Vaellis1994 - Untitled

Daisy Ridley behind the scenes of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

BRIE LARSON Taking Online Quizzes About Myself!

Reblog if u have a tentacle kink.

I do😏

I’ve decided that starting a 50k+ fanfic at 3 in the morning when you have to wake up early is not a rookie mistake but in fact a time honored tradition of ao3 veterans

Liberties

Here is an idea where liberties are taken and frankly not given back. This is a world where Cerasi survived Mawat’s assination attempt. Obi Wan never went back to Jedi. Instead he continued to help rebuild Melidaan and continued to follow the Force.  Every so often the Force would send him out into the galaxy to meet other Force Sensitives, and adopt them. This is a world where Obi Wan learns to own his attachments instead of repressing them. In addition every force sensitive that was active in the outer rim is eventually drawn to at least stop on Melidaan. Light or Dark; Sith, Jedi, and everything in between. Up to and including Darth Plagueis and Darth Sidious in their alter egos. No one thinks to tell the Jedi High Council.

I picture Xanatos showing up, first because of his obsession with revenge against Qui Gonn, then after hearing Obi’s story being like ‘now we are truly brothers’. He is batshit insane and cheerfully vows not to sell Obi or any of Obi’s people into salvery every time he arrives but he is a genius for creating/managing resources and Obi would do anything for his chosen people, even reluctantly spending time with the man that is at the center a good chunk of his trauma. 

Things get even weirder when Feemor is reunited with his lineage brothers. Frankly all of them need so much therapy. 

At some point they (by they I mean the Young government in combination with the various Force users that pop in and out of their lives) create a school for force sensitives on Melidaan, just called The School. It is semi secret in that knowledge of it never quite reaches general knowledge in the core worlds but not through any actions on the part of the people involved. In that time Obi-Wan discovers something interesting. While about 90% of force users can use either side of the Force without issue, the evil comes from the actions not the side of the force, the other 10% is restricted to Dark or Light with the other side being akin to an addiction.  Exclusive dark side users are less common, due to an inherent recklessness that tends to get themselves killed, but they do exist. 

Something nobody knows is that Yoda and the Master that trained him were both within that small percentage restricted to use of the Light side. He has assumed that his reaction to the dark is a commonality of all force users, not a restriction that he has. 

Of the Sith of this time, in the years before Plageus died, Palpatine is the first to find his way to their out of the way little planet. It was mostly an accident, with the force subtly guiding his fingers to put in the wrong coordinates for a hyperspace jump. Though Palpatine does fall into the 90% that can use either side, he has been using the darkside almost exclusively for decades. Users of the darkside, particularly Sith, tend to see the force more of a servant than a teacher. Thus the Force, semi sentient, has to be much more subtle when dealing with Sith. 

Palpatine is somewhat confused as he lands, for once listening to the force as it presses him forward. He had been headed for a vacation on Naboo.  At this time he is still a part of the current senator’s retinue, a few years away from being a senator himself. The people in the space port barely look at him before directing him up to The School.  It is generally assumed that any strange, unknown visitors looking vaguely confused about where they were have something to do with the Force and should be dealt with by Obi Wan. To be fair, this policy has only been wrong twice. 

Palpatine is politely, but firmly, loaded into a transport and dropped off at the school.  None of his questions were answered along the way.  He spent a bit of the ride sort of wondering if he was being abducted, why he wasn’t more concerned or angry about that fact, and rationalizing following this weird feeling in the Force to its conclusion. 

He is brought to Obi Wan’s office, as the head of the school. Obi Wan asks him if he prefers direct questions and answers or complicated politic conversation. At Palpatine’s surprised look,  Obi Wan goes on to say that they want people to be comfortable and he doesn’t have a preference.  Normally Palpatine would enjoy political back and forth but by this time his curiosity is piqued. The first question that Obi Wan asks is if Palpatine is aware of his own force sensitivity.  This serves to shock Palpatine into stillness, the only other person to clock his force sensitivity had been Plageuis many decades before. He had even managed to hide it on Coruscant from the High Council of the Jedi.  

In the silence that followed Obi wan explained about this being a school for force sensitives that felt they had nowhere else to go.  Members of the Jedi Order that had been expelled or relegated to a corp due to lack of being chosen, Knights and Shadows who felt disconnected from the Order. There were also Force sensitive that had been exiled from their own planets due to their force sensitivity, escaped slaves, and more than a few that were there because the force said they should be. Obi Wan has pamphlets, which he hands over to Palpatine. Obi Wan went on to explain that Paplatine was free to explore his sensitivity here as long as the rules were followed:

No action that would deliberately cause permanent or long lasting injury to anyone on the planet, defined as any injury that cannot be healed in 48 standard hours, be it physical, mental, emotional, or psychic. The creation of soul wounds are never permitted on the planet as they are almost always permanent. 

Unless agreed to previously, do not approach students or teachers of this school off this planet. Some may not be comfortable with their connection to The School being public knowledge.

As it is possible for members of this school to end up on different sides of a conflict, if one member recognizes another it is courtesy to ignore the other if possible. If not, then the courtesy of a quick death. 

Any technique that will change the environment or the Force on the planet toward either the Dark or the Light will only be performed only with the permission of the School Board and the Planetary government.  The only exception will be 4 specially dedicated areas:

An area on the West side of campus dedicated to the Dark

An area on the East side of campus dedicated to the Light

An area to the South that is dedicated to combining beginner to mid level Dark and Light techniques that is open to anyone.

An area to the North dedicated to combining advanced Dark and Light techniques that requires special authorization.

The use of these areas is predicated on the results of what is effectively a Force Allergy test to ensure that the being falls into the 90% that can use either side without harming themselves

All experimental techniques used on this planet that have a test subject must have a written waiver from the subject stating that they agree to the test, with full knowledge of the potential risks and no coercion to the part of the testor.  

Experimental techniques that have a greater that 75% chance of one of the following must be pre approved by the School Board and the Planetary Council:

Changes to the environment, the Flora, the Fauna, or the Force lasting more than 1 hour

Death

A soul wound

Permanent or Long Lasting injury, as defined above. 

Acceptance of responsibility of any and all beings created or changed through the Force

Avoid Building 15, for the thing it houses is an abomination even to itself. Unless, of course you discover how to give it the release of death. Then please contact the administrator of facility management. 

All of these rules were written into a contract that was enforced by the Force itself through a humanoid conduit.  Apparently one of the Light and Dark mixed techniques that was discovered was for a Force Sensitive to tie themselves to a planet becoming an avatar of the Force on that planet. This avatar can then enforce a force based contract, and can remotely wipe the memories of breaches of contract depending on the severity. 

By the time Palpatine leaves he is not sure how he was convinced to sign the contract but he is glad he did. He is also mentally revising all of his empire plans to make sure this planet, which he finally determines is Melidaan, is protected at all costs and is now central to the reconditioning of initiates and padawans of the Jedi when the time comes.  He will later bring Plagueis to the school as well, with similar results. Though they do continue their more objectionable experiments, they are kept carefully off Melidaan.

For a decade this continues. Light and Dark agree that Obi Wan, and through him his new people, are precious and should be protected at all costs.  Just before TPM starts Obi is drawn to Tattoine, into the slave quarters. He is not a stranger to this planet or nearly any planet on the outer rim but he has never been to this outpost, these slave quarters before.  The Force ensures that he meets Shmi and Anakin two week before the Naboo delegation lands. The Force, so much clearer after a decade of being listened to, whispers that this boy is to be a younger brother and student to him but not yet. They must wait.  He is just as eloquent in this life and explains the Force and his feelings to Shmi, backed by Anakin. 

When Qui Gon Jinn arrives two weeks later Obi Wan is introduced as Ben, a friend of the family. Jinn does not recognize Ben as the student he once left behind. In fact he does not ever realize that he and Anakin are not the only Force Sensitives in the room. Anakin is a bit worried because the Force is saying that he needs to go with the Jedi, but he also wants to go with Obi Wan. Obi wan tells him quietly that just because the Force says go with the Jedi, it doesn't mean he will have to stay with the Jedi forever. 

There is no attack from Maul, as he is intercepted by Obi Wan. The two have a brief chat about what brought Maul to the planet. No one who knows him questions Obi Wan showing up in strange places. Maul is there to find an unfortunate being that had managed to steal from one of Maul’s Master’s smaller holdings. They hadn’t gotten away with much, but had taken a small statuette that he had been planning to donate to Obi Wan’s school for study. 

After the Naboo delegation, Jinn, and Anakin leave the planet, Obi Wan and Maul trek back to Mos Espa.  They find the Ill fated thief, whom Maul sticks in a prison cell on his ship, retrieves the stolen artifact, as well as enough money to buy Shmi Skywalker’s freedom. They do the latter and Maul drops Shimi and Obi Wan back off on Melidaan, where Obi Wan announces that Shimi is the mother of their newest kin to Nield, Cerasi, and a visiting Xanatos. 

Everyone just kind of rolls their eyes and goes back to what they were doing, baring Xanatos.  This was far from the first time that Obi Wan had adopted someone, or increased their family abruptly. The darksider wanders over and begins to flirt, heavily, with Shmi. 

Side Note: I picture Shmi to be about early 40’s at the time of TPM.  If Xanatos had lived he would have been 37, so it could have worked. 

Obi Wan assures Shmi that Xanatos wouldn’t hurt her and would stop if she wanted him to. Thus assured she starts to flirt back, is slightly awkwardly because social norms for a slave are very different from that of freepeople.  

Obi wan announces he is going to their new brother and leaves, going back to Coruscant for the first time since he arrived at Melida/Daan.  He arrives as Qui Gon Jinn is proclaiming his intention to take Anakin as a Padawan. The entire council is surprised when a redhead in his twenties just wanders into one of the most secure chambers in the temple, and not through the front door. In reality every Jedi learns as an initiate how to sneak around in the temple, even into the council chamber. It was a bit of a rite of passage to prank the council chamber at least once when in the Creche. Obi Wan certainly remembers.

None of the Jedi in the room recognize him.

So Obi Wan appears, looking amused and like he had just happened to wander into these highly protected chambers that even other Jedi don’t always have access to. The High Council of the Jedi are looking at each other like ‘Da fuq?’ Anakin lights up and runs to hug Obi Wan, calling him Ben. Jinn peers at Obi Wan, having only barely realized he was actually a person when they met in Shmi’s home, whom he doesn’t recognize. 

Side Note: I sort of head cannon Jinn, when separated from his mountain of trauma and trauma responses, is almost an oblivious scientist type, think Wayne Szalinski from ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’. In his element he is a prodigy, but he also would wander around only partially dressed because he had an idea, or in Qui Gon’s case he was distracted by something to do with the Living Force. Still an asshole, but mostly out of obliviousness or his pile of trauma rather than maliciousness.  

The council tries to find out who Obi Wan is or how he got there but he is enigmatic. He just says he is here to pick up his kin, Anakin, if it was time. He directs this as a question toward Anakin, ignoring the council. Anakin gets thoughtful and says that the Force says it is not time yet, but that Ben could come with them until it is.  Obi Wan nods but continues to dodge any attempt to get more information out of him about who he is, making pithy comments. 

Just before the tension this is causing could erupt, the large doors of the council chamber slam open, startling everyone. Quinlan Vos, dragging Bant Eerin, bursts into the room at speed. As soon as they cross the threshold he drops Bant’s hand and practically jumps on Obi Wan with a loud cry of “OBI”. Bant looked at them like she couldn’t believe that he was here. Quinn had been to Melidaan, as had most of the Shadows. In fact, of Obi Wan’s temple friends, it is Bant who he has not had a chance to speak to in person in a decade. She is Temple Bound as a healer.  

Obi Wan grumbles fondly about how Quinn gave his identity away. He had at least four more pointed answers, designed to make Qui Gon Jinn burst a blood vessel. Why yes, Obi Wan is slightly bitter about the whole abandoned in a war zone, why do you ask?

It isn’t until Bant sobs Obi Wan’s name that anyone realizes who is standing in the chamber. Qui Gon get even more agitated seeing the padawan he abandoned being clung to by the shiny new prophecy child he found.

An Incomplete List of Potter Family Headcanons

Harry looks like James but he has all of Lily’s facial expressions

He has her “duck and cover” temper too

And her sense of justice and her total obliviousness to the person crushing on him

Hegets his flying skills from James ofc but also his sense of humour and his loyalty

He inherits potions skills from both of them but doesn’t realise until he     suddenly no longer has Snape as a teacher

His nosiness and investigative thing comes from Lily. The way he goes about finding out these things is all James

His Defense skills come from the Potter family even though his dad was     actually better at transfiguration

He and his mum have the same “disgusted” face and he would be horrified to know that they share it with Petunia

His paternal grandmother was born and brought up in India until she was 21 - at which point she moved to England, promptly fell in love with Fleamont Potter and immediately married him bc like hell was she going to marry the racist piece of shit that her parents wanted her to

She was descended from a distant branch of the Avery family that moved to India following the British Invasion and never returned

He’s very bi.

He doesn’t notice this until he’s been married to Ginny for 10 years 

Ginny is very surprised that Harry didn’t know he was attracted to men since she’s known since he was in fourth year (more on lgbt+ in the wizarding world later)

In a world where Harry is female he discovers that he’s bi a lot earlier due to neither Cho nor Ginny being shy about the fact that they find him as     attractive as he finds them and bc Ginny is many things but all of them     are Weasley

Harry’s kids have plenty of Nanas and Grannys (Nana Andy and Nana Molly and Professor Granny Minnie and Granny ‘Gusta and Nana Cissy (when she’s feeling generous and only bc her sister begged her) and Granny Tuney (once they’re all teenagers)) but only one living Gramps: Arthur Weasley (Nanny Lily, God-Nana Alice, Grandpa James, God-Gramps Sirius and Grandfather Regulus (Kreacher would not stand for a less dignified form of address) are all commonly mentioned and talked about and their graves are all visited but none of them talk back)

There are four Potter kids: Teddy, the eldest, who had other parents first but only ever knew his Nana and his Dad and his Mum; Jamie, the second eldest, who takes after both of his namesakes in terms of theoretical mischief making but neither when it comes to practice; Al, the youngest boy who takes after his God-Gramps and immediately befriends kids as willing to blow things up as he is; and Lily-Lu, the baby of the family, who uses this status to get away with murder and is the true heir of the Marauders and the Weasley twins

Teddy gets the Marauder’s Map when he goes to Hogwarts. Jamie nicks the invisibility cloak out of Harry’s desk when he goes. Al is basically indifferent but does occasionally blackmail his siblings for use of one or the other. Lily-Lu somehow has both when she starts. No one knows how. Jamie is very irritated by this fact. She lets her brothers use them if they tell her why and ask nicely.

Teddy is rebellious and mischievous. He is also somehow both prefect and Head Boy. Teddy is also the good child. Harry looks back on Teddy’s rebellious teenage phase fondly when his other kids reach teenagerhood.

Jamie is quidditch mad. He is not above pranks but his world revolves around quidditch. Harry has vivid flashbacks to his time playing under Oliver Wood.

Al cannot be left alone. He especially cannot be left alone with any     combination of Rose, Scorpius, and Daisy. Harry despairs. He was surely not that bad when he was a teenager.

Lily is an angel. She doesn’t break rules and is always helpful without being asked doesn’t get caught. She is a terror but the only person     who’s ever caught her in wrongdoing is Uncle Neville. She does not try to lie to him again. Her parents know. That doesn’t mean they can catch her. Harry knows she didn’t get this from him.

The Potter household is always noisy and none of the kids can be left     unsupervised.

All four kids adore Kreacher. He adores them all right back and spoils them rotten half the time unless specifically told otherwise

Winky ends up as a Potter House Elf. Somehow. She isn’t as happy as she was with the Crouches but is a great deal happier than she was in Hogwarts. She’s a lot stricter with the kids than Kreacher is. But she has a soft spot for Master Al 

The Potter family has three dogs and an owl. A German Shepherd-Labrador mix called Snuffles, a brown Husky mix called Moo (he was originally called Moony but Jamie couldn’t pronounce it properly), and a black Wolfhound mix called Paddy (Al couldn’t say Padfoot and the name stuck). The owl is a tawny owl and is officially called Lord Thomas Dark Lordiness Riddle Jr Jr but only answers to Tommy (Ginny thought it was hilarious and Harry went along with it after seeing the humour. Ron, Hermione, Neville and Andromeda were horrified. Luna earnestly told them she thought it was an excellent name. No one else ever found out the origins of “Tommy”. Nearly everyone who knows goes to great lengths to keep it that way)

Teddy gets his own owl when he goes to Hogwarts. He calls her Pandora

Jamie spends an entire year trying to convince his parents that he should be able to take one of the dogs with him to Hogwarts. They point blank refuse. The last day before the express leaves he turns up in the kitchen with Harry’s enchanted Hungarian Horntail model and asks if he can take her as his pet (he’s named her Thorns the Glorious). Ginny throws her hands up and basically yells “FINE!” like a teenager

Al is not allowed a pet. He nearly killed the owl by accident with one of his experiments. He is not allowed a pet. He’s fine with this. He’d forget to feed it anyway.

Lily-Lu spends a not-insignificant amount of time trying to decide between a cat and a snake. Both of them eat rats. She eventually decides on a     part-kneazle that basically pounces on her in “Magical Menangerie”. She names her Tiger. Tiger is terrifying

Teddy is a Hufflepuff, like his first Mum. He’s a chaser like his second Mum. He has his second Dad’s temper but rarely lets it out. His first dad refused to judge people by their appearances or what other people thought and he does so too. This is something his other parents had to work at but that comes naturally to him.

He loves chocolate frogs more than almost anything.

He’s been in love with Victoire for longer than he’s known what that means

He is addressed as Mr Potter throughout his school years and the surname he uses for his Auror application is Potter. The Lupin in front is private and only used when his full name is required or if he’s in trouble

Jamie is a Gryffindor, like his parents, his biological grandparents and his namesakes. Sometimes he’s a little disappointed that he isn’t a Hufflepuff like Teddy

He’s a chaser on his house team and becomes captain in his fifth year

He always asks for Bertie Botts whenever they have sweets. He knows which ones are the nasty flavours but when his siblings are upset he’ll make sure that they only get the nice ones and he gets all the horrible ones. This never fails to make them smile.

He mocks and bullies Al quite a bit but the only time someone else tried they ended up in St Mungo’s and he was grounded for a year. He doesn’t regret this

He wants to play quidditch professionally and has always been lowkey disappointed that the Holyhead Harpies will never be an option for him

Al is a Ravenclaw. He follows Teddy and Jamie everywhere to the point that they want to scream and tie him up so he’ll stop and when he can’t follow them it’s his parents or his Nana Andy or his Nana Molly or his Gramps. His first word is “why”. This word also happens to be his     favourite word. He is very confused when he is sorted into Ravenclaw. He is the only one.

His best friend is his cousin Rose. On the Hogwarts Express he sees a small blonde boy trying to avoid upper years. “This will be my person” he decides. This boy is Scorpius Malfoy. Rose is her parent’s daughter, so when her best friend decides to adopt the strange little boy that doesn’t want to make friends, she immediately decides to befriend him too. These three befriend muggleborn Daisy Dursley, fellow Ravenclaw, approximately 6 weeks into the year. There is a very hasty and strained family reunion on the platform at the start of the Christmas hols. The Potters end up at Privet Drive for New Year (conspicuously missing a walrus-mustasched man). The relationship quickly gets less strained after the first time Daisy goes to the Potter’s house and nearly blows it up.

Unlike his siblings and their friends, Al does not make mischief when left unsupervised. Al experiments. It takes exactly one visit from Rose, Scorpius and Daisy for such visits to always be supervised. There was     fire. There were explosions. More than one person escaped harm by the skin of their teeth. No one likes to talk about it.

Experiments in the Potter, Malfoy, Granger-Weasley, and Dursley households are BANNED.

Al loves sugar quills. Victoire thinks it’s adorable. Al pointedly refuses to suck on them in her presence

Lily-Lu is in Slytherin. This surprises no one.

By the time she’s in third year she lowkey runs the dungeons. Professor Greengrass couldn’t be more proud

The Scamander twins are her best friends/loyalest minions despite being in the year below, nearly two years younger, and not in Slytherin

Her favourite sweets are ice mice. She tried to throw Jamie down the moving staircase once, when he transfigured them into real mice.

She’s been terrified of rats and mice ever since she was little when she found out that Peter Pettigrew was able to turn into one. No amount of convincing her that he was long dead ever helped

She’s the most stubborn person in the family and also unable to refuse a dare if it comes from her brothers. Teddy and Al are reasonable about this. Jamie abuses this fact mercilessly

She will continue with charades to the point of ridicule just to prove     that she can

what we have now

Cal awakens on Tanalorr, and what seems to be a perfect day begins to go wrong. Post-Jedi: Survivor with spoilers. Rated PG-13ish for established Merrical. Angst, grief, hope, love, ~2450 words.

--

The morning light of Tanalorr filters gently through cracks in the temple ceiling, sending down soft, gold-edged rays through the small private chamber where he and Merrin have set up a room.  Cal mumbles, rolling over on the makeshift bed and taking half the covers with him.  Merrin is warm and sleepy beside him, her skin soft against his own, and he draws her closer, breathing in the sweet smell of her hair.

“We have slept in again, Cal Kestis,” she murmurs throatily.  “I blame you, of course.  You kept me from my rest.”

“Someone was awfully frisky last night, I seem to recall,” Cal yawns.  He hardens slightly, remembering her insistent kisses last night, how she eagerly undressed him, her hands, her mouth, her --

He lets out a long breath.  They have work to do this morning with the others, and he knows he shouldn’t let himself get distracted.  No matter how much he might like to be.

“Still thinking about it, are you?” Merrin asks, amused.  She rolls over and props herself up on one elbow, leaning over him.  He drinks in the sight of her, soft gray skin and dark tattoos, a wicked grin.  He bites back a groan.  

Her gaze flicks back, and she peers under the covers with a knowing smirk.  “Ahh.  I like the way you think.”

“Hey, come on, now.  We promised we’d check in,” Cal half-protests.  “The Path needs us to get this housing ready, and we need to have that meeting with --”

The familiar sound of BD’s servos whirs as the little droid hops over to them, blithely ignorant of their nudity and innuendo.  Cal sighs, drawing the sheets higher over Merrin and himself.  

“Cal, my dear Jedi, you said you were going to teach the droid to knock.”

“I’ve been busy!” Cal says.  Merrin simply raises one eyebrow and gives him one of those looks, the sort that makes his brain short-circuit and his pulse quicken.  For a moment he’s tempted to tell BD-1 to come back later, that he’d made a mistake with the time and really the meeting with Cere was for tomorrow, not today.

But something disquiets him, a frisson rippling through the Force, there and gone before he can put a name to it.  His arousal vanishes, and he looks away from Merrin, unsettled.

“Cal?”  She sits up, the blanket falling down around her waist, the golden light bathing her skin in a warm glow.  “What is it?”

He shakes his head.  “I don’t know.  Something felt… off.  I’m not sure what it means.”  He sighs.  “Probably just guilt about how late we’re going to be.  We’d better get going.  Make it up to you later?”  He gives her a small smile, and is gratified when she returns it twofold.

Cal sends BD-1 off to wait as they get dressed, but they meet him at the front of the temple, where he is waiting patiently for them.  Cal bends to lower a hand and BD clambers up to his regular perch as they step outside into the fresh air.  The glorious Tanalorr morning greets them with misty light, and brightly colored banners ripple from the temple in the breeze.  Gardens stretch alongside the path, tall leaves fluttering in the wind, fruits and vegetables beginning to swell and show in colors of scarlet, violet, emerald.

The three of them travel through the gardens and back along the creekside path leading away from the temple.  Merrin seems content, but Cal cannot help but look over his shoulder as they walk.  There is only BD-1 there, cheerful and loyal as always, but there’s still a nagging feeling, something skittering at the back of his mind.  

He tries to ignore it, his feet tracing the familiar trail alongside Anchorite Creek.  They cross the new stone bridge, a beautiful melding of angular Jedha architecture with jeweled motifs unique to Tanalorr; the lilac-blossomed larien tree, the clever waterhare, the carvings of the Koboh Abyss.  He always appreciates this bridge and the way his footsteps ring on the stone, but for a moment it almost feels like its solid arch tremors beneath his feet.

“Did you feel that?” Cal asks.  BD lets out a beep in the negative.  Merrin shakes her head.

“Feel what?”

“Nothing,” Cal says, stone solid beneath his feet, and he tries to believe himself.  We’ve made a perfect world.  What is there to worry about?

They meet back up with the others at the village, which is already bustling at this early hour.  The sight cheers him, and his odd mood fades into the background.  He takes a deep breath and smells the morning meal on the breeze, rich with spice; Pyloon’s of Tanalorr keeps Greez busy, even with several residents working with him as sous chefs.  He and Merrin will have to stop in for a bowl of waterhare stew when they next get a chance.

They keep heading toward their destination, passing Narkis Anchorites working with refugees from the Hidden Path, raising another set of new residences.  Cal nods to them as they pass.  He recognizes some of the Anchorites from Jedha.  There are new members of their order, too, only identifiable by the Tanalorr-lilac stripe they wear on their sleeves.

Not everyone wears the garb of the Anchorites; droids roll or walk along the dirt streets on their business, and plenty of people with bare faces wave as they make their way to the Archives.  A few of the refugees he recognizes from his days as a Padawan, other survivors besides himself: a young woman with her dark hair in tight braids, a tall man with olive skin and piercing blue eyes.  Pride unfurls in his chest, pride and a fierce protectiveness.  They’ve built so much here.  And there is still so much more to do.

Many of those who cannot help in the physical efforts of building work in the new Archives, cataloging their growing knowledge of the Jedi Order and its history, and it’s here they head, Cal keenly aware they’re late.  That must be the reason he’s feeling off.  He knows exactly which slightly disappointed look Cere will be wearing --

The smell of smoke, ash dancing in the flame-choked air, red and black --

Cal staggers, sagging against the door as it slides open.  “Cal!” Merrin cries, slipping a steady arm around him.  On his other side, a familiar man in robes braces against him, helping Merrin to keep him upright.

“Cal!  Have you taken ill?” Master Cordova asks.  Together he and Merrin lead Cal to a seat near one of the desks, where he bows over himself, breathing hard.  BD-1 chitters at his shoulder.

“You don’t feel it?” Cal gasps.  He holds out his hands, ash coating his fingertips.  He doesn’t understand.  “Look at my hands.  There’s something terribly wrong --”

Merrin and Master Cordova look at his hands, but they seem worried, exchanging concerned glances.  “I will get Cere,” says Merrin, and claps Cal on the shoulder, her hand squeezing him tightly against his jacket.  “We will figure this out, Cal.  Together.”  

Cal looks down at his hands again.  They’re clean once more, and his head reels.  What’s happening?

“Tell me what you sense, Cal,” says Master Cordova, kneeling carefully beside him.  His brown eyes, always so wise, seem troubled.  Cal knows it’s because of him.  He tries to center himself, reaching for the Force, but it feels muted and hazy, muffled somehow.

“I saw fire,” he manages.  “Fire and ash.”

“A memory, perhaps sensed by your psychometry?”

“No, this didn’t feel like a normal memory,” Cal tries to explain.  “It feels like it’s something that doesn’t belong here.  Like something that isn’t real, that never happened.”  He gazes around the room, drawing comfort from its soaring shelves of twinkling datapads, the silver globes lighting the hall, the sweet smell of larienwood incense.  He tries to ground himself in the library, in all they’ve built here.  “It couldn’t have happened.”

“It may have been a vision, then,” Cordova muses, getting to his feet and sitting down on the chair beside Cal.  “The Force may be sending you a message of things to come.”

Cal shakes his head in frustration.  He’s not a Padawan.  “I know we can have visions from the Force, Master Cordova, but I always feel so tightly bound to the past.  I’ve only had visions of the future in places where the Force is magnified and concentrated, like Ilum or Bogano….  The past has always been so much easier for me to access.  This didn’t feel the same way.”

“Perhaps that’s changing,” says Cere.  Cal lifts his head to greet her, and their eyes meet--

She’s so light in his arms.  How could someone so powerful, so strong, be so, so still?

Cal recoils, panting.  The smoke chokes him, blinds him, engulfs him.  He’s lost in it, reaching for his lightsaber, finding nothing there.  He cups his hands around his mouth, calling, hoping, begging.  “Cere -- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I should have been there --”

“You okay there, scrapper?” 

Cal opens his eyes.  The smoke has vanished as quickly as it had come, and the temple soars over him, golden daylight streaming through its windows.  Bode gives him a broad, easy grin, smile lines crinkling at the edges of his eyes.  Dagan’s lightsaber hums in his palm.

“This isn’t right,” Cal whispers.  “It isn’t real --”

He raises a gloved hand.  Imperial black against crisp ISB white.  He lets the frantic rage shriek through him, a desperate eruption of pure hate boiling forth, he wants this, needs this, a weapon, he’s nothing but a weapon --

The temple shatters around him, Tanalorr shatters around him, and he remembers everything.

***

“Cal!  Cal.  Come back to me, Jedi,” Merrin murmurs throatily.  He realizes her arms are around him, holding him tight against her chest, his cheek nestled against the soft skin between her breasts.  Her twin heartbeats pulse in his ear, a metronome grounding him here, now, safe.

For a moment, they simply stay there.

“What happened?” she asks in a soft voice.

Cal reluctantly sits up, nearly hitting his head on the ceiling.  They’re in the Mantis, back in one of the narrow bunks they insist on squeezing into together.  He knows they could sleep separately, but neither of them like to do it anymore if they can help it.

“I dreamed of Tanalorr.  The way it should have been.”  His throat constricts, and it takes him a moment to steady his voice.  “It was beautiful, Merrin.”  He wants to tell her everything.  The new Archives, the lush gardens, the voices in the streets; Cordova… Cere…. 

Instead he buries his face in the crook between her neck and her shoulder, and breathes in, and breathes out.

She strokes his hair gently, fingers twining through the strands that tickle the back of his neck.  She presses a kiss to his forehead.  “We will make it so, Cal.  I promise you.”

“Maybe.  I hope so.  But she’ll never see it.”

Her fingers still, then shift for her hand to cup his cheek.  She slowly lifts his chin until he’s gazing at her, her dark eyes bright.  “No, she will not.  That is something we cannot change.”  She blinks, and a flicker of her own grief passes across her face, a painful mirror to his own.  “I miss her too.  Cere and Cordova both, but Cere… she was part of our family.”  Tears glisten, unshed but unashamed, in her eyes.

They haven’t talked of Cere this openly in weeks, busy with fighting the Empire on Koboh and taking care of Kata.  But now the loss is here, sitting in the space between their breath, and the wound aches so, so much.  

Anger flares within him.  How can his mind have given him so much detail of Tanalorr vibrant and growing, of a world where they’d truly won, and yet so little of Cere?  When he would have given anything to see her again, to speak with her -- to apologize --

But he remembers how his mind had tried to tell him he was dreaming, and his heart sinks.  He had known.  Even in the midst of a dream that felt realer than real, he’d known.  

There is no bringing Cere back, not even in a dream.

Cal swallows, feeling sick.  It’s all a mess, and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel about any of it.  The Jedi Order would tell him to let it go, but the Jedi Order itself is dust and ashes, and he feels the feelings anyway, Order be damned.  

Grief feels different now than it did as a child.  It’s no less confusing than it was then, but back then he’d been so desperate to survive, so powerless to protect himself, that he’d shoved the feelings down as far as they could go.  Now the feelings and the Force are both as powerful as they’ve ever been.  He feels the Force crackling throughout him, body and soul, straining to be used.  He’s healed his connection… but is that such a good thing, now?  There’s violence poisoning his connection, an intoxicating rage, a searing hatred, the darkness…

He shivers, and he steps away from it, for now.

“I don’t know--” His breath hitches.  There’s water tracking at the edges of his eyelids, a burn in his chest.  “Even through everything, even when we were apart, she was always guiding me.  And without her, I don’t know if I can be enough.  For Tanalorr… for the Path… for Kata….”  Imperial black on ISB white.  “For you.”  

“You are enough for me, Cal Kestis,” she says, and he sinks back into her embrace.  

“But the future --”

“Is what we can make of it,” Merrin says, her voice steely.  “We will find the way together, you and I.  That is how we will honor Cere and Cordova.  And the Jedi, and my sisters.  And if you stumble in the darkness, I will lead you by the hand; and if I do not see the path, your light will guide me.”  She kisses him, her open mouth slanting over his, then pulls back.  She blazes with determination, so beautiful he can hardly bear it.  “Do you trust me?”

The world falls away, and Cal lets it.  There is only this moment, shimmering between them.  The grief and darkness will be there waiting for him when he returns, he knows that much, but for now, there is only Merrin.  He takes her hand in his, and he knows that no matter what lies ahead, the two of them are bound together.

“Always,” he whispers.

She smiles, and the world feels perfect once again.

ThEReS No PoSsIbLe sCeNaRio wHeRe KaRa cOuLd hAvE tOlD LeNa AnD iT dIDnT eNd BaDLy

me, pulling up 500 fics from aO3: