Secret Clones AU

1.03 Fight or Flight / 4.14 Stand and Deliver / 5.14 The Bodyguard

ThEReS No PoSsIbLe sCeNaRio wHeRe KaRa cOuLd hAvE tOlD LeNa AnD iT dIDnT eNd BaDLy

me, pulling up 500 fics from aO3:

Craziest hcs for commander cody or hcs no one would expect for him please & much thankyouness🧡

Craziest headcanons for Commander Cody (or hcs no one would ever expect) lmaoooo I don’t know if these are crazy but they’re what I got

Commander Cody is absolutely the funniest Commander there is

Going from that, it’s because he’s unhinged. Everyone would expect it to be Wolffe with his teeth, Bly with his lovesick tendencies or even Fox with his deadpan humor, but Between having to deal with Obi-Wan “I’m going to flirt with every enemy I have and lose my lightsaber” Kenobi and Anakin “violence mwahahahha” Skywalker, Cody had to compensate

Alongside that, he was Obi-Wan’s Commander when Anakin was still a Padawan so at that point, it was either babysit Anakin or be just as unhinged to pull him back

Anakin still can never get anything past Cody

His raised eyebrow has Anakin spilling secrets faster than anything Obi-Wan ever could have done

Cody hates tea. He hates it with a passion and it’s only because he’s friends with Obi-Wan that he doesn’t automatically spit it out

That being said, since Anakin also hates tea, whenever Cody thinks Anakin needs a punishment, he’ll just give him tea and raise an eyebrow

He still does it even when Anakin is a General

Cody started kicking droids when he had to save Obi-Wan from an attack and he had no blasters and a broken hand

It was worth it

Anakin jokes that he was part droid since it never seemed to hurt him and he replied back with “I mean you could with your robotic arm”

Obi-Wan had to discourage Anakin from punching droids

Cody eggs him on when Obi-Wan isn’t looking

Cody knew about Padme and Anakin’s secret marriage within the first week he met Anakin

He let Anakin know with a “I hope you treat her well” when Anakin finished his knighting trials

Cody made sure that Rex was put Captain of the 501st because he knew Anakin would watch his back

Also he wanted to see how long it would take for Rex to break out of the fold of not being good enough because of his blonde hair

Cody once put itching powder in Wolffe’s blacks when he got back from the Malevolence incident to distract him and get him out of his room

It worked

Cody had a black eye for two weeks

Wolffe thanked him later in the war for it because he didn’t know if he would have continued on or tried to March on with his Pack

Ponds tried to explain to Mace Cody’s humor only for the man to say “I see”

Cody made sure to never joke around Mace so that Ponds would seem crazy by his General

He ended up breaking that silent dare when Boba tried to attack Mace

He scooped up the cadet (Boba’s not a cadet but he’s the size of one so Cody doesn’t think it matters all that much) and said “sorry cadet but we have a height restriction. No one shorter than 4 feet is allowed near a Jedi”

Boba hisses like a cat at him and tries to scratch him

“I’m older than you!”

“I’m taller than you.”

He ended up bringing Boba on the ship to avoid the Chancellor from putting him on trial

Boba didn’t appreciate it until Cody gave him a gun and took him on a “specs” mission

It wasn’t a real mission but Cody wasn’t gonna tell Boba that

“Shoot those droids and well leave when you’re not angry anymore”

They didn’t leave till 6 hours later

Boba tried to run away 12 times during his stay with Cody and Cody caught him all 12 times

The 13 time, Cody just gave him a blaster and said the 212th will be there for him if he needs it

Boba didn’t leave despite the opening

He now hangs in the vents and protects the ship when they’re on the ground

Cody owns a handmade slingshot

He uses it to pelt Rex and other clones when he’s bored or annoyed at them

He used it once on Fox and Fox got him back with his own slingshot

He once stole one boot from each of his batchmates at the beginning of the war after they got their paint on it

He wears them when he feels nostalgic

He stole one of Rex’ when he become Captain of 501st

He used to jump out of ships when Anakin was a Padawan to help teach him to catch him before he would splat on the ground

This is why Anakin does it to Rex because he thought since Rex is close to Cody, he wouldn’t mind

Rex does mind

A lot

He never figured out that Cody was the one to ingrain this habit in Anakin

Cody would still jump out of ships if the 212th and the 501st work together

Cody can do a handstand and can even balance on one hand

He believes this to be his greatest achievement

Cody likes to window shop

It’s inconvenient to do when they are at war but if there’s a shop nearby where the 212th is stationed, he’ll get souvenirs for his batchmates

Cody does not get paid yet he still somehow has credits

This is because he made a deal with Hondo to give him credits and he’ll tell him where the best rum is

This is why Hondo kidnaps Obi-Wan a lot

When Cody heard about Obi-Wan “dying”, he didn’t believe it and just told Rex to tell him when Obi-Wan is back - after all, it was his shore leave

The first time Cody met the Bad Batch was on Kamino and it was on complete accident

He ran into them with Nala Se and from their face, he could only assume that she was about to decom them

He stepped in

She let him train them for two weeks to improve their scores and during that time, he got them to work as a team but most importantly, to realize that they are vod as well and vod stick together

He gave them Fox’ and his own personal comm number in case they ever needed anything

He also makes sure to include them in his souvenir gift list

(He’s also the reason Crosshair is a Swiftie skjskjskj - I’m sorry I had to add that in)

He considers Echo and Fives his little cousins due to Rex adopting them and spoils them whenever he sees them

Meaning he tells them all the best prank ideas and covers for them and gives them any item they ask for when they meet

He is the reason they got away with dying Rex’ hair blue

As well as Anakin’s

And Obi-Wan’s

But he’s too smart for them and switched their bottles with his and they ended up accidentally dying their own hair when they targeted him

Cody will barge into Fox’ office randomly when he’s on shore leave and forcibly get Fox to rest

He’ll bribe the other Commanders with alcohol when he comes

Thorn is an expensive Vod though and demands more than alcohol

He is the reason Cody had to start a little black market within the GAR

All that just to spend time with Fox

It’s worth it every time

Cody once tried to matchmake Bly and Aayla at the start of the war because he couldn’t stand their lovesick looks

Turns out they have been dating since Bly got assigned to her and they just are lovesick with each other

Cody almost lost his lunch when he realized

Cody likes to check up on his batchmates when he can

And his batchmates’ Generals

And his batchmates’ General’s Padawan

This is how he was able to talk to Barriss before she did anything risky

He got Gree involved and they got her reassigned after being made a knight to a post where she can help clone medics with civilians and Vod

It wasn’t much but it was enough for her to feel like she is doing something right

He tries to check up on her when he can though Gree is the one she mainly talks to

Cody once convinced his batchmates to eat a bug after Anakin kept doing it as a Padawan

Cody also once drugged Obi-Wan when he stayed up a consistent 78 hours on a campaign

Cody has a count of how many times Obi-Wan has lost his lightsaber and his robes and has flirted with the enemy

Cody once punched Quinlan Vos in the stomach because the Jedi snuck up on him

Obi-Wan laughed

Quinlan got him back when he accidentally dropped one of Cody’s bottles of rum for Hondo

They had a prank war for a solid 7 months before Fox shut it down because he got caught in one of Cody’s brilliant ideas

On the bright side, it revealed Palpatine as a Sith

On the down side, he ended up losing control to the chip and being knocked into a coma for 4 months to finally gain back control

Yea that’s all I have ( @here-comes-the-moose if you don’t mind, i borrowed your HC of Crosshair being a Swiftie and mentioned it here)

Feel free to add your own if you want

I love how Kara just loves to taunt Lex with the fact that Lena is on her side. Like she knows how much he hates it.

She did it when she revealed Lena made her K-Proof suit in season 4.

"You can thank your sister for this."

And now again.

"You're predictable. You can thank your sister for proving that."

It gives off the same energy of: "Your daughter calls me Daddy too."

It's like she's basically rubbing it in his face that Lena has been and always will be hers and Lex can die mad about it.

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Every time I see Lana I say very quietly to myself “Let’s go lesbians”

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for the sharing a bed prompts, 35 and Malvie? (or whoever you feel inspired to write!)

Absolutely! Thanks for the ask, Anon!

35. “I wanna be big spoon this time.” “But you’re tiny.”

Mal bites down on her lip as hard as she can, trying her best to stifle the giggle buried in her throat. She swats the relentless fingers digging into her side, ones with pretty, long red fingernails that only make the tickling feel even more merciless with every deliberate jab.

"Eves, stop it already!" Mal gasps, grabbing at the girl's wrists and shoving them behind her. “Cease, desist! Uncle!”

Evie pulls back long enough so Mal can roll over and face her. She’s gasping deeply, her laughter coming out in breathless wheezes, and Mal can’t stop herself from smiling a little at the sight of Evie’s brightly flushed cheeks and wide smile.

“Ok, ok, have you had your fun now?” Mal quips. Evie nods silently, still trying to catch her breath. Mal pulls at one of her hands, bringing it close to her chest and stroking it lightly with her thumb.

“You know, if I didn’t love you so much Princess, that sense of humor of yours could get you in some big trouble.”

“Oh come on, Mal,” Evie whines, leaning in to peck her lips lightly. “I was just having a little fun. Besides, your skin is so soft, it’s hard to resist a little tickle when I’m hugging you like that.”

Mal rolls her eyes at that, and Evie bursts another giggle as she buries her face into her girlfriend’s neck, her nose scrunching as purple strands brush her skin.

“Whatever. Then it’s my turn next. You know, you’ve got soft skin too, Eves.”

She nudges in a little with her nose, letting it graze Evie’s jaw and prompting more giggles. Evie pulls back then, eyeing Mal and perking a curious brow.

“So, you’re saying you want to be the big spoon, then?”

Evie smirks when Mal nods back vigorously, planting a hand just over Mal’s shoulder so she can lift herself up. She hovers over Mal and leans in close, letting their noses just barely touch.

“But, babe,” she coos, smiling wide when Mal snorts at her nasally tone. “You’re...tiny.”

“What?!” Mal’s eyes blow wide with shock, and Evie lets out a quiet chuckle as she boops Mal’s nose with her finger.

“Oh stop, you know you’re still the biggest baddie at this school,” Evie scoffs, letting her hand cup Mal’s cheek. “You’re just, the littlest...biggest baddie, too. And that’s not a bad thing!”

Mal thrusts her hips up, knocking Evie back in a fit of laughter. She’s quick to overtake the bluenette, swinging a leg over her hips to straddle her and taking her wrists in both hands.

“You’d going to pay for that, princess,” she growls lightly, and dips down to pepper kisses up and down Evie’s face and neck. The girl’s laughter comes in short bursts as she gasps for air under Mal’s assault, bucking half-heartedly as if she’s trying to throw Mal off of her. But not really.

“Fine, you win!” Evie groans, whipping her head from side to side until Mal finally relents and sits back up. She doesn’t let go of Evie’s wrists though, and just continues to stare down at her, grinning triumphantly.

“I win? So, I get to be big spoon?” she declares as she lets herself flop to Evie’s side.

“Yes,” Evie snickers, turning her body to face Mal. “You can be my littlest...biggest spoon.”

Mal groans and smacks a hand to her face, dragging it down to fix a glare at Evie’s too-proud smirk.

“Fuck, you’re lucky you’re so cute, you know that?”

Evie hums happily, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on Mal’s lips.

“Hm, yes. I’m lucky you’re mine, too.”

Mal sighs and reaches out to stroke her fingers through Evie’s soft blue strands.

“You know just what to say to get yourself out of trouble, don’t you?”

“Yep.” Evie admits, making sure to pop her p. “You taught me well, big baddie.”

Mal chuckles and shoves at her shoulder, pushing forcefully to turn Evie back around. When her back is to Mal, she makes a show of slinging an arm and leg over Evie’s body, pulling her close and kissing her cheek from behind.

“That’s big spoon to you, Eves.”

Send me an ask!

As someone who lives in the US, they’re not wrong.

Lmfaaooooo Norway just called the US a dusty ass bitch and they ain’t wrong

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Gonna tell my kids this was the Charlie's Angels