AO3 Under A DDoS Attack, It’s Like I’m Back On A Windows 95 With Dial Up Internet.

The Dark Trio

((Based off this text post))

Harry was sweet to Hagrid, he actually liked him more then he liked most people, however when Harry and Hagrid parted at King’s Cross, Harry felt like most of the kids there with their families and their happy goodbyes weren’t for him. Harry dragged his trunk aboard and found a compartment. About 5 minutes later the boy from the robes shop entered, the one with the blonde hair and the sharp nose. He sat and slowly a couple bigger boys entered and a girl with sharp facial features and dark hair. He learnt the boys were Crabbe and Goyle, and the girl was Pansy, the boy from the robe shop he knew was Draco Malfoy. 

He learn’t a lot about Hogwarts, how they all wanted Slytherin, it was noble and that’s where the ambitious and cunning belonged. Harry liked the sound of that.

-

The sorting hat took a minute to place Harry, however he was so excited about Slytherin, and the hat could see it would make him great, so moments later it shouted out “SLYTHERIN!”

Harry joined his new friends to watch the rest of the sorting, across from him was another girl, Hermione Granger, who caused quite the scene when she was sorted Slytherin, Harry would soon find out it was because she was Muggleborn. The other surprise came when Ron Weasley was sorted Slytherin, the other Weasleys, a blood traitor family, were Gryffindors, for centuries. 

They all ended up being friends and dorm mates, it didn’t take long for Harry, Ron and Hermione to become close as they were the outcasts, since Harry was technically from a blood traitor family and was raised by muggles. 

Hermione was the brightest witch of her age and it only took 3 untraceable poisons slipped into peoples pumpkin juice and a handful of painful curses for the Slytherins to stop bullying muggle born’s half-blood’s and blood traitors, because Hermione knew the dark, forbidden magic.She also knew not to get caught. The teachers all adored smart, clever Hermione, Snape however kept a close eye on her enjoyment of the restricted section. Noting all the dark magic that must be floating around her bright head. 

Ron wanted desperately to get out of his family’s shadow, Ron had a dark way about him he always thought about the most traumatic, painful and long lasting ways to hex and get back at people. Harry often had to reign in his mates mind and thoughts. Ron casted his first dark spell, the power of it left them unable to speak about it, they were all blown away by the power held in this little group.

Harry had the drive to be great, admired, the want to be free and the thick skin.

Hermione had the knowledge, the need to change the world and was just mad enough to do it.

Ron had the power and little conscience.

The Wizarding World didn’t notice Quirell was found in a dungeon no sign of trauma but undoubtedly dead. When Lockhart was found in his study, hanging sideways from his chair a goblet on the floor. No one knows about Snape finding the trio walking away from the forbidden forest and the body of a man named Peter who is bloodied with gashes from the darkest and most painful of magic, Ron’s hands soaked with blood inside his pockets. The remains of Umbridge turn even the most experienced aurors away, and that one made Hermione a bit mad, the magic she used was dark and the torture maddening.

By the time Voldemort rises to power the trio have killed, hexed and poisoned their way to the top. They don’t need a school full of loyal students, or an ill advised head master. He faces a bright young witch, with untamed hair and a sheen to her eye that gives her the look of being mad, which she totally is. A wizard who prefers blood, and pain to clean lethal spells and can manipulate people, using any means necessary and a boy, broken and ambitious enough for the lot of them who has won their loyalty and keeps them going.

Together they defeat Voldemort, and no one innocent dies. 

perfuma: i don’t have a seat

scorpia: you can sit on my lap

perfuma, blushing: thanks

sea hawk: i don’t have a seat either

mermista: stand then

Protective Rage Obi Wan

Here is another story idea that is the culmination of several ideas that I need to get out of my brain soup. 

It starts on the bridge of the Negotiator, in orbit over Coruscant. It is a full bridge, including Rex and Cody, Anakin, Obi Wan, and Ahsoka. In comes a very injured, filthy Quinlan Vos limping in (among other injuries is a compound leg fracture that is visibly gangrenous). 

Vos presses a data chip into Obi Wan’s hand and tells him that it is coded just before he collapses. He is delirious and rambling about needing to protect ‘them’ so that ‘he’ doesn’t have to deal with Vos any longer, with some of the phrases he uses in regards to himself remind Cody of how Fox speaks (Everything was sparked by Fox having a shitty day, what with the abuse by the senate and the mind control by the Chancellor. He said some poorly phrased mean things to Vos, who took them a little bit too much to heart.  Something to the effect of “Take your abnormal powers and go do something useful with them”) and how Vos thought ‘he’ had seen him beyond being a Jedi and he was tired of having his heart broken (Here Jedi are called Abnormal, child stealing freaks of nature so often that hearing any one part brings the rest). 

Obi Wan is basically cradling his head and soothing him while Vos lay on the floor. He refused to let the medics anywhere near Vos, saying that Vos’s gifts (his psychometry) were such that he could only be treated by a Jedi healer (The medics are visibly and audibly unhappy about this but Obi Wan actually makes it an order).   Obi Wan has them call the Jedi Temple to send Bant up for Quinlan, also asking her to bring the her decoder (Reeft had built one for each of his crechemates) as that was the only thing that could decode the data chip that Vos had given him (Obi Wan’s was in his quarters in the temple).

Bant and a Padawan Healer arrive, wearing slightly strange looking robes and gloves. The Padawan takes Obi Wan’s place sitting at Vos’s head, while Bant starts pulling out crystals and other things to diagnose everything that is wrong before they move him. Obi Wan takes the decoder and steps away to read the data chip. Bant turns to the Padawan and goes: “Pop quiz, why do we have special gear for Master Vos?” The Padawan responds after a moment of thought “His Psychometry is so strong and his injuries have wiped his shields , so without the specially made clothing we are wearing or shields as strong as Master Kenobi, he would feel anything and everything that got within about two feet of him. That would likely drive him into insanity and death.” (The Medics, who had been looking mutinous that they were not allowed to treat someone on the ship, started to look a little sheepish).

 Though Obi Wan still appears to be entirely calm as he read the information that was on the data chip (The inhibitor chips and Order 66, maybe proof that Sidious was trying to turn Anakin, maybe something about how Sidious had fucked with Anakin’s mind, leading both sides of the war) but very abruptly both the Padawan and Ahsoka (Not Anakin, he is a bit oblivious empathically) faces turn to look at Obi Wan as he very politely and very calmly excuses himself. 

Bant, still working on stabilizing Vos, says absently “Huh. Haven’t felt Obi get that angry in years.” Everyone in the room just looks at where Obi Wan had exited, because he does not seem angry. Bant continues with “Last time was when Anakin was about 11, his writing teacher didn’t like him and was deliberately sabotaging his work.  Obi found out, left Anakin with Quinn and Aayla, then proceeded to track the teacher down and beat the shit out of him. He threw him through two windows, methodically breaking every bone in both his body, all the while calmly explaining why the teacher’s behavior was unacceptable. As soon as the teacher healed, he decided that teaching was no longer his calling. Last I heard he was somewhere in wild space, trying to stay as far away from Obi or Anakin as possible.”

Cody receives a message from one of the hanger crew saying that General Kenobi had left the ship, stating that he had some business to attend to. In the background is Anakin, looking shocked and going “That’s what happened to that teacher.”

Meanwhile, the Senate is in session. It is one of the rare sessions it is being broadcast live to the entire galaxy, so there are new crews recording when High General Obi Wan Kenobi enters and uses the Force to launch himself into The Supreme Chancellor’s pod.  Obi Wan breaks the Chancellor’s jaw (thus preventing him from speaking and activating Order 66), and proceeds to very methodically beat the shit out of him.  All the while ranting very calmly about why the Supreme Chancellor's actions were unacceptable. He spends quite a bit of time on “How dare you enslave the troopers” and “You are not laying a hand on Anakin again” and “Killing off my family is bad”. 

Though he can’t speak, it becomes clear that he is the Sith they have been looking for. There is force lightning, which just seems to be absorbed by Obi Wan’s rage. A red lightsaber is pulled. Obi Wan catches that arm, breaks it and throws the lightsaber away.  Eventually he kills Palpatine, either just beating him to death, or pulling his own lightsaber and decapitating him.  Then he uses the force to pull Amedda to him. 

He’s just holding Amedda above the rotunda and says to him, “Now that that is taken care of. I’m sure you are just as concerned with the Clones' lack of rights as I am, right?”

Amedda has never been more sure in his life that he is very concerned about Clone rights.

Obi Wan beams at the entire Senate and says, clear as a bell, “Oh good, I had hoped I would only have to kill one politician today.”

With Obi just standing there, holding a dangling Amedda, the Clone Rights bill is passed unanimously, full citizenship is granted along with guaranteed representation in the Senate. The senate is sure that they all get back pay, all the way back to their decatning date, since they have trained all of their lives. The Clones are given a small planet with its own terraformed moon in the mid rim.  The Kaminoans decide that they will be handing all of their research off to the Clones without argument. 

Obi Wan lands the pod, puts Amedda down, and waits patiently to be arrested. He is very aware that he just beat a man to death on galactic wide and live.  He is more than willing to face the consequences (he has no idea what the consequences are).  No one can quite figure out if what he had done was illegal or not, technically the Supreme Chancellor was a Sith and the leader of the Separtist so as both a high general and a Jedi, Obi Wan was allowed to kill him. However he did just beat a politician to death on live TV.  The Coruscant Guard looks at each other going, “uhhh, he just beat a man to death…for us. We’re not arresting him.” 

The GAR look at each other and go ‘soooo…clearly General Kenobi is the leader of the Vode.’ Commander Cody is really glad he is in his armor because he is having a highly inappropriate reaction (he is not the only one having a highly inappropriate reaction. Most of the galaxy may be having a bit of a crisis.)

The Separatists declare they are surrendering to High General Kenobi.

Deathwatch sees this fight and collectively goes “Kenobi is our Mandalore, right?” They capture Maul, who is also a bit conflicted (he hates Kenobi, but he might hate his former Master more and the violence was beautiful), which lets them capture him and deliver him to the Coruscant temple (They are the sixth crime syndicate to deliver their leaders to the temple, having decided to go straight.) They are very clear that the Darksaber is for Obi Wan Kenobi. Death watch decides that they need to prove themselves to their new Mandalore, for having not realized he was their leader earlier. They rewatch the fight, realize that their Mandalore has FEELINGS about slavery, also loves the clone army. So they set off into the galaxy to prove their loyalty by eliminating slavery, and possibly by offering assistance to any clone that they come across. 

The New Mandalorians talk amongst themselves and are like “Look, I know we’re pacifists but…” and even Satine is going, “No, no that’s fair.”  There is some more furtive discussion and they start going “Maybe we can have a little violence?” and Satine’s advisers start talking about how Satine and Obi Wan had a Thing once upon a time and wouldn’t it be nice if he was their Duke, maybe as a way to offer the Clones citizenship (I am feral over CodyWan but this could also be a lead in to Obitine  or Cody/Satine/Obi Wan.)

Mace Windu and Yoda arrive at some point and Obi Wan asks about Vos. Fox is hovering right there, trying to pretend that he is not concerned (Vos had not come to bother them in weeks after Fox had screamed at him after a really shitty day. Fox does not want to admit that he missed the Kiffar). Obi Wan, with an eavesdropping Fox, is told that Vos’s leg had been broken and ignored for at least five days, that he was likely to lose it (He had to have dropped at least 100 levels to get a break like that). They also say that he is not healing (Fox’s words did some deep damage, triggered other issues, and left Vos feeling like he had nothing to wake up for.) like he should and he is comatose in the Halls of Healing. Fox manages to get permission to follow them to check on Vos, for “official” reasons (he says it’s because his men would be concerned and to keep them from cluttering up the Halls of Healing. It absolutely has nothing to do with the way his stomach dropped when he heard that Vos had been hurt). 

On the ride back over to the Temple, Mace and Obi Wan talk about  Vos’s ramblings at the beginning. From the way they talk it really isn’t clear if they are aware that Fox is the one that spoke so harshly to Vos or not but Fox recognizes his own words.  Once they get to the Halls of Healing it becomes really obvious, really quickly that Fox being there is helping Vos heal.

At some point Obi Wan finds out that he is considered the unofficial, and if he wanted official, leader of the Mandalore sector.  By this point he has already left the Order to lead the Vode (and get together with Cody for the CodyWan version).  Anakin and Padme have also joined them on their shiny new planet and are happily pregnant.

We love our space hamster

An Incomplete List of Potter Family Headcanons

Harry looks like James but he has all of Lily’s facial expressions

He has her “duck and cover” temper too

And her sense of justice and her total obliviousness to the person crushing on him

Hegets his flying skills from James ofc but also his sense of humour and his loyalty

He inherits potions skills from both of them but doesn’t realise until he     suddenly no longer has Snape as a teacher

His nosiness and investigative thing comes from Lily. The way he goes about finding out these things is all James

His Defense skills come from the Potter family even though his dad was     actually better at transfiguration

He and his mum have the same “disgusted” face and he would be horrified to know that they share it with Petunia

His paternal grandmother was born and brought up in India until she was 21 - at which point she moved to England, promptly fell in love with Fleamont Potter and immediately married him bc like hell was she going to marry the racist piece of shit that her parents wanted her to

She was descended from a distant branch of the Avery family that moved to India following the British Invasion and never returned

He’s very bi.

He doesn’t notice this until he’s been married to Ginny for 10 years 

Ginny is very surprised that Harry didn’t know he was attracted to men since she’s known since he was in fourth year (more on lgbt+ in the wizarding world later)

In a world where Harry is female he discovers that he’s bi a lot earlier due to neither Cho nor Ginny being shy about the fact that they find him as     attractive as he finds them and bc Ginny is many things but all of them     are Weasley

Harry’s kids have plenty of Nanas and Grannys (Nana Andy and Nana Molly and Professor Granny Minnie and Granny ‘Gusta and Nana Cissy (when she’s feeling generous and only bc her sister begged her) and Granny Tuney (once they’re all teenagers)) but only one living Gramps: Arthur Weasley (Nanny Lily, God-Nana Alice, Grandpa James, God-Gramps Sirius and Grandfather Regulus (Kreacher would not stand for a less dignified form of address) are all commonly mentioned and talked about and their graves are all visited but none of them talk back)

There are four Potter kids: Teddy, the eldest, who had other parents first but only ever knew his Nana and his Dad and his Mum; Jamie, the second eldest, who takes after both of his namesakes in terms of theoretical mischief making but neither when it comes to practice; Al, the youngest boy who takes after his God-Gramps and immediately befriends kids as willing to blow things up as he is; and Lily-Lu, the baby of the family, who uses this status to get away with murder and is the true heir of the Marauders and the Weasley twins

Teddy gets the Marauder’s Map when he goes to Hogwarts. Jamie nicks the invisibility cloak out of Harry’s desk when he goes. Al is basically indifferent but does occasionally blackmail his siblings for use of one or the other. Lily-Lu somehow has both when she starts. No one knows how. Jamie is very irritated by this fact. She lets her brothers use them if they tell her why and ask nicely.

Teddy is rebellious and mischievous. He is also somehow both prefect and Head Boy. Teddy is also the good child. Harry looks back on Teddy’s rebellious teenage phase fondly when his other kids reach teenagerhood.

Jamie is quidditch mad. He is not above pranks but his world revolves around quidditch. Harry has vivid flashbacks to his time playing under Oliver Wood.

Al cannot be left alone. He especially cannot be left alone with any     combination of Rose, Scorpius, and Daisy. Harry despairs. He was surely not that bad when he was a teenager.

Lily is an angel. She doesn’t break rules and is always helpful without being asked doesn’t get caught. She is a terror but the only person     who’s ever caught her in wrongdoing is Uncle Neville. She does not try to lie to him again. Her parents know. That doesn’t mean they can catch her. Harry knows she didn’t get this from him.

The Potter household is always noisy and none of the kids can be left     unsupervised.

All four kids adore Kreacher. He adores them all right back and spoils them rotten half the time unless specifically told otherwise

Winky ends up as a Potter House Elf. Somehow. She isn’t as happy as she was with the Crouches but is a great deal happier than she was in Hogwarts. She’s a lot stricter with the kids than Kreacher is. But she has a soft spot for Master Al 

The Potter family has three dogs and an owl. A German Shepherd-Labrador mix called Snuffles, a brown Husky mix called Moo (he was originally called Moony but Jamie couldn’t pronounce it properly), and a black Wolfhound mix called Paddy (Al couldn’t say Padfoot and the name stuck). The owl is a tawny owl and is officially called Lord Thomas Dark Lordiness Riddle Jr Jr but only answers to Tommy (Ginny thought it was hilarious and Harry went along with it after seeing the humour. Ron, Hermione, Neville and Andromeda were horrified. Luna earnestly told them she thought it was an excellent name. No one else ever found out the origins of “Tommy”. Nearly everyone who knows goes to great lengths to keep it that way)

Teddy gets his own owl when he goes to Hogwarts. He calls her Pandora

Jamie spends an entire year trying to convince his parents that he should be able to take one of the dogs with him to Hogwarts. They point blank refuse. The last day before the express leaves he turns up in the kitchen with Harry’s enchanted Hungarian Horntail model and asks if he can take her as his pet (he’s named her Thorns the Glorious). Ginny throws her hands up and basically yells “FINE!” like a teenager

Al is not allowed a pet. He nearly killed the owl by accident with one of his experiments. He is not allowed a pet. He’s fine with this. He’d forget to feed it anyway.

Lily-Lu spends a not-insignificant amount of time trying to decide between a cat and a snake. Both of them eat rats. She eventually decides on a     part-kneazle that basically pounces on her in “Magical Menangerie”. She names her Tiger. Tiger is terrifying

Teddy is a Hufflepuff, like his first Mum. He’s a chaser like his second Mum. He has his second Dad’s temper but rarely lets it out. His first dad refused to judge people by their appearances or what other people thought and he does so too. This is something his other parents had to work at but that comes naturally to him.

He loves chocolate frogs more than almost anything.

He’s been in love with Victoire for longer than he’s known what that means

He is addressed as Mr Potter throughout his school years and the surname he uses for his Auror application is Potter. The Lupin in front is private and only used when his full name is required or if he’s in trouble

Jamie is a Gryffindor, like his parents, his biological grandparents and his namesakes. Sometimes he’s a little disappointed that he isn’t a Hufflepuff like Teddy

He’s a chaser on his house team and becomes captain in his fifth year

He always asks for Bertie Botts whenever they have sweets. He knows which ones are the nasty flavours but when his siblings are upset he’ll make sure that they only get the nice ones and he gets all the horrible ones. This never fails to make them smile.

He mocks and bullies Al quite a bit but the only time someone else tried they ended up in St Mungo’s and he was grounded for a year. He doesn’t regret this

He wants to play quidditch professionally and has always been lowkey disappointed that the Holyhead Harpies will never be an option for him

Al is a Ravenclaw. He follows Teddy and Jamie everywhere to the point that they want to scream and tie him up so he’ll stop and when he can’t follow them it’s his parents or his Nana Andy or his Nana Molly or his Gramps. His first word is “why”. This word also happens to be his     favourite word. He is very confused when he is sorted into Ravenclaw. He is the only one.

His best friend is his cousin Rose. On the Hogwarts Express he sees a small blonde boy trying to avoid upper years. “This will be my person” he decides. This boy is Scorpius Malfoy. Rose is her parent’s daughter, so when her best friend decides to adopt the strange little boy that doesn’t want to make friends, she immediately decides to befriend him too. These three befriend muggleborn Daisy Dursley, fellow Ravenclaw, approximately 6 weeks into the year. There is a very hasty and strained family reunion on the platform at the start of the Christmas hols. The Potters end up at Privet Drive for New Year (conspicuously missing a walrus-mustasched man). The relationship quickly gets less strained after the first time Daisy goes to the Potter’s house and nearly blows it up.

Unlike his siblings and their friends, Al does not make mischief when left unsupervised. Al experiments. It takes exactly one visit from Rose, Scorpius and Daisy for such visits to always be supervised. There was     fire. There were explosions. More than one person escaped harm by the skin of their teeth. No one likes to talk about it.

Experiments in the Potter, Malfoy, Granger-Weasley, and Dursley households are BANNED.

Al loves sugar quills. Victoire thinks it’s adorable. Al pointedly refuses to suck on them in her presence

Lily-Lu is in Slytherin. This surprises no one.

By the time she’s in third year she lowkey runs the dungeons. Professor Greengrass couldn’t be more proud

The Scamander twins are her best friends/loyalest minions despite being in the year below, nearly two years younger, and not in Slytherin

Her favourite sweets are ice mice. She tried to throw Jamie down the moving staircase once, when he transfigured them into real mice.

She’s been terrified of rats and mice ever since she was little when she found out that Peter Pettigrew was able to turn into one. No amount of convincing her that he was long dead ever helped

She’s the most stubborn person in the family and also unable to refuse a dare if it comes from her brothers. Teddy and Al are reasonable about this. Jamie abuses this fact mercilessly

She will continue with charades to the point of ridicule just to prove     that she can

#well mark me down as scared and h*rny

Alpha-17 and Obi-Wan being friends (derogatory) on 17's part and friends (threatening) on Obi-Wan's part is such an underrated dynamic

They could be so funny and terrifying, like Obi-Wan went through a soul shredding experience with Alpha-17 as his only company. They're friends because what else are you gonna be after you witness each other at absolute rock bottom from torture.

It's like 'dog put in cage of cheetah who's threatening to go crazy', except the dog is a grizzly bear and also threatening to go crazy.

Emotional support trooper except the trooper in question has never done any sort of supporting in his life and is actively an emotional distress trooper to a great number of the CC batch.

I want them texting everyday, I want Obi-Wan mailing handmade BFF bracelets to Alpha and Alpha sending pics back of him flipping off the camera but still wearing them, I want Alpha using Obi-Wan to keep track of and occasionally terrorize his cadets, I want 17 ending problems in the GAR (like Krell) before they begin because Obi-Wan has him shipped out on a personal transport at the first opportunity, decked out with slug-throwers Obi-Wan got him for his decant-day.

Natborn officers think this is all just an odd indulgence of General Kenobi, the Vode, however, correctly identify it as a goddamn threat and their danger assessment of Obi-Wan ticks up significantly.

When Alpha arrives on Kamino, Shaak Ti presses a shiny new comm into his hand. It has the Jedi Order symbol painted onto it alongside a smiley face sticker, and it pings immediately with a new message: Hello! I hope you're settling in well!

Alpha stares at the message, stares at the singular contact named 'OWK' and then stares Shaak Ti in the eye as he pitches the comm straight into the ocean. Shaak Ti's serene smile only grows larger as she calmly reaches into her robes and pulls out an identical comm, only this one has a frowny face sticker, and presses it into his hand. It lights up: I'm afraid we've bonded, Alpha :). Alpha shuts it off and pockets it with resignation.

Cody arrives on Alpha-17's personal recommendation.

A-17: He's the most difficult little bastard I have. You're perfect for each other. OWK: Thank you, he's very handsome :3 A-17: No. Stop.

The first thing he asks once he gets comfortable is who his general is texting so much that has him swinging his legs and twirling his hair. Cody assumes it's Anakin, given they seem joint at the hip anyway, but little does he know Obi-Wan's ability to consistently have the Weirdest Relationships Ever.

"Oh, it's Alpha-17, I understand you're familiar with each other?" Hmm. OK. Cody.exe is experiencing a processing error, please hold. He exits the room instead of answering. The next day he peeks over the General's shoulder when he's texting and sees walls of rambling messages from Obi-Wan. Alpha-17 replies every hour with a single text: Lose this number. Obi-Wan giggles. "He's so funny." he says.

When Obi-Wan meets the rest of the CC batch, Cody makes sure to stand perfectly angled so that he can record the reactions when his general cuts off their introductions with "Oh, no need, Alpha-17's told me all about you." It's always immediate FEAR.JPG followed by a slow spiral of What The Fuck.

What do you mean by that General. What does that mean Cody. What do you mean they text. No. Cody. What the fuck is happening, Cody. Alpha-17 doesn't have friends he has enemies and enemies he tolerates enough not to shoot on sight.

OWK: Wolffe reached for his vambrace? when I mentioned you A-17: That's where he keeps his spare knife. OWK: Hm that does explain the way he eyed me up, ambitious. A-17: Clearly not enough, he should have followed through. I taught them better.

yes i am smart. yes i am stupid. it’s called being flexible.