to be the mother of his next in line.

-She’s not sure what she’s expecting when she gets there, but it’s actual CHAOS. These women are just absolutely savaging each other for the chance to get alone time with the High Lord, who is mysteriously absent. There have been incidents with hair being cut in the middle of the night, belongings being set on fire, and cat fights during brunch. LoA is horrified.

-Exasperated, she hunts down Helion in his hiding place, intent on telling him to come out and deal with this buffoonery. She has to stifle her joy at how 💀💀💀 he is when he sees her. Instead, she absolutely lays into him for creating such a spectacle with no intention of carrying through. She’s so exasperated that she asks him why he doesn’t just pick one who is happy and willing to be the next Lady of Day and have done with it.

-Helion tells her quietly that she knows why. LoA tries DESPERATELY to harden her heart so that she can take him to task and then tell him about the grouchy red headed surprise she has for him.

-Loa: 😡😡😡

-Helion: 🥺🥺🥺

-Anyway, it all goes tits up (again) and they make out. LoA is like “I really need to tell u something” and Helion is like “sure okay later” and OH BOY is that going to be a fun conversation.

-All of the contestants for Helion’s Bachelor season are disappointed, but quickly cheer up when they notice Tarquin, who flees the scene screaming.

“ Hey! We stick together. You know, we all did this. Nobody’s a victim. We … we stick together. ”

GET TO KNOW ME» favorite friendships               ↳ M.A.G.I.C. [Grey’s Anatomy]

I OFFICIALLY HAVE A AO3 ACCOUNTTTTTTTTT

WHY AM I SO HAPPY WHEN AN ACCOUNT ISNT EVEN NECESSARY TO FOR ME READ ✨STUFF✨

The old gods are dead

Zeus sits at the bar, he’ll buy a thousand and one drinks and the girls who he smiles at will raise their eyebrows and think of the pepper spray tucked into their sleeves.

Hera waits at home. She knows the numbers of all the girls and she has their facebooks open on the computer. Her hands hover over the keyboard., She wants to tell them that men will always lie. She wants to take her own advice. She never will.

Apollo and Artemis travel the world. They are chasing the sun. Chasing the moon. They will never catch up. Their hand are curled around each others hip bones. Never in public though. They look too similar for that now. Society has learned judgement and so they keep their caresses safe in the shadows.

Poseidon wanders the shore. He wears a plastic poncho and carries a bag of trash. His tears mix with the salt water. No one can tell the difference. A girl with hair that moves like serpents trails after him, retribution in her eyes.

Hades lies in bed, his wife curled around him. He smiles because people will always believe in death and finally, finally he has beaten his brothers at something.

Athena paces through college campuses, handing out pamphlets on architecture. She scoffs at professors who are simply going through the motions. She carries signs in her hands as she marches through the streets with the students, screaming about the newest problem. She laughs wild, these children, these fearless children are her people.

Hestia wants her family to come home. She waits in the doorway, arms outstretched and a smile like forgiveness waiting to embrace the siblings whom she knows will never return.

Demeter counts down the days until her daughter returns. She smiles when children cheer over the snow days she gives them. There was a time when she had a child like that.

Persephone kisses her husband and grins when people tremble. She is vengeful and wears flowers in her hair and she will make damn sure that the world will never forget her name.

Ares walks through the Middle East, picking his way around the ruins of an elementary school. He stopped understanding war a long time ago. This was not brave, this was not heroic. This was senseless.

Aphrodite narrows her eyes at boys in cars who yell obscene things. She’s long since stopped romanticizing love. She is gaunt and over worked but sometimes she sees a teenage girl handing her baby over to an older couple who had tried for years and she feels young again. Sometimes, she sees Ares from across the room as soldiers embrace their loved ones and they smile at each other. 

 Hephaestus limps through his shop, his hands are worn down, his back is still twisted but people don’t seem to notice anymore. He makes their furniture, their toys and trinkets and they thank him, they pay him.

 Hermes runs through the streets of New York, Tokyo, London. He is young in this time, young and beautiful and slipping between business men, his hands finding their way into their pockets. He never stops laughing. 

 Dionysus mixes Zeus his drinks. He watches his family grin and cry and get sick in the back room of the bar. He holds back their hair and hands them another drink before they even ask. He’s been here a long time. He’s seen them drunk more often then he’s seen them sober. He is watching them flicker out and fade. 

 The gods are dying. The gods are dead. The gods are us.

-L.D.

originally posted: 3/29/2022 (damn has it really been more than 8 months since HoSaB came)

reposting because this deserves more attention and I need to remind myself anyways.

but look at that! cc3 will be released in 10 months to 16 months 🤩 (sjm pls write faster I cannot with the suspense)

SJM interview TRANSCRIPT

Below is the transcript of SJM's interview with Katherine Webber on LiveTalksLA. A hell lot Cresent City and ACOTAR spoilers will be included

SJM's been planting hints in acosf and cc1 (question of the day: how blind am I to not see the hints in acosf)

WILL EXPLAIN HOW THE WORLDS CONNECT WITH EACH OTHER IN CC3

okay sjm said the hints in acosf includes the eight pointed star

(also you all im literally crying rn im that excited oh my gosh)

the world that kicked out the Asteri IS THE WORLD WHERE RHYS AND FEYRE LIVES

in acosf there's talk about a group of people who lived in Prythan before Rhys and the bunch ("the overlords and the high fae)-- they're the ones who kicked the Asteri out

we'll find out more abt the eight point star

cc3 will have NON STOP REVEALS AND CONNECTIONS

CC3 picks up right off where CC2 leave off cuz sjm can leave us hanging bahahahaha

first draft is split between acotar and midgard

"book three is going to be so long... maybe my longest book ever"

"you'll see what happens with Ruhn and Day" (im sqealing)

"you should be worried [about Ruhn in the dungeons]"

"what goes on in the dungeons might be too much.. I'll see what my editors say about it"

"poor Ruhn and Hunt and Baxian" (im scared for my babies)

confirmed Aelin sees Rhys and Feyre in KoA

The "star" (Aelin) Rhys sees gets fully mentioned in CC3 (im crying even harder now so exicted omigosh)

Rhy's already been thinking about them not being alone in the universe.. he been "kinda of ready but not really for it"

Bryce from a modern world with technology in a world without it (sjm's biggest concern is "toilet paper" and "that" (im assuming how people in acotar shit) will be answered in cc3

Hunt's lineage and bat wings and angel wings will all get explained in cc3

I KEEP CRYING

"avengers level crossover"

"how they get along and DONT get along"

"Nyx definitely features...so far... in book three" (dont cut Nyx out im beggin)

timeline could shift a little but Bryce falling through the world happened around six months after silver flames ("so Nyx is still like a little baby")

Will see everyone being very protective of baby Nyx

“Who else can open up gates to” “That is a big question” (suggestive expression😉)

NO BUT SJM’S LOOK WHEN Katherine mention WYRM GATES asdfghjkl

cc3 will be released in 18 months to 2 years

“Set up for future books..future acotar or cresent city books” (I’m waitingggggg)

Sjm be nodding so enthusiastically when Katherine said “im sure their be new people for us to meet” and “shifting perspectives from Nesta’s perspective to Feyre” asdfghjkl