You Could Say I Am A Bit Of A State

Daddy satan, can you braid my body hair?

Christmas time is here, so do y'all peel you're candy canes before you eat then?

"God I just want to go home and eat some sexy oreos"

-One sexy trilobite

Yes, drink the Bubby

It isnt even three whole months into the year and society as we know it has been threatened already. In the name of all that is holy can I please have some good news.

British people who like meat be like "take me to the..."

Me :* trying to sleep*

My ass of a brain : "what if everyone you care about leaves you tomorrow?"

Me :" I must send them a message now to make sure they know I love them all still"

The entirety of my contacts :" bruh its 4:30am go the fuck to sleep you absolute twank"

Please sir, can I have some dopamine. I can't go on without it.

Day 1 of my self quarantine

I don't want to get out bed but I also really want tea. Not much has changed

"Sorry for spitting Kombucha on you"

- A friend