They Aren't In My Head, Im Physically Unable To Imagine These Things, There Is Never A Set Way I Want

They aren't in my head, im physically unable to imagine these things, there is never a set way I want them to look. They feel like parts of my body, some sort of suppressed paranoia or anxiety, released in the forms of twisted faces and unnatural people. Nothing guides me as I draw, they just take shape, it's peaceful. Some therapy would really help me I believe, it's just not affordable. Unfortunately, these drawings aren't helping either. These are just distractions... I go back to feeling anxious and cold as soon as one is done.