Just Letting You Know That Everyone Who Can Read Needs To Read A Wizard Of Earthsea Bc It Is Actually

There is so much love and joy in my life right now!!! And it all comes with an expiration date!!! How can I brave this season knowing it will be gone in the blink of an eye? How can I be brave enough to give away my heart knowing I will all too soon pack my bags and have to leave it behind? To love is to lose and lose and lose, and there is no other version of this story, and this joy is a mountain top I am about to fall off of. Someone catch me, please.

Feeling so emo over this quote rn bc I made it! I’ve been waiting for this day since I first read this six years ago and to be finally honestly able to say that I have reached a place where I believe it to be true, not just in general but about me, where it truly resonates, is incredible in the literal most literal sense. I don’t believe it but man I sure am glad I stuck it out.

What do you do when the person you would call about it is the one who caused this pain?

Hi Pals, I’ve been observing Tumblr for years and I never really had a presence on here, but I’m 19 and having an identity crisis and this seems like a pretty excellent place to do it. I’m treating this blog like a diary, and I have no idea how often I’ll post or how active I’ll be, and I’m still trying to figure how to actually use this app, so wish me luck! Might share some poems, might do some web weaving, might fandom blog, might have a mental crisis, I don’t even know! Brave new world! Hope to make some friends maybe too so ask me anything I am starved for literally all interaction. Glad to join the hellsite in the year of our Lord 2022, however belated that might be.

July <3

Lola Ridge // Zhukovsky Stanislav // Charlotte Eriksson // my photo // Rick Bass // @burningmine // Allie Ray // @geopsych // @thepoetryofascension

Charlotte Eriksson

Marti Healy

Hal Borland, Sundial of the Seasons

Terri Guillemets

Roald Dahl

When Lorde said every perfect summer’s eating me alive until you’re gone and when she said summer slipped us underneath her tongue and and when she said it’s time to let go of this endless summer afternoon and when she said there’s a humming in this restless summer air and when she said that slow burn wait while it gets dark, bruising the sun and when she said we roll in every summer when there’s strength in our numbers and we roll in every summer like it’s shameful to be underneath a ceiling or a roof and when she said this is summer playing dumber than in fall and when she said you’re all gonna watch me disappear into the sun and when she said when the heat comes something takes a hold and when she said my hot blood’s been burning for so many summers now and when she said I just hope the sun will show us the path and when she said brain so hot it’s a summer body every day is blue and never cloudy and when she said I don’t wanna get lost I wanna worship the sun and when she said every perfect summer’s gotta say good night and every perfect summer’s gotta take it’s flight

Mood of The Night

listen. that feeling where you have a cold or something and suddenly your nose is all plugged up and you have to breathe through your mouth all night? and then it dawns on you that you took your nose for granted this whole time. yeah that feeling. cursed

Today

I laughed until my abs ached with a coworker over silly emails. I wrote texts in iambic pentameter at the bus stop for the fun of it. A baby leaned on my chest like I was the safest place in the world, and another stretched her arms up to me to be held like I could bear her to the moon itself. A book about emotions during Holy Week written for toddlers moved me so much I read it twice. I walked briskly, squinting into warm sunshine, the brightest in days. I saw Jesus more clearly in the character of Moses by reading Acts 7 as if for the first time, I empathized with Paul as I reflected on this murderer going before his old enemies to declare his new allegiance, the shame, the fear. I marveled that Stephen saw Jesus standing at the right hand of God, a Chekhov’s gun I recalled in my class this evening, which, by the way, was the best I’ve been to so far. I realized it’s all about the long slow work of building a community. All of it. This is the work of God Himself. And we image Him in a thousand little ways, with our singing and storytelling and desire to create beautiful, uncorrupted things. Tears pricked my eyes as I realized this. I cooked myself a delicious dinner from scratch while singing Sondheim with my roommate, and put away leftovers for tomorrow. I ate peanut M&Ms and pineapple upside down cake, and felt food freedom and joy in my body. This body can hold two hefty babies at once. This body can sprint to the bus stop and jog up the escalator. This body can do a silly little dance in the kitchen and slide on the tile in socks. I felt seen in my botticelli shirt, known as people recognized that not once but twice I’ve worn artwork. I gave Abby a big hug. I spoke of church without shame in my class, though my heart raced before. I puzzled over the poem mine own John poynz on the metro, missed my stop, and had to backtrack. I read Dracula and chuckled at how girlhood hasn’t changed in 100 or 1000 years. Humans have always laughed and cried and shared salacious stories with their friends. I fretted over what to wear to the movies tomorrow night to see my friends all together. I felt useful and accomplished today. I felt so, so human today. I nearly cried euphoric tears while washing dishes. What greater joy could there be than to be alive on a Wednesday? What greater hope could there be than a realer, truer, freer life to come?

There is no poem that I could write to say

In better terms than this plain journaling

The wonders of existing in the world

Embodied, in community, and free.

I’m weak and I’m decaying, sure, that’s true

But I will never be this young again

And never have more clarity of thought

Or lightness in my heart than I do now.

Great God, what gift you’ve given me to see

That greatness isn’t some ambitious goal

Or changing the whole world, just baby steps,

and loving others through the little things.

Miss Lois told me that and she was right.

Amen and glory hallelujah, Lord!

My depression is slowly being replaced with anxiety, my nihilism with fear of losing it all, I experienced a brief moment of absolutely buckwild animal fear today when my philosophy professor mentioned the word evil, and I remembered that in fact I am evil and everyone else is too, I had to turn my brain off to concentrate again