In Light Of The Panera Lemonade Thing, I Feel Like Now Is A Good Time To Remind People That Caffeine

Simpler Times

Summary: A four year old Yoichi just wanted to prove that people are nice. Turns out he was very wrong but at least he knows he is safe as there someone that will make sure nothing ever happens to him.

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Since Yoichi could remember all he ever knew was his brother. White hair and white eyes that seem to stare at the world with fear and hostility. He always noticed people steered clear of his older brother.

But they weren’t kind to him either.

They didn’t fear Yoichi like his brother, but they didn’t offer a hand to him when he is near. They look at his hair and their face would scrunch in disgust when they realize he is different.

Unlike the fear they feel at his brother when they look at him, they look at him with contempt. He just didn’t understand that look considering he was only four years old sheltered by his brother. Always protected from the worse of it but his eyes still holding the light of innocence.

As he has seen adults being nice to kids, so maybe they will be nice if they see he needs something?

“Look at this little freak, is he looking at us?” One spoke, Yoichi could barely understand their words as he walked over to the group of guys. He had approached because he didn’t believe his brother when he said people would hurt them. People couldn't possibly be that mean but then he never really interacted with many people. He shifts in place as he realizes there were several adults, his green eyes looking up at them hungry.

Slowly he holds his hand out to the adult as he tries to remember the words to express his hunger.

“F-Food?” Yoichi stuttered wanting to prove to his brother they can ask for help. His green eyes looked hopeful as the three guys looked at him with confusion. For a moment, he thought they were considering helping as they looked among each other.

He was naive.

“Hell no!” One screamed and before Yoichi could even realize the danger he was in. He felt a sharp kick to his stomach as his reward for his bravery. A harsh gasp escaped as he fell to his knees before being kicked in the face.

“Damn you actually kicked the kid. What if he had some creepy powers and skewered your ass!” Another of the men questioned but Yoichi was on the floor gasping. He didn’t understand what he had even done wrong; he was just asking. His eyes were filled with tears as his teeth ached, instinctively his hands moved to his mouth since had been kicked in the face. It hurt.

He whines but it didn’t seem any of the adults cared that he was in pain. As they began to talk among themselves.

“Tch, it’s fine. I got to make sure he learns to stay away and see I’m in one pie-” 

Those were the last words the man ever said as a large metal beam slammed into him. A loud disgusting crunch could be heard as he was slammed through the wall. The other men were shouting in terror at seeing their friend but they weren’t able to get away. As a familiar face came onto the scene.

His big brother had found him already hitting them with a strength unbecoming of his size as he steals their power from their unmoving bodies. Those white eyes staring down at the assailants as he steps on them like insects.

He needed to act fast, Yoichi forces himself up despite the pain before finding a random soda can. It wasn’t much but it was something so he grabbed it. With as much strength as he had he chucked it as hard at his brother. The loud clink was heard as it made contact with his older brother and the older boy froze.

“Stop,” Yoichi spoke trying to remember all the words he learned to make his brother understand. His brother looked over at him surprised at having a can thrown at him. Those white eyes staring intently at him and Yoichi can tell he might be mad at that, “Don’t hurt.”

There is a pause, his older brother did seem to stop attacking the men. As if his words had the effect he wanted as the older boy without a name approached. Yoichi looks up at his older brother, trembling just a bit since this is the first time he did something like this. 

Then Yoichi got kicked for his trouble.

“No cans,” his older brother said, making it clear the kick was for throwing a can at him. Being rough with each other wasn’t anything new. Unlike those men the kick wasn’t that hard even if many would disagree as it did throw him back. Falling onto the hard floor Yoichi winces in pain at the rocks digging into him. Guessing it was a small price to pay to get his brother to stop.

His brother leans down next to him looking at his face with a frown before picking him up, clearly unhappy at stopping. Likely more upset that this area was now unsafe for them to live in since people now know they were here. He tucked Yoichi under his arm as goes to find a new hiding space for them.

Yoichi guessed he should have been more careful so no one else gets hurt. Not at all fighting his brother as they needed to find a new home to live in, far away from here. So no one that knows them will come to hunt them down, Yoichi learned his lesson on approaching strangers. Guessing his brother was right that people did want to hurt them, he was more surprised his brother wasn’t more angry.

If you ignore the kick anyway but that seemed more about the can being thrown at him then him approaching strangers.

“Sorry….” Yoichi mutters those words as his brother finally finds a spot and places him down to settle in. His brother doesn’t say anything, at most he moves a hand to pet and ruffle his head as goes to sit next to him. It seems his brother was empty handed so his attempt to find food must have not gone well.

“It’s ok,” his brother said softly as they just sat against the wall. His older brother moves to grab his wrist and leans back against the wall clearly tired. His brother really does a lot for him, he moves closer snuggling up against his older brother as he closes his eyes.

He loves his brother and hopes eventually he will be big enough to help.

Humans understand that for a lot of alien species, baring teeth is a sign of aggression, so we all learn to smile with our mouths closed but then we meet an alien species that think "that thing you guys do with your face muscles" is as adorable as we think a cat doing a blep is and then only finding out (with horror) way later that when we smile at each other we bare our teeth and that's a sign of friendliness and happiness we do to each other among members of our own species.

Imagine being an alien recently assigned to a new ship and there's multiple humans on this crew and you're like "Yes! I hope these humans do the 'smile' thing it's so adorable" and then you watch two humans hanging out and they're baring their teeth at each other and you're like "oh no the predators are gonna fight this is bad" until someone else on the crew notices you turning distressed colors and is like "No that's what their smiles look like when they smile at each other" and the you're suddenly very intimated by the fact that the persistence predators bare their teeth at each other when happy.

Did I do this instead of my essay for college? Absolutely. First time doing voicework like this so please, gimme criticism so I can make any future ones better!

Reading your posts feels like eating a banana, it’s kinda tingly and itchy and makes me very uncomfortable but I also like it too much to stop

you are allergic to bananas 

Does Fantasy AU Aizawa turn into a wolf?

Humans are weird: Cats

Alien: Thanks for inviting me over. Alien: I’ve never been in a human’s home before so this will be- *sees cat sitting on couch* Alien: What is that? Human: That is Fred. *Turns to cat* Human: Say hi Fred. Fred: *MEOW* Alien: I was not aware you had a roommate. Human: What? Human: No, he’s my pet. Alien: You keep a sentient being as a pet? Are you a monster? Human: No; but Fred is. Fred: *MEOW* ----------------------

Alien: *goes to sit down, accidentally steps on fluffy ball* *Cat’s head shoots up* Human: You need to run. Alien: What? Why? Human: You just stepped on Fred’s favorite toy. Alien: So that means I am in danger? Fred: *low growling sound* Human: It’s too late….. --------------------------

*Thirteen stitches later* Alien: How can something so fluffy be so angry!?!?! Human: Domestication probably. Alien: Is that not meant to breed out the violence? Human: Normally yes, but with cats it just condensed it. ------------------------

*Next day* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Is it safe to come in? Human: Let me check. *Picks up Fred and holds him in front of alien* Fred: *Low growling noise* Human: No it is n- Alien: *Slams door shut quickly* ---------------------

*Two days later* Alien: *Sipping drink* Alien: What can I do to win over your furry slave? Human: First off, he is a pet not a slave. Human: And even if that was the situation I technically am Fred’s slave. Alien: *Surprised* You are one of the most advanced species in the galaxy; having mastered space travel and the manipulation of matter itself. Human: And yet I am the one cleaning up his shits. Alien: *Opens mouth to counter, then sips instead when nothing comes to mind* ----------------------

Human: Why does it matter that you want Fred to like you? Human: I thought you hated him? Alien: Were he not an animal I would have sworn a blood oath to destroy him and his family for what he has done to my face. Human: I ask again; why does it matter? Alien: Because for reasons beyond my understanding I feel compelled to have that little death machine love me. Human: Welcome to being a cat owner. ------------------------

*Three days later* *Door slowly opens* Alien: Are you ready? Human: I’ve got Fred. Alien: And you’re sure this will work? Human: Positive. *Alien walks in and Fred starts growling* Human: Get ready; I’m releasing Fred. *Puts Fred down who begins sprinting towards alien* *Alien holds out tiny tube with goop pouring out end* Fred: *MEOW!* *Stops murder sprint and begins sniffing and licking tube enthusiastically* Alien: So you bribe him with food? Human: Works on us humans as well. ------------------

Alien: Do you think I have won him over? *Fred walks up and brushes against Alien* Human: I think you’re good.

Alien: It felt like being embraced by the goddess herself. --------------------

Alien: So besides eating, sleeping, and acts of disproportionate violence; what else do they like to do? Human: Fred loves to play. *Picks up laser pointer and flashes it around room* *Fred’s head shoots up, does the butt wiggle, then lunges at the laser* Alien: What fascinating technology. Human: Yeah; we also use this to guide missiles for air strikes in wars. Alien: Your pet enjoys playing with tools of death? Human: I think that’s one of the reasons he enjoys it so much. ------------------

Alien: *Looks down at shirt* Alien: What is this? Human: Oh yeah, forgot to mention he’s a heavier shedder. Human: Sorry about that. Alien: Do not worry, for I too shed my skin. *Proceeds to peel off skin until raw muscle and bone is left* *Casually tosses aside empty skin suit which Fred walks over to and cuddles in* Human: Thank you for that fresh nightmare material. Alien: *slurring words due to no lips* Yoooou’re welllllcoommme.

Humans are space Chameleons

I'm back with another humans are space orcs idea.

So ya'll know about how stealth is a big thing on our planet, right? Predators use it to catch prey, prey use it to avoid predators, etc. etc. What if that's exclusively an earth thing?

Like, if death worlds were rare and the need for stealth was less needed or even non-existant it'd be pretty surprising to aliens to find out just how important stealth is and how good humans (and Earth animals in general) are at it.

Smaller humans can curl up into tight spaces to hide. Camouflage is something we're very good at with things like ghillie suits and camo facepaint to make ourselves near invisible.

We're pretty good at staying still and will even cover our mouths to make our breathing quieter. Sometimes we even sneak up on people without meaning to. We've gotten so good at hiding we can even hide in plain sight.

Hell, even a portion of our entertainment contains stealth, we have childrens games like hide and seek that make us better at it and there's even an entire genre of video game dedicated to it. Suffice to say stealth is something we're pretty ok at.

Now imagine a human is put onto an alien ship as a crewmate and as the aliens learn more about humanity they decide to play hide and seek to learn more about us.

They go around and find the other races pretty easily, but they can't find the human.

After 30 minutes they get s bit annoyed

After 1 hour they're a bit worried

After 3 hours they're panicking that they just lost their human friend and begin running around the ship screaming that they give up and begging the human to come out.

The human stands up from behind a pipe or something and ask why the crew couldn't find them. What proceeds is Aliens becoming utterly horrified at our ability to remain concealed so well for so long.

Long story short, they never play hide and seek again.

"Human Max?"

"Mmyesh?"

"Why'd you ruffle my feathers?"

"Oh, I used to do that to your sister when she came here. I won't do it anymore if you don't like it though."

"No. I liked it. It was kinda like when Mom and Dad clean my feathers. Tickly and scratchy."

"Well that's good."

"...Human Max?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you ruffle Salia's feathers?"

"Hmmmm, Iiiiiii don't know. I just did it without thinking."

"Why?"

"Maybe because my family did that to me when I was a kid and so I wanted to continue that with you kids."

"Why?"

"Why I wanted to continue it or why my family did that to me?"

"Both!"

"Emira why do you do this to me. Oookay! Lemme think for a sec" they said while thinking of an answer to hopefully prevent the why apocalypse.

"Uhhh-I think it's because humans just like physical touch from people we like, love and care about...Yeah! In fact, if we don't get enough we get touch-starved."

"This sounds like a trick."

"Would I ever trick you?"

"Yes, you said that humans will die from loudness to keep us from screaming too much."

"...you got me there but I promise you I am not lying."

"...you really get 'starved' if you don't get touched enough?"

"Erm, by 'touched' I mean hugged, high-fived, hand-holding, head pats, stuff like that. Not something that sounds like the start of a dirty joke..."

Few days later~~~

"Max! Get in here! Now!

"What?! Did someone get hurt?! Did Qiqi eat glue again???"

"Look."

Max finally came around the corner and saw the other human trapped in the most adorable way ever imaginable. Younglings hugged and clung to Kim like they were a lifesaver in a terrible storm. Legs were trapped and sat on, weighted to the ground by children. Waist and torso were covered by living backpacks/frontpacks. Arms shaking while trying to hold the younglings in their arms while steadying the ones clambering on their shoulders.

"Help. Me."

"Let me get my phone I need this as my new wallpaper."

"Max! I'm seriously about to crush like 10 kids with my fat arse if I don't stand properly in the next 10 seconds."

"Got it, can't have you manslaughter children. Hug time's over kids, off of Kim."

"But Maxie if we do then Kim will die!"

"Marl for the 5th time I'm not dying."

"But your starving!"

"Sweetheart please, I am most defiantly not starving."

"Emira said so tho!"

"Yeah! You were stuck in your room for days with no one to hug you! And Max told me that if humans don't get enough hugs or pats you'll starve!!" her beak quivered, eyes starting to get glassy.

"Oooh, Emira, kids, Kim is fine. Yes no one was there to give Kim hugs but she's fine. For a human to starve for hugs will take some time, and Kim wasn't gone for that long."

"Really?"

"Really, besides I was there to give her soup and high-fives so she wouldn't get lonely."

"...can we still hug you for a bit longer?"

"Of course, but let me sit down so I don't fall down."

The younglings clamber of her and allow the human to sit and then climb back ontop her. Noting how not everyone got to hug Kim, Max came in and together the humans were trapped by a mesh of children clinging tightly to their favorite humans.

"Max."

"Yeah Kim."

"As punishment for what happened your buying lunch...and carrying me to lunch cause my legs are in a coma right now."

"Fair enough."

You’re a retired S-tier supervillain. After you retired, you married a B-tier hero. You are forced back onto the stage when an A-tier villain attempts to kill your spouse.

when the cute merman finds a gift for you 🪸🫧

his scales glow red more when he blushes or when it catches the light 🪼