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When someone toxic needs a friend

I just wanna add a little personal reflection to the discussion of Spinel’s treatment in Steven Universe: The Movie.

A few signposts so you know where I’m starting with this:

A criticism I’ve seen: 

Steven was not particularly warm to Spinel. He did not hug her. He did not offer to be her friend. He spoke carelessly and triggered her toward becoming murderous again. He only cared about what she could do for him.

A perspective I’ve seen: 

LOTS of people with borderline personality disorder or strong feelings about abandonment personally relate to Spinel and are critical of Steven from this perspective.

Rebecca Sugar’s commentary on Spinel:

The thing about Spinel is that she’s a really toxic person. 

She’s so toxic that she’s literally trying to poison people. 

In my interactions with friends who have had a history difficult enough to make it hard for them to trust other people and sometimes even actively want to hurt others, it’s just a very difficult situation to navigate. In the case of Spinel and all of these characters, that’s extremely exaggerated because cartoons have the ability to be extreme exaggerations. I wanted to explore what it’s like when you’re trying to help someone who really doesn’t want to help themselves, who wants to embody the negative feelings that they have about themselves. I think that’s something really real. I hadn’t seen that in a cartoon before. 

Spinel, unlike many other characters, actually has the goal of hurting people, which is new territory for the show. She really wants to hurt Steven, and there’s a reason that she does—because she’s in so much pain. I just wanted to explore all the dimensions of that.

I also think Steven has his way of trying to handle and dissolve conflict. It’s not necessarily a good way for him to handle this situation. It really leaves him in a difficult state, and I think what I wanted to show in the way that they interact is that at a certain point, when you can’t help someone, you have to be able to protect yourself. 

Ultimately, he can’t really convince her to change. It’s something she’ll have to want for herself. But what he can do is protect himself from her, making it impossible for her to hurt him. 

It’s sort of up to you if you would like to love her. If you watch this movie and she, you know, frustrates you, that is totally fair. I want that to be a big part of who she is.

[From the AV Club interview]

So here are a few things I want to shed light on.

It’s very interesting that Rebecca intended Spinel to be read as “a toxic person” because so many fans fell in love with her, said they’d be her friend, hated intensely on Pink Diamond because of what she did to abandon the poor Gem, and sympathized with her directly. But Rebecca was looking at Spinel from Steven’s perspective. And that’s also what I did.

I’ve been Steven. I have VERY much been Steven.

When you meet someone who was done dirty, when you recognize the horror they’ve been through, when you see how much pain they are in and agree they have the right to be angry, it’s natural for empathetic people to offer themselves as comfort.

But when you’re Steven, you also know it isn’t YOUR fault either. Before you have the ability and experience to set boundaries, you can get sucked into other people’s stormy waters and think you’re helping if you drown in solidarity with them. What’s really important to preserving yourself is learning that you can stand on the boat and toss a life preserver. That it doesn’t ACTUALLY HELP to jump in the water and sink with them.

Some folks are angry that Steven didn’t jump right into sacrifice himself on the altar of friendship in the service of an intense, literally murderous stranger who tried to poison him and his planet and lash out at his friends, robbing them of their rich pasts and their relationships because all of it hurt HER so much. It is SO easy to understand WHY SPINEL WAS ANGRY. But nothing she was doing to Steven, his friends, or the Earth was going to fix her problems, and furthermore, she FULLY UNDERSTOOD that it was NOT THE FAULT of any of the people she took her anger out on. It was irrational, yes, and that is part of her dysfunction. But also, in these situations, what helps explain it still does not excuse it.

Some have railed at Steven saying he somehow forgave genocidal tyrants like the Diamonds but couldn’t be friends with a damaged Gem like Spinel who just wanted friendship. The big difference there is that Steven got involved with the Diamonds when both parties believed he was a different person. The Diamonds believed he was the lost Pink Diamond, and Steven has also spent much of his superhero life believing he WAS his mother and was therefore obligated to accept punishment for her crimes or to clean up the messes she made. Now that he knows he is not her and that she did some pretty horrible stuff, he also wants the right to stop feeling responsible for every person Pink hurt in the entire region of space.

Steven gave Spinel basically compassionate treatment. He did not abuse her. He did not insult her. He occasionally coddled her when it seemed important (and though some said he was too businesslike while he pursued his mission, he was literally looking at the world ending within two days if he didn’t solve the problem). And most importantly … .

He let her leave the garden.

Spinel stayed in the garden all those millennia because Pink Diamond told her they were playing a game. All that time, she had visions of Pink returning so she could see her smile, hear her laughter. We see a sequence where she tried to follow Pink out of the garden and Pink manipulated her into staying willingly. We watch those feet leaving and one pair of feet staying behind. We see Pink disappear.

When Steven goes to leave the garden, Spinel follows in the same manner. Some have criticized him for letting go of her hands.

But he invited her out of the garden. He didn’t say stay. He said come with me.

As he sang about her deserving someone better, he was sincere. But he did not say the person to make her feel found should be him. He did not want to take on another person with thousands of years of baggage who would require a specific brand of attention and so much tenderness to avoid snapping. He did not allow her to be held by the hand and led out. He recognized that she needed encouragement to leave this place because of what was done to her, but he wanted her to take the steps.

Compassionate people are crushed all the time under the weight of needy people who make it hurt to love. People like Steven can acknowledge that Spinel deserves love and deserves to be happy without accepting that it’s heartless to stop short of personally doing it. Especially when you literally have to take physical, mental, and emotional damage as a general consequence of offering support and counseling. It is sometimes just beyond what you can do.

I made the mistake several times of getting very close to someone who treated me poorly while taking comfort in my presence. I cared that they were hurt and I didn’t know how to say “You deserve love” without stepping in and loving them. In EVERY case I was involved with, the person went from initially grateful to “why don’t you help me more?” shockingly quickly, and two of them deliberately tried to create situations where I would be trapped with them and isolated from others. 

I could get very personal here but I don’t think I need to. Those of us who relate all too well to Steven wanting to help others will have been in this situation. Your heart hurts for people who live with pain that has never touched you, but when they’ve made it clear with one of their first actions that they feel satisfied at the idea of ruining your life, trusting them could mean the end of you. Especially if they demand that you risk life and limb to fix and save them before you’d dare to call it love, and especially if they want to be fixed without feeling responsible for initiating any of it. Some people mistake suffering for working hard toward a goal. Both can hurt but only one is constructive. If I’m expected to spend extensive resources on someone, I need some partnership in the goal, and I can’t accomplish that with someone whose wish for companionship manifests as “I want you to feel as bad as I do, and will take steps to hurt you so I have someone to cry with.”

Steven risked his actual life while he didn’t have powers so he could go talk to Spinel, and he wouldn’t fight her when she wanted to fight. He protected himself while she spent her anger. He STILL put himself in the line of fire far more than a less compassionate person would. He took time and tenderness to listen to her story and sympathize with her, tell her she deserved better, bear witness to what she’d become after being treated like a discarded plaything, and bring her hope with promises of a new future and a way to feel found.

Sadly, Spinel flipped back to being murderous at the first sign that Steven might be about to prioritize someone other than her, reframing his reasonable needs as if he was planning to abandon her, isolate her, discard her. This was a trauma reaction, yes, and she isn’t entirely to blame for being upset because she was worried she was just being used and none of her actions were logically thought through. 

But does someone ever “deserve” the friendship of a specific person who can’t feel warm toward them because of their OWN bad experiences? 

No! 

Steven has a big heart but he has his very own huge storehouse of trauma, and being physically attacked with his family and planet put in danger over the actions of his mother is at the top of the list. Instead of assuming that the person who has trauma the loudest is the most hurt, can’t we just acknowledge that Spinel’s and Steven’s respective traumas make them NOT the best match for friendship?

The ending of the movie, with Spinel going off with the Diamonds, might seem a little disturbing with all the codepencency floating around there, but if you want to talk about compassion, I think this is a good place for Spinel to start. 

She just wanted to make Pink Diamond laugh and enjoy her life. She longed to do that for so long and then it all ended when she found out she would NEVER GET TO DO IT. I think bonding with the other Diamonds and having a familiar, safe place to experience the kind of love she’s used to will be a good FOUNDATION for building herself into a person beyond that. For now, she needs comfort. I hope they treat her well.

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

One of my favorite episodes EVER. Even though I'm not a fan of Wendy, I loved her in the episode! ...Cartman got his ass kicked. XD 

When the gang "follow their hearts" to Sora in Scala ad Caelum, Riku is the only one who makes a beeline directly to him. He is last to emerge, but the first to reach him.

¨I miss 2D animation in Western animation so much¨

Are you telling me you have sleeping on this:

Song of the sea- Film- (Cartoon Saloon Studios)

Wolfwalkers- Film-(Cartoon Saloon Studios)

Carmen SanDiego-series- (Netflix)

Kid Cosmic-Series (Netflix)

Wander Over Yonder- series-(Disney)

Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero -series-Disney XD

This

Kipo and the age of wonderbeasts-series-Netfilx

Infinity Train-series-CN and HBO Max

Green Eggs and Ham-series- Netflix

Ernest and Celestine-film-StudioCanal

This

Klaus (2019)

Tangled the series-series-Disney Channel

Hilda-series-Netflix

Ducktales 2017-Series-Disney Channel/Disney XD

And this?

Tha amazing world of gumball-series-Cartoon Network

Final Space-series-Adult swim and TBS (Adult animation)

Motorcity-series-Disney/Disney XD

Rise of teenage muntant ninja turtles(ROTTMNT)-Series-Nickelodeon

Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja-series-Disney/Disney XD

The Owl House-series-Disney

Primal-series-Adult Swim (Adult animation)

Young Justice-Series-Cartoon Network 

Maybe it isn’t that there is no more 2D animation in the Western animation industry. 

Maybe it is that you just haven’t looked hard enough.

Note:Since someone asked me to I’m adding the names  and linking to wikipedia articles and some trailers from the  films and series i mentioned

In order

Song of the sea: Wikipedia article- Trailer

Wolfwalkers: Wikipedia article-Trailer

Carmen SanDiego: Wikipedia article

Kid Cosmic: Wikipedia article

Wander Over Yonder: Wikipedia article

Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero: Wikipedia Article

Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts: Wikipedia Article

Infinity Train: Wikipedia article

Green eggs and ham: Wikipedia article

Ernest and Celestine: Wikipedia article- Trailer

Klaus Netflix: Wikipedia article-Trailer

Tangled the series: Wikipedia article

Hilda: Wikipedia article

Ducktales 2017: Wikipedia article

The Amazing World of Gumball:  Wikipedia article

Final Space:  Wikipedia article

Motorcity: Wikipedia article

Rise of TMNT:  Wikipedia article

Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja: Wikipedia article

The Owl House: Wikipedia article

Primal:  Wikipedia article

Young Justice: Wikipedia article

Yuri!!! on Ice Spooky Week 2021 Prompts

Spooky Friends, the time has finally come to share the prompts for the 2021 Yuri!!! on Ice Spooky Week Event! This years event will run from October 25 - October 31, 2021! 

Late submissions will also be accepted! 

Day One: October 25th

Sweet tooth | full moon | Magic/Sorcery

Day Two: October 26th

Decorations | Paranormal Activity | Mystery

Day Three: October 27th

Halloween Party | Blood thirsty | Pumpkins

Day Four: October 28th

Free Day

Day Five: October 29th

Monsters | Costumes | Nightmares

Day Six: October 30th

Graveyard | Halloween classics | zombies

Day Seven: October 31st

Fall Festival | Halloween | Trick or Treat

For more information about this event, check out the links below! Be sure to send us an Ask if you have any questions!

Carrd | About | Rules | FAQ | Schedule | Prompts | AO3 | Archives

Junjou Romantica 3 ☆ end cards 

I love this song~! :D <3

In love with this comic~ ♡ WANT MOOOOOORE!! ...I ship Underfell Sans/Science Sans so hard cuz of this comic tho!! X3

1. UnderfellSans and Science Sans 2. UnderSwap Sans and Aftertale Sans 3. UnderSwap Sans and Underfell Sans 4. UnderSwap Paps and Underfell Paps 5. Aftertale Sans and Underfell Sans 6. Regular Sans and Science Sans 7. Underfell Sans and Aftertale Sans 8. Underfell Sans and Underfell Paps 9. FRIENDSHIP CLUB 10. Don’t Regret it 11. Sinners, Sinners, Everywhere 12. Fifteen Minutes late with Starbucks 13. Knock Knock Jokes (Part 1) 14. Knock Knock Jokes (Part 2) (You are here!)