She Lay Down Beside Me, Towards Dawn She Pronounced For The First Time The Word “death.” She Too

*Thousands of years from now*

Two archeologists dig through the abandoned ruins of what was once called “New York City”. Deep within the rubble of an old building, something small and rectangular lays in the dirt.

Upon further inspection is seems to be a book of some sort. The pages are yellowed with time and the spine is hanging by a thread of synthetic fiber.

“The Book seems to be written in a strange dialect” says Man #1.

The archaeologists take the book back to the lab for testing. Calling upon linguists from around the world, the first chapter is deciphered.

“When Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Bag End announced that he would shortly be celebrating his eleventy-first birthday with a party of special magnificence, there was much talk and excitement in Hobbiton.”

They were amazed at what they found. A tale of magic, bravery and great battles. Although the stories we’re far-fetched and fantastical, the paper on which was printed was thick and well cared for. Someone had gone through great trouble to produce it and therefore it must be based in truth.

And thus a new Religion was born. Faction after faction of humans flock to the site of the holy text. Finally, after thousands of years of secrecy, humanities history is finally revealed. Though there are no longer elves, hobbits or wizards, Humans have obviously prevailed and are meant to rule the Earth until the day Gandalf the White will return and lead them to Paradise.

Millions of people wear golden rings around their fingers to symbolize their devotion to their faith. Drawings and likenesses of the Prophet Frodo and Protector Bilbo hang in the home of every devout believer.

This is the one true religion. And any who reject it will be thrown deep into the flames of Mordor where Smaug will torment their souls for all eternity.

Scientology: Really?! C’mon...

- Xenu kidnaps us

- dumps us in volcano, vacuums up our souls

- puts us in a false reality

- we escape into monkeys

- Tom Cruise

Are you, are you fuckin kidding me?  Hubbard lived on a boat with a bunch of little boys, wrote really terrible scifi novels, and got laughed right the fuck out of the scientific and medical community for a reason.

- pay money to learn the secrets ( we all now know )

- get to OT whatever the fuck for well over a million dollars

- get told the ultimate secret is that you were you all along but needed the other steps to shed away the not you to find the you, now go live your life ( no refunds )

No one can speak out now that you know, its 75% lawyers coincidentally.  Oops, Sue me Scientology, I don’t have any money, stalk me, I’m a lonely guy i could use the company, Harass my family, i dont have much anyways.  Of all the religions that are a lie, of all the cults that are goofy as all fuck, you guys really take the space cake, you even got Mormons goin like, what the fuck dude?!

...She rambled on, but I have never been able to get interested when women talk about themselves, it may be because women are so inept at telling a story ( That is, because they place the emphasis in the wrong places ) or for some other reason. In any case I have always turned a deaf ear. " " I feel so unhappy " " I am sure that this one phrase whispered to me would arouse my sympathy more than the longest, most painstaking account of a womans life. It amazes and astonishes me that i have never once heard a woman make this simple statement. " "...something like a silent current of misery an inch wide flowed over the surface of her body. When I lay next to her my body was enveloped in her current, which mingled with my own harsher current of gloom like ' a withered leaf settling to rest on the stones at the bottom of a pool ' I had freed myself from fear and uneasiness. "

Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

Bob Pepper - A Scanner Darkly, 1977.

" Is murder ever justifiable? " is a standard sort of philosophical question, and with all philosophical conundrums there is no right answer.  We all have individual morals, based mostly on learned and observed morals, thus rendering our own individuality in the endeavor inert.  But i was asked this recently and actually gave it some thought, and here are my long winded results you wont read:

Concerning antiquity:  The Vikings had what they called "justifiable Murder" in where certain social norms and or laws were broken, and rather than the state executing, as we now as a "modern" society do, it was left to the individual.  in such a case, a family member felled unjustifiably, a family member raped, etc, murder was legal, however there were stipulations, you had to pay for the burial of said killed party, and if i recall correctly had to pay 6 months of their lost wadges on the farm ( despite the reputation, most Vikings were farmers and not warriors per se ) and this was because the death without said stipulations would punish innocent parties, IE their families.  This also meant, like in most cultures, the rich got away with murder moreso than the poor, go figure, but thats a whole different tangent.

We, as Americans or, modern westerners in general tend to be biblical in our morals, of course we dont really read into that.  In the Jewish Torah for instance, thou shalt not kill was only applicable in ones own tribe, infact in the torah ( and feel free to research this ) only sons of Abraham ( jews ) were even considered people, and murder or enslavement of non jews was, not only fine but encouraged to a extent.

Native Americans, on the other hand, and of course this isnt applicable to all tribes, native americans are as diverse as any continent, when someone didnt contribute, or acted in reprehensible ways they were laughed at, everyone just laughed at them, and if they didnt change the behavior they were then thrown out, essentially a death sentence.  

Now we teach people murder is always wrong, and if you do it, we'll kill you by injecting you with chemicals ( lethal injection goes very wrong often, btw, its not the peaceful death they claim ) we'll teach you killings wrong, by, killing you.  Now, you cant reason with a rabid dog, some killers we let out and they immediately kill again, its important to TRY but not everyone can be saved, just trust me.  In the case of a rabid dog, you put it down, not to just save others but really to save the dog from himself, watch some interviews with killers, they almost always know theyre damaged and are somewhat grateful for being stopped, because they cant stop themselves.

Do I PERSONALLY believe in murder, of course not, I feel that 95% of people can change their mind, and be to some extent rehabilitated, I also, again to some extent, feel life is precious, even damaged life.  Perhaps the murderer writes a book in jail that is published and influences a person to save lives as a career, one can never predict the butterfly effect of the cosmos.  

I think, ideologies and religion asside most people have a nature to not want to kill, perhaps hurt, but not kill.  This could just be my bias because i see so many pictures of hunters smiling with their kills propped in their arms, I only kill ( obviously i havent killed people ) when I have to, rather its to eat, or disease prevention or, what have you, and everytime i feel bad.  Hunters now arent hungry, they just like the thrill of killing something, that they then happen to eat, to me thats different entirely, but im off on a tangent from the original tangent...

All things are subjugate to perspective and scenario, no (sane) person kills and likes it, but (most) sane people will kill if their life is threatened.  I dont like tear jerky philosophical questions like this, any black and white question has no place in the spectrum of philosophy really.  If you aim to kill me, and i know it, ill kill you, in that moment, and trust that i mean this, ill kill you without a thought whatsoever.  Thereafter i will feel bad, and have nightmares and become a drug addict and blow my brains out or what have you, but in the moment, its justifiable.  

No man should have the right to be judge, jury, and executioner, however if you know, and i mean really know that unless you kill person A, person B, C, D, and E will die, thats simple math, blow that prick away, feel bad later.  This rant seems like its about murder, and it IS but more loftily this post is about all pseudo - philosophical questions, when is it ok to steal, when is a lie a good thing and when is it a bad thing, etc etc.  Is murder ever justifiable, of course it is, and more lofty still if reality is subjective, anything is justifiable at a given time, the difference is the intent, I think.  

But do abandon the thought that murder dooms you to hell, as if there were such a place, and if a fear of a hell is your only reason for not murdering, you're a terrible person and i hope there IS a hell, just for you.   We take for granted that our minds are our own, and that all minds are not like yours, and your reality isnt real at all, some people can kill for fun and not feel bad, theyre crazy, or, am i crazy because im not like that, its just my word against theirs, and the majority rules, which is a shit endeavor because the majority has group psychosis and shit taste in every and all things.

" That which is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil. "

You know if i was in therapy I’m sure I’d be set back in it by now.  I cant believe 30 years into life all i have to show for it is a drug habbit, bad dreams, a pile of broken used electronics and a 7 year failed relationship.  Wasted life was the perfect title for this blog, I think my feelings would be hurt had I any left.

Before all my feelings were dead anger would be what I feel right now i guess, just waiting for death.