A LIFETIME IN REPEAT / Kamisato Ayato ( Genshin Impact ) ( WHAT WILL SURVIVE OF US IS LOVE ) A/n: Reincarnation

A LIFETIME IN REPEAT / kamisato ayato ( genshin impact ) ( WHAT WILL SURVIVE OF US IS LOVE ) a/n: reincarnation au. quote by philip larkin. title from eden - circles. for @yelans spring serenades event w/ the theme being rebirth. thank you for arranging this !!

i. under the cherry blossoms lies love eternal, wistful and tranquil in existence. under the cherry blossoms there is the blooming of flowers in spring reborn, the sun brilliant in her ways as she blesses the earth with warmth once more.

under the cherry blossoms is a promise of tomorrow in the way ayato holds you, bodies pressed closely together, his hands resting on your hips. you sway together, side to side, in temporary respite ; the quickening and slowing of time blurs -- and it doesn't make sense, but it does : the way you could find sanctuary in his arms forever, the way it’s over in the blink of an eye and you find yourselves missing each other all the more.

“relax, love.”

ayato whispers the words softly into your ear and laughs when you tense in response. your cheeks heat up, but you tell yourself it’s from the weather and leave it at that. you’ve never gotten used to his endearing terms and you’re sure he plays it to his advantage.

“i don’t slow dance-- and when were you so romantic, anyway?”

“i’ve always been a romantic at heart,” comes the matter-of-fact answer, though you sense underlying amusement in it, “now, relax. you can always lean on me.”

your lips part with the intention of a ( hopefully ) composed reply, but his smile is all too gentle, so the words fade into oblivion. instead, there is a feeling of happiness that dwells deep within the heart. you let out a sigh of defeat, pretend you didn’t hear him chuckle, wrap your arms around his neck, and lean your head against his chest.

“the flowers are beautiful this season.” you half-heartedly murmur, face still ablaze as you seek distraction elsewhere. ayato knows this, kisses you on the head in quiet comfort. you feel him smile against your skin and you do not think you will ever get tired of the sensation.

“yes, they are.” he says, and somewhere in the tidal waves of the soul, there is a bittersweetness that invokes itself in the thought of a future known. “they are beautiful.”

( under the cherry blossoms is serenity and devotion and everything birthed from love. under the cherry blossoms there are lovers who will grow old and gray together, hand in hand.

under the cherry blossoms, in yet another spring, will lie love eternal after days long passed. in the roots of tomorrow, it will be found again. always again. )

ii. the colors blur, window to window, view by view. the subway hums, floods itself with life as passengers travel to and from, and here you are, gaze distant, vacant. waiting. you live this life now and it’s all you know. it feels weird, empty-- but you think that’s kinda how it goes nowadays : learn what it means to be an adult, or rather, function as one, have a crisis, think you’re taking all the wrong twists & turns, and learn to fake it like everyone else.

it is exhausting. you are exhausted.

you sigh, discontentment transparent on your visage. the subway buzzes again, but all the sounds twist into background noise, automatically blocked out from your senses. you fail to notice the stranger that appears before you until he gets a little too close for comfort-- and that’s when you’re suddenly all too aware of how crowded it is. you try to step back, take maybe half a step, really, and that hardly does much, but he senses your discomfort and offers a wry, apologetic smile.

you know that smile, is your immediate thought, but you don’t get to reflect on it too much before someone shoves him into you. he wraps an arm around you, staggers for a moment before finding stability, and here you are, one hand on his shoulder and the other desperately hanging onto the overhead handle.

“i deeply apologize.” are the first words you hear, and there is something about his voice that soothes the anxiety that brews in your chest. “are you hurt?”

your breath hitches in your throat. your eyes sting suddenly and your vision goes unclear, and that stupid, stupid, lump in your throat is too noticeable and bothersome. this is ridiculous and dramatic, you joke to yourself, and you want to find rationale, reason-- something -- to explain this whirlwind of emotions that sweeps you off your feet.

you nod because that’s all you really can do; you want to say sorry when you see concern adorn his features, but he smiles, he smiles and you’ve seen it before, somehow, and you think you are crying now.

“‘m okay.” you whisper. “i’m okay. thank you.”

“you’re welcome.”

the subway hums again. longing fills your heart. you want to know why.

the stranger clears his throat, lets go of you, and you stand before each other in silence.

“my name is ayato.” he tells you. he offers you a handkerchief. “i believe we’ve met before.”

tears trail down your face. it is three in the afternoon. you are on the subway with a stranger. you do not remember something you should.

“i don’t remember you.”

ayato’s smile almost falters, but he is used to masking such emotions, so he maintains it ever so perfectly, hoping that you will not feel guilt for something that is not in your control.

( you don’t remember him. that’s okay, he thinks. he will wait for you until the end of time. it’s okay, even if it hurts. )

iii. with an aching heart made of uncertainty, you fall asleep to peaceful dreams that night. it takes place in a regal estate, splendid and grand in its decor. you wonder how you find yourself in such a setting. it’s busy-- chaotic and calm at the same time, moving constantly at a steady pace as voices and faces flood the halls. you recognize these voices, hear yourself among them.

the faces are blurred. all of them.

this is where you belong. these are days you’ve experienced before ; nostalgia lines itself in the hollows of your ribs, wraps its knowing around your lungs. you have lived and breathed this life.

you can’t remember.

you wake up. the ache grows deeper, burrows itself in fragile heartstrings. you fall back asleep, vision engulfed in pink hues of cherry blossoms and ayato’s name lingering on your tongue.

iv. you don’t remember anything, not really. you know you dreamt of something strange and significant and it bothers you, horribly so-- but these things will come in time, you suppose. so you move on with your day, hope you can find solace in falling back to your daily routine.

you enter the cafe, inhaling deeply when the aroma of coffee overloads your senses. there’s comfort to be found in the little things, you remind yourself, ordering your regular drink. it’s not long before you’ve settled into the corner of the cafe, set up your laptop and stationary. your focus goes into your work for an hour or two-- maybe longer-- until you see a familiar face before you again.

“what a coincidence.” ayato muses, curiosity in purple eyes. “i did not expect to see you here.”

you stare at each other in silence for a moment-- you, more so out of shock, ayato, truthfully, in amusement at such a reaction to his presence.

“you must have missed me, finding me already.” comes your response, a forced lightheartedness in your voice meant to disperse the tension in your body.

“i did, in fact. may i sit with you?”

you almost want to think he’s joking with you, but the way he looks at you is too tender, too knowing, and somehow, it breaks your heart.

( ayato spends hours with you at that cafe. it feels like home, feels right. feels like something is missing and it shouldn’t be. )

v. you don’t ask ayato what he meant back then, where he recognized you or how he recognized you. you didn’t ask when you first met on the subway, didn’t ask at the coffee shop, didn’t ask during any single encounter you’ve had in these past few months.

you are frightened of the unknown, and perhaps you are a coward for that.

( because you want to know, but there’s something in the nagging feeling you carry that makes you want to run away from all of this. but you don’t because you know you shouldn’t. because in all the time you have spent with him since that fated meeting, maybe there is a place in your heart for him that grows larger and larger and maybe that scares you. )

you walk along the quiet streets, side by side with ayato. the storm has long passed, puddles of water reflecting gloomy skies. it is nearing the end of fall but the weather does not let up, always unpredictable in its path.

“i enjoy the rain when i am aware of its incoming presence.” ayato mumbles, gaze cast upwards at the clouds.

“you don’t like getting caught up in it and getting your beautiful hair ruined?”

“i don’t.” he laughs at your teasing tone. “you find my hair beautiful?”

“i do.”

“how generous of you.” he hums, and there’s an extra little skip in his step now. “i find you beautiful, as well.”

your face gets hot. how embarrassing.

“so romantic.” you mumble, clearing your throat. you can’t help but feel familiarity in such exchanges. “what’s your favorite season, anyway?”

ayato’s gait comes to a standstill. you pause, watch as a sorrowful and hopeful smile rests on the curve of his lips. he glances up at the sky once more before he looks at you, his hand brushing against the back of yours.

“i have always been fond of spring.”

“why’s that?”

you don’t move your hand away. he notices this, remains cautious, gentle, and laces his fingers with yours. it’s warm, comforting.

“it reminds me of someone i love.”

you freeze, see the way ayato looks at you-- like there’s something more, like he has known you in a life past-- and you want to speak, but nothing can register or come to mind.

the rain pours again, but neither of you move.

“you told me that we’ve met before.” your voice quivers. “so why don’t i remember you? i know you. i dreamt about you once, i think. i don’t know. why don’t i know? where have we met? what do you know?”

panic arises with each word spoken. you’re crying again, just like you did the first time you met. you feel like an idiot, your chest tightening with anxiety. ayato squeezes your hand. it would be so easy to tell you everything, to bring the memories back all at once. but such things take time, he kindly reminds himself, so he will wait until it all comes back.

“you’re not going to tell me.” you whisper. he shakes his head, places an umbrella over your heads. “then tell me this: the person you love-- is it me? and did i love you once, before?”

ayato smiles, just as he always does, and the tears run rampant.

( you both know the answer already. you know this, don’t you? )

vi. you dream again that night. it’s a different dream, but almost the same-- the hustle and bustle surrounds you, overwhelms you. you’re not entirely familiar with this environment yet. you only know some of the voices-- a bright, cheerful one that always seems to bring a smile to your face. a soothing one that always brings reassurance. you hear a bark and playful laughter, and in your heart there is relief.

you’ve done this before.

“daydreaming again?”

you recognize that voice. you are quick to turn on your heel, though reluctance fills the corners of your mind. you are afraid the faces will be hidden again, obscure just like last time, but they are not.

ayato stands before you, almost entirely the same with exception of attire. maybe you are daydreaming-- this is a dream, after all, and the boundaries between what is real and what is not are too chaotic to distinguish. but that doesn’t stop you from hoping, from thinking this could be what you were trying to remember after all. in the realization of such, you cry again. you cry again and again because you hope that this is it, that it’s not just a dream, that you’ve finally come to understand ayato’s words and what that emptiness meant.

“what is it? what’s wrong?” ayato asks, dabbing the tears away with a handkerchief. you know that one, recall it from the subway.

“nothing’s wrong.” you laugh in disbelief, shake your head as his thumb grazes over your cheek. “i’m okay. we’re okay.”

( you wake up the next morning. you remember it all. )

vii. it is spring now. you have not seen him in a long while-- perhaps out of avoidance or a clash in schedules, neither of you are sure. you weren’t ready to tell him once you awoke from that dream, more so because you couldn’t comprehend it all-- thoma, ayaka, ayato--

you spent a lifetime with him before. you were married to him and you loved him. you danced under the cherry blossoms on the first day of spring and you told him you didn’t slow dance, that you weren’t good at it, but he didn’t care, as long as he could hold you close.

you sit on the park bench with him now, quiet. children play in the distance, their laughter filling the silence that rests heavily in the air. your hands wring nervously in your lap, words unspoken lodged in your throat. you want to tell him, but you don’t know how. you want to tell him that you know, and you’re almost sure he knows this, too.

“have you been well? it’s been awhile.”

he starts off slowly, treads carefully on thin ice.

“i’ve been...thinking. i dreamt about you again.”

“oh?”

“i cried a lot in the dream.”

“you do that often in reality, too.”

you laugh for the first time that day, feeling your body relax against the bench. your hand rests at your side now, brushes against ayato’s. wanting. waiting. hoping.

the cherry blossoms are in bloom now, the wind casting the petals along the sky. they fall gently, gracefully, and it reminds you both of that day.

they’re beautiful, aren’t they?” ayato asks, taking note of the closed distance between you two. he swallows hard, curious as to why he hesitates now- because maybe you truly do remember now, and maybe this is the moment he’s been waiting for all this time-- the reunion of two lovers. his hand finds yours. you do not pull away.

“they always have been.” you smile faintly, intertwining your fingers. you ignore the way your voice trembles and you hope he does, too. you inhale deeply, close your eyes. “can i lean on you, ayato?”

you know. you have to, he thinks, and he cannot help the surprise that appears in purple hues. you look at him, countenance riddled with apprehension, and there’s that familiar curl of the lips you have seen many times before. he nods in confirmation, so you rest your head on his shoulder.

pink petals fall onto your laps-- delicate, loved, and seen.

“i remember you.” you whisper. the wind almost drowns out the words, but his grip on your hand tightens. “i remember our life back then-- being married, spending time in the garden when it was the beginning of spring. i-- i took so long ayato. i took so long to remember you.”

in your voice there is regret, but in his eyes there is understanding. you want to apologize, but you know he would tell you there is no need for such things.

“i knew you would, in time. i would have waited for you, nonetheless.”

ah. you’re going to start crying again. you laugh when he pulls out that handkerchief again, but when the tears come, he kisses them away ever so gently before murmuring words of comfort. his arms wrap around you, hold reassuring and filled with ardor.

“i missed you.” you whisper against his lips, and how lovely it is to feel him smile against them once more. “i love you.”

“i love you, too.” he tells you, once, twice, a million times-- as many as he needs to until it is known. “i will love and find you in every lifetime, my love.”

( under the cherry blossoms is rebirth and reinvigoration of life. under the cherry blossoms, there is love lost and love found.

under the cherry blossoms, there is you and the one you love, reunited at last. )

More Posts from Xevrq and Others

xevrq

2 years ago

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xevrq

3 years ago

SEASONS OF BLOSSOM. [0.1]

love can start anywhere, even if yours started out fake.

genshintoon event hosted by @stellumi. img creds: "seasons of blossom" on webtoon.

part 1 (here!) — part 2 [wip]

pairing: xiao + gn!reader // word count: 4.4k // au: fake dating + high school // warnings: fluff, some swearing, reader's height not specified, very slight chilumi but not really (i just needed a character that was shorter than xiao that might like childe, also it's onesided)

author's note: as a writer who only writes fluff, i could not resist a fake dating au with xiao, especially if it's inspired by seasons of blossom. thanks to vera for letting me join this collab! you don't have to really read the webtoon series beforehand to read this, but it is recommended to better understand it! (if you do so, you can just glance at episode 2 + 3 to get a general idea ^^) this work is inspired off of "seasons of blossom" with many events changed, but otherwise i hope you all enjoy!

you like childe just a tiny bit, but you didn't think it was obvious or shown in your expressions at all. while he is seen as a friend of you and lumine, everyone in your class seems to nag at you and talk about how cute of a couple you two would be.

"you see... i like childe too," the girl across the table from you shyly says, and your mind blanks out—who was she again? she sat behind you in class, right? you weren't sure why you were sitting with her and her friends, just being waved over to their table as you and lumine had decided to go to burger king together for your lunch break.

you can hear lumine from beside you letting out a frustrated huff as the girl continues. "i don't really stand a chance of dating him, so just being friends with him would be nice!" your back visibly stiffens when her eyes move to look closely at you. "... but since you're close friends with childe, i wanted to ask you for help. would you be okay with that?"

"oh..." you awkwardly start with a chuckle. "we're just friends, so it really isn't my place to do, uhm... that. i'm not sure if i would be any help anyways."

"of course! you would be super helpful," the girl obliviously cheers and you're not sure if she even noticed your hesitance. "since i'm not really asking for much, can you introduce—"

"no," lumine coldly interrupts, and you sweatdrop at her sudden straightforwardness. she slams her phone down onto the table and all the girls across jolt in surprise. "we're not in elementary school, so why are you asking my friend for help to talk to someone?"

"w-what? why are you being like that lumine?" the girl stammers out while shaking her head. "[name] should be fine with it, so why—"

"because i like him too."

what? everyone around the table turns to lumine in surprise, especially you. she crosses her arms and holds her head up high, continuing with a deadpan look on her face. "i like childe too. so, no."

you can't help it—you yelp out in shock. "wait what?! you like childe? since when?"

"not for long." lumine simply says. "i don't think everyone heard you yet. should i get you a megaphone?"

you mumble out a little oops and a sorry, covering your mouth with your hands. you had no idea that lumine liked childe too—was she joking or just lying for fun?

"w-wow!" the girl's voice from across the table makes you turn to her. "you guys are best friends liking the same guy... what are you two going to do? what if [name] dates childe, lumine?"

your mind races—no one truly knows that you like childe a bit too, it hasn't been confirmed at all. and even if he did return the feelings (which unbeknownst to you, he did), could you do that to lumine and date him in front of her? your heart solemnly skips a bit in your chest, thinking what were these girls doing butting into other people's businesses anyway?

"i think there's a misunderstanding here," you start to speak up, and it's their turn to turn to you instead. "i... don't like childe."

"what?" you can see in your peripheral vision that lumine raises her eyebrow in confusion.

seeing that the other girls are confused too, you continue with the lying. "childe is my friend, yes—but i don't like him romantically like that."

"wait, really?" your classmate leans forward in her chair in absolute bewilderment. her hands palm down onto the table to hold herself up. "then who do you like, if not childe??"

ah, shit. you force a smile as your brain tries to list the people that have nothing at all to do with you. can you really lie your way out of this?

yes, you will, you make yourself think. do it for lumine.

without anymore stalling, you laugh out an awkward chuckle while scratching the back of your head. "i, uh... x-xiao! i like xiao!— you know, the guy who sits at the back of the class?"

while lumine abruptly sits up and yells at you a shocked, "no way in hell!" you can only sheepishly grin and hope that everyone will just believe you and forget about it in a week's time.

little did you know, the very guy that you mentioned is sitting at the table right behind yours— grimacing as his friend beside him (who was listening in on your conversation) spits out their drink at the sound of xiao's name.

you don't know what you have gotten yourself into.

(press "keep reading" to continue!)

"i still don't believe that you like xiao," lumine straightforwardly states. the two of you are standing at the staircase by your classroom, backs to the wall with her standing beside you. "really? the short guy who bumped into us last week?"

you can't help but giddily laugh, remembering what had happened. "well to be fair, i bumped into him first." it was true, you remember the day like it was just this morning.

both you and lumine walk out of the room at the start of your new semester, full of new classes, new teachers, and especially new classmates and students. she links her arm comfortably with yours as you two walk into the hallway. "holy crap, everything is so confusing. how are you and childe so settled in already?"

you can't help but giggle at her words. you open your mouth to respond when you suddenly feel your shoulder hit someone, and you turn to see a raven green-haired boy's head down to look at a game on a phone. one of his friends yelps out, "noo! i died!"

"sorry! are you okay?" you worriedly ask even as lumine still drags you along. you hold out your other hand to tap on the male's shoulder and he turns to you with a blank look. "hello?" ...what was his name again? "sorry for bumping into you—"

"it's fine, it's not my account anyway," the male calmly responds as his friend cries out something about losing a legendary item. your eyebrows only raise higher in concern.

"oh.. really? i'm still sorry, i didn't see you—"

"oh, forget it already!" lumine sighs out, exasperated as she keeps pulling you along. "you don't have to apologize so many times! and it's not your fault you couldn't see him, he's tiny as fuck!"

"l-lumine?!" you call out in surprise as you walk with her down the hallway. "how could you say that?" she only ignores you, continuing ranting about how rude they were for standing in the middle of the hallway. you turn around to look at the male and his friends while hoping that they weren't too offended.

you watch as the green-haired male only stares at you walk away, his friends hovered around him (and also above him, they're taller) while they hold out their hands with concerned looks, probably telling him not to think about what lumine said. you feel a bit bad, even debating going back to apologize for your friend's words when you see his mouth start to open to say something.

"hey," he calls out, and you can see lumine's head turn from beside you. the look of shock completely cascades over your face when he continues to say, "girl who's tinier than the guy who's tiny as fuck. you should grow yourself some common courtesy, it looks like you really need it."

"i still have no idea why you held me back from socking a punch to his face, that little idiot!" lumine's scoff brings you back to reality. you watch as she sips from a box of strawberry milk while her eyebrows narrow. "and by the way, i was lying about liking childe yesterday. i just wanted to say what that girl would say... you get what i mean, right?" she sighs out when you shake your head with a confused look. "you can drop the act, i know you like childe."

well, you confidently think. unfortunately for her, i'm not thinking about backing down anytime soon. "it's nothing like that, lumi. i was being honest, i really do like xiao."

"arghh!! don't say it again, you weirdo!" she cries out, and you giggle. "what's so good about him anyway?! i honestly don't get your type at all."

"he's cute," you speak truthfully— and technically, you were not lying. "his hairstyle suits him, and the way some of his hair strands wave around his face look really pretty." you do a quick motion with your hands to demonstrate and lumine raises her judging eyebrows at you. "and he always has this attractive red eyeliner on that matches his eyes perfectly, and—oh! and his lean figure fits his motorcycle jacket so satisfyingly to me. it's like he's those guys who are hot, pretty, and cute at the same time, don't you think?"

"no! stop rambling dummy!!" lumine visibly reddens, and you were sure that the last description you mentioned reminded her of her crush. you laughed as she spoke, "he's rude and brash! and super short!"

"hmm, kind of reminds me of someone," you funnily teased as the bell rang, and lumine whacked you lightly on the shoulder. "we should head back to class, that was the bell."

"you're such a fucking weirdo," lumine grumbled as you two walked down the stairs to your class floor. you could only keep giggling in return at her words, holding out your hand to take her milk box to throw away.

yet again, out of your notice and vision there he was; xiao at the top of the stairs, leaning against the wall as he looked down at his phone. his friends freaked out and fumbled from beside him, staring at him with a perplexed look.

"what are you going to do, xiao?" one of them, chongyun, asked. a blush was on his face just hearing you talk adoringly about xiao. "our classmate likes you!"

"what do you mean?" xiao simply replies with the phone still in his hands. "i'm gonna defeat this boss, that's what. that was just the warning bell."

"that's not what yunyun means!" hu tao, xiao's other friend, cries out. "remember when i spat out my drink at burger king at our classmates talking about you and childe?"

"yeah, very clearly," he sourly says. he remembers that they weren't really talking about him though—he was only mentioned when you brought up your crush on him.

hu tao ignores his words while ranting on. "that person already said that they liked you! twice! do you not care, oh-mighty nonchalant god?"

xiao only responds with a, "they have a name you know." he turns his head towards chongyun, motioning towards the phone in his hands. "you're on low health, yun."

the blue-haired male completely forgets about the conversation beforehand as he yelps out, "wait-wait-wait, drink a healing potion! that one! quickly!"

hu tao groans. "you two are so clueless!"

hu tao might be half right... but it seems that nobody notices the tips of xiao's ears blazing red, him standing between his friends looking over his shoulder at the phone. your words are still ingrained into his mind as he has to repeatedly take in your words and realize what you had said over and over again... do you actually like him?

ever since april and spring had started, new students were assigned the duty to clean the classroom once the school day was over so the old students from winter didn't have to do it anymore. unfortunately for lumine, your name was called along with the other names, meaning that you couldn't hang out as much after school anymore. you also felt a nudge on your shoulder from the girl (from burger king) who sat behind you, giving you a thumbs-up and a whispered "good luck!" when xiao's name was called as well. you two were stuck on mop duty while childe and zhongli did dusting and amber and yoimiya were on broom duty.

"we should probably come later next time since we have to mop after the brooms," you spoke awkwardly, gripping the handle of your mop to your chest as you stood beside xiao in the back of the classroom. everyone else seemed to lively clean the room together as you two were quiet, xiao on his phone while you guys waited for everyone else to finish together.

the only thing he said in return was a "yeah." and it was silent once again after that.

then came midterms— meaning the students didn't have to clean after the day was over until midterms were over. you quickly gazed at the questions of your paper as the teacher called out instructions, your hand reaching for your pencil bag until you realized you didn't have the right pen the teacher mentioned beforehand. you calmly scooted to the side of your chair and tapped on lumine's shoulder, who sat diagonally to the left and front of you, and she turned and raised her eyebrow at you.

"oh shit, i don't have an extra scantron pen," lumine silently cursed after you told her your problem. she pondered for a while with a finger tapping her chin. "if you want, i can ask the teacher for you—"

"no-no, it's okay," you quickly whispered with a smile. "i'll just ask around, thank you lumi."

she sent you a worried look and a good luck thumbs-up as you leaned back into your chair. swallowing your nerves, you turned around and asked the girl behind you, "hey, do you have an extra scantron pen?"

she shook her head with a sad look, "sorry, i only brought one. maybe ask kyun?"

well crap, you didn't know who that was. you just simply nod your head and whisper a small thank-you before turning back around with a sigh. even if the teacher would scold you in front of everyone, you would just have to ask her if you could borrow one. it didn't seem like there was another way out of this situation.

however, right as you are about to raise your hand, you see a subtle hand out of the corner of your eye place a pen (the exact pen you needed) at the side of your desk. your eyes can't help but widen in shock— everyone you asked didn't seem to have an extra pen, so how did someone else notice that you needed one?

"xiao!" the teacher calls out, and you turn to look up at him with surprise and a little guilt for getting him into any possible trouble. "what are you doing standing up? we are about to start a test."

"i accidentally dropped something," he calmly replies, holding up his other hand with a pen in it. "i need it for the test."

everyone's eyes seem to fly to xiao's figure, and you freeze up as you definitely feel the eyes of lumine and the girl behind you on you. the teacher sighs as she says something along the lines of ask next time, and motions for xiao to sit back down. when he glances at you as he turns around, your heart literally skips a bit before sending him a thankful look before he walks back to his seat.

lumine's eyes feel like they take a while to leave your face, and for the rest of your test, the only thing you can think about is xiao's sunset eyes gazing into yours— even if it was just for half a second. you couldn't even tell if your warm face would ever cool down until you were done answering all of the questions on your papers.

however, lumine's eyes weren't the only ones on you. hu tao stared at the back of your head in awe, absolute surprised at what had just happened.

xiao, the introvert. xiao, the tsundere. xiao, the quiet, scarily good gamer. xiao, the one hu tao knows very well that doesn't like to interact with people at all, just voluntarily stood up and gave you one of his extra pens. well to be honest— his only pen. xiao had turned around in his seat and ordered hu tao to give him one of her extras, because she "always brings a shit-ton of writing utensils". hu tao could only watch in astonishment when he stood up and put his pen onto your desk, and not only that, but also flat-out lied to the teacher with an excuse.

if hu tao said that she wasn't shocked a little bit, then she would be straight-up lying to everyone's faces.

"it's been a while since we had to clean," you start to say, mopping one side of the classroom with xiao mopping the other side. the fact that it was just the two of you inside with unbearable silence was killing you, and although it would be awkward, starting small talk sounded a bit better than two high schoolers silently mopping together. "how did you do on your midterms?"

"alright," is all he says, and you chuckle nervously in response while continuing with the mopping. you keep your eyes focused on the ground, finally realizing why lumine didn't believe your lie of having a crush on xiao—he's complete opposites with childe. while childe is chaotic and full of life, energy, and fun, xiao is quiet and keeps his hobbies to himself. he doesn't seem to speak up much unless asked to, and he seems to keep an expressionless look on his face. and you told lumine that you were crushing on this guy? whoever believed you probably had their eyes on their ass.

you look up when the front of your mop hits against another one, and meet the eyes of xiao in the process. you guys had finished mopping the room, finally meeting at the same side, but it's like you can't stop laughing to make up for the silence when you're with xiao— a brand new giggle bubbles out of you instinctively.

"we met," you point out the obvious, tapping his mop lightly with yours and then pulling it back to your side with a little aftermath of embarrassment. your head suddenly perks up at remembering something to say, and you let out an ahem before speaking again. "oh and, uh... thank you for lending me your pen last time. it was a lot of help."

speaking of which; you had yet to return his pen back to him. you're about to turn around to go to your backpack when xiao suddenly speaks up too, saying your name.

you don't even have a real crush on him— so why does your figure still, stiffening up at the sound of his voice casually saying your name?

"yeah?" you question. is he going to say you're welcome, or something nonchalant like it was nothing? you look at him expectantly while waiting for his answer.

and then out of nowhere: "i thought you liked me."

you completely freeze up as your heart feels like it comes to a complete stop, the mop handle falling out of the palms of your hand as your mouth opens with no words coming out. the male in front of you bends down and expertly catches the mop before it can fall and hit your leg, your figure still in a shocked state.

how did he know? did lumine tell him? there's no way she would— you know that she doesn't want to believe your lie, wanting you to admit your original crush already. besides, even if you really did have a crush on him, your best friend wouldn't be a snitch. xiao just watches as the your startled look turns to one of utter confusion, your fingertips touching when he places the mop back into your hands.

"...huh? w-what are you talking about?" you slowly start to speak, yet another nervous chuckle falling out of your lips. was he really just that good at reading you like a book? not only did he notice that you needed a pen from the back of the classroom, but he found out that you fake-liked him. how did he do it?

you're about to stammer out an excuse when he plainly says, "you yelled it out at burger king a few weeks ago. like this—

"ah! h-haha, uhm!!" you stammer to interrupt him, holding out your other hand to stop him from reenacting what you said before and humiliating you further. "i didn't know you were, er, there..."

oh shit. truly, you ask yourself what have you gotten yourself into? oh goodness— out of all the people you could've chose, why did your brain land on xiao? did it have to be xiao? and why did he have to be at burger king the same time and day as you? where would this even get you?

well... an offer for a fake dating relationship, that's what.

and it brings you unfortunately to now, the two of you as the center of attention the next day in the back of the classroom, because xiao had just carelessly and emotionlessly announced to everyone that you had started dating, on this very day. you didn't know he would— all you did was whisper in his ear, asking him a question about the relationship you two would fake that you talked about yesterday.

the only thing you can do is try to keep a calm smile on your face (and absolutely fail while doing it), spine stiffening up as xiao reaches for your hand and casually holds it in his. even as lumine slams open the door and curses out a "no fucking way!" he still holds your hand up, almost like he's rubbing it in her face in a you were wrong way.

the first thing xiao thinks when he holds your hand is that it's warm—almost like you.

your personality is warm, your aura is warm, even the way you speak is warm. you seem to be nice to everyone even if they were annoying, like the people who kept asking what answers you got after the midterms. you throw people's lunch trays away for them when they ask and you once even told him that you could mop the classroom by yourself, which he declined.

he hates it. he doesn't like how kind you are, and how much of a pushover you seem. you let people walk all over you and don't do a single thing about it. it makes his mind go mad.

... but it kind of makes him feel like someone should be there by your side, to protect you. to play the bad guy and tell people to get lost when they try to order you around.

"sorry if i offended you," you had said the previous day after he had put away the mops, his back to the window and you seated in front of him on a chair. you had just explained the whole situation; about lumine and childe, about the crushes, and why you lied. even the way you fidgeted with your fingers in your lap made him want to look away in disgust, but it was you, your voice, and your hands. it was at least a bit bearable. but xiao could already tell from the way you avoided his gaze that you were thinking about a lot of other things— what to say, what to do, and what you shouldn't do.

"what did you want to achieve by lying?" xiao straightforwardly asked as you finally—and awkwardly—looked up to meet his stare. "you don't care if childe dates someone else? are you really going to back down for your friend?"

"um, it's not like that," you nervously say, then quickly add, "backing down, i mean. but either way, i don't plan on dating someone my best friend has feelings for anyway."

xiao ponders for a moment with a hand in his pocket, keeping his eyes on you until you eventually look away to the side. "does your friend believes your lie?"

you chuckle in response. "ah, definitely not." the male notices that you always seem to be laughing whenever your blonde friend is around or mentioned—you guys must be close. you continue to talk while taking your jacket off, "i'm trying to convince her, but she definitely thinks that i still like childe. i just wish we could get it over with."

he thinks, staring at you pull one of your arms out of your sleeves. for someone who seems like a stubborn pushover, your lying was pretty good—when you were rambling about his looks at the staircase, he almost believed you himself. the tips of ears even turn red at the thought of thinking about it again, but he reminds himself that you were just acting. anyway, what would even be the ideal way to get out of this situation? it didn't seem like just insisting to your friend that you had a crush would continue to work.

"want me to help you?"

"huh?" you look up confused from shrugging off your jacket, then put on a little smile. "oh, this? it's okay, i'm done taking it off anyways."

"what?" xiao raises his eyebrow, and something in him almost wants to scoff from amusement as you awkwardly stiffen up from realization. "why would i help you take off your jacket?"

"t-then what did you mean??"

"you don't care what childe thinks, so it's just lucy that's the problem now, right?" xiao simply asks as he steadily leans off of the wall. taking one of his hands out of his pocket, he runs it through his hair to push aside the hair strands in his eyes, staring at you while waiting for your reply.

"her name is lumine," you slowly speak with your eyes meeting his. "a-and i guess?"

"then it's simple." he steps forward and you stop breathing for a moment— his face is only inches away from yours. you can see every speck of golden red in his amber eyes from here, and count all of his raven-green hair strands from his black hair strands. his scent is sweet— something varying between caramel and honey, but you can't put your finger on it.

well, it's not like you have time to anyway. not when you freeze up at his words; "just go out with me."

"w-what?" you jolt in your chair, abruptly scooting back and looking up at him with a start. "what are you talking about?"

this time xiao finally smiles in amusement. actually, not even a smile— it's practically a small, amused smirk.

"lumine will believe you if we're dating."

end of part one.

ending author's note: now i could be mean and just leave it off here, and although i really want to, i'm not evil 🙏 see ya guys in the next one after i write it!

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xevrq

2 years ago

Gaz: What’s your biggest fear?

(Y/n): One of us dying. I’m not really scared of anything else to be honest.

Gaz: What about you dying?

(Y/n), smiling: That’s my biggest hope.

Price, appearing out of nowhere: Stop.

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xevrq

2 years ago

IM VRYING WHY MUST IT BE BER AHHSHAJZJJZ IT COULD BE MONA OR QIQI BUT WHY WHY DID YOU COME HOME IN THIA ACC AGAIN FKNX YUO

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