Journal Entry- Intro

Hey! I hope this is ok to ask; I really respect you and your insight, so it would mean a lot to me if you shared your opinion! Anyway, I sometimes get super scared I’m smoking too much weed. I’m an anxious person naturally so that doesn’t help, but the fact that severe addiction runs on both sides of my family makes me afraid I only smoke to numb myself and avoid reality. I also feel uncomfortable if I don’t smoke weed for a day, which sometimes makes me nervous. I hope this is ok to ask!

I know about addiction in families, it’s rampant in mine as well. It causes a lot of questions and uncertainty, especially when it comes to smoking cannabis.

First, you’re not alone. A lot of people feel the same, addiction runs in the family so how do I know if I’m addicted or not? Quick answer, it’s hard to tell. I can tell you what I do if it’s helpful, I look at how my actions react to when I don’t have it. When I’m out, yeah I’m upset about it, but also it’s whatever. I can go a while without it and not have adverse effects then to me, I’m not addicted. I enjoy it, I want it, but I’m ok without it too. I also find myself working through a lot of things and processing a lot of my past traumas with the use of Cannabis. I consider this a win, others might still declare me addicted, so be it. 

So the question really is what are your actions without it? Would you spend your last bit of money on it (like that’s all you had left until the unforeseeable future)? Would you put yourself in a bad situation to get it? It’s ok to have things that offer us comfort, it’s not ok to go out of the way to have these things. 

I’d also suggest starting to incorporate CBD into your rotation. If you’re able to get CBD flower or vape smoke it in between sessions. This will help stretch out your high and slightly pull you off a bit, tolerance break if you will. CBD is a great filler for this, doesn’t get you high like THC but it’ll help. Once you feel less a dependance on it you can just coast right there. 

You know, sometimes that numb feeling from smoking, it’s avoidance. It’s hard dealing with addiction in the family, especially when they are close relatives. It’s like having a terrible sibling/cousin/etc that never leaves and takes over everything. I’ve watched it ruin a lot of people’s lives, even people who grew up with me and saw the same thing. It might be time to use these smoke sessions to process how you’re feeling. Journaling helps, finding a trusted person to vent to, or even doing a burn bowl (write your worries down and burn them bitches away). Finding some way to process through it all might help release some of the anxiety you have. 

Knowing you have this, I suggest you keep a tight eye on it. I monitor everything I do nowadays, currently, I’m battling cellphone addiction. Not as serious as the others but still, for us, an addiction is an addiction and has to be kept in check. If you really feel it’s become a problem, take a break for a while. At least a week. Count down the days if you have to but I’d suggest doing this every so often. Again, breaking the cycle and keeping you in control. That’s all addiction boils down to anyways, a control issue.  

Wow, this got long! Anyways I hope this made sense and was helpful at all. I know it can be tough but in the end, you are already aware of the potential and that’s the first step in addressing possible addiction. It’s also always ok to ask me things, I appreciate that you value my opinion and I respect you as well. 

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