But Know This, Lizzie. In This Moment, In This Room, I Love You. You Sound Like You're Ticking A F*cking

I am waiting for taste of shame, waiting for next update!!!!!!

Please 🥹

Working on it❤️ In the meantime check out the new fics! ✨

Great to hear my TASTE OF SHAME picked up some more traction!

...even funnier to see that the less intelligent part of fandom came to claim that Y/N in the story is underaged because Tommy mockingly called her a teenager😂

I'm afraid you need to go a bit offline. ❤️

To the rest, I'm working on two chapters! Gonna publish both in tandem for my 300 followers here! Merry Christmas 🎁🎄

any trans person reading this I love you

any woman reading this I love you

any poc minority reading this I love you

any queer person reading this I love you

edit:

no matter how many trolls or trumpies come in my comments and spew their nonsense I will keep saying it over and over and over again no matter how many times to show them I will not change. I will never choose violence or hate ever.

any disabled person reading this I love you

any person out of country that wished they could desperately help I love you

Any parents of a queer child who did everything they deemed “right” to protect their child and still feel as though they failed I love you

any person on the spectrum I love you

Any SA survivors I love you

Any person that needs life threatening healthcare and can’t afford it I love you

Any diabetic person I love you

I don’t know you. But I love you. I will always choose love that’s not a bad thing nor will I ever feel bad about choosing it

Tommy Shelby - Peaky Blinders S3E3

So cute!! 🥰 Loving it

After Hours Head Canon: Christmas Edition

In response to my friend, @an-eclectic-of-mass-destruction, who sent me an ask on the topic, here’s a glimpse of Robert and Y/N’s first Christmas together as a couple…

🌟 Since his mother’s passing, Robert hasn’t really celebrated Christmas, except in the very surface-level way of office Christmas parties and generic Christmas cards to and from colleagues. He’s not too into Christmas, and it’s somewhat sad for him, due to the connection of the loss of his mother.

🎅🏼 Despite her own jovial attitude towards Christmas, Y/N knows that celebrating isn’t what Robert’s used to and that it’s a sensitive thing for him due to his mother’s death. So she is very respectful of that and tries not to overstep too much.

🎄 She gently probes Robert for stories of his childhood Christmases, and when he reveals that his mother always used to take him ice skating and then they’d decorate the tree together, Y/N tries to re-create that for him.

❄️ However, when she learns that Robert doesn’t even own an artificial Christmas tree or any ornaments, she encourages him to get them. At first, Robert brushes off the idea, saying that he’s survived this long without one and it isn’t necessary. However, as soon as Y/N asks him once more to go shopping for a tree and decorations, he’s quickly changing his mind, even though he’s still a bit reluctant.

🌟 “Please, Robbie?” Y/N begs him in a soft voice, giving him that little pout he can never say no to as she wraps her arms around his waist and presses against him. “I really want you to have a tree. It’s not Christmas without a tree!”

🎅🏼 Caving almost instantly, despite his better judgment, Robert agrees and lets Y/N drag him to the store for some holiday shopping. And she’s also insisting on getting a real tree rather than an artificial one.

🎄 Robert soon finds himself standing in the middle of a Christmas tree lot and being pulled around by the hand by Y/N as she makes him help choose a tree. And then he’s doing something he never thought he’d be doing, which is tying a live Christmas tree to the roof of his Bentley.

❄️ One of the rare occasions where Y/N uses Robert’s money to her advantage (she only ever does when she knows it’s something that will benefit Robert), she then walks around the store with no holding back as she grabs every single decoration and box of ornaments she wants to get, regardless of cost.

🌟 She also proceeds to buy them matching Christmas pajamas, and when Robert protests, Y/N just sweetly tells him to shush and puts them in the cart. After a kiss and another pout from Y/N, Robert’s no longer arguing.

🎅🏼 They then head to the ice rink, where they rent horribly crummy skates, and neither of them can stop laughing as they proceed to fall all over each other as they wobble their way around the ice.

🎄 Once they’re back at Robert’s, they put up and decorate the tree together, and as they do, Robert can’t help but smile as Y/N get so excited about it and he sees how much she just wants him to enjoy himself.

❄️ After they decorate the tree, Y/N asks Robert if there are any Christmas movies he likes, and when he reveals that he’s never seen White Christmas, Y/N proceeds to make them popcorn and bake some chocolate chip cookies (Robert’s favorite) before bringing it all into the living room with some apple cider and pulling up the movie on the TV.

🌟 Pajamas donned and snacks at the ready, they proceed to snuggle under a blanket on the couch and watch the movie, Y/N constantly side-eyeing Robert to see if he seems to be enjoying it.

🎅🏼 Towards the end of the movie, Y/N falls asleep against Robert, snuggled into his chest with his arms around her, and it’s the happiest Robert has ever felt, aside of course, from when he and Y/N finally got together.

🎄 When the movie ends, Robert tries not to wake Y/N up, but she surprises him by sleepily asking him, “Did you like it?” with her eyes still closed, and he smiles and gives her a kiss on the head. “I loved it,” Robert replies as he hugs her closer.

❄️ Opening her eyes and turning in his arms, Y/N tells Robert there’s still one thing they need to do. She then proceeds to pull a small bunch of mistletoe out that she had hiding behind the couch cushion.

🌟 Holding the mistletoe above their heads, Y/N leans forward and gives Robert a sweet kiss, but she’s soon dropping it when Robert pulls her into his lap. After a mini make-out session, Y/N pulls back from Robert slightly to look at him.

🎅🏼 “Thank you for letting me force all this on you,” Y/N says to him softly, stroking the nape of his neck as they look at each other with so much love.

🎄 “No,” Robert replies, shaking his head as he gives her an adoring smile. “Thank you for making this the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

@an-eclectic-of-mass-destruction @vervainandspritz @xsweetcatastrophe @toobusyshrimping @teawonderfultea-blog1

@meister95 @empatheticlove @breakthestereo @mrs-bond @pkmonka

@wonderlanddreamer @nyxxie-pooh @febris-amatoria @bleakmidwinter00 @randomcreator-09

@cillmurphyslover @hairica @sasha28x

My little cousin was born blind. As a result, I now donate a considerable sum of money to a charity which gives dogs with eyes to blind Jews. The chairman of the board recommends that those of us who were blessed with the gift of sight, and that we spend, you know, at least half an hour a day with our eyes closed so that we may better understand the...well, the darkness, and um...also to increase our donations and that. What time is it? Twenty-nine minutes past eight. Peaky Blinders | 4x05 The Duel

CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING?—please, don't leave me

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Request by @goblinjnr

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of death, grieving, angst, suicide

A/N: it's very fucking sad so beware

~~

Her eyes shut tight as her husband pressed a loving kiss onto her lips. Y/N's body involuntarily relaxing into his hands, causing Tommy to smile through the kiss.

”Mrs. Shelby, are you cold? I can see goosebumps on your skin” He teased, leaning forward as he grazed the skin of her neck with his nose, causing her to let out a sigh.

”Very funny” She responded, pinching his side lightly with a grin. ”That's what happens to a woman when her husband finally decides to put business away and give her affection instead.” Her voice was also teasing, as her own gaze completely drowned in his intense blue orbs.

Pulling her even closer, Tommy's nose brushed against hers in a promise of a kiss.

”So I'll have to consider doing this more often.”

Leaving last, strong kiss on her lips Tommy took a step back.

”Do what you have to, and come find me.” Y/N asked, squeezing his hand lightly, her expression relaxed and almost dreamy seeing him in such a good humour.

Bowing lightly, Thomas answered.

”Don't go too far, I'll join you soon.” His voice had an undertone of worry to it, his eyes becoming slightly more cloudy at the obvious allusion.

Giving him a weak nod, Y/N agreed, understanding exactly what he meant.

Don't go anywhere on your own, it's dangerous

Turning around, Thomas slowly walked back to his office, his steps echoing throughout the corridor as the warmth of their lovely encounter disappeared under the weight of reality.

Y/N let out a sharp breath, her heart picking up speed as her hand fell to her belly, causing more internal pain than anything. The mask she had to wear around him was becoming heavier with each passing day.

But she couldn't tell him. Not when the prognosis were so hopeful the last time they visited the hospital together. Not after seeing him gain back the spark he lost for so long.

Letting out a sharp exhale, Y/N turned around, slowly walking back to their bedroom. Wincing quietly she made her way through the corridor before settling on a bed lightly.

The day they found out was the worst day in her life. Rushing to the doctor so hopefully, once she noticed her stomach... Growing. After trying for a baby, could it finally happen? Y/N wondered back then, showing Tommy the swelling on her stomach.

Putting his hand over her belly, he was the happiest man in the world, dimples on his cheeks revealing to their full extent as he smiled so brightly, a rare sight but how beautiful she felt. A family, of her own.

A girl? A boy? They wondered the day before her visit. Chatting away endlessly about names, clothes and toys for a little Shelby.

A heavenly happiness that lasted no longer than three days, before they got crushed by the diagnosis.

Stomach cancer

Thomas' hand fell limp by his side, as Y/N froze completely. It took a longer minute, followed by ”I'm so sorry” from the doctor before tears appeared. Falling faster and heavier, each one a nail to her poor heart, wiping away every dream they managed to talk about in the last days.

All hope, gone, just like that.

...but it wasn't over just yet, as Dr. Wellerman explained the path they will have to go through. The risks of chemotherapy, additional tests and needed medication.

Tommy tried to stay strong, so badly, despite the white colour his face turned. Nausea took over his mind as he listened to each word, listening to the doctor explaining her survival rate. He needed to be strong.

So he was, carrying the weight like a world champion, never letting her carry it alone.

”Don't cry” He murmured in the worst nights, rocking her back and forth in his arms, sitting on the floor by the bed. ”We will bring you back to good health, and then have children. Little copies of our own, eh? A girl with my nose and your smile.” He spoke quietly into her ear, staring blankly at a wall. Whispering beautiful words she so desperately needed to hear, keeping her heart from breaking.

With each week they were both feeling worse, Y/N's physical state worsening visibly throughout the chemotherapy. The pain she felt in her abdomen could be compared to the flames from hell, reaching her ruthlessly and blooming the horrible thought she tried to push away so badly.

I want to die already, her mind would whisper cruelly, hating the way her husband's bones became more visible. His sunken eyes which lost all colour, almost as if he was the one with tumour eating away on his body and mind.

It wouldn't be much different then, because the pain he carried seeing her slowly fade away was easily the most difficult battles he had to fight.

A couple years back, Thomas would never expect to even think that, but the war in France was nothing compared to the unfair war he chose to fight everyday, holding onto his wife at all costs.

On the worst days, he would silently cry against the door of their bathroom, begging her to let him in as she cried so loudly.

”Don't look at me, I'm disgusting!” Y/N kept repeating, looking in the shattered mirror at her reflection. She was a shadow of her old self, her almost completely bald head mocking her, along with the colourless eyes that looked back.

”Y/N, please. Don't shut me away” His voice was breaking, despite the attempts to stay strong. Minutes later he would be on the floor by her side, kissing her temples and holding so tightly to not let her drown.

”You're beautiful, Mrs. Shelby. The most beautiful woman I've ever seen,” He talked, looking her in the eyes, his deep, honest voice never ceasing to bring her out of misery even just for a few seconds. Rough fingertips grazing over her delicate, pale skin. ”So beautiful I just had to marry you.”

A deep silence following his gentle tone, as his fingers drew random patterns on her skin.

”Am I dying, Tommy?” She asked quietly, her voice so fearful as she held onto his shirt, head resting on his shoulder. Thomas was almost sure she could physically hear his heart shattering at the question.

”No,” He replied confidently, getting her to look him in the eyes. To see the lack of hesitation and the fire he had in him, as her own was slowly getting smaller. She was losing hope. ”You're not dying. I wouldn't let you leave me, after all, eh?” He said, small, weak smile appearing on his lips and reaching her eyes.

”I love you so much” She whispered, slowly nodding off to sleep against his heartbeat.

Y/N remembered every and each of those days when he's been the lifeline. The only reason she was getting up and fighting against the cruel faith, slipping from death's embrace every day, almost like his love was keeping her alive.

...and it worked. Tests started coming back better than before, the cancer responded well to the chemo, allowing life to slowly seep back into their reality.

Y/N could never forget how happy it made them. Made him. The way he laughed and joked, and touched her looking, oh the way he looked at her. Like nothing else mattered, as he brought her flowers and loved every moment they had. Thomas grew to appreciate her presence so much, even the business wasn't able to get a hold of his mind as often anymore.

Life was a dream, until it wasn't.

The pain and swelling grew, sometimes making it difficult to move her legs even. Y/N held onto the thought that it was temporary, that everything was okay, so she didn't tell him. Couldn't bring herself to share her worries, seeing the way he lived and not just survived anymore.

So the secrets began, every letter from the hospital started coming to the rented storage she kept away from everyone. Tests getting more worrying until one, particular one, killed the hope completely.

The cancer no longer remained in her stomach, now spreading to the liver, lymph nodes and lungs, crushing the potential survival rate to 3%.

”Oh God” She cried at first, howling so loudly her throat grew sore and voice weak.

But it wasn't the worst. The worst was pretending around Tommy, forcing herself to smile and walk and talk as lively as before.

Be there for him, and try hard enough to smile so it would reach her eyes, because else he would know.

Each day was harder as the pain grew stronger. Eventually she had to start shaving her head every few days, to hide the fact she stopped the chemotherapy.

The pain was too much. The first time was easier, as she mindlessly shared the misery with Tommy. Carrying it together was easier, but with how much he loved her, seeing her in that state was killing him more than cancer was killing her.

So she pretended. Smiling, shaving her head and making sure to keep her expression stoic as the swelling burned hellishly.

So here she was, sitting on the edge of their bed, both hands on her belly in hopes to ease the pain. Unfamiliar pain, one so strong she couldn't breath at all.

”Tommy” She managed to whimper out, fingers wrapping around the edge of the nightstand so hard, her knuckles turned white. Slowly lowering herself to the ground, Y/N felt her legs giving out as she fell down with a loud thump, starting to cough.

Barely opening her eyes, she noticed the drops of crimson red fluid dirtying the clean, wooden floor. Her mind turned hazy, feeling completely out of it as more and more blood splattered the floor.

Only then did she barely register the fast, loud steps approaching.

”Y/N!” Thomas boomed loudly, rushing to her side. His face was completely pale, his shaky hands wrapping around her chest as he pulled her up, completely panicked. ”Frances! Frances call the ambulance!” He screamed in a frenzy, leaning forward to try and help. ”Y/N, I'm here, I'm here.” He choked out as her eyes became cloudy, breaths coming out in short bursts. ”Y/N! Look at me, please fucking look at me!” Tears steamed down his face at the suddenly terrible state she found herself in. She looked at him, but couldn't see.

As he cried, and screamed, pulling all the old medication she used to be taking from her nightstand, spilling them by his side and looking for the particular one that used to help with breathing problems, Y/N was halway gone.

Physically she couldn't see, struggling to breathe enough to keep her brain functioning yet the only thing she could think of was him.

Please, don't take me away. Who's going to protect him from the self-destruction his heart holds?

”Please, don't leave me” He cried out weakly, pushing his forehead against her collarbone, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. Hiding.

The memory of his happy, blue eyes was the last thing she registered, feeling as if he gently eased her into sleep, taking away all the pain. In reality, Thomas couldn't hold in the animalistic howling that ripped from his throat while he held her tightly to his chest, rocking back and forth as the sound of an ambulance pulling up by the Arrow house came to his ears.

From this moment, there was nothing.

***

She was gone.

He lost count of the amount of hours since it happened. Thomas didn't know if it was a night or a day, as he forced the maids to cover every source of light in the house before sending them away. The alcohol combined with opium in his system made him see the most beautiful things in the dark, memories shining so brightly.

His eyes rolled back at the scent of her, as he was holding her nightgown to his chest. Blood was trickling from his fingers, dirtying the pink material because of the destruction he brought upon the Arrow house once left alone.

Rocking back and forth in the middle of the room, he remembered the sight of his wife sitting by the vanity, laughing as she made him roll his eyes with her smart mouth. She fitted so perfectly, so perfectly with the scent he was feeling.

It was all that mattered, as long as he felt her presence around him.

In the next few days Polly threw away all the opium he had, trying her best along with her nephews to support him through the ripping loss. Only if he wanted that help, maybe everything would eventually be okay.

But for him, there was nothing before her, and nothing after her. The story was done.

Once left alone again, he let out a sigh, feeling the pounding headache. The noise was overwhelming, impossible to suppress ever since she was gone.

”I can hear them coming again” He whispered into the silence of his office, as the shovels dug against the walls from every direction. Getting louder with every passing minute. ”They want to take you away from me, darling” His voice was rough from the lack of using it. Opening his eyes, Thomas looked at the portrait hanging on the wall. You and him. Like like he promised. His eyes on the painting were far from reality, not resembling the dark irises, swallowed completely by madness which took over his mind without change. ”I won't let you leave me” He repeated the line from the past, lips wrapping around the familiar words as he pulled out the pistol from his holster. Lazily pressing the muzzle against his head as his lips turned upwards into a heartfelt smile. ”I'm coming, sweetheart.”

His loving words were followed by a loud bang, as the bullet ruthlessly ripped through his skull and brain, only to get stuck in the old furniture in another room.

His body went completely limp as the unlit cigarette fell onto the desk, becoming the last sound of their lively love ever heard in the wall of the Arrow house.

A house which became a cemetery for the undying love, and future that would never come.

Taggin my people: @iilovedonnatartt @gentlebeari @narlytude @honeymoon8 @chaimaarouaine11 @hatethis29 @bruhidkjustwannaread @reiwanwan @immyowndefender @jbrownta @preparedfruit @emptyvoidofmine

peaky blinders — 2x06 created by steven knight