Happy Plagueiversary

SWEET DREAMS

I miss them

On Sunday, there's six red dots blinking away on Abed's phone screen. Three, clustered around Greendale, their number ever dwindling. One a few miles to the south. Pierce. He hasn't moved in months, but Abed's been keeping an eye on it just in case. One in Georgia (the state, not the country), where Shirley's spun off to. And one more, just off the coast of India.

Troy.

He's not always there anymore; the tracker doesn't always get reception in the middle of the ocean, and there are days when Abed can't even bring himself to look at it. Where he can't bear the possibility that he won't be able to see that little red dot that means that Troy is out there somewhere.

It helps a bit, when he can see it. When everything is too much, and reality begins to fracture around him, it helps to know that Troy is out there. That he's coming back.

Sunday is a good day. And when he wakes up on Monday, the dot is gone, and Troy has left all over again.

Guys I don’t think Richie had god and anime on his side there

Ik kan vanavond niet kijken, ik ga mijn live tumblr commentary missen

Oké widmblr, aangezien ik wat opmerkingen heb gezien over of zo’n lage pot echt de verdienste is van de mol, of eerder de productie, en ik me dit zelf ook heb afgevraagd, heb ik besloten de trendlijn van de widm potten te plotten in excel.

Ik heb de eerste 4 seizoenen niet meegenomen, deels vanwege de guldens en deels vanwege het feit dat het onbekende Nederlanders waren en ik me kan voorstellen dat dat van invloed kan zijn. Om deze reden heb ik ook het streamingsseizoen van vorig jaar niet meegenomen, met als extra reden dat ik de kans aanwezig acht dat dat seizoen minder budget had. Het renaissance seizoen heb ik wel meegenomen, want die werd gewoon op tv uitgezonden.

Conclusies en opmerkingen

Er is een duidelijk negatieve trend te zien, in principe lijkt het erop dat ieder jaar de pot naar verwachting €716 minder zal worden

(Over 12 jaar zullen we dus een negatieve pot hebben lol)

We kunnen zo ook wat zeggen over of de mollen goed werk hebben geleverd, namelijk het doel zou moeten zijn om onder de trendlijn te komen. Inge, Anne-Marie en Margriet hebben dit het beste gedaan.

Thomas en Jan hebben dan weer een hogere pot opgeleverd dan verwacht

Ik heb ook nog wat andere opties voor de trendlijn geprobeerd, deze maakten meestal niet veel verschil, de exponentiële formule gaf mij nog wel de informatie dat de verwachting was dat de pot asymptotisch naar €1047 zou gaan, dus dat is ook nog een optie ipv een negatieve pot

No, because how did he discover that his calling was chocolate man?

Ik vind het wel nodig om te delen dat dit mijn inzet in aflevering 1 was

Arme keukenprinses werd niet gebriefd over wat Sophie ging doen

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

no punctuation we read like romans