Pedro Pascal | The Making of 'Someday,' a film by Spike Jonze
pairing: joel x reader
tags/cws: size kink, praise kink, p in v, oral f and m receiving, virginity loss
summary: go big or go home on your first time
a/n: reader is a virgin, but is not specified to be a certain age and in my mind is only a bit younger than joel
div creds to @animatedglittergraphics-n-more
wc: 2k
tags: @vaaaaaiolet @faysslut @leonfucker3000 @withonly-sweetheart
It's embarrassing. It's the reason why you'd hesitated to even talk to Joel in the first place, fearing he might like you back, in which case, he might ask you out, and according to Cosmopolitan and the metaphorical grapevine, you would only get three dates at most before you'd have to end it. And you better not order the fucking lobster. Ever.
You get dolled up on the night you plan to bid him adieu. You'd feel horrible for wasting his time regardless, but the fact that he decides to treat you to dinner at a fancy restaurant for your third date, makes you feel even worse.
The worst part of it all is: you really like him. He makes you feel like you're in high school again despite the fact that he's decades past that point in his life - it's the way your heart flutters in his presence, the way he makes your cheeks heat up when he compliments you. However, this is anything but an innocent crush. You want more than the kiss on the cheek he gives you when he greets you at your doorstep, more than his hand holding yours as he helps you step in and out of the car, more than his arm around your waist as he leads you to the table.
You want him to fuck you.
You try to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror before he arrives, and for an extra confidence boost, you wear the singular pair of underwear in your drawer that matches the one bra that actually fits right, hoping it'll make you feel sexy. But what good is sexy if you’re not going to have sex?
But, at the restaurant, you decide to order a double shot of liquid courage, which is a one-way ticket to going home with Joel.
He drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your thigh. He’s so hot that even the smallest things can get you worked up. It’s the first time in a long time that your arousal has been able to override your nerves.
You barely get your coat off before you’re pressed up against the door, and he’s kissing you with a type of hunger you’ve never felt before. You know he'll leave you with a case of stache-rash but you can't bring yourself to care.
You stumble across the room to the couch – you would’ve walked backwards into the coffee table if Joel hadn’t picked you up and carried you. You’re not even that drunk - at least, not on alcohol – just insistent on not breaking the kiss until you’re out of breath and you absolutely have to.
When his body looms over you, all you're thinking about is the feeling of his lips on yours, his hands playing with your tits, making you gasp when his thumbs brush over your nipples.
He gets so far as slipping his hand up your dress, but the moment his fingers brush the gusset of your panties, you grab his wrist.
"Joel—"
"Yeah?" He's quick to sit up and back off completely — not exactly what you intended but you're grateful that he respects boundaries.
"I should just be honest with you. I’ve never done this before, so I’m a little nervous…"
You're more than a little bit nervous, especially when you're so used to guys making up excuses to leave when they notice your hesitance after you reveal the truth, after they find out that they're not guaranteed to have you in bed that night.
Joel doesn't kick you out, not even close, he looks unfazed, and you're at a loss. The script you've planned says: end scene, but the camera is still rolling. You have to ad lib.
“That’s okay. We don’t have to do that. I’m more than satisfied just getting to kiss you. Hell, I’d be happy just to have you sit on the couch with me, not touching or anything.”
You should feel more comfortable - and in a way, it does - but the novelty of the situation still leaves you dumbfounded.
You can see the worry in his eyes gain prominence as you remain silent.
"Hey," he says quietly. "Are you okay? I promise we don't have to do anything like that. We can just hang out, watch a movie or somethin', no touching at all."
"But I want you, Joel. That's the problem. I really want you."
"I want you too, but only when you're ready."
“I am ready, just nervous since this is new to me.”
“Is this your first time doing anything… of that nature?”
"No, I’ve done some things, I just haven’t gone all the way yet."
Handjobs, blowjobs, the whole nine yards - well, really, the first three bases in the sports/sex analogy.
“Would you like to tell me about those things?”
The look in his eyes – sweet and suggestive all at once gives you a spark of confidence.
"I could tell you, but I’d rather show you," you say with a flirtatious smile.
"Only if you let me return the favor."
It takes a lot of willpower to keep yourself composed when you're face-to-dick with Joel. You feel a rush of something — lust, nerves, both? All you can think is: there's no way that is ever going to fit inside me.
It doesn't fit down your throat, not even close, but Joel's 50, not 20, so he knows that unlike in pornography, most women cannot deepthroat. He doesn't expect you to even attempt such a feat. Just looking into your eyes while you're on your knees for him is enough to get him there.
Post-orgasm, he's internally beating himself up for not using his good southern manners and pleasing his woman first. The best he can do is double his typical dedication when he goes down on you.
He doesn't need to try that hard. In what feels like mere seconds, Joel's fingers work you open, pulling an orgasm from you when he dips his head between your legs and flicks his tongue over your clit.
When he can tell you're close, he says, "I'm right here, baby. Let go for me." His lips return to your clit and with his reassurance you let yourself fall over the edge.
It's not until your fourth date that you actually make your first attempt to lose your virginity.
He makes you cum twice - once on his fingers, once on his tongue - before he even takes his cock out of his underwear.
You're tired by that time, ready to apologize and see yourself out, but then you look at him, naked and hard in front of you, and despite your exhausted body, your pussy drools (maybe your mouth too). It gives you a jolt of energy, a rush of blood down south.
Joel’s body is positioned perfectly above you, ready to give himself to you, but he waits, looks at you with admiration in his eyes but doesn’t touch you. When he does, it's his right hand on your cheek.
"Are you gonna… put it in?" you say, laughing a little – anything to break the tension.
"Just wanted to make sure you were okay first," he says with a warm smile.
"I'm more than okay," you assure him.
At your confirmation, his kisses move from your cheek to your jaw, they get rougher at your neck, your collarbone. He sucks on your tits until you whine in impatience.
You feel his breath as he huffs out a laugh into your neck between kisses. But you're more focused on the head of his cock prodding at your entrance. When Joel presses himself inside you — one inch first — you both take in a sharp breath. You're audibly wet, but there's still a stretch, a sting.
Joel sees your eyes squeezed shut and feels you tense up.
"You wanna stop?" he asks.
"No," you tell him. "Just… go slow."
He takes your hand, interlocks your fingers, before giving you another inch. For whatever reason, you hadn't expected him to be this sweet during sex, but you have no complaints.
Gradually, it starts to feel better, a lot better. You start to understand why people like this so much.
But then, you accidentally sabotage yourself when your gaze fixates on his cock going in and out of your pussy. A sense of shame falls over you when you realize he's only halfway inside you.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"It's not all the way in," you sigh.
"And that's okay, baby."
"I wanted to be able to take it all… I wanted to be good for you."
"Trust me, baby, it feels fuckin' amazing. You're squeezin' me so damn tight you're gonna make me embarrass myself."
"I can't help it."
"I know," he says, leaning down to whisper beside your ear, "and that's what makes it feel even better."
You whimper quietly - it's a flustered, needy, good noise, but still, Joel cups your cheek and holds infinite comfort within his touch as he shushes you, saying, "you're doing so good for me."
With slight shift of his hips, a change in angle, he hits that special spot inside you and you can feel the pleasure begin to build.
You moan — louder than you intended to — and it almost startles Joel, briefly takes him out of his trace. He doesn't know your sobs of pleasure well enough to be sure they're not ones of pain.
"You okay? You want me to pull out?"
"No, don't pull out. Do that again," you say, frantically grasping at him, horrified at the thought of him no longer being inside you.
"Do what again?" he says with a subtle smirk that lets you know that he knows exactly what.
"This?” he asks as he hits the same spot again and you can't tell him 'yes' when your mouth is busy with far more obscene noises, so you nod.
"Right there?" he confirms again, as he steadily thrusts in and out of you, not pushing any deeper, only meeting that special spot over and over.
It's rhetorical, and your 'uh-huh' is more than sufficient as an answer.
Pride mixes with lust and he rattles off praises, knowing he'll get your tight, wet heat to clench around him with every single word.
"You're takin' me so well, baby. You look so pretty like this," he says.
You cry out his name like it's the only word you know, over and over again.
"You're gonna make me cum if you keep sayin' my name like that, baby."
And it's not calculated dirty talk, it's just the goddamn truth.
With begging eyes and a mouthful of moans, you nod and hope your wordless gesture will convey the meaning, which is: please.
Your legs wrap around his hips and there is nothing Joel can do to hold himself back from burying himself to the hilt. There's nothing he can do to stop himself from spilling his load inside you immediately.
You swear you can feel him in your stomach, and you can see a bulge in your abdomen, and it would be fascinating if you weren't focused on clutching the sheets for dear life in an effort to save Joel from the wrath of your acrylics as you shudder through your orgasm.
You nearly lose yourself in the bliss of your high, all you know is Joel and the way he feels inside you.
When you come to, you turn to Joel and he says, "I'm proud of you," a phrase that never fails to make you melt.
You want to say "thanks" or "I love you" or any normal response one might give to that statement, but your words are already halfway out of your mouth.
"I swear you're gonna kill me with that thing," you say, gesturing to his cock, which looks not nearly as threatening when it's soft.
When he lies down beside you and wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer, you think to yourself, "maybe I am dead, and this is heaven."
You don’t realize you’ve said it aloud until Joel says, "I'm pretty sure we're still in Texas, baby.”
"Same thing.”
PEDRO PASCAL
Sundance Film Festival 2024 // "Freaky Tales" premiere in Oakland, California, 2025
Fandom: MCU Pairing: Baron Helmut Zemo x Reader Warnings: Sexual intercourse with a female-identifying person with a vagina + a bit of sugar daddy Zemo vibes at the end Notes: Y’all… don’t judge me. I have a power kink, and Marvel did me dirty by randomly deciding that Zemo is fifthly rich royalty. And my girl @henrysmorgan did me even dirtier by actively encouraging my attraction to this fucker. So, blame Marvel, and blame her. // This is kind of really fucking long, and I didn’t edit it much, because I wanted to get it posted before episode 4, in case that episode flips the script. So, potentially some editing issues, and slightly rushed writing. Hopefully it’s alright, but please let me know if I screwed up anywhere. // Lots and lots of TFAWS ep. 3 spoilers
When Bucky texted you to ask that you meet him in some dusty, old, abandoned-looking car garage, you certainly didn’t know what to expect. All you knew was that an old friend needed your help, so you intended to be there.
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every year after you turn 17 you get further away from being the age of the dancing queen and that’s my least favorite thing about growing up
PEDRO PASCAL at Sundance Film Festival 2024 for @swiftispunk ♥
Boys will be boys
fumbled another case
“Omg, I love these! They go up to size 6X AND they have pockets?! Wow!! But do you have anything longer?”
Sure do, no problem!!
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I gotcha!! Comin’ right up!
“Perfect! But I have just one more question… what if I’m feeling spicy? How about skirts that are even shorter than the first ones?!” Oh, you’re in luck! We’ve got minis now.
*wild cheering* /scene
🖤witchvamp.com🖤
A supercut of all the times Javi curses on Narcos
Ok so my kid had an ear infection, right? As kids often do.
The doctor scraped out a bit of earwax to have a better look inside.
I was sent a bill for $200 PER EAR for this 5 second procedure which I did not give permission for them to do.
That was key- they did not ASK me if they could do this "procedure". And, as I OWN a medical practice (it's me. The medical practice is me, sitting in my house on video calls) I knew to call them when this bill came in to be like "You did not obtain informed consent for this procedure, and it was not en emergency procedure. You had full ability to gain my consent and didn't. I'm not paying."
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And so I called my state's Attorney General office, and explained the situation because, as I mentioned, I know the law. The AG got in touch within a couple days to say they were taking the case and would send the massive hospital conglomerate a knock it off, guys letter.
Lo and Behold, today I have a letter where said hospital graciously has agreed to forfeit the payment.
"How not to get screwed over by companies" should be part of civics class.
Know your rights and know who to call when they're infringed on. This whole process cost me $0 and honestly less effort than I would have expected.
May this knowledge find its way to someone else who can use it.