True ┐(´∇｀)┌

"That won't help you," A voice said from behind him, thin and lilting.

Shen Yuan nearly screamed in frustration and threw down the talismans he had been trying to activate with the drops of qi he had left. He had known that it wouldn't work, especially when the characters on them were barely even legible anymore, but he couldn't help but try. His blood had smeared them when he had collapsed onto the ground earlier, exhausted of everything he had and then some.

He had managed to crawl to a copse of trees and sat up against a tree trunk to figure something out, but it was futile.

"You're scared."

Shen Yuan shook his head desperately as if to rid his head of the voice that seemed to pierce his ears, tears spilling down his cheeks, before nodding just as furiously. "Of course I'm scared! I'm terrified. Don't you know how your story ends?"

"I do know. This one has lived it, again and again," The ghost of Shen Jiu said, tilting his head, face eerily blank. He didn't blink. He never did. "This one was due to relive it, for as long as it takes. That is, until you took my place. But it doesn't matter anymore."

"It doesn't matter anymore? You would say that," Shen Yuan said. He was beginning to feel a numbness overtake him, and thumped his head against the tree trunk behind him to try to snap back to himself. He couldn't float away now. Shen Jiu wouldn't be able to take over for him. It was too close to the finale. "You're already dead! And I'm still here. So what do you fucking know? "

"Not much, I admit." Shen Jiu floated closer, reaching out to him. "But I know that you can no longer run. And I was right, wasn't I?"

"What are you even talking about?" Shen Yuan picked up the sounds of movement in the far distance. It sounded like the footsteps of a person. Of multiple people. They were looking for him. And he had left an entire trail of blood, leading right to him.

"I told you, in the beginning, to make sure you knew what you were doing. And I told you that even if you hide"—an icy hand sunk into his chest—"it doesn't go away."

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"I have... realized," Shen Qingqiu said, "that you technically indirectly killed dozens of teenagers. At the Immortal Alliance Conference." He glanced at his friend from the corner of his eye. The office had been quiet before then, though Shen Qingqiu's thoughts had been heavy with contemplation.

Shang Qinghua lifted his head from his paperwork to look at the other, eyes half-lidded and slightly dull. "It's so kind of Shen-shixiong to have realized this. It only took a few months after the Conference had already ended."

"...don't you feel guilty?"

"What is there to feel guilt about?" Shang Qinghua said nothing else, and when Shen Qingqiu did nothing but frown back at him, he went back to signing various forms. In the silence that followed, he sighed and continued, "Listen, I'm not a necessarily a good person. I'm selfish, and I want to live. If I have to choose between myself and random characters that I don't know, then I'll always choose myself."

Shen Qingqiu stared at him, before looking down at his lap, where one of his friend's written works lay in a scroll. Most of the other's writings that he had gotten to read were far better than the trash his web novel had devolved into, more comparable in quality to the early PIDW chapters. He was excited to read this one, but he hadn't opened it yet. "I wasn't saying it to condemn you. After all, I want to live, too." He shifted. "So, I guess I'm not a good person, either."

The An Ding Peak Lord immediately shook his head. "No, unlike me, you are a good person--"

"If I were a better person, I would've taken the point deduction and allowed myself to die at the edge of that Endless Abyss than do what I did."

Silence permeated the room. Shang Qinghua kept his eyes on his forms, though his hands remained still, while Shen Qingqiu continued to stare down at the scroll in his lap.

Finally, Shang Qinghua let out a dry laugh and put down his paperwork to pinch at the bridge of his nose. "Shen-shixiong, you sometimes irritate me, you know?" His voice was light, but there was something else in it, a barely noticeable tremor that made Shen Qingqiu look up. "You say these things, but you're sitting here, agonizing over the choices you've made to keep yourself alive. What does that say about you?"

What does it say about me, that I don't do the same? Shen Qingqiu sighed, fingers tightening around the edge of the scroll. "It says that I still have to live with it, the choice that I made."

"Then why are we even having this conversation? We both made our choices, and guilt or not, we're both still here, aren't we? Why think about it any further?"

Shen Qingqiu studied his friend, eyes tracing the exhausted droop of his eyes, the way tension clung to his slumped shoulders, despite his upright position. He had spent weeks turning it over in his head, wondering how his friend could stand the stain of blood on his hands, even if it meant that he got to live. But hadn't Shen Qingqiu done the exact same thing?

"Because it bothers you," Shen Qingqiu finally said. "Even if you say it doesn't."

Shang Qinghua scoffed and picked his brush back up, the black ink having already smeared all over his latest form. It would need to be discarded. "Don't make me laugh. I'm not some sort of anti-hero. I just know better than to waste time brooding over something I can't change. If it ever starts bothering me too much, I just tell myself that they were all meant to die, anyway."

"That's a bit cold, shidi."

"Don't try to pretend that you don't do the same mental gymnastics. You're just not as good at it as I am."

Shen Qingqiu couldn't argue with that. Sometimes, the world felt too real, and then not real enough. Shen Qingqiu would hear someone laugh, or taste a brilliantly seasoned dish, and everything felt too much and it all exploded before it turned dim. He would no longer be quite inside his body, and he would notice for the first time, again and again, how nothing was ever quite real.

It was a story. That's all it was. It was all just a story.

Shang Qinghua watched him for a moment, then sighed. "Shen-shixiong, if you ever figure out how to balance staying alive with being a good person, let me know."

"Oh?" Shen Qingqiu finally unrolled the scroll he had been holding for some time now. "And what would that accomplish?"

"Maybe then I’d consider feeling guilty."

Cumplane doodles! Pretty sure I made all of these last year so have them in one post :P

lookie my friend Priss!!! 💕💕 she has nice nail beds, am jealous https://www.instagram.com/p/BwCXYr5nS-3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wakz1h2sxday

Cute idea:

-SQH and SY end up chatting over PIDW (after some heated comments which led to heated arguments which led to them talking about what SHOULDVE been PIDW)

-They slowly but surely get to know each other, eventually start meeting up and hanging out

-They do, in fact, fall in love, and they have a few very happy years together

-And then SY proposes, but he hands SQH the box with the ring in it, and with a good-natured laugh he says 'don't just jump into your decision because of the moment. I know we both agree proposals are kinda cringe. Think about it overnight. Then tell me your answer.'

-SQH wants to say yes immediately but doesn't argue with SY. He doesn't need the night to think, but he thinks anyway. For love. For his love.

-And then his computer breaks when he's up on it while writing cause he wants to pass the time.

-He goes to try unplugging and plugging it back in, but spills his tea. A spark. And then nothing.

-SQH suddenly finds himself growing up in PIDW. He gains all of his memories back gradually, completing them at around 25. Tragedy and grief and whirlwind of emotions strike him. This is NOT fair.

-SQH is the author. He logs into the System and declares himself an admin, unlocking all of the System's functions to him.

-He makes his plan. He'll bring SY back as SQQ. The character is a real asshole anyway, it would be good to have a replacement. (So...maybe SJ kicked him around one too many times...and he's lowkey getting his revenge...) unfortunately his plans take so long that by the time he's ready, LBH has been thrown into the Abyss. This means he has new worries. Bringing SY back in SQQ's body means LBH will come back to kill him. This is bad.

-(BTW SQQ is the most convenient body to bring SY back in so.)

-So he decides to use his Admin skills...to enact one of his most evil, diabolical, horrible curses: the puppy curse. He turns LBH into a fucking puppy. Bingpup. And then he waits until LBH emerges from the Abyss...and he snatches him up. LBH is not happy and threatens murder but sorry lil buddy, you're a puppy now. Good luck.

-Meanwhile SY is worried about the proposal after radio silence for a day, goes to SQH's apartment, sees the overturned cup of tea and messed up computer, and finds it horribly weird.

-SQH is declared missing. SY uses every penny at his disposal to find him.

-After a year or two passes, SQH is declared dead.

-A couple years after that, SY stops looking. And he mourns. And mourns. And mourns. He stays inside. Day and night. Listless. Eventually his family has to hire a home helper to keep his place livable + make sure SY eats.

-With Bingpup secured, all is good to go! SQH initiates the plan.

-SY finds himself drawn to one of the outlets in his house. He reaches out to tap and- Zap! Gone in the blink of an eye.

-SY arrives in PIDW. And the first face he sees? A snarling mutt trying to rip his face off. Tho it's less like ripping and more like licking/slobbering all over him.

-And then he looks up. And his boyfriend may look different, but that body IS his self-insert. He cries. He cries and throws himself into his arms. He can't ask anything yet, too overwhelmed with emotion. And he knows it's not a dream, too. His boyfriend loves him.

-The whole thing is explained to SY, including Bingpup and his new body.

-And they run off together, get married, and live life traveling PIDW, just two 'npc' (SQH changed their statuses to non-killable npcs) husbands and their vicious (adorable) puppy that never ages nor grows

I wanted some hurt/comfort so I made it :3

“We keep working. Because that’s what we do.”

“It’s good to hear you talking like that again.”

And guess what? He reason our previously angry, violent, faithless, pessimistic, grieving Dean has done almost a 180 is because Cas is back. That’s all, and no one can argue the contrary. CAS IS DEAN’s FAITH AND THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS RENEWED HOPE.

But he’s gonna lose it when he can’t get a hold of Cas and then realize what has happened to him.

the world is a soft shade of blue https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt3Knp2nIQB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ciipy7ytxipi

A pole dancing bunny for whoever who wants it.