Please mayhaps could you write something cute of Mc/Reader falling asleep while laying on their chest listening to their heartbeat đ
inspired by this dialogue from Zayne I just got đ
Love your writing btw, I binge read all your stuff earlierâŠđ
Aww thank you!
Caleb
The night was quiet, save for the faint hum of the city in the distance. The stars stretched endlessly above you, faint against the glow of streetlights filtering through the window. The air was cool, a soft breeze shifting the curtains, but the warmth of Caleb beside you made the world feel impossibly small, like the only thing that mattered was the space between you.
You hadnât meant to stay this late.
It had started with a casual visitâan excuse, really. Just an evening spent together after days of missing each other between missions and responsibilities. You had barely managed to steal moments alone lately, both of you too caught up in the demands of your work, your Evols, your duties. And now, here you were, hours later, lying on his couch, wrapped up in his presence as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Caleb sat against the cushions, his black and orange jacket tossed somewhere over the armrest, leaving him in just a simple t-shirt. He had one arm resting lazily behind his head, the other draped across your back. Your body was half on top of him, your cheek pressed against his chest, rising and falling with each steady breath he took.
The sound of his heartbeat filled your ears.
Strong. Constant. Safe.
You hadnât planned on falling asleep like this. But after everythingâafter the exhaustion, the weeks of pushing forward without restâthis felt⊠inevitable. Like gravity pulling you down.
Caleb hadnât moved much since youâd settled there, just enough to shift comfortably, to make sure you had the space to breathe. His fingers ghosted over your back, absentminded, soothing. He wasnât speaking, but he didnât need to. The warmth of his body, the solid presence of him beneath youâit was enough.
You felt his chest rumble slightly as he let out a breath, a soft chuckle you almost missed.
"Didnât think youâd get this comfortable with me so soon."
You made a small noise in protest but didnât lift your head. It was too much effort, and you were too content.
His fingers brushed against the curve of your shoulder, warm and slow. "Not that I mind," he murmured.
You sighed, shifting just slightly, letting your body mold more against his. âMânot comfortable,â you mumbled sleepily, words muffled against his shirt.
"Oh?" Amusement colored his voice.
"Mâjust⊠too tired to move."
He huffed a quiet laugh. "Right. Thatâs it."
You didnât argue. You barely had the energy to think, much less banter with him. The steady thump-thump of his heart was lulling you under, making it hard to focus on anything but the warmth beneath your fingertips.
A few minutes passed in silence, peaceful and undisturbed. Caleb wasnât one to stay still for long, not with the kind of life he led, but right now, he hadnât moved an inch. Maybe he didnât want to wake you. Maybe he just liked this as much as you did.
And then, in a voice quieter than before, he spoke again.
"Feels nice."
You made a questioning sound, but you didnât open your eyes.
His fingers traced a slow, lazy path down your back. "Having you here like this."
Your heart skipped.
It wasnât like Caleb to say things outright. Not when it came to feelings, anyway. He showed his affection in actionsâthrough protection, through thoughtfulness, through every quiet way he looked after you. But every now and then, he let things slip.
And for some reason, this moment felt more intimate than any of the ones before.
You swallowed, suddenly more aware of how close you were. His heartbeat, still steady beneath your ear, was the only thing grounding you.
You exhaled. "I like it too."
His hand stilled for half a second, then continued its slow, absentminded movements.
You werenât sure how long you stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, saying nothing at all.
Time didnât matter.
The world outside didnât matter.
All that mattered was the quiet rise and fall of his chest, the way his heart beat for you, with you.
And eventually, before you even realized it, you drifted into sleep, safe in his arms.
Caleb had lost count of how long heâd been lying there, unmoving, just watching you.
You had fallen asleep so easily against him, so naturally, as if you had always belonged there. Your breaths were soft, steady, barely more than a whisper against his skin. And your weightâlight but presentâfelt right.
He exhaled, staring at the ceiling.
He shouldâve moved. He shouldâve carried you to bed, tucked you in properly, maybe even left the room to give you space.
But he didnât.
Because some part of himâsome deep, selfish partâcouldnât bring himself to let go.
His arms tightened around you, just slightly. He felt the way you shifted in response, curling closer in your sleep, like even unconscious, you knew you were safe with him.
That did something to him.
He had spent so long protecting you, making sure you were okay, keeping his distance where he thought you needed it. But now, here you wereâsleeping soundly on his chest, trusting him without hesitation.
And it undid him.
His fingers traced absent patterns against your back, slow, thoughtful. He didnât know if youâd even remember this in the morning, if youâd be embarrassed, if youâd pull away and act like it hadnât happened. But heâd remember.
Heâd remember the way your breathing synced with his, the way your body had fit against him like it was meant to be there. Heâd remember the warmth of you, the way you had melted into him without fear.
And, more than anything, heâd remember the moment he realizedâhe never wanted this to end.
He exhaled, tilting his head just enough to press the lightest of kisses against your hair. A whisper of a touch, something you wouldnât feel, something just for him.
"Sleep well," he murmured against your temple. "Iâll be here when you wake up."
And for once, he truly meant it.
Rafayel
Rafayel always ran a little warmer than most, his body heat like an ember refusing to die out. It was comforting in a way that made it difficult to resist curling up beside him, though you rarely admitted that out loud. Heâd be insufferable if you did, teasing you with that lazy grin, calling you clingy despite the fact that he was the one who draped himself over you like a heavy blanket more often than not.
Tonight was no different.
It had been a long dayâone of those days where exhaustion settled into your bones like a permanent weight. The kind of day where even lifting a hand to wave away Rafayelâs usual antics felt like too much effort. You had barely managed to shuffle into his home, kicking off your shoes in a haphazard heap by the door before collapsing onto his couch without so much as a greeting.
Rafayel, ever the dramatic one, had let out an exaggerated sigh as he flopped down beside you, slouching against the cushions as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. âYou look like youâve fought an entire army and lost.â
You hummed in response, not even bothering to open your eyes.
That wasnât enough for him, of course. He prodded your arm with a single finger, then two, then your cheek, then your foreheadâuntil you swatted weakly at his hand, cracking one eye open to glare at him.
âIf you donât let me rest, Iâllââ
âWhat?â He smirked, all sharp teeth and amusement. âThrow me out? I live here.â
You groaned, rolling onto your side to put your back to him, but it was no use. Rafayel was persistent when he wanted to be. His arm slung itself over your waist, not quite pulling you in, but making sure you couldnât wriggle away either.
âStay up with me,â he murmured.
âNo.â
âRude.â
You huffed a small laugh, but the exhaustion was winning. You felt the weight of his arm shift slightly, and before you knew it, he was adjusting, coaxing you effortlessly into his embrace as if it was second nature.
You barely resisted.
His chest was warm beneath your cheek, rising and falling in an easy rhythm, his heartbeat a steady thump-thump against your ear. You listened without thinking, without meaning to, letting the sound ground you in a way that nothing else could.
âComfortable?â Rafayelâs voice was softer now, lacking his usual teasing lilt.
You made a vague sound of agreement, nuzzling just a little closer.
His fingers skimmed lightly over your back, absentmindedly tracing little shapes into your shirt. âYouâre hopeless, you know that?â
âMhm.â
âYou werenât supposed to agree.â
You smiled sleepily.
Silence stretched between you, but it wasnât empty. It was full of the warmth of his body, the scent of sea breeze and something faintly sweet, the quiet lull of his breathing.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
You wondered if he even realized how soothing it was. If he knew how easily he could lull you to sleep just by being there.
His hand stilled against your back, and for a moment, you thought maybe he had fallen asleep too. But then, his voiceâsofter now, barely above a whisperâbroke the silence.
âYou do this a lot.â
You hummed, half-asleep already. âDo what?â
âListen to my heartbeat.â
Your eyes cracked open just enough to peek up at him, but his expression was unreadable in the dim light. His gaze was focused on the ceiling, his lips pressed together in quiet contemplation.
You shrugged, your fingers absentmindedly curling into the fabric of his shirt. âItâs⊠nice.â
Rafayel let out a small breath of amusement, though there was something thoughtful in the way he tightened his grip around you, as if trying to pull you just a little closer. âI donât think anyoneâs ever told me that before.â
You blinked sleepily. âReally?â
He tilted his head slightly, as if considering it. âMost people donât get close enough to notice.â
That made sense, you supposed. Rafayel was not an easy person to get close to. He could charm his way into any room, could captivate entire crowds with his talent and confidenceâbut when it came to true closeness, true intimacy, he chose his moments carefully. He built walls around himself, kept his distance from the world even as he stood in its spotlight.
But with youâŠ
You werenât entirely sure when it had changed. When the teasing had shifted into something softer, something real. When he had stopped keeping you at armâs length.
Maybe it had been gradual, like the way the tide reshapes the shore over time.
Or maybe it had always been there, waiting to be acknowledged.
His fingers resumed their absentminded tracing against your back. âDoes it make you feel safe?â
You hesitated for only a second before nodding. âYeah.â
Rafayel exhaled, a breath that sounded far too heavy for such a simple conversation. But he didnât say anything else.
His heartbeat continued its steady rhythm beneath your ear.
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
You sighed, letting your eyes drift shut again. Sleep pulled at you like a tide, warm and steady.
You didnât know how long you lay there, tangled up in each other, before Rafayel finally spoke again, voice so quiet you almost thought you imagined it.
ââŠGood.â
And then, as if nothing had happened, his fingers continued their slow, lazy patterns against your back, lulling you further into sleep.
The last thing you felt before drifting off completely was the faintest press of lips against the top of your head.
Rafayel didnât say anything else.
He didnât need to.
Sylus
The night was warm, the kind of heat that settled under your skin and refused to let go. The air carried the faint scent of rain from earlier, mixing with the smoky tang of the fire burning low in Sylusâ study. You had been sprawled across the couch for what felt like hours, tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable, but no matter what you did, rest wouldnât come.
You huffed, rolling onto your stomach, cheek pressing into the cushion. Across the room, Sylus sat at his desk, flipping through a dossier with the kind of effortless focus that made you want to be a distraction. He had been watching you from the corner of his eye for a while now, though he hadnât said anythingâprobably waiting for you to admit defeat first.
"Youâre brooding," he finally murmured, flipping another page.
You groaned. "I donât brood."
His lips curled slightly, but he didnât look up. "You do when you donât get your way."
Your head snapped up, eyes narrowing. "Excuse me?"
He turned a page with an infuriating level of ease. Smug bastard.
"You heard me," he mused. "Somethingâs bothering you. You donât want to admit it, but you also want me to figure it out for you. Youâre restless, and I donât like it."
You scoffed, pushing yourself up. "You donât like it? Oh no, whatever shall I do?"
Sylus sighed, finally looking up at you, his crimson gaze dark and knowing. "Come here."
You sat up fully, arms crossing over your chest. "No."
His expression didnât change, but you saw the flicker of amusement in his eyes. "No?"
You smirked, lifting your chin. "You want me? You come get me."
For a moment, he just stared at you, as if weighing his options. Then, without warning, he moved.
You barely had time to react before a shadow loomed over you, arms slipping around you with the kind of effortless strength that made resistance seem laughable.
"Sylus!" you yelped, squirming as he lifted you off the couch like you weighed nothing.
"Problem, kitten?" he murmured, the warmth of his breath brushing against your temple as he adjusted you against his chest.
You kicked your feet, half-heartedly shoving at his shoulder, but he didnât so much as flinch. Instead, he sank back into his chair, pulling you down with him, settling you against him.
Your back rested against his chest, his arms lazily draped around your waist, as if holding you there was the most natural thing in the world.
"Youâre ridiculous," you grumbled.
"And yet," he mused, resting his chin lightly against the top of your head, "you always end up right where I want you."
You huffed, about to argue, but thenâyou heard it.
The steady, unshaken rhythm of his heartbeat.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
Slow. Certain. Unyielding.
For a moment, you forgot why you had been restless in the first place. The world outside faded, the tension in your limbs melting into the warmth of his body. His heartbeat filled the silence, a constant, grounding sound that made everything else feel so small.
You swallowed, suddenly hyper-aware of everythingâhis warmth, the slow rise and fall of his chest against your back, the way his fingers had started tracing small, absentminded circles against your ribs.
"Youâre listening," he murmured, voice quieter now.
You didnât answer. You didnât need to.
His heartbeat was so steady, so sure. A deep, resounding thing that made you realize just how erratic your own had been all night. But now⊠now you were matching him, falling into the rhythm of him.
A breath.
A beat.
A moment.
Your fingers curled into the fabric of his sleeve, gripping just a little tighter.
"...Youâre annoying," you mumbled.
Sylus huffed a quiet laugh, his fingers slipping up to cup your jaw, tilting your face just enough for your eyes to meet his. "And youâre a brat," he murmured.
Your lips parted, but no words came.
Because his gaze wasnât teasing anymore. It was soft. Intense in a way that made your stomach twist and your pulse stutter, despite the slow, grounding rhythm of his own beneath you.
"...Donât do that again," he said after a moment.
Your brow furrowed slightly. "Do what?"
"Try to deal with things on your own when you donât have to." His voice was low, serious. Final.
You swallowed hard.
Sylus was not a man who needed anyone. He was self-sufficient, independent, a lone wolf who had built an empire from the shadows. But with you, he let himself be different.
And this? This was him asking you to do the same.
You let out a slow breath, turning your face back into his chest. His heartbeat was still there, still steady, still constant.
Your fingers loosened against his sleeve, your grip no longer desperate, but something else. Something trusting.
"...Okay," you whispered.
Sylus let out a quiet hum, satisfied with your answer. His arm tightened just slightly around you, and for the first time that night, you werenât restless anymore.
You listened.
To the crackling fire. To the distant city.
To him.
To his heartbeat.
And slowly, carefullyâyou matched it.
Xavier
The steady rhythm of Xavierâs heartbeat was the only sound you could focus on. A soft, constant thump-thump, thump-thump beneath your ear, grounding and unwavering. It was lateâtoo lateâbut exhaustion had long since settled into your bones, making your eyelids heavy.
You hadnât meant to end up like this, curled against him with your cheek resting over his chest, legs tangled loosely. It had started as a simple evening together, the two of you stretched out on the couch, basking in the rare quiet. The mission earlier had been gruelingâphysically and mentally drainingâand you had been too sore to move much, content just to exist in Xavierâs presence.
He had been the one to pull you close, an arm draped lazily around your waist as if it was second nature. And now, as you lay against him, your body melting into the warmth of his own, you realized how easy this felt.
His fingers traced light, absent-minded patterns against your back, the touch featherlight, almost reverent. You could feel his breath ruffle your hair every now and then, slow and even. The city lights outside cast a faint glow across the room, flickering against the walls, but neither of you made a move to turn on the lamp.
"You're quiet," Xavier murmured. His voice was deep, a little rough, the kind of tone that made something inside you settle. "Tired?"
You hummed in response, nuzzling just slightly into his chest. "Mm. Comfy."
A soft chuckle rumbled beneath you, and you could feel his amusement more than you could hear it. "So, you're just using me as a pillow, then?"
You smirked but didnât open your eyes. "You make a good one."
Xavier huffed, but his hand on your back didn't stop its slow, lazy movements. "Lucky me."
There was no teasing in his voice, thoughâjust something warm, something fond.
It wasnât often that you got to be like this with him. Unrushed. No missions, no battle wounds, no chaos pulling you in opposite directions. Just you and him, together.
And God, it felt good.
His heartbeat was steady beneath your cheek, a quiet, comforting rhythm that made the exhaustion settle even deeper in your body.
Xavier didnât push you to stay awake, didnât urge you into conversation. He just let you rest.
And maybe that was what made it so easy to finally let yourself relax.
At some point, you started drifting.
It was slow, like sinking into warm water, the world softening around the edges. You could still hear him breathing, still feel the rise and fall of his chest, but everything was beginning to feel lighter.
And thenâ
A soft voice, close. "You gonna fall asleep on me?"
You made a vague noise of acknowledgment but didnât move.
Another chuckle. "Thatâs a yes."
You felt him shift slightly, adjusting his hold on you, but he didnât pull away. If anything, his grip on your waist tightened just slightly, as if anchoring you to him.
"Youâre warm," you muttered, your voice sluggish with exhaustion.
Xavier huffed out a breath. "You're barely awake and that's what you choose to say?"
You smiled against his shirt. "Mhm."
For a moment, there was only silence.
Then, softerâquieterâ"Good."
You might have imagined it, but his hand moved to cradle the back of your head, fingers threading gently through your hair. A touch so light it almost wasnât there at all.
You sighed, content, before finally letting yourself fall.
When you woke up, you werenât sure how long you had been asleep.
The first thing you noticed was that you were still on Xavierâs chest, still curled up against him like you had never moved. The second thing you noticed was that he hadn't moved either.
His arms were still wrapped around you, one hand resting at your lower back, the other still tangled lightly in your hair. His breathing was deep and even, but you werenât sure if he was actually asleep or just resting.
You shifted slightly, tilting your head to glance up at him, andâ
He was awake.
His blue eyes, always sharp and focused, were soft as they met yours. There was no teasing smirk, no witty remark. Just quiet warmth, something unreadable flickering in his expression.
"Morning," he murmured.
You blinked, still groggy. "Is it?"
A small, amused huff. "No. But youâve been out for a while."
You exhaled, stretching slightly but making no effort to move away. "Why didnât you wake me?"
Xavierâs fingers ghosted against your back again, tracing idle shapes. "Because you looked peaceful."
You stared at him for a moment, then rested your head back against his chest. "...Still comfy."
This time, he laughedâa soft, real laugh, not one of his usual teasing chuckles.
"You just gonna stay here forever, then?"
You hummed. "Might."
His heartbeat was still steady beneath your ear, his warmth still pulling you under. And God, if it was up to you, you wouldnât move at all.
You must have fallen asleep again, because when you woke up next, the lights outside had shifted. The city was still glowing, but the colors were differentâsofter, cooler, as if the night had settled deeper.
You yawned, stretching slightly before blinking up at Xavier again. He was asleep now, his face more relaxed than you had ever seen it.
And something about that made you pause.
Xavier never truly let his guard down. Even when he was exhausted, even when he was resting, there was always something about him that remained sharp. Always aware, always prepared for whatever came next.
But right now?
Right now, he was peaceful. His lips were slightly parted, his expression free of tension, his breathing slow and even.
And you realized, with a quiet pang in your chest, that he had fallen asleep because he trusted you.
Carefully, hesitantly, you lifted a hand to brush a strand of silver hair from his forehead. Your fingers barely grazed his skin, but he didnât stir.
You swallowed, something unspoken tightening in your throat.
You were safe with him.
And maybeâjust maybeâhe was safe with you, too.
You smiled, small but genuine, before settling back against him.
"Sleep well, Xavier," you whispered, knowing he wouldnât hear you.
Then, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat, you let yourself drift off once more.
Zayne
The world outside had slipped into an almost unnatural silence, the kind that only seemed to happen in the late hours of the night when everything around you had finally fallen still. The air was crisp and cool, but inside, the warmth of the apartment wrapped around you like a soft blanket. You had spent the evening togetherâdinner, quiet conversation, and some small talk that had faded into comfortable silence. Zayneâs usual stoic nature had softened somewhat, allowing you a glimpse of the ease he usually kept hidden behind the layers of his professionalism.
The clock on the wall ticked slowly as you settled beside him on the couch. Zayne sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, his back straight despite the fact that he had obviously spent long hours at work. His three-piece suit was loosened nowâthe jacket discarded, the top button of his shirt undone, and his glasses resting casually on the coffee table in front of him.
You noticed the tension in his shoulders, how he unconsciously worked his jaw, as if the stress of the day was still weighing heavily on him. Even after everything he had done, the hours he had put in, he still couldnât seem to let go.
Without a word, you shifted closer, your body naturally gravitating toward his warmth. Zayne didnât seem to notice at first, absorbed in his own thoughts, but when you rested your head gently against his chest, you felt him pause.
For a moment, neither of you spoke. The quiet in the room was broken only by the soft hum of the city in the distance and the low sound of Zayneâs breathing.
Then, you heard it.
Thud-thud.
His heartbeat.
Slow, steady, and constant.
It was like a pulse that reverberated through his body, steadying your own. You hadnât realized how much you missed it, how much you needed to hear it, until now. There was something about the sound of his heartbeatâsomething reassuring. Something grounding.
Zayne shifted, his hand slowly moving to your back, his touch light and hesitant at first, as though unsure whether he should be the one to initiate any sort of contact. But when he felt you settle against him, the tension in his fingers eased.
âYouâre tired,â he whispered softly, his voice low and warm.
You hummed in response, not sure if you wanted to admit how exhausted you truly were.
âI know,â you murmured, your voice barely audible.
Zayneâs hand moved slightly, his fingers brushing gently against your back, tracing light patterns across your shirt. There was no hurry in his movementsâno urgency, just a simple, soft touch that seemed to say more than words ever could. The rhythm of his heartbeat against your ear grew louder, the thudding echoing in your mind as you closed your eyes, allowing it to lull you further into the moment.
His fingers brushed the nape of your neck, the motion tender, and for a fleeting moment, you felt the warmth of his touch in places you didnât know youâd been longing for. The affection in his actions, the unspoken connection between you, was enough to make you feel more at ease than you ever had before.
Zayne was never one to show too much emotion, at least not outwardly. His professional demeanor kept him composed, distant even when he cared deeply. But in moments like this, where the world outside faded into a blur, it was as though his true self could breathe, and you could feel the softness beneath the armor he wore so often.
Thud-thud.
It was so constant, so unchanging. A reminder that no matter what the day had thrown at either of you, here, in this moment, things were calm. You were safe.
You pressed your ear a little closer to his chest, your cheek resting on the fabric of his shirt. The steady beat of his heart was becoming something you could depend on, something more constant than the passage of time.
âIâve got you,â he said after a long pause, and even though it was a simple statement, it was one that carried the weight of his every unspoken promise.
You felt his hand move up, brushing softly through your hair, the action slow and deliberate. It wasnât hurried. It wasnât forceful. It was just him, being present. Being there.
âI know,â you whispered back.
The room was so still, so quiet. Zayne didnât speak again. He didnât need to. His presence, his heartbeat, was enough to keep you tethered to the moment, to him.
You allowed yourself to settle even further, your exhaustion beginning to take hold in a deeper way now. But there was something else there tooâa feeling of peace, of contentment that you hadnât realized you were craving. His touch was the anchor that kept you from drifting into sleep completely.
When you let your eyes fall shut, the warmth of his body against yours seemed to blanket you in comfort. You could feel the faint rise and fall of his chest beneath you, the subtle movement of his body, and the weight of his hand against your back. Everything about himâthe rhythm of his heart, the quiet of his breathing, the soothing motions of his handâwrapped you in something that felt like home.
âStay with me for a little longer,â Zayne murmured, his voice a soft plea in the dim light of the room.
You didnât answer immediately, simply nuzzling closer, breathing in the familiar scent of himâclean, calm, and grounded.
There was no rush. No need to go anywhere.
It was just you and him.
The thud of his heartbeat was all you needed. It was enough to lull you deeper into sleep, into dreams where his presence remained close.
Thud-thud.
The rhythm of his heart.
And in that moment, you knew there was nowhere else youâd rather be.
"You never told me you knew about mythlogy." â "You never asked." You struggle to sleep during bedtime. Xavier has just the trick to send you straight to dreamland. - 779 w. not proofread.
cw.: nothing. just sleepy xavi
Itâs 1 am when you give up on trying to sleep. You toss and turn on your side of the bed in hopes to find a comfortable position to maybe, if your body is merciful enough, take a nap before you have to get up again.
Youâre sore, your back hurts from the mission youâve finished in the afternoon and your feet throb at the slightest contact with the ground. Exhausted is what you are. You came home sure youâd fall asleep in a second and yet, here you are, still wide awake when the digital alarm on your bedside table hits 2 am.
You almost feel sorry for Xavier, whoâs currently lost deep into dreamland, for moving around so much beside him. Oh how you envy his ability to fall asleep anywhere and anytime. You toss and turn for a while longer, going static when your ears perk at the sound of Xavier snoring softly in his sleep, a pair of strong arms snake around your torso and trap you close to him like the perfect little emotional support pillow.Â
Accepting you wonât be able to move around anymore, you stare at the shape of his peaceful sleeping face in the dark, bits of his hair illuminated by moonlight seeping through the thin curtains. Struggling under his embrace as gently as possible, your hand leaves your chest to comb his blonde hair out of his face in affection. Xavierâs breath hitches, not tense, but surprised at the contact in his half-awake-half-asleep state.
You choke on a yawn trying to escape your lips as Xavierâs lashes tremble and his sleepy eyes meet your wide awake ones.Â
âWhy are you still awake?â You can barely see but you just know thereâs the tiniest frown forming in his face.Â
Afraid that if you move, youâll make him lose his sleepy state, your hand freezes in place but never leaves his hair. âCanât sleep. Sorry- did i wake you up?â You whisper.
Xavier has always been your knight in shining armor with the looks of the most stunning prince ever. And even though youâve said multiple times you can stand up for yourself no matter what, he insisted that heâll always be there when things get messy. So why are you, of all people, worried youâre interrupting his sleep?Â
âwhy didnât you wake me up earlier is the real question. Câmereâ He mutters, his voice laced with sleep. Closing the space between you two, he pulls you closer by the small of your back.
âXavi- go back to sleep, iâll fall asleep soon-â Itâs already impossible to make wide awake Xavier finish reports so you worry what a pain itâll be to get him to get anything done in the morning if he doesnât get enough sleep.
âDo you know the story behind ursa major and minor?â He interrupts you with no ceremony, yawning at the end of his question.Â
âXavier- we have work in the morning, now is not the time-â â âShhhhâŠâ A kiss is placed between your brows.
âOnce upon a timeâŠâ â He starts slowly, like heâs reading a bedtime story to a toddler. When Xavier has something in mind, itâs impossible to change his mind. Stubborn man he was.Â
ââŠThe beautiful maiden Callisto had an affair with Zeus, and they had a son named Arcas.â A kiss to your forehead. His hand snakes under your shirt to trace light patterns on your back.
He yawns but continues anyway. â âTo protect them both from his jealous wife Hera, Zeus turned both of them into bears, grabbed them by their little tails and threw Callisto and Arcas into the beautiful skies.âÂ
Now itâs your turn to yawn, eyelids droopy with tiredness. His voice could be a lullaby on its own, everything about Xavier had a sense of⊠gentleness, love. Every touch of his fingertips on your back was an act of adoration, the slow kisses on your skin painting a constellation of his own making on your face.
âBecause of that, their tails stretched out and can be seen to this day in the night sky.â He concludes.
âSo ursa minor is Arcas and ursa major is Callisto. And they have twenty nine stars in total. Oh and-â At the sound of your slow paced breath makes him go quiet and a tiny, proud smile plays on his lips.
It doesnât take him long to also fall asleep, never does. Curling impossibly close to your body, he takes a deep breath in your hair, inhales the fresh scent of your shampoo and presses a good night kiss on your hairline before falling into a deep slumber once again.
âč àŁȘ Ë reblogs are very much appreciated. thank you for reading! (*ÂŽâœ`*)
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND KISSES
warning(s) mention of insomnia, comfort, established relationship, pet names, food/eating, physical touch and affection
synopsis xavier gets a call from you in the middle of the night. you have a last minute sleepover to help soothe nerves and connect more with your silver-haired lover! . ⥠authors note a request from @sadfragilegirl hope you enjoy and sorry for the long wait! âĄ
the relationship between you and xavier was a new thing; a bit awkward and fidgety in the beginning, but blossoming and soft. you were used to his distinct smell of lavender and fresh laundry drifting through your apartment, the twinkle of his blue eyes, and his soft laugh that spread sparks of warmth through your body.
tonight, you were missing his presence. your apartment felt foreign and the silence all too loud. you bit your lip in the darkness of your room, finger hovering over the call button of his contact. you both had just finished a hard mission earlier today and decided to part ways for the night to rest and recuperate.
but the spot beside you in the bed felt too cold, empty of his long limbs and soothing voice lulling you to sleep. now, that sleep refused to come, and you tossed and turned until you finally bit the bullet and pressed call.
âwhatâs wrong?â his voice, still thick with sleep, immediately answered the phone. you could distinctly hear the rustle of linen bedsheets shift as he sat up, patiently waiting for your response.
you chewed your lip before answering, embarrassed beyond belief and nervous that you completely interrupted his rest. âIâŠwell, I canât sleep. was wondering if you could come over tonightâ?â
you waited with bated breath, heart beating in your chest as there was a pause. then, âIâm heading over now. want me to bring some snacks?â you didnât even have to respondâ you heard the rustle of your favorite chips he kept stocked in his kitchen, making you giggle softly.
âsee you soon, xavi.â
âIâll be over soon.â
you occupied yourself with tidying up a bit before his arrival, setting comfy blankets and pillows onto the couch. you both loved soft mood lighting, no glaring overhead lighting to be seen, so you even lit a few candles around the surfaces of your apartment.
soon, you heard the distinct rap of your boyfriend at the door. you couldn't help a little thrill buzz through you in anticipation, quickly padding to the door and opening it with a flourish.
there stood your loverboy in fluffy checkered pajama pants and a plain white shirt, still rubbing sleep from his hazy blue eyes. his arms were wrapped around a bag of chips and a blanket.
you grinned up at him and a loopy smile greeted you back, as you then pulled him into the apartment with a click of the door. ây'know I gave you a key so you could come in yourself,â you teased lightly, watching as xavier dumped the assortment of objects onto the dining room table before turning back to you.
âI know. but stillâŠâ he murmured back, still wiping at his eyes before wrapping his arms around you for a hug. you greatly accepted it, immediately feeling better with his arms around you.
âI didnât disturb youâ did I?â you whispered after a beat, still a bit nervous at disturbing your cat-like boyfriend from his slumber.
in response, you felt the chuckle rumble through his chest before you heard it. his arms pulled you impossibly closer and lithe fingers soothed down your waist.
âsilly, of course not. I missed you too, it was hard to sleep in my bed.â he confessed easily, patting your head affectionately when you pulled away to glance up at him. love is what you found in his eyes, steady and pure and adoring.
âso what should we do first?â he mused, yawning into your ear and practically leaning his full body weight onto you. you fought a dopey smile from breaking across your face, enamored by his relaxed aura he openly showed to you.
âskincare!â you clapped your hands together, startling him a bit as you pulled him to the bathroom. you pushed a pink my melody headband onto his head, securing his silver locks back. you fitted a kuromi one onto your head as he stared into the mirror.
âwhy do I get the pink one?â he questioned after a beat.
âbecause youâre adorable and cute, just like my melody.â you answered smoothly, grinning through the mirror as xavierâs cheeks immediately blushed a light pink. he rubbed the back of his neck as you laughed, setting the various bottles and ointment on the sink. he followed your instructions slowly, until you both walked out with matching hello kitty face masks.
âxavi, look over here!â you hummed excitedly. when he glanced over, you quickly whipped out your phone and took a picture with lightning quick reflexes.
he let out a startled gasp, playfully reaching for your phone as you laughed and twisted away from him. âhey!â
ânow all our coworkers will know how cute you are at home. not the stuck-up they think, huh?â you purred, smiling as xavier groaned and slumped onto you again. you stumbled for a second under his weight, laughing once you realized this was another one of his tactics to get you to hand over the condemning evidence.
âIâm just joking. I have to keep your cute side all to myself,â you pouted, setting the picture as his contact photo instead. âthisâll do.â
xavier perked back up at that, but not before pinching your cheek as a warning. ââm a little hungry. letâs make some cookies?â the silver-haired boy piped up, pulling you into the kitchen as you nodded eagerly. there was no way you were going to turn down his chocolate chip cookiesâ you had quickly realized that he was an astounding cook, able to make most anything from scratch, and his cookies were the best.
you hummed out a soft alexa, play favorite comfort song as you both maneuvered around each other. naturally, you found yourself sitting on the countertop watching as his distinct silver-hair moved back and forth. light conversation easily flowed between you both, and all you could feel was peace.
soon xavier came over to you, slotting between your legs and holding a finished cookie to your lips in a silent request. you obediently bit down, chocolate warmth and a nutty goodness spreading throughout your tastebuds. xavierâs eyes twinkled at your satisfactory hum of approval, popping the rest of the cookie into his mouth.
after removing the face masks and setting the cookies on a plate to cool, you both ended up wrapped in a shared blanket on the couch. a movie cut down on low played quietly in the background as you snuggled up closer to xavierâs distinct warmth.
âthank you for coming over,â you whispered up at him. he hummed back softly, setting his chin on your head as he gazed down at you.
twinkling eyes met you back. âof course. anytime you need me, Iâll be here. now letâs get some sleep.â
and sleep came easy again.
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AT LAST SOMEONE WROTE A SICKFIC ..OMG THANK YOUUUU
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The door clicks shut behind you as you step inside, groceries in hand, only to freeze at the sight of Xavier curled up on the couch. His normally pristine posture is replaced with a slight slump, shoulders tense under the weight of a thick blanket. His hairâs a bit messier than usual, and thereâs a flushed look to his face â one that screams heâs barely holding it together.
Youâre already walking toward him before he even looks up.
âDonât,â he mutters, voice rougher than usual. âIâm fine.â
You raise an eyebrow at the disheveled state of him. He looks far from fine.
âUh-huh,â you say, clearly unimpressed. âSure, youâre fine.â You set the groceries down with a soft thud, walking closer to the couch. He doesnât meet your eyes, though his jaw tightens at the movement, like heâs debating whether to stay silent or argue.
âReally,â he insists, trying to sit up straighter. âI donât needââ
You place a hand on his shoulder before he can push himself up, your touch surprisingly warm against his skin. He stills instantly, and you feel his muscles relax under your fingers.
âXavier,â you say, soft but firm, âyouâre burning up.â
âDidnât ask for a diagnosis,â he says, voice hoarse but laced with that typical Xavier dryness. But you know the edge of it isnât just irritation â thereâs a hint of something else, something he doesnât want to admit: vulnerability. He hates it.
âToo bad,â you reply, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. You grab a damp cloth from the table and press it gently to his forehead. His eyes close in a long blink, and for a moment, he lets you.
âIâm fine,â he repeats in a murmur, but thereâs no conviction in it this time. His words sound more like a plea than a statement.
You watch him for a moment, the way his brow furrows and the way his hand instinctively twitches toward the hem of the blanket. His breath is shallow, his body betraying him even as his mind tries to hold onto that veneer of strength.
âYeah, sure you are,â you say softly, your thumb brushing his temple. He doesnât pull away, but instead, he exhales deeply, letting the tension in his shoulders melt. Itâs almost imperceptible, but you catch it.
âI hate being like this,â he mutters, barely audible.
You donât say anything at first, letting the quiet stretch between you both. Heâs always been the one to keep everything close to his chest â the walls built high, the walls that never seemed to crack. But right now, in the dim light of your apartment, his walls are lowered just a little.
âItâs okay,â you say after a beat. âYou donât have to be perfect all the time.â
Xavier finally opens his eyes, meeting yours with a steady gaze, though thereâs still a flicker of something soft beneath the cool exterior. He doesnât respond, but he doesnât need to. You can see it in the way his body slowly sinks into the couch again, the way his hand relaxes against your wrist.
Heâs never liked being cared for â not like this, not when he canât hide behind his usual self-assurance. But tonight, he lets you care for him, lets you be there in the ways he doesnât know how to ask for.
âStay with me,â he says quietly, a simple request that makes your heart tighten.
And you do. You stay with him. You donât argue. You donât press.
You just let him rest.
Side note: â(ïŸâăźâ)ïŸ*
<Summary: Kisses to appreciate their features. And/or; places I wanna smooch on the guys that isnât their mouth.> <Content: Fluff, but also some angst that came up suddenly and I couldnât stop, hurt/comfort, some classic âconsumptionâ metaphors in Sylusâs. Teeny tiny bit suggestive in Xavierâs(barely.) TW; mentions of vomiting in Calebâs, mentions of losing patients & doctor guilt in Zayneâs.> (divider by @elfbar-baby )
â„RafayelâŠ
  The sky had turned shades of yellow and pink, blending down over the seaâs horizon into indigos, ready to turn to the darkness of night. Stars already beginning to glimmer under wispy, thin clouds. Rafayel sat in front of a medium sized canvas, already covered in cerulean & azure blue, strokes of a hyper specific pink pigment stained the brush bristles. He made calculated, perfected strokes through the base. His wrist had begun to have a subtle pain in it, but it had yet to reach the point of which heâd complain. Whine, more accurately. Even if the pain of developing carpal tunnel was hardly tantamount with past suffering. It wasnât that he couldnât handle it, nor that he didnât sometimes blame himself for the agony heâd been put in, be it his wrist or otherwise. But complaining felt good, he had the freedom to do so, no matter how aggravating itâd be.
Because she wouldnât scold him for it. Even if his dramatics got an eye-roll or a scoff every now and again, whether sheâd openly agree to it, sheâd come to console him. Sometimes, either because it was a real cause for concern, or his acting was simply too good to deny, sheâd actually fuss over him. Regardless if she teased him or cooed sympathetically, sheâd give in so sweetly. Her hands were calloused from all her hard work, but her touch had never been softer. Much like her gaze. Even her furrowed brow held some fondness, enough to make him flush under her attention, and sometimes deny it to himself. Because it was so genuine, so honest, her affection. He still held the fear itâd be ripped from him, and when that anxiety worsened, heâd shake his head and brush it off. Deluding himself to keep away the agony, even if it was the very thing that fueled him. A paradoxical cycle.
But she did truly adore him, even now. Sat on the couch behind him, her eyes watching his back as he sat in front of the easel. The sunset had begun to dim the room more and more, but it was still enough light to bathe him in pink hues. The movements of his shoulder, the way heâd tilt his head and lean back slightly to check over his work, the subtle movement of his hair when the breeze from the open window would graze by.Â
He was undeniably gorgeous. Even people who disliked him would point that out, as if it was the only thing they could think of to find him tolerable. Her jaw clicked a little as some specific people came to mind. To her, nameless nobodies with money and skulls empty. Even when he pushed her patience, how anyone could find him as anything but something to adore, she couldnât figure out.
He was beautiful. But to only relate it to his softened cheeks, or the fall of his bangs, the slope of his lips? A disservice beyond any kind of reason. To delegate him only to the talents he had? For every gorgeous piece of art he made, there were a million pieces of his soul sheâd collect in her hands to appreciate. Perhaps selfishly keep them to herself while the less observant and deserving were too distracted by what heâd put up in a gallery. She couldnât fathom, how in any life, in any place in space or time, there wasnât someone already revearing him. Whether he decided to be a brat or not.
Rafayel paused slightly when he heard the shuffle of couch cushions, and the rustle of clothes. He didnât let it distract him too much, lest he lose the flow heâd found himself in, adding the blocking of coral at the bottom of the piece. He sank back into his own art, not realizing how close sheâd gotten. Sheâd made it a point to try and avoid staring when he was aware of her, lest he get too cocky or she expose herself too much. Was there too much at this point? There were tiny details sheâd found, the smallest things that only Rafayel would know of. Him and, of course, now her.Â
No one elseâs eyes lingered long enough. Sometimes she felt annoyed at that, both in him and his work, when someoneâs superficial opinions would leave them. Gods forbid they misinterpret him, his soul in songs or sketch. Heâd brush it off most times and maybe complain to her later, but sheâd found it hard to keep a poker face when by his side at events, supposed to only be his bodyguard or guest, nothing more.
The way it was left side of his mouth thatâd rise first when he went to smile. The smallest freckle on his chest, or on the side of his nose. The subtle hues of blue in his purple hair, and that one piece that would never stick down no matter how much he brushed. The hangnails on his otherwise perfect hands, dried paint in the creases of his knuckles, and the oh so subtle scars. Sheâd seen a few on his sides, along his neck. They were so, so subtle, even she forgot they were there unless she was scrutinizing under perfect lighting. His skin was essentially flawless to the passing glance, something sheâd expressed jealousy of before. But as she stared, admired, every little detail rolling through her memories⊠Such a mix of adoration in her chest arose, blending with a strange sorrow she couldnât place. If she was so endeared to him, and that she was, why did she ache with emotions, heartbreak, that felt like it wasnât even her own? Like a sorrowful ghost passing through her body. And how it worsened when sheâd see those little imperfections, indents on his skin, signs heâd been hurt in the past.
Rafayelâs shoulders flinched and he barely pulled his brush away when he jolted, preventing a missed stroke. The coolness of the air, no longer warmed by the sun, was gone as the softest pressure pushed across his back. Her perfume filled the space, delicate hands placed on his shoulder and grazing through his hair. His breath hitched softly. His mouth opened to speak, tease maybe, and he went to pivot his head to question her. But then the press of a kiss, warm and softened by chapstick, right behind his ear. He flinched again, though not from the suddenness. Blood rushed through the cartilage and across his cheekbones as she pulled back, but not so much that he lost the heat of her breath. He cleared his throat quickly. âOh, what prompted this?â He intended to be sly, but the shiver that ran down his spine was too obvious to get away with it as she did it again. He barely managed a deep breath as the hand that pushed his hair back moved to the other side, subtly pulling him to face the other way, so she could do the same to the other side. His hands had come to fall in his lap, tightly holding the pallet and brush, but too lost in the moment to realize heâd stained his clothes with pigment. His eyes fluttered when her fingers reached from his hair to across his temple, a bit over his cheek. She leaned back subtly. âYou have scars back hereâŠâ She whispered, grazing over the odd shape of the imperfection. Little divots, like holes left by thread now removed. His back flexed at the ticklish feeling and the warmth her words left. âDo I? âŠI hadnât noticedâŠâ He lied. He remembered what they were from. He couldâve never forgotten. There were still times the marks ached, and his body felt like it was missing crucial pieces. But she had, and as upsetting as it was, he knew it wasnât her fault. Not this time anyway. Still, he wasnât expecting such an intensity in her gaze when he turned to look at her. It was only her face, beautiful as ever in cold moonlight, a sight heâd seen a million times and dreamed of a million more. A human could only make so many expressions and the eyes could only tell so little in what words wouldnât, things left unsaid could die with them. But at that very moment, he felt it all, and it grappled the organs in his chest with a tight, unforgiving fist. She missed the agony, otherwise she wouldnât have let herself smile so sweetly, with such reverence. Like he was still worth worship despite what heâd thrown away. The sea outside was calm. Maybe one day itâd forgive him, and look upon moments like these, and begin to understand why he did what he did. Even if not, his apologies could only weigh so much. Sorrow & pain in his soul, but damn regret. Heâd never say it was regret he felt, and if he ever considered it before, she washed it away with that little peck to his temple and the caress of her thumb over his cheek. Like drawings in the sand met by the tide. Like the water swallowed up the artistry, all for itself. All for him.
â„Sylus...
  It was so rare to see the Sylus Qin vulnerable. Unheard of to the general populace, really. If they even knew his name, theyâd never suspect him to have fragility. Those who did were either so moronic that the man found them boring to consider, or they were already dead. The whispers of fear filled respect throughout the N109 zone of the Onychinus Leader, the devil of the city, the fiend, were all made with the assurance that the man had not one weakness. Invincible body, unshakable confidence, immensely powerful. And while for all of them, this was true, having to make assumptions based on knowledge provided? She knew better. He was all of these things, yes. Powerful, intimidating, cunning, even sometimes fiendish. But that was perhaps only a piece of his being, a small one, at that. She couldnât claim she knew his soul, she didnât have the arrogance. He was still enigmatic despite being so genuine with her, especially more as of now. She still wished to know more, sometimes so much it worried her. How independent she found herself, what pride she held for what sheâd overcame and achieved, with little to no help. For every doubt spoken to her, her resolve to never be caught weak or helpless hardened. Sylus had scared her when they first met, but it wasnât really for her physical safety. It was the fact she couldnât get over him that scared her. Admittedly, it had been Sylus whoâd reminded her what it was like to feel small and anxious at the idea of being embarrassed. That moment with the fake gun the twins gave her still kept her up at night sometimes.
But, she couldnât hate him. No matter what she did. And the longer she knew him, the less she bothered to try, even if he still dragged his teeth along her last nerve like he liked the taste of his own blood it was about to be soaked in. She needed to know about him. And it worried her sometimes how she craved him. She could at least make an excuse had it only been lust. He was a handsome man, even when sheâd genuinely disliked him, it was practically the only thing she could use to keep herself from losing her composure completely. Alas, lust was but a sliver of it all. So much complexity all at once, constantly threatening to break her into shards of sharp glass from the weight, so sudden and intense.Â
It was his gaze, his cologne, his voice, his presence. When heâd run his eyes over her, when heâd reach out to her so casually, when he would praise her and tease her with pet names. It was so hard to keep herself steady when heâd speak her name, oh how softly heâd say it. For every shaky, anxious mutter about the terrifying demon in the N109 zone, his name said so fearfully, the letters dripping blood and rising with black smoke. For every fearful mention, sheâd have a hundred thoughts of everything that made him so darling. Each time she got him to chuckle, roped him into something that was superficially out of character, and gods when sheâd catch him off guard enough to make him stumble or gasp⊠It was indescribable how intense the feelings she had now, seeing him trust her so much, he slept. Sheâd come to know when it was genuine or not. The spacing of his breathing, the relaxation of his brow bone, the steady thump of his heart. It was incredibly rare for him to sleep at night, but various recent meetings and missions, combined with her desire to see him with her limited free time? Heâd been up in the day for too long, and exhaustion was something he was sadly, not impervious to. She laid on her side, elbow keeping her up, cheek rested in her palm as she watched him. It was all she could do. Should she sleep, sheâd miss the sight, and whatever dreams she mightâve had with him in it werenât enough. None of it was enough anymore.
Sometimes, her hunger for him was different, and it was usually then that sheâd distance herself, even if subconsciously. Something about him pulled out a ravenous and hungry part of her that she hadnât been aware of. Heâd call it her greed when heâd seen flickers of it in her gaze, and heâd smile when asking her about it, knowing the answer already. Heâd grin and encourage her to lean into it. It was hard to tell back then why.Â
Now, she knew it was because he wanted to see it. Perhaps he underestimated the severity of it, how it genuinely startled her with how badly she wished to sink her teeth into him. For the life of her, she couldnât figure out why. She didnât want to hurt him, she didnât want him to ache. And so when her mouth would water and her teeth clenched, she fled, only to come back, floating in sugary scented air and a warmth in her breast bone that she couldnât keep to herself.
Too many times did she feel them both at once, leaving her soul to writhe under her skin, clawing at itself with sharpened claws and pointed teeth. All while itâd sing sweetly, like the call of the birds in the morning he so despised. Her being in an existential plain tearing at itâs flesh while crooning delicate pleas to him to know her adoration, her endearment. A softened look with a gnashing jaw. And for fear either would be too much, for fear that the notes in the song of her devotion would lure him in, just for her jaw to clamp shut on his jugular⊠She kept her mouth closed entirely. No matter how much he begged for her to speak, she wouldnât. Not until she could be sure she could say it clearly, and without the strange desire for the blood in his veins that startled her so. Even if denying herself what he offered so easily was like denying cool, clear water when her lungs were stricken with ash and the fires of the sun.
But now, her admiration was gentle, and she let herself have a taste of what itâd be like to give in. Because while letting go would be the kindest thing for him, she was selfish, and it didnât seem like he was unaware. Even if she doubted he knew the extent. With the sun beginning to rise, she shifted her body to block its light from his eyes, allowing her to keep the moment a little longer. She raised the hand not keeping her upright and delicately traced the sharpened edge of his jaw, and across the plains of his cheeks, admiring the prominent bones. She let out a breath and the muscles in her shoulders weakened as she admired the softness of his eyelashes and the little creases on the inner corner of his eyes. The lines thatâd crinkle up when she got him to laugh. There was hesitance and a subtle tremble to her fingers when her heart began to ache. He hadnât stirred, still peaceful, and vulnerable. If he did know just how badly she wished to devour him, even if sheâd savor every bite like an act of worship, then he was a fool for letting himself be so at peace by her side. But he was a smart man, and even if he didnât know just how much sheâd love to taste the blood pumped fresh from his heart, he knew good and well how much she wanted to hold him carefully. Cradle him close to her own chest, perhaps tuck him into the spaces between her ribs, keep him warm and safe there. How foolish did that desire make her? She sighed and brushed back some fallen strands of his white hair, and she couldnât help herself as she leaned down to peck his nose. It was one of her favorite parts of his face, if not his whole being, as far as physical appearance went. The prominent hook a feature often detested by beauty standards. And while sheâd hated the industry before, sheâd found she adored his features so much that sheâd get actively angry when sheâd see it now. Once going as far as to find a way to sneakily break an electric sign outside a store in Linkon, advertising contour by denouncing hooked shaped noses. Sheâd punctured the lower corner of the screen with a set of heels heâd bought her, and admittedly, if that hadnât worked? She probably wouldâve shattered the whole thing.
She leaned back after the light kiss. He hadnât moved, but his face seemed to relax further, and she couldnât fight the curve of the corners of her lips. She let out some breaths that formed a near silent giggle. With a swallow, to keep herself composed, she leaned down to do it again, risking it all by holding his cheek in the lightest caress of her palm she could manage. Icarusâs lessons be damned, because she couldnât even complain when she pulled back again, only to find his eyes slightly cracked open. He took in a deep breath through his nose as she twirled the ends of his bangs around her index.Â
âWhat a nice alarm clock you areâŠâ He said, voice gruff and a bit slurred from exhaustion. She let out an amused huff, grinning despite the crushing weight in her chest. Even if she said it hurt, with the way he nuzzled slightly into her palm, sheâd never complain.
âYou have a nice nose.â She said, comically understating what she really wanted to confess. Still, her pulse spiked when he chuckled a little. âIs that so?â He questioned. She bit the inside of her cheek for a moment before she sighed, leaning down to peck him there again. He unknowingly let out a hum, more like a purr, of content. Only to have his breath hitch when her teeth, just barely, nipped at him. He rose an eyebrow when she leaned back. She nodded, having not forgotten heâd asked her something. âI like it.â She said calmly. Sylusâs exhale was full of memories of floral scents and the warmth of candlelight. But his gaze was on her, lounging on satin sheets, lit by the sun, making her glow like something angelic. What a contrasting sight to the darkness around her, what a wonderful sight it was.
She blinked when he reached up and poked her on the nose. âDitto.â He yawned. She paused, only then to giggle, letting herself escape the ache momentarily. Maybe, with enough moments like this, sheâd be strong enough to pull the suffocating feeling off. Then, she could let him know the extent of her desire without fear. He wouldnât mind.
He could wait, he was patient enough.
â„Zayne...
  Autumn leaves swayed outside, trees in their planters along the busy sidewalks, lining the streets, turning into reds as the time turned. The sunâs warmth lessening by the hour each passing day. Longer and longer were darkened nights. The sky was still in the sky, but had long since rolled over the curve of the planet, and the yellows had begun to soak through the windows. It was a beautiful sight. Every sunset and sunrise was. But in passing days, no matter how much one tried to appreciate the little things, twenty four hours was plenty of minutes for stress to procure and begin to weigh heavy.
Statistics would show it. Mathematical equations of the average minutes between deaths, a common & inescapable plight on the human race. Even if theyâd tempered it with amazing medical advancements. Being near death was a strain on the psyche. Be it oneâs own passing, be it watching the life leave others.
As a doctor, one constantly praised for his own betterment of his industry, Zayne wasnât any stranger to the perils of being in the field. Heâd seen just about every tragedy, and of course, he didnât wish to denounce the beauty he saw. Whether it was his own work, or the work of one of his talent colleagues. He tried his best to remember every success heâd had. He wasnât one to dwell on the praises of others much, especially not the times he was adored by professors and the like.
Quite frankly, heâd grown to find his face twitched in a mix of irritation and exhaustion when the word âprodigyâ was brought into a conversation. It didnât feel like a compliment anymore. He knew, logically, that was the intention. He was so young for all the accomplishments heâd acquired. But not only did he get sick of endless repetition, as much as he liked routine. But it was every failure that hit him in the back and dragged him down like chain links welded to the bones of his spine, tied to the core of the earth, tugging painfully as more time passed.Â
Transplants given too late, needing to tell families that even his talented, prodigious hands, skilled as they could be, wouldnât be enough to save a loved one. The elderly, unfortunate children, mothers whoâd never see their babies faces again, husbands who just couldnât last another night. He never forgot a single one and for every success he had, it always fed a shadowy and icy creature thatâd linger in the corners of any room he entered. Sharp and so frigid it burned, and when he tried to remind himself of how much good heâd done, it ensured to do its job in keeping him humble. Lest he forget he truly was just a man and no amount of skill he could hone would save him from the hubris & the wishful thinking heâd, one day, overcome whatâd ruined him so many times over.
Composed as he was, the most anyone would see of his personal suffering would be the occasional slump of his shoulders when he retired back to his office. Always perfectly clean, not a pen out of place. The windows angled just enough to never get a clear view of the sun, or the stars, but only to have the room bathed in their light. Should he be lucky enough to notice how lucky he was to have that. He did his best not to wallow. He did truly try, but he was nothing but human, and the furthest from infallible. He sat in silence and stared at pages and pages of inked words, signing his name at the bottom when it called for it. A deft movement that heâd grown to do robotically. Flip, read, check, sign, stack. It might as well had been cold steel in Zayneâs shape.Â
However, his world wasnât all shadows & sharp spurs of ice hailing through heavy winds. Even if periodically heâd forget. The sun would still rise, Spring would come back, jasmine would bloom, and his reprieve would visit him.
Stepping gracefully over white tile, past a desk with a friendly wave to the woman behind it. Needing no words. The sun had begun to set and the breeze outside had begun to grow chilly, the hospital was starkly colorless & plain. But she walked with steps that bloomed in flowers behind her, and the white lights bounced off her like a prism, glowing in iridescent shattered specks of color. And while Zayne had no clue she was approaching, almost subconsciously, his soulâs dusk began to retreat. Heâd set his dead steel pen in the trash, and a momentary piece of delight when heâd gone for the cup of them, and accidentally pulled one that was pink. Gold cap, a heart pattern print, and smooth gel ink. Itâd helped him not get too lost in his own sorrow. And in case his metaphorical lantern in the mountain cave, signing his name smoothly on the pages in his woeful cavern, the embodiment of comfort came just in time to pull him out from under the avalanche. âCute pen, doctor.â Her voice hit his ears like a melody breaking an ear ringing silence. Hot tea soothing the rawness of his sickened esophagus, a cat stretched out in the sun, steam rising from a bath, blankets swaddled around his skin. He hadnât heard her knock, nor enter. But the thought of playfully scolding her lack of guest manners hadnât even crossed his mind as his head, instinctually, raised to see her. Further seeking the soothe of her presence.
She pushed his office door shut gently. The click signifying the closing on his melancholy demons. Keeping them at a distance as she filled his prison with the scent of her perfume & her picturesque brightness of her grin. Suddenly, he found no strain on his chest keeping him from breathing. The chains that pulled him further from the heat of humanity, fires of creation and the warmth of rushing blood, all fell to the ground like dead serpents.
She held a paper bag in one hand and a singular cup in her other. She approached calmly, and heavenâs symphony seemed to be paced at the metronome beat of her heels hitting the floor. He barely remembered to respond, adjusting his glasses with the hand that wasnât holding the pen sheâd gifted him. âMine had just died. Your gift came in handy.â He said, wearing that subtle smile so specific to his face. The one many missed at a passing glance, and what she often missed, in the other sense of the word. She could see it. Fatigue, something somber lingering in the air around him. His doctorâs coat was still on despite the fact he was sat at his desk. She knew good and well a good day at the hospital would lead him to resign the physicianâs coat on the back of his chair.
She smiled back at him and stepped around him, setting the bag and cup on his desk, once heâd moved the papers over. âAnd this is?â He asked as she slid the cup closer to his hand. âDecaf coffee, but itâs basically all creamer, sugar, and whipped cream. And thereâs some caramel in there for you.â She replied with a hint of teasing in her tone. It was still warm, and while sheâd tried to wipe it away, he could see the subtle color stain from her lipstick on the edge of it.
âAnd where is yours?â He questioned, bringing the drink to his mouth. She chuckled as she watched as, slowly but surely, his expression began to thaw. Making sure she wouldnât disrupt his desk, she shifted some stuff over before sitting on top of it. âI drank it on the way here.â She answered whilst digging in the paper bag. âI sincerely hope this isnât your dinner, or your lunch. Too late for the latter, too early for the former.â He said, and she snorted and shook her head. âNone of this is for me, but I ate lunch, donât worry. At noon, no less. You should be proud of me.â He chuckled faintly and set the cup down. âFollowing doctorâs orders, finally?â He teased. She shook her head with a short eyeroll, fondness blooming in her chest as she grabbed hold of the plastic container contained in the bag. âIâm following Zayneâs orders. And in return, youâll follow mine.â She instructed. She watched his face loosen further, and his shoulders brought down.
âAnd what orders do you have for me, doctor?â Zayne replied jokingly, to which her grin widened. She quickly pulled out the first box. His eyes fixated on it and his already widened pupils expanded a fraction further when he recognized it. âFirstly, youâre gonna need to let your shoulders relax. And to help you with that, I have someâŠmedicine.â She held it out to him with a satisfied expression. He took it with an exhale, the corners of his mouth now stuck up, rather than stifled in a scowl. He slid the box open and as expected, an assortment of his favorite macaron flavors. âThen, once youâve done that, you can have your reward for listening to me.â Her words made him look up again, and she pulled out a container with a single slice of cake, a plastic fork held on top of it with the pressure of her thumb. Victory fanfare arose in her head when he chuckled again, and after setting the macaron box down, he moved to remove his doctorâs coat. A habit he didnât even realize he had, let alone something heâd figure sheâd notice. Shedding the skin of his prodigal aptitude, the coat that every heavy experience in the world of medicine seemed to stick to. Leaving him without his title, and just as himself. Where she liked him best. Because he wasnât some famous physician, he wasnât a colorless, calculated genius, he wasnât responsible for the lives of millions. Even if she held a deep pride for him because of all of those things, she could gush for days, perhaps years on end. He deserved it all. But, at the end of the day, Zayne was hers. And he was the more unreserved and true when she indulged that.
âI see youâve taken the myth of doctors & dentists being enemies quite seriously.â He said. Heâd taken a macaron despite his words anyway. âYouâve got plenty of time to brush your teeth later, youâve also got the time to enjoy yourself now. Iâm just making sure you donât waste the opportunity.â She shrugged.
No matter how delicious the treats she brought were, and she wasnât one to turn down a confectionary, she didnât feel like she was missing out on anything. Watching him begin to properly enjoy himself with each sugary bite. She watched him with immense devotion and adoration. A feeling so deeply complex, even the most flowery language would struggle to capture it. Itâd take a whole library of dedicated books written right from her heart to capture it in a physical form, and even then, each passing day theyâd need to get a whole new shelf. Sheâd fill each one in a matter of minutes.Â
She helped him step away from his duties further by talking about mindless things. Conversation flowing seamlessly and lightly through the air, and he enjoyed her chatter like one enjoyed a lullaby. Heâd reckon too many composers would try for their entire lives to capture the exact addictiveness to the tune of her voice, and he was sure theyâd all fail.Â
Heâd leaned back in his chair completely by the time he got to the cake. He sighed at the first bite, savoring the softness of it. It was only after the third bite that he realized sheâd stopped talking, and he looked up to be met with the most summery gaze. She was bathed in golden toned light and it only seemed to make her glow, but as enraptured with her visage as he was, even he couldnât miss the intensity in her own gaze. He blinked a few times and looked around at himself. He wasnât sure what heâd be looking for, and looking didnât give him a clue. He lowered his fork and the cake box into his lap when she stood, and he managed to swallow the bite heâd taken, on the cusp of asking what got her to look so thoughtfully. But the words clutched in his throat when she, carefully, grabbed his glasses by the temple. He managed the first syllable of âwhatâ, but her hands on his face beat down the sentence.
Like the spark of a stray ember from a campfire, her lips pressed against his cheekbone. Soft, with a passion but not rough. And how sweet her perfume was. Invoking the feeling of nights spent admiring the lights for holidays & the times she dragged him out to enjoy the day. But when she pulled back to look at him, it brought back memories of more peaceful moments, ones between only them, only kept in their memories and whatever the stars could record. Her head on his shoulder as she listened to crickets on his patio, his fingertips over the line of her jaw, her voice whispering his name like an angel calling him to safety.Â
She huffed and squished his cheeks, giving his face a little shake as she let out a sound past gritted teeth. âI cannot believe you. Youâre too damn cute!â She said, as if she was complaining. Blood rushed to his ears as he stared at her dumbfounded, and once again, he could only get out the start of a word before she left him speechless again. Leaning down to kiss the softer portion of his cheek, then his cheekbone again, another closer to his jaw. There was a faint stickiness left behind, and when she managed to turn his face to give the other side the same treatment, there was considerably less pigment on her lips. He let out a mix of a snort of amusement and a scoff of disbelief when she landed a longer kiss against his cheek. She lingered this time, even rubbing her face against his own before pulling back with a dramatic sound.Â
She looked rather proud of herself when she stood up, his face still in her palms. She giggled at his expression, how the redness had infected the skin under his eyes. He swallowed a lump in his throat. âYouâŠâ He said, only to let out a sigh, glancing to the side with some bashfulness. Or maybe it was an excuse to hide against the skin of her hand. She giggled again and left another delicate peck to his temple. âYouâre adorable.â She praised. Zayne took a deep breath through his nose and managed to turn to look at her. Just close enough to want, but he was only a man, and a little cowardice was something even he couldnât escape from. But at least he could meet her gaze. How warm and darling it was. He pecked the inside of her wrist in return, allowing himself to lean into it. âYouâre incorrigible.â He said with no bite. Her thumb lovingly stroked his face. âNo, Iâm a doctor. And based on how you look now compared to when I came in, my treatment is most effective.â She said, grinning so hard it hurt when he actually laughed. He turned to look up at her, and if she could read his mind, sheâd know his gaze like this was reserved for her alone. An act of worship in a religion heâd made all himself, and what a dedicated devotee he was. âI suppose I canât say youâre wrong.â He tilted more into her palm, melting like the frost on flowers under the dawn of a Spring day. âI feel much, much better.â
â„Xavier...
  The job of a hunter was an intense one. It was taxing & risky, and that was something every professor in the academy made clear. Not a day passed where a hunter, seasoned or new, wasnât reminded of the perils of the job. One needed a strong mind and body, and one needed to be able to handle themselves under the most intense pressures. Those who loved the job would still attest there were times where they wondered if they could keep going. Be it the monotonous paperwork wearing at the psyche, or the burden of keeping the public safe. Most of the people that did drop out chose to because of direct contact with Wanderers.Â
Monsters constantly popping up in places. Destroying things, taking lives, infecting people even. The pressure of being the frontline soldier, hoping to either kill the beasts and save lives, or use their own life as a sacrifice to give time to those who could take it down. It was a lot. And every successful mission came with its strain. Scrapes, cuts, sprains. A broken bone or mild concussion. Sometimes even strange effects that the association was constantly working on antidotes for. A most common ailment however? Bruises. Deep marks of broken blood capillaries that left a deep soreness.Â
Sometimes, when one was quite gnarly, the hunters would show off their newly gained wounds around water coolers. Stories for scars and stitches, along with proud displays of how they took a whack that left an artistic stain across their skin. Most preferred to save medical leave for more intense afflictions. A giant bruise across someoneâs torso did not a nearly-severed-arm make. But that wasnât the fault of the company, shockingly. Plenty of companies existed that created a sense of pressure to hoard days off like dragons with gold. The Hunter Association wasnât one of those. But the workers who lasted were so dedicated to their jobs, they preferred not to leave, even if it was for their own good. Practically every person in the building had the experience of loved ones or coworkers begging them to just go home & rest.Â
Someone who didnât need much convincing was Xavier.Â
To his credit, he did get up and get ready to clock into work. But just a day prior, a relatively routine mission went a bit awry, and he was left a little beaten. It wasnât like he hadnât had it happen before. As strong as he was, Wanderers were, of course, unpredictable. However, when Xavier went to leave his apartment, he wasnât met with an empty hallway. Instead it was his beloved upstairs neighbor. She was out of uniform and her expression was stern, hands on her hips. âAnd where do you think youâre going?â Sheâd asked him, and heâd barely opened his mouth to respond before she gently pushed him back into his apartment.
Being his partner, sheâd been there. And while the mission hadnât been the worst in the world, it was still tough. Rather than one towering, strong monster? There had been waves and waves of smaller ones. Sheâd handled herself well, and one thing Xavier always did that she appreciated deeply, was not underestimate her. There were various reasons over her life that people underestimated her, but sheâd yet to have Xavier be one of those people. He recognized her strength and helped her, but he didnât overtake her either. Even if he couldâve.Â
That didnât mean heâd never take a hit for her. Heâd done so many times, and she, despite his protests, had returned the favor. So when the wanderers came in, wave after wave, theyâd both gotten their fare share of small injuries. But Xavier had seen a movement from Wanderer Type; Thunderoar. Itâs tail winding back for an attack she wouldnât have time to dodge, and, instinctually, heâd moved to take it for her. They both walked away from the battle, but as soon as heâd gotten her to the hospital for a standard check over, he was gone. Admittedly, she was pretty annoyed when all heâd given her was a text that he was fine, just tired.
He hadnât been lying, not really. He was able to patch himself up fine, and the bruises werenât enough to keep him from a heavy slumber. But she definitely seemed upset with him, but not enough to yell. Sheâd pushed him back to his room and demanded he change back into his comfy clothes, but her hands didnât push too hard. She scolded him when he came back and instructed he sit on the couch. Now? She was still mumbling to herself about how foolish he was while holding a bag of frozen vegetables to the worst place of bruising, his neck.
âYou were already at the hospital, I donât get why you wouldnât just come in with me. You couldâve napped on a cot! Or at least a couch in the waiting room!â She hissed as she pushed his hand to hold the cold bag to his esophagus. She needed both of here to look him over. Xavierâs chuckle was a little wheezy and rough. He let her push up his sleeve, smiling when she clicked her tongue at the scrapes. âI didnât need it.â He insisted, but when he spoke, his face held a visible wince.
She cringed at his voice and, even though she was still irritated, she couldnât stay mad. âIt wouldnât have killed you to check in anyway. You got tail whipped in the neck! That couldâve been really bad.â She frowned. Her face was softened now, less furrow in her brow but a more intense downward curve to her mouth. She sighed and reached for the icy bag of vegetables, pulling it away to look at the damage. He let out a slow exhale when the uncomfortable chill left his skin, allowing him to focus on feel her body heat gave off sat beside him. Close enough she was practically glued to his side.Â
Xavier rubbed one of his eyes tiredly. He was content with resting them, but she made a sound that caught his attention again. A little whine, or maybe a coo of sympathy. A mix of both. She felt a tightness in her chest as she traced the splotchy purple mark that wrapped around his neck. He was lucky it was a dull hit. Had it been a blade, his head wouldâve probably come off. The mental image that stirred made her more sick than seeing the actual wound, and that broke her head even more.Â
âPoor babyâŠâ She whispered. Xavier exhaled, content, as her hand raised to cup his cheeks. Eyes closed, nuzzling into the gentle stoke of her thumb over a little scrape on his cheekbone.
She swallowed. She hated this feeling. The worry, the deep concern for him. Sure he was strong but that didnât mean she didnât get worried sick whenever he took on an enemy. Bad nights had her tossing and turning with anxiety. A few times, sheâd forced herself awake, and sheâd walk the length of her apartment. Only settling if she heard noise above. She kept any nightmares about him leaving her, in a more permanent sense, to herself. Because heâd chuckle and wave it off. Maybe he thought thatâd comfort her. Seeing him so sure of himself, and sometimes it did, sometimes she just needed a reminder of how powerful he was. But then heâd get hurt and no matter how small, the reminder he wasnât infallible made her want to cradle him in a cocoon made of clouds.Â
âXavier.â She said. Her voice was sweet but stern enough to make him open his eyes. Just enough to look at her. His brows furrowed slightly. Her expression read with too much genuine hurt for him to playfully wave it off. She was serious. âThe next time this kind of thing happens, donât disappear. Itâs worrying enough when I see you get hurt, but justâŠleaving? You canât do that to me.â She insisted. She pressed her thumb to his mouth when he opened it, knowing already what heâd say. âI know. You can handle yourself, itâs just a bruise, blah blah- But what if itâs not. What if itâs worse than you initially think? And- and sure, fine, maybe itâs not a big deal to you but it is to me!â She insisted.
âIâŠI hate seeing you hurt. It comes with the job, sure, but that doesnât make me worry any less. Just- Imagine if I did to you what you did to me yesterday.â She asked. She waited, watching his expression shift from being in thought to an expression that could only be described as mild horror. âExactly. My heart can barely take it when you get a paper cut, much less something like this.â She tilted his head up so she could look at the bruise again. She sighed and dropped her hands in his lap, holding his hands in her own. âPromise me. Promise me you wonât do that again.â
Xavier softened. He sighed softly, and he only took a second before he nodded. He swallowed and winced again. Admittedly, the bruising mightâve hurt a little more than he let on. âI promise.â He replied, the ache radiating through his esophagus. She smiled softly. âThank you.â She replied, her smile faltering when the next time he swallowed, he grimaced. She clicked her tongue sympathetically again, opening her arms to him in a welcoming motion. Xavier took the change to rest his head against her shoulder, soothed by her hand running through his hair.
âPoor thing. What am I gonna do with you.â She said rhetorically. Xavierâs eyes fluttered nearly closed, though his breath hitched when he felt her kiss the blemish across his neck. The second one made him shiver slightly. When he nuzzled his forehead more into her shoulder, she giggled, amused by his cat-like return of affection. âMaybe,â He spoke through the ache. âLetting you coddle me isnât so bad.â His admission got her to chuckle again.
âIf thatâs the case, then Iâll coddle you more.â She left little peppered kisses along his neck, nudging his head back with her nose under his jaw to get at his throat. Xavierâs hands clenched and his breath shook when her lips lingered on his adamâs apple. He sighed when she pulled back and held his face again, and she smiled when she recognized the face he was making. Lowered eyelids, reddened cheeks and ears, a bit wobbly. Like he was drunk. âMmmhmm, donât you worry. Iâll take good care of you.â She said with a little shake of his head in her hands. Xavier leaned further against her palms. âYes please.â
â„Caleb...
  There was something amazing about the universe, that much Caleb could attest to. Heâd seen it up close and personal plenty of times, sometimes enough to where one might figure heâd be sick of it. Being high in the air, amongst the stars, astounding sights and awe inspiring views. Swirling colors of stardust and glimmering lights. Heâd been lucky enough to view rare phenomena and brilliant pictures in real time. He could even note some favorites, and he often spoke about them in length, almost poetically. Even if he wasnât much for frilly words.
But whenever heâd be on the ground, he might miss the sky for a moment. In the sky, there was an ache of loneliness. On longer ventures, ones that lasted weeks, heâd even been known to question why heâd gone into the line of work he did.
Heâd never forget his love of flight, planes, all of it. Of course not. He did adore this part of his job, even if he was only in the clouds and not the stars. But every time he broke the atmosphere, heâd dream of coming back home. Not for the reasons others might. He could do without his bed, he didnât sleep very well anyway. Not for the food, even if the flight meals were stale, they did him fine. It wasnât for sunsets, or the breeze, or the comfort of his favorite sweater. None of that was what would pull him back down to the ground. No.
His reasoning was sweet scented perfume, fruity flavored lip gloss, fleeted glances and, ironically, a melodic tone delivering scolding, nagging, and playfully immature banter. No matter how beautiful the sky was, it was that which always made him want to be home, and what kept away the desire to leave again. Even if his days on land werenât greatâŠlike now.
âHow in the hell did you manage to hide this from me? You know, you never learn!â She scoffed, both outraged and in disbelief. If Caleb wasnât busy resting his cheek on the edge of a small trash can, spacing his breaths, keeping his inhales longer than the exhales because every breath out risked more than carbon dioxide coming out. If that wasnât taking his focus? Heâd smile. Heâd grin like an idiot and playfully tease her.
Alas, he was on the verge of vomiting. Heâd gotten sick, not something heâd never had, but still something rather rare. He often pushed himself too far and took care of himself too little. He had a pension for headaches, sore joints, stiff muscles, maybe a bit of a cough. The worst of it being times heâd get light headed. Admittedly, heâd fallen too many times in his own home from his knees buckling in under his own weight. But he was nothing if not an amazing actor. He saved face like it was his profession, and if heâd been more into the arts, maybe heâd make a killing at it. But even professionals broke character here and there, and he happened to let himself slip when she could see it so plainly. Hence why the universe was so god damned funny, in a cruel way. Of all the times for him to get sick as a dog, so much so even he couldnât hide it. She had a long weekend and she wanted to spend it with him, sheâd arrived unannounced and heâd never been happier. Heâd done a good job. She hadnât noticed when heâd flinch at the overhead lights or his subtle sluggishness. Sheâd been so excited to eat the food he cooked she hadnât noticed how his portion was far less.
But then, he woke up with a blistering fever. It was disgusting really. The guest room sheets drenched in sweat and his skin clammy, and though he felt the heat around his eyes, he couldnât stop shivering. He wasnât sure what had happened to prompt her out of bed at four AM, let alone into the room he was in, and he had yet to ask despite his curiosity. Heâd been less lucid then, but he remembered how she poked her head in, then her little gasp.
At the side of his bed, her hand pushing back his hair to feel his forehead. Sheâd said something to him in a delightfully worried tone, but he couldnât make it out. He still needed to thank her for saving that fluffy rug when she, quick as lighting, ran for a trash can for him to unload into. It was awful, it burned, and it was embarrassing really. Even if sheâd technically seen him this way before, long ago.
Every time she was sick as a child, he stepped up, arguably more than the woman his fake tombstone sat beside. He learned young how to care for her and he made it a mission, even at the risk of his own health. Only once did it switch, and he replayed those memories often when he could. He hated being sick. Every kid did, of course. But he couldnât even call it miserable, itâd do her younger self a disservice. She was thirteen at the time and it was the first time heâd felt guilt because, admittedly, he underestimated her. So wrapped up in how he couldnât care for her he almost missed how well she did caring for him. Even if she was young, and even if she chewed him out for his stubborn attempts at getting out of bed. Some things never really changed.
Caleb managed a little laugh, all breathy and stuffed up. He wasnât sure what happened after he puked his guts up at four AM, though he remembered her pushing back his hair and her worried eyes. But it was morning now, enough that the sun was starting to rise, earlier than she ever liked to be up. He was in new clothes, and there was still a vague minty taste on the back of his tongue. The wave of nausea subsided enough for him to lean back into the couch, though one hand still weakly held the lip of the plastic bin.
He shuddered and only clenching his jaw would keep his teeth from chattering. Maybe sheâd carried him to the couch, that mental image was certainly comical, given their size difference. But sheâd gathered almost every quilt he owned, and at least three pillows for him to lay on. She was messing around in the kitchen whilst whispering to herself about reprimanding him. He couldnât see what she was doing now that heâd laid down, nor smell it, thanks to the clogged nose.
âHonestly, what if I wasnât here, huh? Youâd just chug some sports drinks, eat a sleeve of crackers, and call it a day huh? You know, one of these days youâre gonna collapse and what then?â She rambled as she came from the kitchen. Sheâd gotten dressed in a hurry, he could tell. Her shirt was buttoned two buttons off, and her hair had yet to meet even the first step of her routine. He swallowed mucus with a grimace, shivering again as he watched her set a circular tray down on the coffee table.
Two yunomi cups and the teapot set on it, steam rising from them. She slid it over enough to sit on the corner of it. Just too far for his liking, but close enough that his arm could feel the fabric of her jeans. She looked at him with her mouth open to say more, but she paused and her mouth twitched into a frown. Even in his haze he could catch the way her eyes softened, and even past the wretched gravelly feeling in his lungs, he could feel adoration blossom around the disgusting illness.
âYouâre lucky you look so miserable.â She said as she took out a thermometer out of the apron she wore. It was too big, because it was his. Of course she wore it better anyway, thatâs how it was any time she took his clothes. âUnder your tongue.â She instructed gently, having moved to the tiny sliver of cushion she could sit on, after moving his arm to rest on top of his stomach. He opened his mouth and blinked lazily. Her brows pushed together and created worry lines on her forehead as he shivered again. He melted internally when she brought the blankets higher. He smiled when the thermometer was taken away, turning from her to cough into his fist, a wretched sound.Â
âIâll be fine in a day, pip-â âOh no you donât.â She held up her finger and cut him off. âDonât you brush me off, no sir. Youâre cute but youâre not cute enough to get away with that, not anymore.â She looked at the tiny screen and clicked her tongue at the numbers, shaking her head as she set it on the coffee table. âYou worry too much. Iâll be right as rain soon enough. You know that.â He said, and his voice sounded like running gravel through a washing machine. She flicked his nose and he made a short, involuntary whine-like sound. He barely had time to pout or look offended before she rested her hand on the arm rest behind his head, close enough to let him smell her soap despite the swelling of his sinuses. âEnough.â She stated, her voice firm, but it didnât match her face. She looked over his features with such concern, a deep seated and genuine want for his recovery, and such frustration that he couldnât take it seriously. Even if heâd always been like this. âYou are sick.â She stated. She didnât miss the flick of his gaze, how his eyes seemed to struggle on deciding where to land on her face. Limited the human body was, too weak to take it all in at once. She softened and leaned back a little, patting his cheek before she went for a bottle in one of the deep apron pockets. He made a face when she opened it and grabbed a spoon from the same pocket. âDonât, you need to take it.â She said as she poured it into the spoon.
âPipsqueak, that stuff is awful. Canât we compromise with a pill?â He asked. âNo, because this is your punishment for not telling me you were sick sooner.â She replied, capping the bottle. She leaned over him again and held out the spoon. âCaleb, donât make me force you.â She insisted. It was playful when he refused, even if he really did hate the stuff. But by the third time he leaned away, he regretted it, because her upset was serious now.
âOkay I-â She cut him off with a look again. âCaleb.â She said, not rough, not mean. It was still sweet, even if she said it without a smile. âI know you care for me. I see it, I do.â She began in a tone that felt like soothing aloe to the burn in his veins. âI appreciate all of it, really. But weâve been through this before. You cannot have me rely on you for everything. This is exactly why! You-â She looked away with a heartbroken expression before she composed herself with a breath. âI wonât go too harshly on you now, but hear my words, damnit. You cannot keep pushing yourself into the dark to let me soak up all your sunlight, do you understand? You say I blossomed well, and youâre right, I have. I have worked hard, I have fought tough, I have grown well.â His breath hitched and shook when her hand came to his cheek, stroking the reddened skin with her thumb. âI have you to thank for a lot of that. I look at what Iâve achieved and yes, I see how much youâve done and how much itâs mattered. I wouldnât be where I am without it. But I will not allow you to keep nurturing me and not letting me return the favor.â She let out a breath with a deep sadness. âIf you are wilted, who will continue to help me face the sun, hm? When youâre weak, if I fall, what then?â Her question went unanswered, but not because it missed him. He swallowed as she brushed through his hair again. She held up the spoon again and he took it without complaint, though his nose scrunched at the bitter taste. She grabbed the tea quickly, even blew on it before she guided the edge of the cup to his lips.Â
She fought the urge to coo sympathetically at how little he could lift his head to reach the drink. He rested back with the taste of tea, rather than medicine, and the sweetness of her affection. She set the cup down and used her other hand to hold his face in both her palms. Fever be damned. âStop. For a day, at the very least. Let me help you this time.â She said, both a demand and a plea whispered so softly. âLet it be mutual for once. Give me the grace of returning the favor. Thereâs enough sunlight for the both of us if you let me in close enough, do you understand me?â She asked. Caleb shivered again, but he wasnât convinced it was the sickness this time. He couldnât speak, three words caught in heavy chains, pulling it back down his esophagus and to his heart as he swallowed. He could only nod. He floated inches above the mortal plain when she smiled, graced with the illumination of the sun behind her.
He exhaled when her lips pressed against his forehead, lingering for a moment, allowing him to feel it enough to remember it. Even past the fog. She leaned back and stroked his cheekbones again. âThank you.â He whispered. She huffed a short laugh and pecked his forehead again, this time for herself. âDonât bother. You never need to thank me for this, you just need to believe me when I tell you that I mean it when I say I care about you.â She replied. He pulled her closer, as much as he could with weakened limbs. He hid against her chest, hearing the heart he wished to sync with forever. Closing his eyes as she brushed his hair with her fingers. âYouâre my strength, youâre your own. Iâm my own strength, youâre mine. If Iâm weak, youâre strong. AndâŠâ She trailed off expectantly. He inhaled. âIf Iâm weakâŠyouâll be my strength.â âAtta boyâŠâ
everything about this memory was perfection but i couldnât stop thinking about this part đ„șđ
Alright, guys! Your reaction to MCâs dramatic disappearance (and the even more dramatic meltdown from the LADsâespecially Xavier đ) has been absolutely wild! I canât thank you enough! đ
I couldnât just ignore your cries of despair and leave you hanging, so... I wrote a continuation with Xavier. đđ„
If you didnât suffer enough in the last part, wellâbuckle up. đ But seriously, Iâm beyond grateful for all the love and engagement, and now Iâve got just one question... whoâs next?! đđ
Previous Part
The door closes behind you with a quiet click.
Silence settles.
It doesnât matter that the apartment is empty. Xavier is still here.
Not physically. But in the way the air still feels heavy with the weight of his words. In the way your phone stays too quiet, too still, despite how many times you check it. In the way his white hoodieâthe one you never returnedâhangs loosely around your shoulders, fabric slightly too big, smelling faintly of something cold, something distant, something unmistakably him.
You should take it off.Â
You donât.
Not even when you curl up on the couch, pressing your face into the collar, trying to pretend that it doesnât ache.
Trying to pretend that you donât miss him.
But you do.
And itâs only been one night.
The apartment is too quiet. Too hollow. The kind of silence that isnât empty, but suffocatingâthick with the weight of something unspoken, something unfinished.
Xavier doesnât message you.
Not in the morning. Not in the afternoon. Not even at night, when the absence of his voice becomes unbearable, pressing down on your chest like a phantom weight.
You tell yourself itâs fine. That this is what you wanted. That he deserved it.
And yet, every time you reach for your phoneâevery time your fingers hover over the screen, itching to type somethingâanythingâyou stop.
Because if you start, you might not be able to stop.
And if you see his name flash across the screen, if you hear his voiceâcold, restrained, the way it was when he told you to ask him again in six daysâyou might break.
And you refuse to be the first to break.
You told yourself you wouldn't do this.
Wouldn't pace the apartment, wouldn't reach for the door only to stop before your fingers brush the handle, wouldn't let yourself hover by the window as if expecting to see him below, walking with that same unshakable stride, hands in his pockets, the night folding around him like a living shadow.
You bite the inside of your cheek and turn away. This is ridiculous.
But it doesnât stop your mind from unraveling the last time you saw him, the words that still sit on your skin like a bruise, aching, pulsing.
"You did it again."
Your voice was tight, measured, but it carried that dangerous edge, the one that meant you werenât just angryâyou were done.
Xavier stood in the doorway, his coat draped loosely over his shoulders, blood darkening the sleeve where it stuck to his arm. His own.
And yet, his expression remained unchanged.
"I handled it."
Effortless. Dismissive. As if bleeding out in the doorway wasnât a cause for concern.
Your hands curled into fists at your sides. "You went into the No-Hunt Zone alone."
He exhaled slowly, unbothered, unconcerned. "Yes."
You wanted to shake him. Wanted to rip through that maddening, unflinching calm that always seemed to turn every argument into a chess matchâwhere he never lost control, never let emotion slip past the surface.
"You promised," you said, quieter now, not because the anger had left, but because it was worseâquieter meant sharper, meant it was sinking in.
His gaze flickered. Not quite hesitation, but something close. Something annoyingly unreadable.
"I never promised," he corrected. "I said Iâd be careful."
"You almost died last time," you snapped. "Or did you forget?"
A slow blink. "I donât forget anything."
The weight of that truth settled like ice in your stomach.
"Then remember this." Your voice wavered just slightly. "Youâre not immortal, Xavier."
His lips twitched, a fraction of amusement in the gesture. "Debatable."
You took a step forward. "You think longevity makes you untouchable?"
"I think," he said, tilting his head slightly, "that Iâve survived worse."
You stared at him. At the blood drying against his skin. At the way he stood so still, so effortlessly unaffected.
And thatâs when you understood.
He had already made peace with his own death. And he expected you to do the same.
The thought made something break inside you.
"You want me to be a widow before I even get to be a wife?"
It came out before you could stop it, before you could think.
A flicker of something crossed his faceânot shock, not emotion, but stillness. A brief, split-second pause.
And then, he shut it down.
"Youâre being dramatic."
You stepped back as if struck. You didnât realize your hands were shaking until you curled them into fists.
And then you laughedâsoft, hollow, bitter. "Youâre unbelievable."
"Iâm realistic," he corrected.
That was when you left. You turned on your heel and walked out, before the frustration, the helplessness, the aching, consuming anger could drag you under.
And he let you go.
***
Now, youâre the one left behind.
You should have told him then. Told him how much it terrified you, the thought of coming back one day only to find his body on a slab, cold, lifeless, just another statistic in the war against Wanderers.
But you didnât. Instead, you left. And now youâre here.
Alone.
Your phone is still on the table.
You stare at it for too long, the words forming and dissolving in your mind. You should write to him. Itâs always been easier to write than to say it out loud. Because wordsâespecially the ones that matterâcome with too much weight, too much risk of cracking, of unraveling.
You start to type.
đ± You: Xav, Iâ
Your fingers freeze. You stare at the unfinished message for too long.
Then you delete it.
You sigh, rubbing your hands over your face, trying to chase away the exhaustion clawing at your mind.
At some point, you fall onto the couch, curling into yourself. The hoodie is still wrapped around you, the fabric worn and familiar, carrying the last traces of him.
Your eyelids feel heavy. Just for a moment, you close them.
A sharp vibration against the glass table jolts you awake. For a brief, heart-stopping second, you think itâs him.
Your fingers scramble for the phone, your pulse hammering, already too desperate for his name to appear on the screen.
Insteadâ
A message from a random, meaningless system notification.
You let out a slow breath. Your hands are shaking.
Because you had been waiting for him. Because some part of you still hoped.
You curl deeper into the hoodie, pressing your face into the fabric. And finallyâyou let yourself admit that you miss him too much.
The knock is barely there. So soft, so hesitant, like a ghost of sound rather than something real.
For a fleeting secondâyour heart leaps.
You open the door. The hallway is empty.
A cold draft brushes against your skin, slipping under the fabric of his hoodie.
But there, at your feetâa small black bag.
You kneel. Fingers brush over the label.
Painkillers. Electrolyte supplements. Emergency field rations. The essentials.
Your phone vibrates.
đ± Xavier: Take these.
You stare at the message, breathing out slowly through your nose.
A moment. A hesitation. Thenâyou type.
đ± You: Didnât realize you made house calls.
đ± Xavier: I donât. But you looked like you were about to collapse.
The words sink in too fast. Too easily.
Because of course, he noticed. Because of course, he knew. Because even nowâeven after everythingâheâs still watching.
Your grip tightens around the phone.
đ± You: So youâre keeping tabs on me now?
đ± Xavier: No need. I already know how reckless you are.
A pause.
Thenâ
đ± Xavier: Take the damn medicine.
You press your tongue against the raw sting of broken skin, the inside of your cheek already torn from the habit, fingers hovering over the screen.
You could ignore him. Could let the pills sit untouched, just to prove a point. Instead, you close your eyes. And swallow the first dose dry.
Itâs not an apology. Not even close.
But itâs something.
And thatâs why it hurts more.
***
The night stretches long and restless.
You wake in intervalsâtoo hot, too cold, too aware of the ache in your chest that no amount of painkillers can dull.
Somewhere between sleep and waking, your fingers drift over the phone again.
You hesitate. Then typeâ
đ± You: You said six days.
A second passes. Another.
Thenâ
đ± Xavier: I did.
A breath catches in your throat.
He answered.
You donât know why that surprises you. You donât know why you expected silence.
đ± You: Then why are you here?
The response comes too quickly.
đ± Xavier: Iâm not.
It shouldnât sting.
It does.
***
Morning comes slow and suffocatingly heavy.
You donât want to move. Donât want to pull yourself from the warmth of the couch, the stale comfort of yesterday still clinging to the air.
But the world doesnât stop just because your heart is cracked along the edges.
So you get up.
Force yourself into autopilotâshower, dress, coffee that you donât even drink.
Your phone vibrates again.
đ± Xavier: Eat something real today.
You exhale sharply, tilting your head back against the kitchen counter.
Thenâyou type.
đ± You: Didnât realize you were my dietitian now.
đ± Xavier: Iâm not. But someone has to be.
Your jaw tightens.
đ± You: Iâm fine, Xavier.
đ± Xavier: Youâre lying, but okay.
The breath punches out of you before you even realize youâve been holding it. Because he sees through you. He always does.
And you hate him for it.
You want to be angry. Want to tell him to back off. Want to remind him that he left first.
But insteadâ
đ± You: Did you eat?
A pause.
đ± Xavier: Of course.
You donât believe him. But you let it go.
***
The day drags forward, sluggish and unforgiving.
By the time night falls again, youâve checked your phone at least twenty times. You tell yourself itâs just habit.
Itâs not.
You curl back into the couch, fingers ghosting over the hem of his hoodie, feeling the fabric twist between your hands.
You donât know what youâre waiting for.Â
You donât want to know.
The rain is relentless.
It starts while you're still at workâa slow, heavy downpour that turns the streets into rivers, neon lights smearing across the wet pavement. You watch it for a moment through the glass, jaw tightening when you realize you left your umbrella at home.
Perfect.
By the time you finally step outside, the water is already pooling at your feet, seeping into your boots, soaking through the edges of your sleeves. You shove your hands deeper into your pockets, hunching your shoulders against the cold, and walk.
It isnât far. Just a few blocks. Just enough time for the silence to creep in again.
Your phone stays still. Xavier doesnât message you. You donât message him.
Youâre not even sure what you would say.
The air in the apartment is thick with dampness when you finally push open the door, shaking the water from your fingers. You toe off your boots, leaving a faint trail of wet footprints across the floor.
You reach for a towelâand stop.
Because there, just by the door, is a folded dry sweatshirt.
Not yours.
A white hoodie.Â
His.
And next to it, a small, neatly sealed packet. Heat packs.
Your stomach twists.
Your hands tremble as you reach for your phone, wiping away the water still clinging to the screen.
đ± You: Youâve got to stop breaking into my apartment.
A pause.
Thenâ
đ± Xavier: I didnât. But you always forget an umbrella when it rains.
You exhale sharply, pressing your tongue against the sting of broken skin inside your cheek.
đ± You: Right. Youâre psychic now?
đ± Xavier: No. Just observant.
You hesitate, running your fingers over the fabric of the hoodie before pulling it over your head. Itâs warm, slightly oversized, carrying the scent of him beneath the clean detergentâsomething golden, like sunlight caught in the fabric, soft and caramel-sweet at the edges, but beneath it, barely there, something sharper, something darker, like the last trace of dusk before night takes over. Unmistakably Xavier.
đ± You: Youâre really committing to this whole passive-aggressive monitoring thing, huh?
đ± Xavier: Aggressive. Thereâs nothing passive about it.
The response is instant. Too quick. As if heâs been waiting.
Your chest tightens.
đ± You: And yet, for all your keen observation, you still donât seem to notice when you do the exact same thing.
A longer pause this time.
đ± Xavier: Clarify.
You roll your eyes. Of course, heâs going to make you spell it out.
đ± You: No-Hunt Zone.Â
đ± Xavier: Thatâs different.
đ± You: Oh? Because itâs you?
đ± Xavier: Because it was necessary.
You let out a bitter breath, pressing the phone against your forehead for a moment, closing your eyes.
đ± You: Right. That word again.
đ± You: I suppose me being gone was necessary too, then?
đ± Xavier: That was a choice.
đ± You: So was yours.
Another long pause.
For a second, you think thatâs the end of it. That heâs not going to reply.
Thenâ
đ± Xavier: Youâre still wet. Change before you get sick.
A sharp inhale.
đ± You: Thatâs all you have to say?
đ± Xavier: For now.
You stare at the screen.
For now.
It isnât an admission. It isnât anything close to forgiveness. But itâs not a dismissal, either.
Itâs an opening. A crack in the wall.
You exhale, curl deeper into the hoodie, and let your eyes slip shut.
For the first time in days, the silence doesnât feel quite as heavy.
You donât sleep.
You try. You close your eyes, shift positions, breathe slow and deep, count the seconds, then minutes, then hours. But your mind refuses to settle. The silence is unbearable, pressing into your skin, sinking into your bones.
By the time the sky begins to pale, the city just beginning to stir beyond your window, you give up.
The clock reads 6:04 AM when you lace up your running shoes.
The air is sharp, crisp with the last bite of night still lingering in the wind. The streets are nearly empty, save for the occasional early commuter, their footsteps swallowed by the sound of your ownâsteady, rhythmic, a heartbeat against the pavement.
You push yourself hard. Harder than you should.
Itâs reckless, this need to move, to exhaust your body so completely that your mind has no room left to think.
Because when you think, you remember.
You remember the way Xavier looked at you that night. How his voice never wavered, how he turned away before you could say anything at all.
"Ask me again in six days."
You push faster.
Your breath burns in your throat. The ache in your legs spreads, deep and insistent, but you donât stop. You canât.
You run until the edges of your vision blur.
Until the exhaustion feels like something you can hold, something real, something that drowns out the ache in your chest.
Until the smell of coffee pulls you to a stop.
Youâre standing in front of the cafĂ© before you even realize it.
Your fingers curl against your palms, your breath still uneven. The air inside is warm, rich with the scent of espresso, cinnamon, something familiar.
Habit. Instinct. A mistake.
But stillâyou go inside. Stillâyou stand at the counter, order without thinking. Stillâyou reach for the cup, staring down at the neat label printed on the side.
Cappuccino. No sugar. Just how he likes it.
Your fingers tighten around the cup. You donât hesitate. You walk straight back to his apartment, jaw clenched, pulse hammering in your ears.
And without a second thoughtâyou leave the cup by his door.
You donât knock. You donât wait. You just leave.
Your hands still tremble when you reach your own door. You exhale, rubbing at your face, trying to push down the erratic rhythm of your pulse.
Thenâyou see it.
A second cup. Sitting neatly on your doorstep.
Your breath catches.
Fingers shake as you reach down, pressing against the warmth of the cup, the familiar weight of it. The label stares back at you, bold and unmistakable.
Latte. Just how you like it. From the same café.
The realization slams into you like a fist to the ribs. You were thinking of him. He was thinking of you.
At the same damn time.
Something twists, raw and sharp, in your chest. Then, as if he feels itâyour phone buzzes.
đ± Xavier: Pushing yourself that hard after days of poor recovery is reckless.
Your fingers clench.
đ± Xavier: I suggest reading this.
A link. An article. Something about the dangers of sudden overexertion without proper conditioning.
A laugh bubbles up, breathless, bitter.
Of course. Of course he would turn this into a lecture.
đ± You: Youâre unbelievable.
đ± Xavier: Clarify.
You wipe at your face, not even realizing your skin is damp, whether from sweat or something else.
đ± You: Iâm not a civilian. Iâm a Hunter. A trained fighter, just like you.
đ± You: I might not have your experience, but Iâm not fragile. I donât need a babysitter.
The response takes longer this time. A long, stretching pause.
Thenâ
đ± Xavier: Noted.
The words are too even. Too carefully chosen.
You see it immediately. Heâs upset. But instead of fighting back, instead of defending himself, he justâwithdraws.
It infuriates you.
đ± You: Thatâs it?
đ± Xavier: Would you prefer I argue?
Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, hard enough to sting.
đ± You: Maybe.
đ± Xavier: Why?
Because at least then it would feel like something. Because at least then he wouldnât be slipping away from you, wouldnât be treating you like you werenât worth the effort.
You suck in a breath, trying to calm the wild, uneven rhythm of your heart. Then you do something stupid.
Something reckless. Something youâll regret the second you hit send.
đ± You: Funny how you only care about my recklessness when itâs convenient for you.
Silence.
One second.
Two.
Thenâ
đ± Xavier: Understood.
Just that. No defense. No cold, razor-sharp argument. No more words at all.
You stare at the screen. Then you hurl the phone at the wall.
The crack is instant, the screen splintering on impact. It falls to the floor, dark, dead, useless.
Something burns behind your eyes, frustration, exhaustion, anger collapsing into something too heavy, too unbearable to name.
Your hands quiver. You press them to your face, breathe through the ache blooming in your chest.
Thenâ
You stand. You grab your coat. You donât stop to think.
You need a new phone.
Because what if he messages you?
Because even nowâafter everythingâyou still want him to.
Silence should be a relief.
After four days of his constant, cold precisionâthe quiet should feel like a gift.
But it doesnât.
Itâs suffocating.
For the first time since he left you standing in that room, thereâs nothing.
No message. No sarcastic remark. No quiet proof that, despite everything, he still gives a damn.
The absence cuts deeper than you expect.
You go to work anyway. Because you have to. Because stopping means thinking, and thinking means tearing yourself apart with what-ifs.
***
"Our agent successfully retrieved the Aethor Core." Captain Jennaâs voice carries through the room, steady, matter-of-fact.
A holographic map flickers to life above the conference table, casting shifting blue light against the faces of those seated around it.Â
Your mission. Your work. Your risk.
You keep your expression neutral, spine straight, hands folded in front of you.
"Undercover infiltration into the Vasquez Syndicate was a success."
Murmurs spread across the table. You donât move. You feel him before you see him.
Xavier.
Seated across from you, back straight, jaw locked, completely, unnervingly still.
You make the mistake of looking up. And thatâs when you see it.
Not his usual sharp, quiet calculation. Not cold detachment.
No.
This is something else. This is contained rage.
It sits just beneath the surfaceâcontrolled, measured, but undeniably lethal.
Your stomach twists.
The Vasquez Syndicate. A name that sends ripples of unease through even the most hardened Hunters.
And you had gone there alone.
Undercover.
Without telling him. Without telling anyone.
You lower your gaze back to the table. Captain Jenna continues.
"Their leader was eliminated. Aethor Core secured. Minimal collateral damage."
The words should be a victory. You should feel something. Instead, your phone vibrates against your leg.
Once.
Then again.
Then again.
A steady onslaught of incoming messages.
Your fingers tighten against your thigh. You donât have to check. You already know.
đ± Xavier: You have a death wish, then?
đ± Xavier: Thatâs what this is?
đ± Xavier: Of course. That makes sense. Why else would you walk into Vasquezâs den ALONE?
đ± Xavier: Did you think you were being clever?
đ± Xavier: Or was it a game? A test to see how close you could get before you were skinned alive like his last five victims?
đ± Xavier: Tell me, did you at least get a look at the furniture?
đ± Xavier: I hear human leather is in this season.
The blood drains from your face. You type quickly.
đ± You: Xav, Iâ
More messages slam into your screen before you can hit send.
đ± Xavier: Or waitâ
đ± Xavier: Was it worth it?
đ± Xavier: Was the thrill of playing martyr that exhilarating?
đ± Xavier: You must have loved the dramatics of it. Walking through their front door, knowing exactly what would happen if they figured you out. How noble. How self-sacrificing.
đ± Xavier: Iâm sure they wouldâve written songs about you.
đ± Xavier: Would you like me to start composing one now?
Your stomach twists into knots.
đ± You: Xavier, stop.
đ± Xavier: Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?
đ± Xavier: Wouldnât want that. Not after youâve made me spend the last six days believing you were DEAD.
The breath catches in your throat.
đ± You: I wasnâtâ
đ± Xavier: No? You werenât?
đ± Xavier: Oh, forgive me. I must have been mistaken. You must have sent me a message before walking into the hands of a man who decapitates people for sport.
đ± Xavier: Oh, wait. You didnât.
đ± Xavier: Because you didnât tell anyone.
đ± Xavier: Because you thought you could handle it.
đ± Xavier: Because you think youâre invincible.
đ± Xavier: Because you learned absolutely nothing.
đ± Xavier: Because youâre a fucking idiot.
Your chest tightens, fingers shaking as you try to respond.
đ± You: I retrieved the Core, didnât I?
The moment you send it, you regret it. The reply is instant.
đ± Xavier: Ah.
đ± Xavier: So thatâs how little your life is worth?
đ± Xavier: A glorified rock?
đ± Xavier: Good to know.
You glance up, breath unsteady, and realize your mistake.
Because Xavier is looking at you. And his expression is unreadable.
No sarcasm now. No amusement. Just something flat and cold, buried beneath something much darker.
Your fingers tighten around the edge of the table.
You stand.
Move toward him, as if closing the space between you will break whatever this is, will fix whatever new fracture youâve carved into the already fragile thing between you.
But the moment you take a step closerâhe moves. A single flick of his fingers. A gesture.
Dismissal.
Like you are nothing. Like you arenât even worth the fight.
And in his eyesâthat unreadable fire.
You open your mouth. Try to speak. He beats you to it.
"You think Iâm mad?" His voice is low, quiet, lethal. "You think this is anger?"
A slow, sharp inhale. Thenâhe stands. Looks at you like youâre a stranger.
"If you ever do something that fucking stupid againâ"
A pause. A razor-thin breath.
"Donât come back."
Silence.
It lands like a blow. It shatters something you donât even have a name for.
And thenâhe walks away.
And for the first time, you wonder if six days was a mercy.
Because nowâ
Youâre not sure this will ever end.
The knock against his door is sharp, deliberate.
No answer.
Your fingers tighten, knuckles aching as you knock again, harder this time.
Still nothing.
The realization sinks in slow, cold. You know where he is.
No-Hunt Zone.
Of course. Of course.
The hypocrisy of it claws at your ribs, burns hot behind your eyes.
He spent days throwing your choices back in your face, dismantling them with surgical precision, making sure you felt every ounce of his anger. And yetâheâs doing the exact same thing.
Alone. Again.
Without backup. Without you.
The fury in your chest solidifies into something unshakable.
You donât think. You move.
You tear off your civilian clothes, slip into the gear that feels like a second skin, strapping on your weapons with methodical ease. Your mind is calm. Your body is not.
This isnât just anger.
This is something raw, something bitter, something that coils too tight in your chest.
Because what if this is the time he doesnât make it back?
What if he never even planned to?
***
You move fast, weaving through the crumbling skeletons of abandoned buildings, the faint blue pulse of your Hunterâs bracelet flickering at your wrist.
The fluctuations come sharp and erratic.
A Wanderer is near.
And so is Xavier.
The realization barely has time to settle before a hand clamps over your mouth, an arm hooking around your waist, dragging you back into the shadows of a half-collapsed structure.
You react instantly, twisting in his grip, but his hold is unbreakable. His breath is warm against your ear. Too steady. Too controlled.
"Tell meâ" His voice is low, measured, lethal in its restraint. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"
You rip his hand away, shove him back, your pulse hammering against your ribs.
"Shouldnât I be asking you the same damn thing?"
His expression flickersâsomething sharp, something dangerously close to breakingâbefore it smooths out again.
"You shouldnât be here."
You let out a hollow laugh, shaking your head. "And you should?"
His fingers twitch at his sides, but he doesnât argue.
The air crackles.
A pulse of energy shudders through the ruined cityscape, sending vibrations through your bracelet.
You both freeze.
The Wanderer is close. Too close.
And you were too distracted to notice.
A deafening shriek splits the air.
You barely have time to react before something massive crashes into view, sending debris flying, the force of it shaking the ground beneath you.
Itâs huge.
Bigger than any youâve ever seen. Darker. Hungrier.
And something is wrong.
Your Evol pulsesâbut weakly, like something is suppressing it.
You glance at Xavier, see the same realization in his eyes.
The Wanderer lunges.
You move at the same time.
Dodge. Shoot. Pivot. Strike.
Your movements are precise. Automatic. Perfectly in sync.
But something is missing.
Resonance.
You grit your teeth, adjusting your aim, but the energy wonât connect.
Because youâre too angry. Too furious with him to let yourself fall into sync.
And so is he.
Your focus waversâjust for a second, just long enough to throw your balance.
You stumble.
A mistake. A fraction of hesitation.
The Wanderer seizes it.
It moves faster than you expect, faster than anything that massive should be able to.
A pulse of energy collides against your chest, sending you sprawling.
A second strike is comingâyou see it, but youâre too slow, your body still recovering from the impactâ
And then Xavier is there. Between you and death.
His sword clashes against the incoming blow, deflecting it just enough to send the Wanderer skidding back.
His breathing is uneven. Not from exertion, but from something else.
Something like rage.
"Are you hurt?" His voice is taut, dangerous.
You shake your head, pushing yourself back up.
"Iâm fine."
He doesnât move. Doesnât look away from you. Like he doesnât quite believe you. Like heâs assessing whether he just almost lost you.
You donât have time for this.
"You really think you wouldâve made it out of this alive?" You fire, voice shaking with frustration. "Look at it. Look at the size of that thing. And you came here alone."
Xavier exhales slowly through his nose. Controlled. Restrained.
"You came after me," he says, voice like a blade, slicing through the tension.
You shake your head, jaw tight.
"Of course I did. Thatâs what you do when youâ"
The words catch.
His eyes are on you. Steady. Unwavering.
The air between you is thick, charged, buzzing with everything unspoken, everything you havenât let yourself say.
Your fingers tremble around the grip of your gun.
"Iâ"
The Wanderer screeches.
The ground shudders.
You donât think. You react.
Your hand snaps forward, closing over Xavierâs.
The second you touch himâ
Resonance explodes.
A flash of light. A rush of energy so intense it steals the breath from your lungs.
The Wanderer staggers. Its movements falter.
You see the opening. So does he.
Two strikes. One shot. One kill.
The Wanderer dissolves. The air stills. The only thing left is a single Protocore, pulsing softly in the dust.
Youâre both breathing hard, hands still locked together, neither of you moving.
And thenâ
His fingers tighten.
The world tilts, just slightly.
Xavier doesnât look at the Protocore. He looks at you.
And when he steps forward, you step back, heat creeping up your neck.
But he doesnât let you run. He cups your face, tilting it up until you have no choice but to meet his gaze.
"Say it."
Your pulse pounds.
"Xavâ"
"Say it." His voice is low, demanding.
You swallow hard. You already said it once.
But nowâheâs listening.
Now, thereâs nothing between you but everything youâve been holding back.
Your throat tightens. And thenâyou break.
"I love you," you whisper.
His breath stutters, caught between control and something raw. His hands slide lower, fingers gripping your waist, pulling you in.
And thenâheâs kissing you.
Hard. Desperate. Unforgiving.
Your weapons hit the ground. His sword, your gunsâforgotten.
The only thing left is this. The only thing left is him.
His breath is ragged against your lips, his hands urgent, searching.
"What good are my eyes if they can't see you?" he murmurs against your mouth.
"What use are my hands if they can't touch you?"
"Why do I need lips if not to kiss you?"
His forehead presses against yours. His voice is steady. Unshaking.
"And if you donât let me love you the way I doâwhatâs the point of living at all?"
You exhale, shuddering. A quiet, breathless sound escapes youâhalf a sob, half a laugh, because of course he would say something like this, because of course it would be him. Your hands tighten against his shirt, gripping hard enough to ground yourself, to keep yourself from falling apart.Â
And finallyâyou let yourself hold him back.
***
The world is quiet.
Not the heavy, suffocating kind of silence that has weighed on you for days, but something else. Something warm.
Your body feels boneless, satiated, exhausted in the best possible way. The bruises on your skin tell a storyâsome earned in battle, others left by a different kind of war, one fought in the dark, in whispers, in hands that refused to let go.
And thenâyou feel it. Eyes on you.
You blink against the soft golden light spilling through the curtains, twisting slightly to find him.
Xavier is propped up on his elbow beside you, one arm tucked beneath his head. His gaze is unreadable, too intense in the quiet morning light.
But he isnât watching you. Not exactly.
His fingers trail absently over your skin, following the paths where the sunlight dances along your shoulder, your collarbone, the curve of your wrist. Mapping you.
The way his fingers moveâitâs almost reverent. Like heâs committing this moment to memory, like heâs terrified it might slip through his grasp if he blinks.
You reach for his hand. But he beats you to it.
His fingers curl around yours, guiding your hand to his lips, pressing the softest, most devastatingly tender kiss to your fingertips.
It nearly steals the breath from your lungs.
You swallow hard, your voice coming out quieter than intended.
"XavâŠ"
His grip tightens, just slightly.
"When we met," he murmurs, voice low, steady, unshaking, "you promised me something."
Your brow furrows. You donât move.
"You said I would be your partner," he continues, thumb brushing absently over your knuckles. "In everything. In battle. In your reckless plans. In life."
His eyes lift to yours, and the weight of his words settles deep into your chest.
You canât look away. Not now. Not from this.
Your throat tightens. "Xavierâ"
"Donât apologize," he says smoothly, shaking his head before you can even start.
But you need to. Because you hurt him. Because you left.
Because even though you both made mistakes, you forced his hand.
He sees it in your eyes before you can say anything, and his fingers tighten just slightly around yours.
"This isnât about apologies," he murmurs.
His other hand comes up, brushing along the curve of your cheek, pushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear.
"This is about what happens next."
You blink.
"I wonât force you to promise me anything," he continues, watching your reaction closely. "Not unless you mean it."
The warmth of his touch lingers against your skin, steady, grounding, heartbreakingly gentle.
"But I need you to understand something."
You hold your breath.
"I wonât make you worry again." His voice is softer now, more certain. More dangerous in its quiet conviction. "I wonât make you question whether Iâll come back. Because now I know how it feels."
Your eyes sting.
"Does that meanâŠ" You hesitate, voice barely above a whisper. "No more No-Hunt Zone?"
The corner of his mouth twitches.
"Not exactly."
You open your mouth to argue, but he stops you with a single look. Before you can push him away, before you can get worked up, he leans inâpressing his forehead to yours.
His breath is warm against your lips.
"If I go," he murmurs, slow, careful, a promise wrapped in steel, "I take my partner with me."
Your chest tightens.
Heâs serious.
This is his way of saying it.
His way of meeting you halfway.
His way of telling you that heâs not going anywhere without you.
You exhale slowly, pressing your forehead harder against his, letting the moment settle between you.
"...Okay."
The word is soft. Tentative.
But you mean it.
His fingers thread through yours, squeezing gently. The smallest, barest hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
"Good."
He kisses you once, slow and deep, searing the moment into your skin.
And for the first time in six daysâyou let yourself believe it.
It's just one of those times of the month... where it just HURTS and all you want is to just be in bed and hug something comfy _(:ââčăâ )_
expect a lot of sylus shitposts throughout the next week or so
his birthday card is my new favorite thing. lord have mercy itâs so precious. but also heart wrenching?
i can only imagine what was going through his head when they were laying in the grass. the memories of him and his sorceress doing the same centuries ago. only this time, there was no sense of impending doom, no curse that threatened to tear them apart. this time, itâs just the two of them - like he always wanted. this time, it was peaceful. happy.
and the way he was so quick to tell her his actual birthday. everyone in the N109 zone, including the twins, have been guessing for ages. it seems everyone has yet to get it right. but when MC wondered? he answered immediately. he trusts her so completely, so implicitly. itâs like his heart and soul aches to share every part of him with her, and he wonât hesitate to do just that.
âyou should know very well that i adore you. there is no love purer than mine.â when he first said it, i somewhat brushed it off. now though? i realize just how serious he was.
Summary: Xavier has a nightmare that disturbs both of you (1.5k words, angst (flangst maybe?) Xavier x gn!Reader
a/n: i've read this too many times now to be happy with it lol so here we go! and it's the first piece over 600 words i've actually published in nearly 4 years! yay! (please help me out with a title lol)
"Xav!" your whisper is harsher than intended and edged with frustration. It's difficult to make the vowels and consonants of his name softer when you've spent the last forty minutes trying to rouse him.
You wriggle slightly in an attempt to stretch your back and hips without disturbing him too much as he lays in your lap. Your back has started to ache and it's too dark now to comfortably read the text on the page in front of you. Xavier's book rests open on his chest like an injured bird, rising and falling with his breaths. You want to stand, get a glass of water and turn on the lamp behind you at least, but Xavier is slumbering too deeply to react at all.
You'd tried every tick in the book once you'd established he was actually sound asleep - it's a rare thing for him to let his guard down so completely. Even in the comfort of your own homes, Xavier was always just below the tide of consciousness- alert enough to bolt if necessary but relaxed enough to recharge like a fox napping in the midsummer sun. Disarming. Charming. Dangerous.
You'd jostled him gently, then a bit rougher. Cooed every variation of his name and nicknames. You'd even played dirty - pretending to both phone for a takeaway hot pot and to invite Caleb round to share it. Neither strategy had worked and Xavier's expression remained smooth and his breathing even.
"Xavier," you try again, one last time sweet and sing-song like a dawn chorus. You think it's working as his chest stutters on the inhale and his eyelids flicker. But it doesn't. His expression darkens instead ike an oncoming storm - brows pulling together, lips turning down and his hands start to twitch, the tendons coiling and flexing. A frown pulls at your own lips, concern begining to thread through your irritation. Xavier doesn't dream - or so he tells you - and he certainly doesn't get nightmares.
He starts mumbling then, half sentences and misfired words sounding vaguely like 'go' and 'leave'. You've never known him to talk in his sleep, let alone start thrashing. The spasms in his fingers have escalated to full body twitching, thighs tensing and untensing, fists white-knuckling. His chest rises and falls far quicker than it had been less than two minutes ago, verging on hyperventilation. Your own heart starts hammering.
The room is blanketed in a rich navy as blue hour nears its end. Xavier's features, like the finer details of the room, are lost in the murk. You call his name again, trying to suppress the panic creeping through you as his calls grow stronger, expression sterner and sentences more coherent.
You lean forward slightly, to look down over him. Xavier's face distorts, closed eyes narrowning, teeth bared at the nightmare - at you.
You push your hands gently but firmly into his shoulders,as you had done half an hour earlier. An attempt to ground him - bring him back to the land of the living. Your own heartbeat continues to rise and your breath quickens, nearly mirroring the heaving of his chest. Short, sharp inhales and incomplete exhales. Lungs never fully empty nor full in the strange, overwhleming confusion anxiety brings.
You're releived it's his upper torso on you lap and not his legs which are now flailing wildly, kicking visciously. The book on his chest falls to the carpet with a thump, white pages splayed and bent like broken wings. Your hold doesn't work instead it makes him writhe more, voice raising and the words becoming clearer, more commanding pleas. You think you hear a "don't leave me" over the rush of blood in your ears.
Desperation tightens its grip. You just want him to wake up.
Your instincts are fraying.
Something is telling you to shove him off you and run. Run far and quick away from here, away from Xavier and don't look back.
You let go of his shoulders and bring your shaking hands to his face. Cupping it gently and brushing hair back off his forehead, damp with perspiration. It's Xavier, he wouldn't hurt you - consciously or not, you reason. Something primal whispers doubt into your heart.
There's light pooling in Xavier's hands.
Blood drains from your face and your stomach plummets. He's seconds away from drawing his blade.
Wouldn't he? it purrs again.
"Xavier!" you say once more, voice high and thin. You push into his shoulders with enough force to bruise th eimprint of his shoulder blades into the flesh of your thighs.
It works.
He shoots upwards, cresting the wave of wakefulness. You jerk away as he reaches, unseeing into darkness behind your head, bellowing -
"Don't!"
- and the room burns.
Bright, blinding and white hot before it dims just as quickly. Shattering glass rains down as quietly as a caress. The filaments overheating and exploding, one after another until all that remains is the singular floor lamp at the back of the room. It casts disturbing shadows across Xavier, still in your lap. The light hits him wrong. Hits him at dangerous angles - his more delicate feature still shrouded in gloom. Your pulse doesn't slow.
You blink once, twice, three times against the sudden luminosity and stark murk. Partly, too, to earse the look in Xavier's eyes. They're wild and wide, an ominous glow against the indigo room.
His chest chest heaves, breaths ragged and the only noise beyond the buzz of static. Your own chest has stalled. You don't dare inhale. He's looking at you without recognition, a preadator snarling at prey. A chill skitters up your spine and out to the fingers still fisted in his hoodie. Your mouth dries.
You're in danger, the traitourous part of you croons.
You move to shove him off your lap and vault the sofa, cramps and numbness long forgotten. But Xavier's faster than you. Faster than light itself and he's straddling you now. His weight settles over your pelvis, thighs pressing against your own.
He reaches for your face. Alarm surges up inside you once again, and you can't summon the rational part of you, the part that knows bone deep that Xavier would rather fall on his sword than harm you. It must have slipped from you when the lightbulbs exploded, like a spooked animal. You're too light headed and the blood is surging in your ears.
You feel a bit like you're floating - the switch from a relaxing evening to a high-stress moment leaving you strung-out. Both of your chests are heaving and you finally notice his hands are chilled and trembling against your cheeks, unconciously and despite everything, you lean into the touch. You force a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, releasing the white-knuckle grip of his hoodie. The fabric holds the indents of your grip where it's been scrunched and stretched. They hang limply by your side, unsure if you should touch him.
"You-I-yo-" Xavier stammers, "-you left me."
It's not an accusation, but it should be. His voice shakes and he swallows thickly. His eyes are softer now but still wide and wet with tears. He tilts your face this way and that with a touch so reverant it's alien to the previous moments. He's leaning forward, head tilted down to examine you properly, as if he were doubting your presence, checking you aren't about to slip through his fingers.
It's quiet for a moment.
The weightless feeling ebbs. You take one of his hands in yours and guide it to rest over your heart. So he can feel the rhythm as it steadies, proof that it's still beating. That you're still here, at home with him - even if you are still reeling from the adrenaline surge. The action grounds you as well. It's your Xavier, of course nothing would have happened, even if he hadn't woken when he did.
"You're still here," he breathes. His hands are still trembling but his breathing has settled. His gaze roves your face, one had still wrapped in yours.
"Yeah," you clear your throat, shifting beneath him, "I'm still here, Xav." You school a small smile onto your lips. The shadows seem less hostile now, the sole lamp casting a warm buttery glow over him, marigold against forget-me-not. Blue skies and an orange sunset after a tempest. The light twinkles where it catches the powder-fine glass coating the floors and fabrics of your home. There's some glittering in Xavier's hair.
"Good." He sags against you like a puppet with its strings cut. Head slumping into the space between your neck and shoulder, breathing against your pulse point. His arms snake up your back and over your shoulders, pulling you impossibly close. His breath shudders once more and something warm drips onto your exposed skin, then again and agian. Any instinct to flee has be smothered, how could you ever have considered that Xavier would hurt you? The same Xavier sobbing into your arms following a nightmare. A nightmare where you had left him no less. You bring your own arms up to wrap around him.
It's not particularly comfortable - Xavier is nearly folded in half to tuck himself up into you while still straddling your lap. You run a hand through the hair at his nape and hold him. Soothe him. Soothe yourself, too, with whispers and promises pressed into his ashen hair.
"It's okay, Xav. You're okay. I'm okay. 'M not gonna leave you." A promise. A curse. A lie. A truth. An oath.
Originally for my friend in the LaDs server Iâm in.
After learning about Xavier's myth, finally, I'm feeling soft for him. Meanwhile I mostly started liking Xav more already because of my friend. So now I'm going to be soft about him on main.
When the light of the early morning sun filtered gently through the curtains of your apartment, you awoke to the feeling of an arm slung over your waist. Cradled gently in Xavier's arms, you carefully turn over to look at him. It wasn't as though seeing his sleeping face was uncommon, but it was as novel as the first time you'd been graced with the sight.
Despite his nature, Xavier always tried his best to be awake to spend time with you. Your hunting partner even had his notification volume at a decibel you were certain no one else ever would just to make sure he didn't miss your texts and calls when you were apart.
You couldn't help yourself and brushed your fingers over his forehead, brushing back the hair covering the skin there to plant a tender kiss on the uncovered area. A giggle had to be stifled when his nose scrunched a little and he pulled you deeper into his embrace, inadvertently forcing you to bury your face in his shoulder. There was a happy hum, barely there, when Xavier finished shifting you to be closer. The feeling was a bit ticklish as the vibrations of the noise rumbled in his throat.
You decided the dawn was too early to rise and begin the day, especially when your prince still yet slept. So you slowly sunk deeper into the peaceful quiet Xavier brought you and returned to the land of dreams to greet your lover. The noon sun would be next to bring you back to the waking world. Plenty of time to frolic in starlit fields with the man who would give you his everything just to make you happy.
The next you woke, the feeling of soft hands and softer kisses brought you into wakefulness. Xavier's fleeting touches gentling you into the waking world. "Good morning, my star. The night was long, but you were there in my dreams. So it wasn't too bad being asleep all this time," were the first words to light upon still sleep drowned ears. "Good morning, Xavier," you got out sleepily, smiling when he responded with another kiss; this time on the lips.
"We could stay here. There's still time," Xavier began. "Whatever you decide, whatever you want- I want that, too."
"We could. Buuut- I'm sure you're hungry by now," was your reply. Which was promptly met by a still bleary-eyed look of eagerness, your bunny-like boyfriend enjoying the idea of eating. "I've got you." And then you were being carefully scooped up into his arms and set down. He shuffled forward, holding you up while still rubbing the remaining drowsiness from sleep-soft features. The rest of the short noontime was spent in such a way. The two of you groggily moving together, Xavier taking care to hold up most of your weight and thoughtfully move thing and hand them to you when necessary. It was sweet. Your sleepy boy doing his best to help your equally sleepy self, holding onto you tight all the while.
He gave you a silent look of apology while you made breakfast, wishing he could do it for you. But while he was highly capable as a hunter, the kitchen was certainly not a battlefield he could brave. Which meant that whenever you caught glances of him whilst moving about the kitchen, you saw his eyes stuck to your form. Xavier's eyes never once strayed, watching you now that he was given the opportunity to stare. You were perfect in his eyes. So strong, so capable- Even able to do things he couldn't. You couldn't help matching his hopeless smile, teeth peeking out before your hand covered the upward curve of your lips. This was met with a pout and a certain hunter stalking towards you to move your hand. "Don't do that. I like your smile."
You were cheesing again. Silly man.
An entire day off spent together is a day well spent, no matter how you chose to fill those precious few hours.
A movie together, dinner, getting ready for bed...
Laying down with him, arms once again secure around your middle and face nuzzling into your nape with a tender "I love you", you wanted to do it all over again. All the simple and mundane days you got to spend with your shooting star that made all your wishes come true. You'd gather up all the stardust of the quiet moments together until next you could hold this fleeting star in your arms.
loyal to my man ~Xavier .... Life is delulu at this point and other fixations
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