As A Late Diagnosed Autist I Will Say One Of The Most Damaging But Transformative Experiences I've Ever

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

Horse Girl AU Master Post

just in case: my art tag | sideblog @toleima | ko-fi

Everything else under the cut. I will be updating this constantly.

Horse Girl AU (HGAU)! In which Hob busts a wild and abused centaur by the name of Dream out of the circus and attempts to earn that horse's trust. This is difficult since Dream hates humans and wants nothing to do with them. The two go on an adventure.

I post the comics in somewhat chronological order. On occasion I will jump back to add a new beat or scene I wasn't motivated to do at the time so this master post is nice for me to flesh out previous scenes or moments while still letting everyone read things sequentially. ENJOY!

PSA: longer comics are best viewed on desktop so they can be clicked through like an animatic.

Miscellaneous comics

Height chart

A guide to centaur ears

Satellite dishes

Horse Girl AU vs Centaur AU!

Apples ( This has a nebulous location in the AU timeline. It's the first comic I did of them and it helped me establish their character dynamic <3 )

Receipt

Spoil that horse

Spoon

In the Circus

Posters

Manticori

Jailbreak!

On the Run

Don't know I'm here

Rainfall

The barn

Broom system

Tarp

Warmth

Thank fuck he's eating

Horn

Knife system

Two hearts

One pair of lungs

Bray

Ears

Preferences

Dreams

Animal magnetism

Maintenance

Don't hurt yourself ( Brushing pt.1)

That's enough

Hasn't been brushed in awhile (Brushing pt.2)

Hot bath

Touch starved

Nightmares

Kick

Expectations

I don't understand

Herd

Neighbor

Convo

Fey

Morning

Dont make me regret this >:(

Gift

Uno Reverse

The Sheep

Had Fun?

Pouting

Night Visions

Stars

Don't Leave

Sweet tooth

Touch Starved Round 2

Sensitive

Braid

Scent

Scritches

Roll

404

What You Look Like

The Herd

Desire and Death

Foals

Destruction and more foal sketches

Despair!

The HGAU ask tag

I sometimes drop lore here and I tag it when I do.

Fanart inspired by the AU

I'm gonna fuck that horse by @fishfingersandscarves

Dream horn art by @teejaystumbles

Manticori by @cloudsofcondensation

Horse girl au nsfw by @teejaystumbles

Saddle by @yellobb

Dream Circus Poster by @rexwrendraws

Dream poster embroidery by @embroiderling

The Lamb by @embroiderling

The Centaur and the Phoenix (cw blood) by @dragonnan

Fragile by @embroiderling

Bath day: Centaur AU AU by @dragonnan

Lamb embroidering ask by @embroiderling

Fics inspired by the AU

Old Town Road (AKA The "Hob is a Horse Girl" Fic) by @arialerendeair

Soft Hands by @delta-pavonis

Deep Seat by @delta-pavonis

Levade by @delta-pavonis

Lessons in Not Getting Caught with Your Trou Down by @sleepsonfutons

The Rope by @shadowpuppet-storyteller

All Wound Up by @seiya-starsniper

The Gift by @seiya-starsniper

In Flagrante Defisto by @bovivinator

953 notes View Post

wolfw33

10 months ago

I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.

Alien: "What. What..?"

Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*

Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."

Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*

Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*

Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*

Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."

52K notes View Post

wolfw33

1 year ago